Acting Up

by A. A. Albright

  Actually, madness was slightly under exaggerating things. Christine’s visions might not have happened, but a lot of other craziness sure as heckity-heck had.

  I had turned twenty-two (I know – get out the anti-wrinkle glamour spells). There had been a fortnight-long riot at the opening of the new vegan supermarket in Warren Lane because, well, a lot of people have a weird hate-on for vegan weredogs. Then there was the seemingly never-ending amount of dayturner murders, each one supposedly committed by the elitist vampire gang known as Vlad’s Boys. And, oh yeah – there had been the incident where wishes made on chaos coins meant that the Wayfarers were all thrown in Witchfield and the Peacemakers took over.

  Oddly enough, the last of those events was the easiest solve. We just had to sit back, wait for the wishes to wear themselves out, and now the world was right again.

  Over the course of this summer, I’d gone through all of that madness and more. But Christine’s visions of my future? I’d begun to think that I was right, and that the future wasn’t set in stone. And I hadn’t even felt remotely smug about it (okay, maybe a little bit smug).

  But now? Now it was happening, and I was far from smug. After getting the details from Finn, I killed the call and kissed Dizzy. ‘I have to go to work now, Dizzy, but I’ll stop off for some sliced mango and send it straight to the bedroom, okay?’

  Max shook his head. ‘I’ll look after that. And the shed thing, too. I’m guessing by the look on your face that it’s a case. Is it bad?’

  I squeezed my eyes shut. ‘It’s terrifying, actually.’

  ≈

  Mandy and I had never been friends. I fondly called her Little Miss Perky Nose while she not-so-fondly spilled coffee on me, almost prevented me from saving countless weredog children from being murdered, made me feel fat and ugly every time we crossed paths and, oh yeah, paraded Will around like a trophy.

  But it didn’t matter how I felt about her. What mattered was that this was a murder, and I was going to do my best to solve it. As Finn and I walked into her dressing room – where her body was found – I expected to experience a sense of recognition. And yes, the room was exactly as it had been in Christine’s vision. The furniture was the same. The carpeting was identical. And the body was sprawled out, face-down, in exactly the same manner.

  But despite the fact that not a hair was out of place, I felt that something was very, very wrong about this scene. Looking at the body, I began to feel like the ground was lurching beneath my feet. I grabbed onto the doorframe to steady myself, but I still felt dizzy.

  It didn’t help that everyone on the set was in a frenzy. They were milling around the door, peering in at Mandy, while a team of Wayfarers held them back.

  ‘You found her?’ said Finn, looking at Bruno Fox, the writer and director of Be My Witch. I hadn’t seen him in Christine’s vision, but I recognised Bruno nonetheless. As the creative talent behind the second-most popular TV show in the supernatural world, he was almost as famous as the show’s stars.

  He was a brawny man, and what I could see of his hair was brown, streaked with blond. Most of it was hidden beneath a baker-boy cap, though, so who knew what he had going on under there? He even wore a scarf despite the heat.

  ‘Mandy and I had a one-to-one each and every morning,’ he said in a shaky voice. ‘She wanted to talk to me about something urgent today, though, so I arrived a little earlier than usual.’ He sucked back some tears. ‘I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe she’s really g-gone. I can’t believe this is real.’

  ‘And was anyone else on set when you arrived?’ I asked him gently.

  Bruno waved a hand about, indicating the crowd who were still surrounding the door. ‘See for yourself. We start early here. We were filming a big scene today. It was going to be Mandy’s shining moment.’ He shook his head, a fat tear falling down his bronzed cheek. ‘To lose such a talented, beautiful actress …’ He choked back another sob. ‘It’s the biggest tragedy the world has ever known.’

  The rest of the Major Crimes team had just arrived on the scene, and I gave Shane a quick wave as he moved to the body, then I turned back to Bruno. I was just about to ask him something when the commotion outside the door grew too loud to bear.

  A voice I recognised (with a little leap in my belly) was shouting, ‘Let me in, you idiots! She’s my fiancée, for goodness sake!’

  Another male voice screamed back, ‘You’re not getting anywhere near our Mandy. You did it! We all know you did it!’

  A moment later, Will Berry barged his way through the door, with about a dozen arms trying to pull him back. His face paled as he stared down at the body on the floor. Shane had turned it over by now, and we could all see Mandy’s pretty face and perky nose.

  I stepped towards him, trying to keep him from the body until I’d prepared him, but he pushed past me, crying out at the sight of her before turning back to me, his eyes wet. ‘What the hell happened, Wanda? Is she okay? Or is she …?’

  The sight of his teary eyes made me want to comfort him, but I remained stoic as I shook my head and said, ‘I’m so sorry Will. She’s dead.’ As I spoke, I realised they were the exact words I had uttered in the vision, so I added, ‘We don’t know what killed her yet. That’s what we’re trying to establish.’

  Will sank to his knees. ‘I’m so sorry, Mandy,’ he said in a hollow voice. ‘I’m so, so sorry about our stupid fight.’

  Bruno stood in front of Will. ‘And so you should be! You did this, Will Berry. I don’t care how powerful your coven is. I’m not afraid of you.’ He spun to face Finn and me. ‘Do you know why Mandy wanted to meet me earlier than usual this morning? Well? Do you?’

  If this was how dramatic the director on this show was, then I wasn’t looking forward to interviewing the actors. ‘Of course not,’ I said. ‘Because you haven’t told us yet. What did Mandy want to talk to you about, Bruno?’

  He glared at Will. ‘She wanted to talk to me about him. She wanted him barred off this set. She told me that their relationship was over. For good, this time.’

  Will’s eyes briefly met mine, and I did my best to appear official. He couldn’t have done this. He was guilty of a lot of things – being the leader of one of the most horrible covens on the planet for one thing, not to mention being far too enigmatic for his own good – but murder?

  ‘I wouldn’t kill Mandy,’ Will said, shaking his head in shock. ‘Not in a million years. She was going to be my wife. This latest argument was just that – our latest argument. We would have gotten over it. We always did.’

  ‘Oh really?’ Bruno put his hands on his hips. ‘So then why did I hear the two of you having your worst fight ever in here last night? A fight during which you said you felt fit to strangle her?’

  As Will continued to protest his innocence, I couldn’t help but notice that Shane was looking increasingly confused. I glanced at Mandy’s body, and could see why. Her hair seemed to be getting shorter, and darker. And her body seemed to be growing bulkier, too.

  ‘Wanda, Finn!’ Shane hissed. ‘Get over here!’

  Finn directed a dozen Wayfarers to surround us, and to keep an eye on Will and Bruno, while we huddled close to Shane and the body.

  ‘It’s the weirdest thing,’ he said. ‘Do you think it’s possible Mandy Parker used a bunch of glamours we didn’t know about? That she wasn’t a skinny, gorgeous blonde with an incredibly perky nose?’

  I glanced at the nose in question. It was beginning to look a little on the bulbous side. And her long, lean legs were starting to look awfully muscular and hairy.

  I was about to pose a theory when the most irritating yapping reached my ears.

  ‘God, that sounds like an annoying dog,’ Finn grumbled. He glanced at the closest Wayfarer. ‘I don’t care whose dog it is, just tell them to get it the hell out of here.’

  The yapping got louder, and an imperious voice shouted from the doorway. ‘Hey! What in Hecate’s name is everyone doing in my dressing room? You know wha
t? I don’t care. Just get out – and make sure someone brings Bonbon a fresh pillow and some room temperature water. Now!’

  Finn peered through the line of Wayfarers, his face a picture of confusion. I knew how he felt. I knew how everyone in the room felt as we all gawked at Mandy Parker – alive and in perfect health as she barged her way through the onlookers. ‘If that’s Mandy …’ Finn let his voice trail off, his mouth hanging open in wonder.

  Mandy reached us, holding the most annoying poodle in the world in her arms. At the sight of the body on the floor, her perky nose began to wrinkle. ‘Hey … what’s my body double doing on the floor?’

  3. The Blue Hue of Death

  The room had finally been cleared. Shane had taken the body back to his new morgue for an autopsy, and most of the team had gone with him. A few Wayfarers stayed behind to guard the door, while Finn and I questioned Mandy and Bruno.

  We knew by now that the victim was Felix Kline, Mandy’s body double. We also knew that the cause of death was most likely poisoning – Ronnie Wayfair was testing a half-full glass of orange juice that Felix seemed to be drinking from before he died. She was convinced that the poison was a substance called Blue.

  Whilst there might not be any nice poisons, Blue was one of the cruellest. Before it killed you, it made you feel the worst you’ve ever felt your whole life long. Some victims became so depressed that they managed to slit their wrists in the ten minutes it took for the poison to kill. The manufacturers had an odd sense of humour, too. Every time we’d found a supply of the stuff, it had been in teardrop-shaped bottles.

  We didn’t know who the victim was meant to be. It could have been Mandy, or it could have been Felix. But no matter who the murderer intended to kill, they didn’t just want them to die. They wanted them to suffer.

  ‘So … Felix was your body double, and he used expert glamour spells so he’d look exactly like you?’ said Finn. ‘But … why is he a he? Or why was he a he?’

  Mandy smiled. I wasn’t sure this was really a moment for smiling, but we all deal with horrifying murder scenes in different ways. My way was to solve the crime as quickly as possible so that I could stick the scumbag responsible into Witchfield to rot, and bring closure to the victim’s friends and family. Mandy’s way was to grin from ear to ear like she hadn’t got a care in the world.

  ‘Oh, I can’t be bothered going into the details,’ she said with a casual wave of her arm. ‘I’m far too busy thinking of who could be my new body double. I hear Frances Reilly is out of work just now.’ She turned to Bruno. ‘I might look up her number while you explain things, my love.’

  Bruno gave her a simpering smile before fixing his attention on us. ‘I … I don’t know where to begin. I never imagined it would be Felix. I didn’t think he was due in until later. He … he covers Mandy’s more difficult scenes – if there’s anything where she has to sit for a long time, or stand for a long time, or basically stay still in any manner for a long time, she gets bored. And then there’s her stunts and that sort of thing. No one does glamours like Felix. It didn’t matter that he was a man. He turned himself into Mandy better than anyone else ever could. I assume you watch the show?’

  Finn shrugged. ‘I’ve caught a couple of episodes. Mandy plays a human engaged to a douchebag of a witch, right?’

  ‘Well, the characters got married last season, but that’s pretty much the essence,’ said Bruno. ‘We thought she’d be an unpopular character in the beginning because, well, how many witches can actually identify with humans? But Mandy’s own amazing personality shone through, and the ratings soared. In each episode, her unlikeable husband forces her to pretend to be a witch in order to fool his colleagues and friends. Well, in this episode, Mandy was supposed to be pretending to fly during a competition at the company picnic. Her character – Selina – was going to pretend that a wizard broom was a witch broom, so she could bamboozle her husband’s workmates and help him get a promotion.’

  My own not so perky nose was beginning to wrinkle. ‘I don’t understand why Mandy would need a body double for that. Anyone can fly a wizard broom.’

  Mandy looked up from her phone and tossed back her hair. ‘Oh yes. Little Miss Perfect, aren’t you, Wanda? Brilliant on a broom. Brilliant at solving crimes. Brilliant at bloody everything!’

  Oh dear. She was beginning to sound a little on the shrill side. And to make things worse, her dog was yapping along with her.

  Bruno rubbed Mandy’s hand and pulled a small, bone-shaped treat out of his pocket for the dog. When they were both (slightly) calmer, he spoke. ‘Mandy has a bit of an issue with wizard brooms. She can fly a witch broom reasonably well, as long as she doesn’t have to go too far from the ground. But a wizard broom ... well, there’s a sequence of buttons you have to remember to push. It’s all very complicated.’

  Finn seemed to be having trouble keeping his face straight, and I was right there with him. On most wizard brooms, the green button was for go and the red was for stop. Even if the buttons were going to be hidden for the scene, it was hardly a difficult task. Even humans could ride wizard brooms – not that too many of them ever got the chance.

  ‘Mandy,’ I began, having to raise my voice because all her attention was, once again, on her phone. ‘I know you were supposed to talk to Bruno this morning. But were you expecting to meet with Felix, too?’

  ‘I was, as it happens. It was me who called Felix in early, because I’ve just had my nails glamoured.’ She held out sparkling pink nails. ‘I wanted to make sure Felix had his done exactly the same. I wasn’t happy with the last time Felix doubled for me, you see. I didn’t think he managed to get the right shade for my lipstick, so I thought Bruno could have a word with him. Make sure he does a better job in future.’

  ‘But you weren’t actually here to meet him when he arrived,’ Finn pointed out.

  She gritted her teeth. ‘And? I had an early morning massage that I’d forgotten about. My masseuse will confirm I was there. And in the end I was only about an hour late to meet Felix, so I don’t see why I’m getting the third degree here. Don’t you think I have enough on my mind as it is? I mean, we don’t have Felix for today’s scenes, so I don’t know what we’re going to do to compensate. Talk about picking your moments.’

  ‘To die, you mean?’ I said, sitting back. I was really losing the battle to sound sympathetic with Mandy. ‘Yeah, I see what you mean. Felix really should have gotten himself killed on a day that suited you better. So … you didn’t want to talk to Bruno about having Will kicked off the set?’

  Mandy narrowed her eyes. ‘Oh, I wanted that all right. I was just going to wait until we’d discussed the nail glamour issue first.’ She smiled at Bruno. ‘We know our priorities, don’t we, boss?’

  Bruno squeezed her hands. ‘Oh, Mandy – why can’t every actress be as thoughtful as you?’ He turned back to us, his face serious. ‘Now, I hardly dare say this with Mandy sitting right next to me but … this had to be Will Berry. It just had to be.’ He squeezed Mandy’s hands even tighter. ‘I’m so sorry my little darling,’ he said to her. ‘But I’ve never liked the two of you together. He never seems to appreciate what a precious flower you are. I’ve already told these officers about the argument you and Will had last night – where he said he’d like to strangle you. I think he came in here this morning and killed poor Felix, thinking that Felix was you.’

  Mandy swallowed. ‘It’s true. We did have a shocker of a row last night. Will and I … well …’ She cast a filthy look in my direction. ‘We don’t always agree on things. And he did say he felt fit to strangle me. But killing Felix in the belief that it was me?’ She pulled her hands from Bruno and cuddled her familiar close. ‘He’d never do a thing like that. Not my Will. He and I would have made things up eventually. We always do.’

  ≈

  Of all the people I didn’t want to leave to sweat in an interrogation room, Will was probably up there near the top. Sure, he confused me to no end. But he also helped me o
ut too many times to count. Without him, I might never have found my father.

  But as much as I wanted to clear his name, we had others to question. And I was crossing my fingers and toes that, somewhere amongst all of the cast and crew, someone would have some information that proved Will didn’t do it.

  We set up in Bruno’s office – a sumptuous room with a large antique desk and huge, squishy couches along the walls. There were photos everywhere, most of Bruno holding up some award or other, but quite a lot of the cast and crew, too. One spot, though, was empty.

  ‘Oh, that’s just because I’ve been rearranging things so I can make space. I’m sure I’m going to win the Plummy for best director again this year, and that’s where I’m going to put the picture.’ He gave us a broad smile. ‘Well, I’ll leave you to your interviews – though I don’t see why you’re bothering. You already know that Will Berry is your man.’

  ‘Thanks, Bruno,’ I said, walking him out the door. ‘We’ll keep your suspicions in mind.’

  Once he left, the cast and crew filed into the room one by one, so that Finn and I could question them.

  ‘So, you can’t think of anyone that would want to hurt either Mandy or Felix?’ I asked one of the camera operators, a woman called Donna.

  She ran a hand through her dreadlocked hair. ‘Oh no. Felix was an angel. An absolute dear, so he was. I’m devastated that he’s gone.’

  ‘And Mandy?’ Finn prompted. ‘Would you be as devastated if she were the victim?’

  ‘Oh of course,’ said Donna, a little too quickly. ‘Everyone, em … adored Mandy. I mean, why wouldn’t we? She was … lovely.’