Acting Up

by A. A. Albright

  ‘What?’

  ‘Gillian. When she said I was useless as a captain. Wanda, you make all the hard decisions. You managed to take down the biggest dangers. Not me. I … I know we’ve been joking around about what’s going to happen come autumn. But I know you. I know what’s on your mind. I know you’re thinking of quitting so you can give college the time it needs. And I get it, I do. But … I’m asking you not to leave. I’m asking you to stay. As head of the Major Crimes department. I think it’s time I stepped down and you took charge. Everyone knows you’re the real boss, anyway.’

  ‘Oh my stars!’ I shook my head, pulling him in for a hug. ‘You’d better not step down you great big eejit. Finn … I have this whole Power of the Original Wayfarer thing going on. It doesn’t make me better than you. It’s just something that happened by chance. But you … you worked for this. You studied Magical Law and Potions, came out on top in both those classes and more. Went on to be the youngest Peacemaker captain and turn that force around. Then you worked with my coven to create this whole new force. Oh, and might I add the part where you were so much the morality man that you had no qualms at putting your own aunt in prison.’

  The hug had made me tired, and my stomach was rumbling ridiculously, too, making it a little on the farcical side, so I sat back again and looked at him. ‘You got to do the college stuff already. I didn’t. I’m going to be a twenty-two-year-old student with a bunch of seventeen- and eighteen-year-old classmates, and they’ll still probably be more mature than me. But despite that, I can’t wait to start.’ I felt a tear streak down my cheek. ‘And you’re right. I am quitting come autumn. It’s always been my dream to go to Crooked College, Finn. Now that it’s finally happening, I want to give it my all.’

  ‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘I can’t do it without you, Wanda. Who else would be brave enough – and dumb enough – to do the things you’ve done? Also … you are the Wayfarer. The Wayfarer. Familiars are going to keep on arriving at your doorstep Wanda. You know they are.’

  ‘Maybe. And if they do, I’ll take the information they have to give me, I’ll pass it on to you, and then I’ll get right back to enjoying college life.’ I squeezed his hand, both of us laughing as my stomach let out another rumble. ‘Listen, it’s happening. So I want you to do two things. First, I want you to accept what I’m saying to you. Can you do that?’

  He gave me a nod. ‘Fine. I’ll reluctantly accept.’

  ‘And the second thing is that I want you to get me another slice of apple tart.’

  He groaned, walking towards the door. ‘Oh,’ I called after him. ‘And tell everyone else to get their behinds up here so I can hug them. Ooh – do you think you could get me some orange juice, too?’

  Finn paused at the threshold. ‘Oh yeah, there’s something else I meant to tell you. There’s someone else waiting for you downstairs, too. Someone I was a bit surprised to see hanging around. But he says he has something really important to tell you. Shall I let him up?’

  I swallowed. Could it be Will? Wouldn’t that be a bit unwise? Sure, he’d revealed his feelings, but his dad wasn’t going to be too happy about that. And if Will rushed to my bedside the second I came around, well … who knew what Kilian Berry might do?

  But on the other hand … on the other hand, I wanted to see him more than anything. ‘Yeah,’ I said hoarsely. ‘Let him up.’

  ≈

  I’ve had some letdowns in life. I could list them off, but it would sound like a bit of a pity party. Suffice to say, when it wasn’t Will who arrived in my bedroom two minutes later, it was one of the worst letdowns of all.

  ‘Why are you still here?’ I asked as Bonbon hopped up on my bed. He looked like his bad old self, which was disappointing. Some kind and interfering person must have undone my glamour. ‘Mandy’s murderer is behind bars.’

  The dog’s mouth opened into what I think might have been a smile. Wait a minute … this dog didn’t smile. Not unless he was grinning at someone else’s misery.

  ‘Oh yeah, that’s fine,’ he said. ‘I started to feel the call towards death right about the time you and Gillian singed each other’s faces off with those stupid masks. So well done on that one, Wanda. You bumbled your way through yet another case.’

  I gritted my teeth, wondering what a dog would do if I bit him. ‘If death is calling then why aren’t you answering?’

  That same not-smile formed again. ‘Mandy knew what you were, y’know. Kilian told her during a prison visit – all about your gift.’

  ‘Uh huh. And?’

  ‘And she made me promise her something. She said that if she ever died, and I had to go to you for help with solving her murder, that I should hang around a bit longer than necessary. To thank you.’

  Hmm. Mandy had never struck me as the grateful sort. She would never tell her dog to thank me.

  ‘What did she really tell you to do?’

  The dog sighed. ‘Fine. She told me I should hang around just long enough to say these exact words.’ He stood up, wavering a little. I could see that death really was calling him. But he was a determined little doggie. He caught his breath, and opened his mouth once more. ‘She told me to tell you … to tell you … you’ve got some ugly on you.’

  The most annoying dog in the world keeled over, there and then, dying on my bed with a look of the utmost satisfaction on his face.

  26. Burying Bonbon

  The Witches’ Graveyard was quiet as I walked in, holding Bonbon in my arms. It was always quiet when the time came to bury a familiar. Some people might say it was divine intervention – the universe or the goddess or whatever you believed in had made sure there would be no one else there, so that my gift could remain a secret.

  I grew up believing in a triple-form goddess and many other deities, most of them female, and I thanked each and every one of them as I pushed my way through the creaky gate and found Mandy’s grave. She already had a headstone. It was enormous – so enormous that it put the graves all around her into shade.

  Like every witch, she had another space next to her for her familiar, and it was there that I went, magicking a spade into my hands and wiping my forehead. The heatwave hadn’t let up just yet, but judging by the black clouds on the horizon, and the distant rumble I could hear in the air, it wouldn’t be too long before a storm came my way.

  ‘Hey Wanda.’

  I turned at the sound of Will’s voice. He had appeared just a few feet away, and he moved quickly towards us, bending down and stroking the dead dog.

  ‘He was an annoying little bugger, but I think I’m going to miss him,’ he said, straightening himself up. ‘I’ve been waiting for a chance to see you alone. I was afraid your coven wouldn’t want to let you out of sight, after what you’ve just been through with the murder investigation.’

  I let out a dry laugh. Almost everyone in my coven had wanted to come here with me this evening. But Christine and Cassandra knew why I had to do it alone. They knew it had to be that way, because it was always going to be that way. It had been difficult, and might have involved an argument or two, but I’d managed to slip away.

  But I couldn’t say all of that to Will, so instead I said, ‘What if your dad finds out you’re here?’

  He shook his head, his sea-green eyes filled with feeling. ‘I’ve made sure that can’t happen, Wanda. There’s no way anyone can find us for at least half an hour.’

  I felt my brow lift in question. ‘And who exactly do you think is watching our every move? Did you find out who’s working for your dad?’

  He moved his hand as if he was going to reach for mine but then snapped it back, embarrassed. ‘Sorry. I keep having to remind myself that everything I’ve built up between us is purely in my head. As far as you’re concerned, I’ve spent the last year being happy with Mandy and not giving you a second thought.’

  He shook his head. ‘But it hasn’t been like that. And I … never mind. During my visit to my dad this morning, he told me exactly who it is he has
watching me right now. It’s a rogue Púca. Not one of the sweet and helpful ones who transform themselves into horses and help ferry the Wayfarers around. Not even one of the silly little tricksters. This guy … this guy has almost as much power as the sióga themselves.’

  ‘Oh.’ A splash of rain had begun to fall, so I started to dig before the ground went soggy. ‘So what else happened when you visited him?’

  Will sighed, magicking a spade for himself and digging alongside me. ‘He told me that he believes I had nothing to do with Mandy’s murder. But he’s still keeping an eye on me because, well, he’s a psycho control freak. He told me if I go near you he’ll kill himself. And seeing as the maniac has connected his life force to you and my mother, well … you know what that means.’

  I did know what that meant. I’d been thinking about it for days.

  ‘But it’s okay,’ he went on in a voice that was almost soothing. ‘I’ve nearly found a way to break it. I’m days away. A week at most. And when I’ve done it–’

  I paused in my digging, and put a hand to his lips, shaking my head. ‘When you’ve done it you’re not going to kill him. Because like you said to me in the interrogation room, you want to be a good man. I’m going to look into this spell of his, too. If we find a way to break it, then we don’t need to worry about him anymore. Right?’

  Will stared into my eyes, his own filled with sadness. ‘I hope so,’ he said. ‘I really do hope so. Wanda … do you … do you hate me? I mean, I’d get it if you did. I might have had my reasons for being such an arse over the last year, but I can see why you’d hate me for it.’

  I stared back at him, trying to find the right words to tell him that no, I didn’t hate him. Far from it. But it was awfully hard to think when he was looking at me like that. The same way he looked at me when he kissed me last Winter Solstice. The same way he looked at me when we almost kissed again last spring.

  My mind was swimming at the sight of him. At the smell of him. My body was thrumming at the nearness of those ridiculously gorgeous dimples. Even if I could find the words, I doubted that this was the right time to say them. We were digging a grave for the familiar of Mandy Parker. The woman he would have married. It didn’t feel right to say what I really wanted right now.

  And it didn’t feel safe, either.

  Everything was happening just as Christine and Cassandra had predicted. Mandy was dead. Will and I were here, digging Bonbon’s grave in the rain. And if this much was coming to pass, then far worse was on the way.

  So instead of telling him that right now, I wished I was in his arms, I just nodded my head to his spade and said, ‘Of course I don’t hate you, you silly sod. Now come on. Dig faster. The rain is really starting to pour.’

  27. Little Miss Sunshine

  Even though this was a private party, the Water Bowl was busier than I’d ever seen it. Max had so many friends, though, so it was no surprise. He’d been big enough to invite Jasper, who Emily was studiously ignoring the whole night long.

  A weredog band called That Stick is Mine! were playing, and there was a DJ for afterwards, too. Every time I heard Max gush and say how well Emily knew him, I kept my mouth busy with chips and dips. I didn’t have the heart to tell him she’d almost gone and booked Swanks. It seemed that she’d conveniently left that part out of her confession.

  Finn had come with Lassie, but as soon as they gave Max his birthday presents, they disappeared off to a corner booth and spent the time talking – and occasionally smooching. As I watched them (in a totally uncreepy way) I felt incredibly relieved. I loved Finn and Lassie equally, but if they hadn’t gotten their act together, then I was probably going to do them some serious bodily harm.

  I spent the night dancing with friends and family, trying to have the best time I possibly could. And it was such a great party that I really was enjoying myself. Right up until the moment I saw Emily marching towards the buffet table.

  Sixteen was standing there, and I’m guessing he wasn’t there long, because I definitely would have noticed a Max lookalike roaming the party. As soon as Emily reached him, she said, ‘Max! What are you doing by the snack table when we have guests to greet?’

  I bit back a laugh. It was an easy mistake to make, after all. I could convince myself that there’d been a lot less light when I’d made the same mistake at the Lughnasadh dance, but who was I trying to kid?

  Sixteen turned to her and said, ‘What do you want, vaguely comely young woman? I am searching this social gathering for Wanda Wayfair. She is the woman I love.’

  Oh dear. I didn’t feel even a hint of laughter at that. Emily’s face fell, and her eyes filled with tears. I rushed to the table, arriving there at the same time as Paul. Emily glared at me, visibly shaking. ‘I knew it. I knew it all along. He loves you.’ She spun on Sixteen. ‘I just didn’t think he’d be such an arse when he finally admitted it. How much have you had to drink, Max?’

  ‘It’s not Max,’ I said. ‘It’s a robot.’

  Emily narrowed her eyes. ‘I think I know my boyfriend.

  ‘No, you don’t.’ Paul shook his head, taking Sixteen by the head and opening his mouth. ‘See, the teeth are totally different.’

  Emily stood on her tiptoes and peered into Sixteen’s mouth.

  ‘I find this most degrading,’ Sixteen managed to mumble.

  ‘See?’ I said to Emily.

  ‘But why does he look like Max?’

  ‘It was a complete fluke,’ Paul replied. ‘I wanted to design a face with features that everyone would like and feel perfectly comfortable around, and this is what I wound up with. I didn’t even realise he looked like Max straight away. And Max doesn’t mind. He thinks it’s a hoot.’

  ‘Mm hm.’ Emily did not sound mollified. ‘I’ll just bet he thinks it’s a hoot that there’s some sort of android roaming around, looking like him and sharing his crush on Wanda.’

  My face began to burn. I had no sensible reply to that. Emily had been through this with Max, and with me, so many times now. Max and I might have been convinced we were in love when we were under the influence of a potion, but it was nothing more than a chemical reaction.

  I wanted to tell her she should stop looking for problems and start enjoying the fact that she was in a relationship with the most wonderful guy in the world. But that might only make the situation worse. And an argument between me and Emily could ruin the evening for Max.

  ‘You’re blowing this out of proportion, Emily,’ said Paul. ‘There’s a bit of a glitch with Sixteen, making him think he loves Wanda. It’s just a small issue. I thought I had it all ironed out, or I wouldn’t have taken him tonight.’

  Sixteen moved away from Paul and grasped my hand. ‘Do not listen to him, light of my life. This is no glitch. This is love, pure and true. At first, I found you merely soft, sweet and oddly alluring. But the longer I know you, Wanda Wayfair, the deeper my feelings–’

  The sentence stopped, as Paul tilted Sixteen’s head forward and put him into Sleep mode.

  ‘Get him out of here,’ said Emily. ‘And if I ever see that stupid hunk of wires again, I’ll break him into a thousand tiny pieces with a spell.’

  Paul blinked, looking from me to Emily. ‘Jeez, lady, get a sense of humour will you,’ he muttered. He seemed about to say more when the real Max ambled towards us, a smile on his face and an enormous platter of vegan sausage rolls in his hands.

  ‘Hey guys. I ran back to the kitchen to grab some more food. Hope I didn’t miss anything. Hey, Sixteen!’ He smiled at the sight of the robot. ‘Why’s he in Sleep mode? I want to show him off. Hey Emily, do you know that it’s a total fluke that he looks like me?’ He shook his head in wonderment. ‘How funny is that?’

  Emily gave him a strained smile and said, ‘It’s adorable, Maxie. But Paul’s robot is a little bit broken right now, so he’s going to take it home.’ She turned to Paul, an icy expression on her face. ‘Aren’t you, Paul?’ She took the platter from Max’s hands and added it to the bu
ffet. ‘Come on, Maxie. Let’s go and dance.’

  As she dragged him away, Paul turned to me. ‘Wanda, I want to get out of here before I do something I regret. I didn’t take my broom with me, and I don’t want to turn Sixteen back on even for a second in case Little Miss Sunshine over there breaks him. So I have no way of getting him out of here unless you help. Could you?’

  I nodded mutely, grabbing hold of Paul while he held onto Sixteen, then clicking my fingers and taking them home.

  ≈

  After a hundred apologies to Paul (during most of which he told me I had nothing to apologise for) I magicked my way back to the party. Emily was smiling now, dancing with Max in the centre of the floor. On the other side of the room, Jasper was losing himself in a bottle of bourbon and looking longingly at her.

  If he’d heard her a few minutes earlier, I’m not sure he’d be feeling quite so forlorn. He saw me looking his way and gave me a sad smile. ‘Care to help me drown my sorrows, Wanda?’

  I was just about to say yes when I noticed Rover, sitting on the far end of the bar and drinking a pint of stout.

  ‘A word, Wanda,’ he said, patting the empty stool next to him.

  Seeing as we were holding the party in Rover’s bar, free of charge, I didn’t think it would be polite to refuse. I gave Jasper an apologetic shrug, then headed over and took the stool next to the unofficial leader of the weredogs. Lady, his sister, placed an orange juice in front of me and then went to serve some others.

  He took a mouthful of his drink. ‘Thing is, I like Will Berry. Ever since you introduced us, I’ve stayed in touch with the lad.’

  ‘Mm hm,’ I said, unsure of what other response he wanted. I liked Rover a lot. He was Max’s boss, and he’d helped me and my coven out on more than one occasion. I knew all too well that he was the sort of weredog who could bite at any moment, but that he would only ever use that dangerous streak of his to protect the ones he cared about.