Young, Allyson - Wishes (Siren Publishing Classic)

by Allyson Young

  Graham stalked into the kitchen and pressed against her, slipping his arms around her waist and then lowering his mouth to her neck.

  “I wondered what smelled so good,” he rumbled, “and now I’m torn between you and whatever you have cooking.”

  Kennedy began to cut out the biscuits and lay them on the cookie sheet. Graham tensed and stepped back from her, moving around the island to look at her face.

  “Kennedy.”

  She was helpless against his dark Dom voice and raised her head to look at him.

  “What happened, honey?” he asked gently. “And don’t lie to me.”

  Well, if he wanted to know, then he would know.

  “You happened to me, Graham, you,” she said. “You want honesty? Well, I hope you can take it because here it is,” she said bitterly.

  “You tracked me down. You wore me down. Well, good on you, the man of experience. And now my head is fucked. I’m back to where I was a year and a half ago, and I don’t have the strength to do it again. No!” Kennedy fairly shouted it at him when he moved to interject. “I’m going to say it all.”

  She shoved the cookie sheet in the oven to give herself time to breathe and continued.

  “I tried to stay away from you. I begged you to stay away from me. This isn’t fate, Graham. This is fucking doom, my doom. I’m losing the hold I had on my life because of your lifestyle, and I can’t do it. I just can’t. I can’t allow pain, even erotic pain, to combine with sex.”

  Kennedy crumpled to the floor and covered her face with her hands. She had no more tears, but her eyes burned and her chest ached. She felt Graham pick her up and tried to find the strength to resist but had none. He shushed her and rocked her on his lap after he sat down with her on the couch, but she couldn’t find any comfort. She wanted to disappear, fade away, die. She was tired to death, and he had done this to her, ripped her defenses away in a few short hours. He and the memories would absorb her, consume her.

  “Honey,” he crooned, “you don’t have to do anything alone. I’m here now. I’ll help you.”

  Kennedy couldn’t answer, so she just huddled like the sack of shit she was. After a while, Graham helped her to a chair and served up the stew and the biscuits. He patiently made her eat a few mouthfuls before taking care of his own hunger. Then he cleaned up. Kennedy listened as he called someone named Jordan and asked him to take his shift. It appeared he wasn’t leaving, and she wished she could tell him to go and let her be by herself.

  * * * *

  Graham was concerned by Kennedy’s retreat into herself. When he asked her if she had any medication to take, she had shrugged, and no coaxing or insistence elicited a verbal response. He felt hugely guilty and anxious about her earlier accusations. What if he had indeed set her back? She needed to talk to him, tell him what had happened to her. He couldn’t fix what he didn’t know was broken. It never crossed his mind to leave her alone as she had begged him to or take her to a doctor. Kennedy was his, and he hadn’t imagined her response to him that afternoon. Graham was good at puzzles. Now, all he had to do was start putting the pieces together.

  He started by removing Kennedy’s clothing. She didn’t resist until he got down to her modest white panties and even then made only a token effort. She smelled of soap and woman, and he decided to take the time to examine every inch of her. It felt like the right thing to do, and he didn’t question it. He laid her on the bed and turned on both bedside lamps and the overhead light. Kennedy tried to curl around on herself when he did that and pushed at him when he positioned her flat on her back with her legs spread and her arms above her head.

  “Go away,” she said petulantly. “What in hell are you doing?”

  “I’m inspecting my property, wench,” Graham advised her. “I didn’t do a proper job this afternoon.”

  Kennedy squinted her eyes against the glare and sat up, shielding her breasts with one arm and covering her pussy with her other hand.

  “Do not cover yourself, Kennedy,” Graham ordered.

  “Fuck you,” she snarled, albeit halfheartedly.

  “I’ll tie you down if I have to, or you can lie back and let me explore you.”

  Fear warred with anger in her remarkable eyes, and fortunately, anger won. It pulled her from that weird state of isolation. She came up off the bed so quickly that she nearly got past him, but he managed to get an arm around her and toss her back onto the mattress where she bounced, her breasts jiggling prettily.

  “It’s me, honey,” he reminded her, “and I won’t do anything you won’t like in the end.”

  “I’m no one’s property, you bastard.”

  Now there was his girl. Not that he was going to let her get away with her attitude.

  “On your back, legs spread, hands over your head. Now.”

  Graham yanked his belt off when she didn’t immediately comply and lunged to cover her with his bulk, effectively wrapping her little wrists up and managing to secure them to the brass headboard. He speculated that he would probably have just minor bruising from the crack he took on his cheek from her lethal skull and congratulated himself on avoiding her teeth all together. He rummaged through her dresser until he found enough scarves to fashion ankle restraints, then timed her kicks well enough to hold a leg and tie her into place. Then he stripped and climbed onto the bed beside her.

  * * * *

  Kennedy couldn’t believe the highs and lows she had just experienced. She truly was a nutcase. Postcoital depression? No, it was more than that. And now she was tied down and totally exposed under merciless light for his freaking inspection. If depression was anger without the enthusiasm, then what the hell was this feeling? She was pissed off, embarrassed, a little anxious, and a lot aroused. She couldn’t take the low that would inevitably follow more fantastic sex with Graham and tried to find the words to tell him.

  “Please,” she tried.

  “Please what, honey? Too late for apologies. Ten.”

  “I don’t mean that, Graham. Please listen to me.”

  Graham frowned at her. “Then tell me.”

  “I liked what happened earlier, and then afterward I crashed. I really hadn’t felt that bad since, well, since someone hurt me eighteen months ago.” Eighteen months, eleven days, and sixteen hours to be exact.

  “I just don’t have the reserves,” she continued, “I can’t keep coming back. You can’t do this to me.”

  “Honey, I am not your doom. You and I have something together, and I’m not letting you push me away. We’ll work through this together, sweetheart. We will.”

  “You aren’t listening to me, Graham. You were bothered by my crash in the kitchen right? Well, you ain’t seen nothing yet, buddy, if I go off on you.”

  “I’ve seen your temper, honey, and it makes me hard. I have never put up with that behavior before from any woman, so I know that you are special,” he assured her.

  “I’m not talking about my temper, Graham,” she said darkly. “My temper is part of me, and I will never lose it. I’m talking about a full-blown PTSD episode. Like a military vet breakdown. There, I’ve said it.”

  “What the fuck happened to you, honey?” he asked, as he stroked her soothingly.

  Kennedy shivered. “I might lose it if I talk about it.”

  “Honey, I want to earn your trust. Do you think telling me as much as you can and letting me support you through it might do that for you?”

  “Untie me, Graham. Turn out the lights. I’ll try.”

  “Nope, I won’t do that, sweetheart. I’m no shrink, but I know that whatever happened to you is all connected with your body and a lack of control. I’m going to take care of you and shoulder your burden. But you’re going to have to dig deep for courage and face things without hiding.”

  Kennedy closed her eyes and thought about it. The choice had pretty much been taken away from her but in a different way than that horrible time. Graham wasn’t Randall. She could choose not to tell Graham, and he would continue
to explore her anyway and wouldn’t leave. Maybe this way she could work through the horror because she believed he would accept her. It was a risk, but she believed. She trusted a man she had just met and didn’t question why or how that was.

  Kennedy relaxed into Graham’s caresses and told him about getting her first job as a PA with Alex, and how she had loved it as well as the opportunity to be included in Alex’s family. She knew he watched her face and managed to look at him from time to time as she continued her story. When she described Randall, she felt Graham tense a little and her eyes flew to his. She was reassured when he dropped a kiss on her forehead and told her that she should always rely on gut instinct.

  “I knew he was twisted inside, somehow. I knew he had done some really bad things. I didn’t know what they were until it all came out later. The betrayal by Alex and Susan was the worst, you know. I trusted them. I cared about them, and they cared about me, unlike my parents! They knew what Randall was capable of and covered for him because he was family and because Alex mourned Randall’s father. Maybe if they had told me, I would have taken action earlier and he wouldn’t have…” Kennedy lost her voice.

  Graham laved her nipples and stroked the sensitive undersides of her breasts. It felt so good and so caring and gave her the strength to go on.

  “Randall showed up at closing time one day. I had never seen him in the office before. Alex had already left, and there was just me on that floor. I told him he would have to leave as I was on my way out when he blocked the door and gave me this look. Something evil stared at me, Graham. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I see that evil. He had tortured and killed animals when he was just a kid and no amount of therapy had fixed him. Alex paid off somebody at both of the colleges Randall went to, and there are only rumors, but it sounds like he attacked women there. I don’t know the details, but he was probably working up to, well, working up to me.”

  Graham kissed her tenderly and then kissed his way down her body to nip and lick the inside of her thighs. Kennedy moaned and wished he would kiss her pussy. She felt her moisture slip out of her vagina in preparation for him. Graham speared his tongue into her and thrust in and out then retreated to kiss her thighs while he tangled his fingers in her pubic hair.

  Kennedy tensed. He would feel them if he moved another fraction of an inch.

  “Tell me, Kennedy. Tell me. Share your pain with me. Trust me.”

  “He told me what he was going to do to me, every little detail,” she went on. “It shouldn’t have been believable, but it was. He wasn’t even twenty years old, Graham, but already a full-grown monster. I screamed for help and tried to fight him. I tried everything I knew except trying to reason with him. You can’t reason with someone who isn’t human.”

  Graham continued to stroke her from shoulder to hip and then smoothed his hand over her mound again. She tensed, but he didn’t seem to notice anything. Maybe he thought she was just uncomfortable with talking about it. Except she wasn’t uncomfortable. She had told Madi and Alberta a condensed version and her therapist nearly everything, but she had never told a man what another man had done to her. Even the police officer who took her statement at the hospital had been female. She was restrained and exposed, yet safe, and it felt liberating to tell it all. She most certainly had issues if this was therapeutic for her, but she didn’t want Graham to leave.

  “He hit me with his fists until I fell. I must have passed out because I don’t remember him taking my clothes off.”

  Graham stretched out alongside her and rested his head against the side of her neck, his steady breathing giving her the courage to continue.

  * * * *

  Graham didn’t know how he was going to contain himself, but he was not going to let her down. Kennedy needed to finish this and find out that what she feared, his rejection, wouldn’t happen. Their burgeoning relationship was different. And he wasn’t going to let her have one of those episodes either. He knew he could help her control herself and get through it. Part of him didn’t want to hear anymore. It was worse than anything he had imagined because it wasn’t nearly over. The scars on her left breast were minuscule, just a fine line or two, but he had noticed. And he had felt the faint raised tissue under her pubic hair earlier. He just hadn’t realized how they had been inflicted. Kennedy had endured and survived something he couldn’t even wrap his head around, deliberate cruelty and violence, so at odds with what he practiced. No wonder she was scared of him, so confused. He had rushed her. He felt so possessive of her and also so enraged that he hadn’t been there to protect her.

  “He assaulted me, of course, and punched my face when I wouldn’t suck him.” Kennedy’s voice was now flat.

  Graham moved over her and kissed her, stealing her breath. He rested his forehead on hers and let his bulk warm her. He couldn’t let her retreat into herself while she recited her story like it was about someone else. After a few minutes she went on.

  “I think I went somewhere else in my head because it all felt far away after a while. And that made him angrier. He had a knife, a long filleting knife.”

  She began to weep silently, and Graham released the restraints to gather her close, petting her hair and rocking her against him.

  “He showed me how sharp it was by chopping off a piece of my hair and threatened to put my eyes out with it. Instead, he cut my pubic hair off. He was so rough, and I felt the blood running down my thighs. He laughed and smeared it around. He told me he’d fuck me again just to see how it felt, if I’d be wet this time.”

  Kennedy took another deep breath, and it seemed that she borrowed Graham’s strength, for she continued. “I was screaming and crying, and he was laughing. He looked insane, waving that knife around, my blood on it. I decided to block him out again, and he knew it. He slapped my face until I opened my eyes and told me he was going to cut my breasts.”

  Her voice came out all in a rush, “He started to cut me, and then there were people everywhere and lots of shouting, and Randall let me go. I found out later a security guard had noticed Randall enter the building but not leave. It was after hours, so they started a search. They walked in on us…”

  Kennedy pushed away from Graham and rolled to find a tissue from the bedside table. He pulled her back while she dried her face and held her tight.

  “I went to the hospital, and I saw a dentist, too. I healed physically, but the dental work took a really long time. I went for therapy, and that took even longer to get to where I am now. Alex and Susan came to see me in the hospital and apologized. They didn’t say what they were sorry for, and I didn’t ask. They left a letter that provided me with a reference to cover my forced absence from the workforce, a statement that my medical and treatment bills would be covered, and a check marked severance pay. I took the money and considered it my right.”

  Graham said, “I’m not going to fill up the silence by going on about what you already know, that none of what happened is your fault. I do want to know two things. Firstly, do you have any idea what a remarkable, resilient woman you are? And, where is that dirtbag?”

  Kennedy stared at him. “I find that I like your opinion of me, although I don’t feel that way all of the time, Graham. I strive for it though. And Randall is dead. Killed by another inmate while awaiting trial. His death is what gives me the strength to go on because he would have waited forever to have another crack at me, and I would have lived in fear of that until I died.”

  They cuddled in silence. Graham wished for Randall to be reincarnated so that he could kill him again.

  “Can you tell me what you think about us, Kennedy?” Graham then asked.

  “I’m attracted to you”—she shrugged—“and I obviously trust you to allow you to spank me and then tell you more than what I have told maybe four other people.”

  She smiled at him. “I like the sex for sure, and that’s a big bonus, Graham, because I didn’t really think I would ever want to fuck someone again.”

  Graham decided to go for br
oke. “I’m attracted to you, I’m hot for you, but it’s more than that, honey. I’m set on you, and I’m not going to go away. So we have to find a way to make this work.”

  Kennedy bristled. “I’m not keen on ultimatums or pushy men, Graham, and you seem to meet both those criteria.”

  “I will expect your total submission in the bedroom, honey, that’s no lie, although it will not always be about restraints or discipline.”

  Kennedy shook her head. “Can’t do total, Graham. Maybe eighty percent, but there will be times that I will want to take charge and explore the softer side of you. That means you will need to trust me. And you have been warned. I may have a meltdown. Can you handle it?”

  Graham wavered. “I absolutely can, and I will. Ninety percent.”

  Kennedy laughed. “Eighty-five.”

  “Done.”

  “Now, outside of the bedroom, you won’t pull the caveman act, right?” she asked.

  “I would hope that we would be partners in our relationship, Kennedy. We can discuss things and make decisions together when it affects both of us, and that will be most of the time. I promise to try to listen and consider your opinions and feelings. But you have to know that I have a strong personality.”

  “No shit,” Kennedy said dryly. She wiggled out of his arms and gasped as he pulled her back.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I want a shower, Graham.” She huffed.

  “I’ll help,” he announced.

  * * * *

  Kennedy tried to protest, but he swept her ahead of him and had her in the tub, the water running at the perfect temperature, and then crowded her against the tile wall. She closed her eyes as he soaped his hands and washed her from head to toe, paying special attention to her breasts and between her legs. Her arousal began to build, and when he shampooed and conditioned her hair, she nearly moaned out loud. No one had taken such good care of her, not even when she had been little. It felt wonderful, and she went with it.