Stricken Resolve

by S. K. Logsdon

  Stricken Resolve

  Book Four

  S.K Logsdon

  ~~~

  Smashwords Edition

  Copyright © 2014 by: S.K Logsdon

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.

  Cover art by: Marika Kraukle

  Smashwords Edition, License Notes

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  Visit my Author Pages

  You can find me on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/sklogsdon

  My website: http://sklogsdon.com

  And

  Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/sklogsdon

  Acknowledgements

  I wanted to give a special shout out to authors Samantha Towle and Michelle A. Valentine. Who inspired me to write this series.

  For this story I wanted to send out a special thanks to all of my friends and fans. It’s through your amazing encouragement that I’ve grown as an author and tried my best to give you wonderful books to read. I love you all!

  An extra special thanks is owed to Tracy, who has done nothing but be my constant support system while writing this final Stricken Rock installment. Reading, almost on a daily basis my newest chapters and giving me feedback. And in times of need, she’s squashed my high level anxiety that I experienced when finishing this emotional series. I love you-You rock girlfriend!

  TEAM PAPA BEAR!

  Other works by this Author

  Stricken Rock Series

  Stricken Desire

  Stricken Unveiled

  Stricken Trust

  Attraction Series

  Artful Attractions

  Forever Attraction- Coming 2014

  The Circle of Blood Series

  Of Delicate Mind

  Conventional Hearts Series

  Lex – Coming April 2014

  This book is a work of fiction created by the author S.K Logsdon and is not associated with any real band, lives or stories.

  Table of Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Epilogue

  Sample Chapter From "LEX"

  Chapter One

  ~Johnathan~

  Being the man everybody loves to hate isn’t always the best feeling in the world. Shit, who the fuck am I kidding? It sucks major donkey balls. You grow up a habitual fuck up, your dad kills your mom and you’re shoved from one damn foster home to the next. It isn’t exactly the Leave it to Beaver way of life. Then one day you wake up and meet this beautiful woman, who’s sassy as hell and has the most beautiful long red hair and perky luscious tits. God, Emily and those tits. I’m getting hard just thinking about them.

  Moving along, or I won’t get shit done today. I’ve got to meet up with the boys later.

  The past months have been torture. Not just for me. But, sadly Emily’s been held up in the best hospital, with doctors round the clock. I can’t believe I almost made us lose our babies. Can I be any more of a fuck up? I love the damn woman with every god-dammed thing in me. But what’s even sicker is that I’m in love with someone else too. Cammy, oh how that beautiful blonde bombshell makes me cream in my pants when she walks into a room. She’s easy to be with and she takes care of me, like it comes natural for her. Which makes me love her even more. Being with Cammy is as simple as breathing, for me. Which is why all of this is even harder than I ever thought possible.

  Weeks upon weeks Emily’s been laid up in that sterile hospital with James. Fucking Calvin James! Don’t even get me started on that backstabbing bastard. Works as my personal bodyguard for years. I do the right thing and have the one person in the entire world that I could never lose, protected. He’s good. Not just some rent-a-cop bullshit, the real damn deal. Kept me safe from the paps and myself. But what does the prick do? He moves in on what is mine and the nut buster of it all is—she wants him too. I see it in her eyes. The glint of hope and love when he’s around her. I’ve sensed it for months. Guess being a horned up rocker, you ignore the signs. They are nineteen years apart. Did you know that? Who would have thought some old fart like him could land a hot sexy woman like her? She’s abso-fucking-lutely perfect.

  Well, I’m not perfect, not in the least bit. I’ve lied to her constantly, even about Cammy. Who I’ve still not confessed having a relationship with. I know it bothers Cammy, we’ve had this discussion over and over. She’s understanding, and, everything I’m supposed to want and love. Which I do. But Emily is carrying my babies. My babies. She’s the one who made me want to become a better man. Even if I can’t stick to it half of the damn time. I still drink too much, I fuck Cammy just about every night. Then I wake up the next morning worried as hell that Emily is going to find out and never let me see my babies because I’m a liar. But if I’m truly honest with myself, I’m worried Emily will hate me. I’ve fretted about that since day one. I’ve given her countless reasons to never speak to me again. Instead she supports me and gives me space to make myself grow. Even though I wish she’d been the one holding my hand through all of this. She hasn’t, Cammy has. I wouldn’t have made it this far without either of them.

  I know deep down Emily has a nurturing side. A side of her who can take care of and love a man wholly. To be there for him and support him in every way possible. She’s just never done that for me. She’s emotionally supportive but the rest is nonexistent. She’s not held my hand through A.A. meetings, like Cammy. Or dried my tears when I’ve been so drunk from a binge that I cry for hours because the one person in the world I want to love me, doesn’t. That’s what happened three flippin’ days ago.

  I was out sitting on the damp golden sand as Dylan and Cammy went to visit my Short Stack. I’d been there the day before and that big rock twinkling on her finger kills me every time I lay my eyes upon it. It seriously fucks my head up, for days. So I’ve been trying to keep my distance. Instead I text or call daily. It pains me watching her helpless in bed, with a belly stretched to its max. She looks like it could pop like a balloon at any moment. I want to rub it and comfort her. I want to be the one who holds her godforsaken hand. But no, I had to be the man who tried to get back with an ex. A man who got hooked on coke again because I couldn’t handle my overwhelming feelings for her. The douche who cheated on her in that plane. I knew what I was doing. I was angry and I didn’t care—at the time. Looking back at it all now, I was the one to push her towards James. He was the one to pick up and mend the pieces of her broken heart. The one who provided comfort, when I was the one creating the pain and anguish. The amount of pain she has felt because of me. Mine seems like only a fraction of what I’ve put her through. Now, being
sober and finally having my head on straight, I see that. I see it all. If only I’d paid more attention back when it all began.

  Three days ago, Cammy found me on the beach in front of our house. I was obliterated and blubbering like an idiot, incapable of walking. So, like the selfless woman she is, she helped me up the staircase staggering like a newborn colt. Not many words were exchanged, although I faintly remember her bringing me into my bedroom, removing my sand littered clothes and tucking me in, allowing me to sleep off my drunkenness alone, in the bedroom I was going to share with Emily at some point. The room that I wanted to be ours as our twins danced into our room as toddlers, to wake us up, excited to play in the surf. That’s why I bought this beach house. To provide that close-knit family for our twins. Then James went off and ruined that for me. Him and his strong diplomatic self. Fuck, I really shouldn’t hate the man. But I do. He. Has. Her. Son of a bitch!

  I really need to calm down. I can feel my blood starting to boil. Thinking about them together does that to me. ‘Mama Bear and Papa Bear’ Oh what a load of complete and utter bullshit. Cammy thinks it’s cute. Fuck cute! I want what is mine!

  I clinch my fist at my sides as I sit on the raised back deck of the beach house, overlooking the surf. The waves are breaking beautifully on the sand. The salty sea mist is filling my nose with its kickass freshness. There’s a light breeze today. So serene and majestic. I sit as far away from the spot where Emily fell and nearly bled to death on the deck. I had to hire cleaners to come in and remove the stain. There was so much blood. The thought of even sitting close to where it all happened makes me squeamish. I almost lost her.

  “Hey handsome, what cha’ doin’?”

  I turn my head to see Cammy walking up the stairs, carrying two drinks in her hands.

  “Here.” She offers me a tall glass full of lemonade.

  “Thanks.” I gratefully accept it and she takes a seat next to me, on one of the long wooden loungers with cream cushions. At least these are something my Short Stack hadn’t picked out. Cammy and I did. We bought all the outdoor furniture shortly after Emily was admitted into the hospital.

  “So, what’s with the long face?” She smiles my way with her adorable china doll like features.

  Fuck me sideways, I’m hard, already. Cammy is so damn pretty.

  “Just thinking, the babies should be along in a few weeks. Did you talk with Shor… Emily today?” I correct myself, reminding myself that using the affectionate nickname Short Stack in reference to Emily makes Cammy uncomfortable.

  “Yes, I spoke with James after Dylan insisted I called so he could chat with Papa and Mama Bear.”

  I cringe, wrinkling my nose in disgust. There goes those stupid nicknames, again.

  “And...” I probe lightly.

  “She’s fine, Johnathan. The babies are fine. Dylan said she watched SpongeBob today, the same episode he watched. So they got to compare notes. I didn’t speak with her directly. James just said she was doing really well. The twins are on track after last week’s labor scare. Nothing to fear.” Her tone is soft but I can hear the underlying agitation between the lines. I know talking about Emily isn’t the top of her priority list. Don’t get me wrong, she likes Emily. I don’t doubt that for a second. But… And that’s a huge but… I think she’s got a lot of unresolved jealousy issues because she knows she plays second fiddle in my heart. I know that’s completely and stupidly wrong. Shit, who am I kiddin’, it’s ten ways of fucked, in the ass, with a baseball bat, on Easter Sunday. That’s me. Johnathan Striker. The numero uno asshole.

  I pensively nod. “That’s good to hear.”

  “We need to talk,” Cammy states abruptly, sitting up further in her chair. Her blonde hair falling wistfully over her shoulders, catching the faint breeze. The blues of her eyes sparkling in the midday sun, with the bright blue sky pouring over her delicate features. She’s wearing one of those cute everyday sundresses, except today this one is in a baby blue color. That brings out the speckles of gold in her eyes.

  I know what ‘we need to talk means.’ I’m not in the mood to talk about that shit right now. Or ever, for that matter. What we have is sweet and simple. I love the comfort I feel with Cammy. I love her soft lithe body under mine as I pound her tight pink pussy.

  Throwing my legs over the side of the lounger, I stand, sitting my untouched lemonade on the matching dark wood table. Leaning over her, I gaze down into her eyes as she locks her into mine and audibly gulps. That’s right Cammy. We will not be having any little talks. We will be fucking on this deck.

  “I mean it Johnathan, we need to talk,” she states firmly with a fierce look in her eye. But those dilated pupils are giving away to her real need.

  I place my finger over of precious pink lips and hush her.

  “No Cammy. No talking. I’m going to sink my cock into you and you’re going to come screaming my name,” I order, smirking as the dirty thought of what’s about to happen sinks into my mind’s forefront.

  “No,” she retorts, in almost a whisper against my fingers, scooting further back onto the lounger, her bottom lip trembling.

  Looming over her, I unzip my pants and drop them along with my silk boxers to the ground to show her my big juicy cock. I know she loves it. She’s told me a time or two.

  “Open up baby,” I order, never taking my eyes from hers. She complies and spreads wide, legs shaking. “Don’t worry Cammy, you know I take care of you,” I smile down at her, crawling my way up between her legs. I reach out, underneath her dress to remove her panties.

  Fuck yes!

  “Somebodies been a naughty-naughty girl. Not wearing any panties.” I tsk, playfully. “Why aren’t you wearing any, Cammy?” I demand with a deep tone. I don’t think I can wait much longer to claim that tight little hole. I’ve needed to fuck all day since I woke up this morning dreaming about Emily. I jacked in the shower, but that only satisfies a small portion of my insatiable male rock star hunger.

  “I...” She bites her lip and swallows hard. “I know you’ve been out of sorts and I heard you moaning in your sleep last night. Must have been quite a dream. So, when I woke up this morning I thought maybe you’d like some.” She gazes down at her privates. “I left them off, just in case.” Her voice is small, so fragile and sweet. My heart yearns to make it scream, and take the questioning from her tone. Like she’s asking me permission if it’s okay to be this way. The longer we’ve been together, the more she submits to me. At the same time I can tell her insecurities grow, as each little brick from her wall comes crashing down. That’s what I love about her. At least she lets me know her and love her. Unlike somebody else.

  Stop thinking about her right now! You douche bag. This is why Emily didn’t want to you to begin with. You can’t be good for one fucking moment. Grrrrr.

  I grasp Cammy’s chin and tilt it up to keep eye contact.

  “Baby, I love that fucking pussy. I fucking love you.” I know it comes out lustful but I’m so close to busting a damn bolt over here I can’t wait another second.

  I quickly grasp her knees and pull her down, throw up her dress and stab my cock into her hole relentlessly, without question and she screams out my name. That’s right, Cammy. Love my cock! My colossal thickness. Her pussy grips around me like a vice. Oh, that sweet little hole.

  “I love you, Johnathan!” She moans loudly, as I pound into her over and over. Shit, that’s slick. She’s so wet for me.

  Bending forward, I capture her mouth and jet my tongue inside. Fervently kissing her. I groan, as I can feel my thickness swell and I know I’m going to come real soon. It never lasts long with her. Dammit, yep, I’m on the brink.

  “You’re going to make me come,” I grunt, resting my thick chest against hers.

  “Come,” she murmurs, panting, her nails clawing deeply into my back.

  ‘You’re all I ever wanted, you’re all I ever needed, so tell me what to do now, cause’ I want you back.’ My phone sings N’Sync garishly and vibrates on
the deck, still tucked securely into my pants pocket.

  I instantly still myself inside of Cammy, hastily pull myself out of her tightness and dive onto the ground for my phone. It’s Emily! She’s calling me! That’s her ringtone. Stacy told me about her childhood obsession with N’Sync so it kind of stuck.

  “Hi baby,” I answer in a long breath. Unable to control my excitement.

  Cammy sits up and groans, pulling her dress down over her nakedness. Shit! I fucked up again.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I mouth to Cammy as I hold the phone to my ear with my shoulder and slide my jeans back on, leaving my blue boxers on the deck. She rolls her eyes and exits without a single word, her delicious lips drawn into a taut line.

  I’m in the dog house now.

  “Hi Johnathan,” my Short Stack responds, in a long saddened drawl. She sounds terrible.

  “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Do you need me to come and see you? I can come right now. I miss you so much,” I spill out, sounding as desperate as I feel. I can’t help it. I long for her. Even in my dreams, it’s not my mother’s murder anymore. It’s Emily or the twins. She consumes me, and what part she doesn’t, Cammy fills with her love and support.

  Motherfucker, I’m a real head case.

  I peer over to the glass of lemonade she’d made for me. Did I seriously just stop having sex with my semi-committal secret girlfriend to talk to the woman who’s engaged to her bodyguard and doesn’t want me?

  My gut suddenly twists into wretched pain. I sit down on the lounger and grasp my abs, taking in a long deep breath. It’s confirmed, I’m the biggest piece of shit that’s ever lived. How can I do this to Cammy? I hurt Emily enough. I can’t do this to another woman. A woman who actually cares for me and has helped me so much in life. I don’t know what I would have done without her.