Fashionably Fanged: Book Eight, The Hot Damned Series

by Robyn Peterman

  Tears welled up in my eyes and the need to crawl out of my skin was overwhelming. The anguished expression on his face tore at my breaking non-beating heart. I would never have what Astrid and Ethan had—ever. Defeated, I let my tears fall freely and didn’t try to hide my devastation.

  “Fine,” he growled and began to pace the room in agitation. “You want the whole truth, here it is… you’re not going to like it. You’ve never done anything wrong. Ever. You are so far above the likes of me that it’s absurd. You’re everything to me. I knew you were fated for me when you were human and it killed me to leave after I turned you.”

  I froze and my blood chilled. What the hell was he talking about?

  “I knew if I stayed that I would ruin you, like I’ve ruined everything else I’ve ever touched. I knew my brother Ethan would take good care of you and protect you. Watching over you all these years was easier since I knew where you were. It gave me comfort to watch you from afar and know what an incredible, loving, and deadly woman you’d become.”

  “Back up,” I said, holding on to the arms of the chair so I didn’t fall to the ground. I wanted to scream. Pain radiated through my body as I rocked back and forth in the chair like I did as a child when the injustices of having no control of my destiny tried to break my spirit.

  “You were my savior? You were the man with green eyes who turned me? You were the man I begged to take me with you and you left me?”

  He said nothing, simply nodded with an expression full of regret and pain.

  “You were the one that gave me the gift to avenge my family,” I whispered through my tears. “And then you left me—just like everyone else. You left me alone.”

  I knew his secret. He could shift into other facades. Was the man I knew now the real Gareth or was it the one I knew then?

  “Why? I deserve to know why.”

  “Because I was stupid.”

  “Clearly,” I said in a cold tone. “You owe me more than that.”

  “Because as a young Vampyre, I thought I was invincible. Because I was arrogant and vain enough to think I was stronger than a Demon. Because I made a deal with the Underworld that I lost and bringing you into that was not something I was willing to do.”

  “That should have been my decision to make, not yours,” I said, watching his fury at himself with a sick feeling in my gut. “What happened and why did you chase me these last few months?”

  “I made another deal,” he said, walking over to the wall, cocking his fist back and then thinking better of it. “I told the old women that they couldn’t destroy their suite. Do you mind if I punch a hole in yours?”

  “Go right ahead,” I told him, thinking it was an outstanding idea. “You’ll have to explain the repair bill to your brother.”

  “Trust me, he’ll understand.”

  Gareth violently put his left fist through the wall knocking a large painting to the floor with a crash. He picked the painting up, considered it for a second and then put his right fist though it.

  “It was ugly,” he said with a lopsided grin.

  I had to agree, but I refused to smile at him. I was mad… I hated him… I wanted to hurt him… I wanted him to want me—to love me… I needed therapy. He was a stupid, stupid son of a bitch. What did that make me?

  “The other deal?” I prompted.

  “This time with the Angels—Roberto to be more specific. The best way to beat a Demon is to get into bed with his greatest enemy. So I did. I begged my Father to run the Asian Dominion for me and I trained with the Angels. My family had always known I was a fuck up and I didn’t disappoint. The only one who believed in me was my sister Raquel.”

  “What happened with the Demon?”

  “Demons,” he corrected me.

  “Demons,” I amended.

  “I killed him and then I killed his friend… and his friend… and then his friend—until all that thought they owned me were gone.”

  “Did Satan know?”

  “Are you serious? He presided over it. He was wildly displeased I’d eliminated so many of his top boys. He promised to make my undead life a living Hell and he made good on his word.”

  I digested that silently. Now I understood some of the comments Satan had made about welcoming Gareth back into the fold.

  “Which is another reason I’m tainted and don’t deserve you.”

  He was correct. The Vampyre didn’t deserve me… but he could. Gareth could deserve me, but he had to want it. I couldn’t force that to happen. It had to be his decision. It had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him loving himself.

  The self-destructive ways he’d adopted now made sense. It didn’t excuse his appalling behavior, but I understood it. I’d been wildly self-destructive the first few decades after I’d died. My self-hatred for not dying with my family had led me to horrifying acts I wasn’t at all proud of, but regret was a wasted emotion. I liked the woman I was now and I wouldn’t be her without my past.

  It was Prince Ethan who’d carefully drawn me out of my savage ways and taught me to love myself as I was. Personally, I would have kicked my insolent and wicked self to the curb, but Ethan had seen parts of me that I didn’t know existed. Gareth, in his selfish bastard way, had sent me to the right person at least. I would have been ash centuries ago without Ethan’s patience and care.

  I stared at the man I’d prayed for every night for over two hundred years—the man I’d loved for centuries—and my tears welled back up. Emotions I’d kept locked away roared through my body. Putting the pieces of Gareth together with the man who’d saved me was difficult. Parts of the puzzle were still missing and if he died they could never be found.

  “So you never really left me,” I whispered brokenly.

  “I never left you. You just didn’t know I was near.”

  “Go on.”

  “Eventually Satan felt vindicated and left me be. However, the damage was done. So I did what was expected of a royal and I took back my post of the Asian Dominion. I was able to rectify some of my deplorable behavior to my family by taking over the European Dominion while Raquel was indisposed. I got my shit together and proved to my family that I was a good leader of our people, but…”

  “But?”

  “But I still wasn’t good enough for you.”

  “According to whom?” I demanded harshly. Why was he such an ass?

  “Me,” he said.

  “But you seduced me—slept with me—had sex with me,” I accused, remembering every beautiful moment of something that meant the world to me, but apparently very little to him.

  “No, Venus, I made love to you. You’re the only woman I’ve ever made love to. Sex is a physical release. Making love is not.”

  “Am I supposed to be honored?” I snapped viciously, trying to hurt him the way he’d hurt me.

  “No, but since I might be ash in a week, I want you to know—need you to believe me. It’s just one more fucking selfish thing that I’m doing to you… but I can’t help it. I touched you once and I can’t get away from it. I don’t want to. I want to deserve you.”

  That shut me up and an uncontrollable feeling of terror welled up inside me. I could defeat a physical enemy, but a curse was an invisible foe. A dagger wouldn’t break a curse. And no weapon ever made would destroy Gareth’s self-loathing.

  The miserable, beautiful bastard had to live so he could make all of this shit up to me. It would take decades for him to do that—centuries even. Gareth simply wasn’t allowed to die. I deserved to kick his sorry ass for years for what he’d done to us.

  “You’re a dick.”

  “Is that supposed to be a surprise to me?”

  “Shut up, you asshole. When we slept together, it was perfect—for me. I let guards down that had been in place for over two hundred years. I thought you might be mine and then I saw you with other women.”

  “I thought it better for you to hate me.”

  “Too late, you shit. You should stop thinking—it’
s dangerous to idiots like you. Is this why I can see through the glamour?”

  “Yes. Samuel knew we were fated. He can see things that most Vampyres many times his age can’t.”

  I mulled this over and realized there was more. The Vampyre was no longer going to get away with omission. “What’s the other way to break the curse?”

  He silently walked over to the wall again and beat the hell out of it. I was surprised that security hadn’t shown up, but maybe the hotel was run by Vamps and this was par for the course.

  “The other way to break the curse is not going to happen.”

  “Fine,” I said, frustrated. “But I want to know what it is. All of your plans thus far have sucked. I get a say in this.”

  “You don’t.”

  “You are not the boss of me,” I shouted. “I’m a grown woman with a past that’s not pretty. You don’t win for the worst choices in life. As far as I’m concerned, the evil playing field is fairly even. And you know it’s equally as horrific for most of the undead, so that regret of yours is not gonna fly. You will answer me. You owe me that much.”

  “Can you stand up?” he asked.

  “Why?”

  “I need to break something else and that chair is ghastly,” he replied.

  I made an ungodly heroic attempt to hold my laughter back, but failed. Getting up from the chair, which I had to agree was unattractive, I backed away and let him have at it.

  “Better?” I asked with a little smile pulling at my lips after he’d demolished it.

  “Much.” He nodded, took my hand and led me to the still pristine and intact couch.

  Running his hands through his hair, he settled himself and stared off into the distance for a moment.

  “If we had mated, it might have broken the curse.”

  “You’re kidding,” I said, wanted to punch his head like he’d punched the wall.

  “I’m not. However, it’s not proven. Such a curse has never existed until now and it’s an educated guess that joining with my True Mate would break it.”

  “But it could,” I said, watching him closely as the needles under my skin ramped up to something almost painful. “This is a no brainer. I want to mate with you. You’ll have to earn my trust after the fact. It’s going to be Hell for you, but as much as I hate your guts, I also love you. I always have. I just didn’t know it was you.”

  “Venus.” He took my face in his strong hands and pressed his lips to mine.

  The feeling of being home was so very real. The kiss was full of promise and regret. It was so exquisitely gentle and loving my eyes welled with tears.

  “The stay Satan gave me on my illness negates the effect that mating would have accomplished,” he said quietly.

  God, all the cryptic pieces were coming together.

  “No,” I said desperately, placing my hands over his. “I heard Satan say might. It might negate it. Please. Let’s try.”

  “I don’t deserve you,” he growled. “The answer is no. The stay gave me a week. I’ll die if we don’t get Vlad and the Angel and break the curse. If we mate, you will follow me in death. It’s the way our world works. So no. The only way I can accept my fate is to know that you’ll go on.”

  “And you think I’ll want to go on without you?” I demanded. My voice broke with the emotion spilling out of me. How could he be so stupid? “You’re playing God. You’re not God.”

  “You’re correct. I’m not God. I’m a very bad Vampyre in love with a beautiful and good woman—a perfect treasure who I will not destroy. You have to understand me,” he pled. “Please Venus. Very little would make my existence untenable. Knowing I was the cause of your death is that thing.”

  “There are many kinds of death,” I said sadly, knowing I would honor his request. “You’re killing me right now.”

  “Then help me get Vlad. It’s the only way that we can win and you can put me through the ringer for the next decade.”

  “It’s gonna take far more than a decade for you to make this shit right with me,” I warned him, feeling a tiny flame of hope in my chest.

  “A century?” he asked with a sexy little grin that made me tingle.

  “At least. Will you stay with me tonight?” I asked in a small whisper.

  “Yes. God knows I don’t deserve you, but I can’t stay away anymore.” He smiled and touched my lips reverently with his finger. The relief that shot through me made my body sag into the couch. “You may think I’m your savior from long ago, but you’re actually my savior, beautiful girl.”

  Leaning into him and resting my head on his chest felt scary and new. It also felt right.

  “Can I trust you?” I asked.

  “The question is can you forgive me?” he said. “My past is my past. I’m not proud of it, but I also can’t change it. I’ll give you no excuses because they’re cheap, but I can tell you no one will ever love you like I can.”

  “I’m not interested in rehashing the past. It never gets anyone anywhere. I just want to be very clear that I don’t share. If I commit to you, you’re mine.”

  “Venus.” He took my chin in his hands and raised my eyes to his. “Can I tell you a story?”

  “Fiction or non-fiction?” I asked narrowing my eyes a little.

  “Non-fiction.”

  “Happy ending?” I asked, feeling nervous. Was he going to tell me something that would be a deal breaker?

  “The ending will be yours to choose,” he replied, looking more vulnerable than I’d ever seen him.

  “I like happily ever afters,” I whispered, getting lost in his mesmerizing blue eyes.

  Nodding and planting a sweet kiss on my lips, I watched him screw up his courage. It was strange and wonderful and somewhat disconcerting. Even if he shared some thing awful, maybe I could try to understand. Maybe.

  “I trained with the Angels forty years ago. During that time I chose to take a vow of celibacy. I’ve kept that vow because I’d always used sex as a drug to numb my fucked up reality. I was dead inside. Roberto, as much of a pompous ass as he is—and trust me, he’s a grandiose son of a bitch—saw through me unlike anyone ever had. I’ll forever be indebted to him. The first time I broke my vow was with you.”

  I stared in shock and felt something lift from my soul. I was giddy and lightheaded.

  “I beat myself up about it. I’m still not sure it’s right you be involved with me, but…”

  “But what,” I asked, tangling my fingers in his hair and memorizing the feel of the silky strands. He was so mine.

  “But, I’m in love with you. I’ve always been in love with you,” he whispered, closing his eyes and enjoying my touch. “I’m a selfish man. I will always have a sordid past, but I left it behind.”

  “Your past is forgiven, Gareth,” I said as his eyes snapped open and searched my face with wonder. “I haven’t exactly been a saint. Can’t say I was as hookery as you…”

  “Thank God for that,” he muttered. “Not that it would matter—much,” he said with a grin as I punched his arm lightly. “Today matters.”

  “The past can live in the past. I want my future with the arrogant ass who makes me feel alive. I choose to end the story with a happily ever after—or rather start a new one.”

  “The arrogant ass is the luckiest man in the world.”

  “I’d rather be lucky than good any day,” I said with a laugh as he pulled me to him and wrapped his arms tightly around my trembling body.

  “Can we have sex tonight?” I asked with a giggle.

  “We can make love,” he correct me with a raised brow and a wide grin. “No biting though.”

  “Deal.”

  He reluctantly pulled back, but kept his hands on me. “I need to case the auditorium and the hotel. I’ll be back within the hour. “Get naked.”

  I nodded, because words escaped me. I couldn’t have his soul yet, but I needed his body like I needed blood. He was necessary to me. And I loved him.

  “God, I feel strange,” Gareth
said, pausing at the doorway of my suite.

  “You feel sicker?” I asked alarmed. Satan had promised us a week.

  “No.” He turned and stared at me in amazement. His smile was devastating and it undid me completely. “I believe I’m happy,” he whispered. “You make me so happy.”

  On that wonderful note, he turned and left.

  It wasn’t even close to the mating fairytale I’d created in my mind. It was complicated and messy and potentially disastrous.

  But it was mine—he was mine. And us being together was my version of perfect.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The scratching on my door made me roll my eyes. Gareth had only just left and he’d taken a key so I knew he wasn’t the culprit. Besides, I’d unlocked the door between our suites. I expected he’d use that in an hour.

  Thankfully Tiara didn’t know my room number, so she was out.

  That left the dingbats. Why they were at the front door to my suite was a mystery since our rooms were connected. Back at the Cressida House they had a bad habit of playing Ding Dong Ditch. They’d been put in time out on numerous occasions for the juvenile game. Normally, I’d kick their ass for goofing around on a mission, but tonight was anything but normal.

  Gareth wasn’t the only one who was over the moon happy. I was stupidly giddy and counting down the minutes until he came back. Martha and Jane would get a stern talking to and then be sent back to bed.

  Yanking open the door with eyebrows raised and lips compressed, I was surprised they weren’t standing there giggling. They were notoriously bad at the Ditch part of the game. Getting busted was half the fun for the old dorks.

  But it wasn’t Martha and Jane at my door. On the floor at my feet, bleeding profusely and beaten within an inch of her life, was the woman I’d wanted dead by my own hand.

  Claudia lay in a heap in the hallway, moaning and trying to crawl to her room.

  “Holy shit,” I muttered as I quickly looked both right and left to make sure she was alone.

  She was. She was also so close to death it would take very little to end her.