Fashionably Fanged: Book Eight, The Hot Damned Series

by Robyn Peterman

  “I’m all yours,” she said kindly.

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  She nodded and waited patiently.

  “Do I have any… um,” This was stupid. I’d be sad if she answered negatively and sad if she didn’t. I should leave it alone, but… “I was wondering if I… Actually, never mind.”

  Claudia stopped me from walking away with a firm hand. Pulling me over to a settee and gently pushing me down, she seated herself next to me.

  “Your oldest sister had a daughter that survived. The baby was taken from her at birth and raised in the main house to eventually become a maid.”

  My stomach lurched and a shudder of regret rocked me to the core. “I didn’t know,” I whispered. “I remember she had a child, but I was only a child myself… and then the baby was gone.”

  Claudia nodded and wrapped her arms around me. She held me until I stopped shaking and then left her hand lightly on my arm.

  “What was her name?” I asked.

  “She went by Baby until the day she died. She was a strong and wonderful woman. I loved her. She got married and had six children.”

  “Did she live as a slave?”

  “No, she didn’t. After the bastard died by your hand, I made sure all of the slaves on the plantation were freed. She settled with her family in Alabama.”

  “Do I…”

  “You do. And they are a varied and loving bunch. You have a great-great-grandniece who’s a doctor. Two great-great-grandnephews who are lawyers specializing in social work. Most still reside in the Alabama area—they’re good people. They would make you proud.”

  “I want to see them,” I said as a terrified excitement stole over me. I felt light headed and like I was in a dream.

  Claudia smiled and touched my cheek. “That can be arranged. They know me as a human rights activist. I’ve been able to interact on a limited basis over the years that way. As long as you can hold yourself together, you can come with me next time.”

  I needed to absorb the information so I didn’t lose my mind when I saw them. There was no way they could understand our connection. No way in Hell.

  “I would like that,” I said quietly, still trying to grasp the concept that I had living family. “Claudia, I’d like to be the one to support them.”

  “Your family is doing very well. Your line hasn’t needed much financial support from me in ages, but there are others who do.”

  “It would be my honor to take some of that burden away.”

  “I assure you it’s not a burden,” she said. “But I would be happy to share the privilege with you.”

  Hugging her tight, I laid my head on her shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I’m sorry too, but the past is what it is. It’s the past. It’s the future that matters. Right?”

  Pulling back I stared at her lovely features. “Right. Will your future include the loud mouthed woman who adores you?”

  She laughed and let her head fall back on her shoulders. “Yes. Yes it will. Tiara has convinced me that I won’t bring her down, and honestly I don’t want to live without her.”

  “Good. That makes me happy.”

  “And you’ll be going to Japan?”

  “In a month.” I nodded and glanced around the garish ballroom with a grin. “I need to train the girls, and then Gareth and I will go.”

  “And in a few minutes he’s really going to… um,” she stumbled over the term for what Gareth was about to do because it was so outlandish.

  “Yep. He most certainly is. Come on,” I said, pulling her to her feet. “We do not want to miss this.”

  Mother Nature’s entrance was all I expected it to be and more.

  A glittery peach haze erupted from of the ceiling and rained down on the surprised Vampyres in the ballroom. Several of the floor to ceiling windows blew out and I heard Ethan cursing up a storm. The D’s and handlers bunched together in fear, but the rest of us simply rolled our eyes and waited for more. There was always more.

  Mother Nature didn’t like to disappoint. And she wasn’t going to start this evening.

  I hopped to my left as a massive flowering tree exploded out of the floor and yanked Claudia to safety as a flock of wildly colorful birds zipped through the room dive bombing all in their path. The beginning notes of Queen’s We Will Rock You echoed through the vast ballroom and I scrubbed my hands over my eyes to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing.

  I was. Oh my God, I was.

  “I thought he was dead,” Tiara gasped out, pointing and jumping around like a teenager at a rock concert.

  “He a Vampyre,” I shouted over the music. It was so loud I could feel the drums reverberating through my body. “The whole band is!”

  Freddy Mercury was in rare form in a sparkling blue unitard with enormous white sunglasses and stiletto boots that made me jealous. The band descended from the ceiling on a magical cloud of in the shape of a guitar. It shimmered and winked as it landed softly in the middle of the array of stripper poles. This was going to be a bitch to clean up.

  Satan let out a girly scream and tried to hide his massive frame behind his newly discovered niece. “No one told me she was coming,” he said looking terrified.

  “Who are you talking about?” Tiara asked him, beginning to look frightened herself.

  I mean who wouldn’t? If someone scared the Devil, they must be pretty horrifying.

  “Uh oh,” Astrid said, sneaking up behind us and walloping Satan in the back of the head. “Looks like someone might have forgotten his Sunday call to his mother.”

  “This isn’t funny,” he hissed. “She’s horrible and mean. And I haven’t called her in a month. This is very dangerous.”

  “Pot, kettle, black,” Astrid said with a laugh. “She’s coming and you’re staying.”

  “Who is he talking about?” Tiara whispered to me.

  “Mother Nature—his mom,” I whispered back.

  “I’m calling in a favor,” Satan insisted, while trying to make his large frame smaller.

  Impossible.

  “Fine,” Astrid groused with an eye roll. “What do you want?”

  “I want you to protect me from her,” he said. “You owe me.”

  “That will cost you three favors,” she bargained with a delighted clap of her hands.

  “Damn it,” he swore. “How many do you owe me?”

  “I owe you three as you very well know,” she replied knowing she had him by the balls.

  “I call bullshit,” he hissed. “You’re taking advantage of me.”

  “I learned from the best.” She shrugged and grinned. “What’s it gonna be, Uncle Lucifer? Favors or the wrath of your mommy?”

  “You win,” he snapped, but with a smile of admiration at her besting him on his face. “But I won’t forget this.”

  “I wouldn’t expect you to,” she shot back as Tiara and Claudia watched the exchange with mouths agape.

  “Apropos of nothing, do you know how to write?” he inquired. “You’re constantly reading all those trashy romance novels.”

  “Okay, that was kind of random and they’re not trashy,” Astrid informed him with an eye roll. “They’re fun and why in the Hell would you think I can write? Because I can read?”

  “Well, yes,” he shot back defensively. “I’m looking for a ghost writer.”

  “For?” she asked with narrowed eyes.

  “For my autobiography. There’s so much misinformation out there on me. I thought I’d straighten the masses out, by letting them know my point of view on my favorite subject.”

  “And that would be you?” Tiara chimed in with a smirk.

  “But of course,” he replied with a devastating grin. “I’m the most interesting person I know. Astrid, we shall discuss this later.”

  “How about we discuss it when Hell freezes over?” she suggested.

  “It’s getting a bit chilly down under,” he told her with a wink. “May I hide in Ethan’s office? I prom
ise not to borrow anything.”

  Astrid brows were raised and she couldn’t disguise her grin. “And I’m supposed to believe that bullshit?”

  “Of course not, darling niece. See you soon.”

  With that, he disappeared in a blast of black glitter.

  “You’re so screwed,” I told Astrid with a laugh. “Completely screwed.”

  “Tell me something I don’t know. Can you believe that idiot wants me to write his autobiography? He’s going to be so sorry.”

  “Is that even allowed?” I asked imagining the reaction of the human world—not that they’d believe it was real, but…

  “I’m sure it’s not, but I’ll deal with that later. Uncle God will have a freakin’ hissy fit. Forget about that,” Astrid said, punching my arm with glee. “You ready to see your man take on a pole?”

  I laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of what was about to go down. “I can’t believe you were able to force him to do this.” I marveled at my best friend’s ability to get people to do what she wanted.

  “A deal’s a deal, and I still owe you a shopping spree, but I didn’t have to force him. By the way, it’s basically impossible to force Gareth to do anything he doesn’t want to do—just in case you didn’t already know. All I had to say was that you wanted him to pole dance and he was in. That man has it really bad. Ethan thinks he’s nuts.”

  “He is,” I agreed. “And he’s mine.”

  Never did I think I would say those words in reference to Gareth, but it completed my soul to be able to say it and know in my heart it was true. I was going to have my happily ever after. Of course he had a tremendous amount of penance to pay, but I looked forward to that too—make up sex was awesome.

  “Holy shit,” Tiara yelled, pointing to the ceiling as Queen began to sing We Are The Champions. “Unreal.”

  Tiara was correct. Floating down from the ceiling were two clouds of glittering magic. One hosted a beaming Mother Nature clad in a something she must have borrowed from Martha and Jane. Her exquisite loveliness was breathtaking, but the outfit was gag inducing. The yellow and orange sequined boob tube clashed horribly with her red hair and the bright green assless chaps hurt my brain. It was a total train wreck. However, my eyes were drawn to the performer on the other cloud.

  His eyes bored into mine and his grin was positively feral. My hand went to my mouth and it was all I could do not to fly up to that cloud and attack him—in a very inappropriate way.

  “Dang, he’s hot and I don’t even go for that,” Tiara muttered as Claudia elbowed her with a giggle.

  She was correct. Gareth was hotter than Hades on the summer solstice. Wearing only loose fitting pants and a grin that melted my panties, he was every kind of sex on a stick I could have dreamed up. His skin glistened and his gorgeous muscles were defined to perfection.

  “I greased him up,” Martha announced proudly, joining our group with Jane in tow. “Fucker didn’t want me to, but I got him.”

  “Bastard’s fast,” Jane agreed with a grunt. “Had to chase him down for an hour to get the baby oil even.”

  “I’m sorry, what?” I stammered trying to picture the reality of what they’d just shared.

  “Yep,” Jane confirmed. “And if I were you guys, I’d stay out of the training facility until someone can mop that shit up. It’s like a goddamned slip and slide in there. Dang near lost my undead life trying to get out of that mess.”

  “You greased Gareth?” Astrid asked, shocked. “And you’re still alive?”

  “Looks that way to me, Knockers McChesticle,” Martha shouted over the music that was increasing in volume.

  “We also dressed Mother Nature. That gal is a fucking hoot,” Jane added.

  Everything about this moment was so wrong and at the same time so right. I was with the people I loved and I had a beautiful future in front of me.

  Not to mention I was about to see my man pole dance with Mother Nature. Unfreakinbelievable.

  And then the show no one thought would ever happen started.

  Hot didn’t begin to cover watching my man work the pole like a Chippendale’s sex god. Mother Nature only fell off her pole three times—this was good for her—normally she hit the floor at least six times. Gareth, ever the gentleman, helped her back on every time she took a spill. He was earning very big points from the mother of God and Satan. I had a sneaking suspicion he’d use his newfound popularity with the insanely delightful nut job to avoid having to pay up on the favors owed to Satan.

  My man was all kinds of smart and all kinds of sexy.

  And he was mine. Forever and ever.

  And I was happy. My new nickname, bestowed upon me by the love of my undead life fit like a glove. I was Happiness. I would always be Happiness with Gareth at my side.

  Once upon a time there was a girl and a boy.

  He had loved her always and she had loved the boy as well even though she didn’t know it was him until almost too late.

  It took them many long years to get it right, but when they finally did…it was magic.

  Happiness was theirs. They deserved it and they were humbled by it.

  It was also very very hot.

  Even though they still disagreed on a daily basis, they didn’t mind because make up sex rocked.

  And as in most wonderful Fairy tales—or Vampyre tales to be more accurate—they lived happily ever after and after and after and after.

  --- The End… for now ---

  Note From The Author

  If you enjoyed this ebook, please consider leaving a positive review or rating on the site where you purchased it. Reader reviews help my books continue to be valued by resellers and help new readers make decisions about reading them.

  You are the reason I write these stories and I sincerely appreciate each of you!

  Many thanks for your support,

  ~ Robyn Peterman

  KEEP READING in this ebook to see some first book excerpts from Robyn’s other series.

  Join Robyn’s mailing list to receive updates!

  What’s Next In The HOT DAMNED Series?

  FASHIONABLY FABULOUS, BOOK 9

  Join Robyn’s mailing list to receive updates!

  Excerpt: A Tale Of Two Witches

  Magic and Mayhem, Book Four

  COMING SOON!

  Chapter One

  “My Virginia has a heart beat,” I whispered, keeping my stance very wide. “I think I made a huge mistake.”

  Standing in the bright airy kitchen of my BFF’s house, I decided to come clean. Zelda was a healer witch and I was definitely in the market for some magical restoration.

  “I’m going to ask a question I really don’t want the answer to,” Zelda said, pulling on her wild curly red hair and staring at me like I’d grown two heads.

  I got that look a lot—from everyone. Whatever. I was fairly certain I was clear. I wasn’t sure how much clearer I could get than telling her my girly parts had a pulse.

  “Go ahead,” I told her, holding my position. It was the only one that was working at the moment.

  “Why does your nether region have a heartbeat?”

  “If you’re going to speak French, I’m going to zap a massive hairy wart onto your chin. I’m having a crisis here,” I squeaked. “I’m talking about my va-jay-jay, not the weather season, for the love of the Goddess.”

  “I said… never mind,” Zelda grumbled.

  I was pretty sure she was trying not to laugh. This was not a laughing matter. At all.

  “I went to the Hooch sisters,” I confessed, going ghostly pale at the recent memory.

  “You did not,” Zelda groaned with a wince.

  “I did,” I admitted, hanging my head in mortification.

  It was not my best move, but I did it and I had to own it. My weather seasons were not going to let me forget it anytime soon.

  “What were you thinking?” Zelda gasped and grabbed the table so her knees didn’t give out.

  “I don’t know,” I sa
id, beginning to pace and then thought better of it. Movement was not my friend in this predicament. “I thought it would be sexy—that Jeeves would think it was hot. Goddess, I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I wasn’t thinking at all.”

  “Well there’s something new,” Zelda mumbled.

  “I suppose I wanted to surprise Jeeves. He’s a total lights on kind of kangaroo. I thought an unvarnished Virginia would be a turn on.”

  “Did you just say unvarnished?”

  “I did.”

  “Okay, never ever put the visual of you and Jeeves in any kind of compromising position in my head again. Furthermore, never refer to your bits being unvarnished in my presence in this lifetime. If you do, I’ll turn your blonde hair green. You’re a witch. Why would you go to the Hooch sisters when you could have done a little voodoo on your hoohoo and gotten the same result without having to walk like you’ve been riding a horse for a month straight.”

  Dang, she had me there.

  “Well, I heard Wanda and DeeDee talking about it and I just…” I trailed off.

  I had done a tremendous about of stupid things in my twenty-nine and three quarters years on the earth, but this may have taken the cake. Ever since spending nine months in the pokey for misuse of magic—or rather a penchant for blowing up buildings and stealing other witches boyfriends, I’d gotten a little bored and craved excitement. However, getting a Brazilian from the masochistic Hooch sisters was too much excitement even for me.

  “Let me get this straight,” Zelda said, taking a seat at the table and staring up at the ceiling. “You got your lady bits waxed and now said bits have a heartbeat?”

  “Yessss. And it hurt like a mother humper. Those sisters are violent. They threw me all over the table and then they…”

  “Stop,” Zelda shouted, slapping her hands over her ears. “I do not want to have to go back to therapy because your Virginia got a hair cut. Trust me, I can imagine—no need to narrate.”