Too Far to Whisper

by Arianna Eastland

  Stretching, Rosalind looked about the room. She spotted Shadow seated before the hearth. His back was to her and he appeared to be lost in thought, gazing into the fire as he sipped from a mug he held clasped between his hands.

  “Shadow?” she whispered, sitting up.

  He turned and smiled at her. “I thought you were going to sleep all day. The hour approaches noon.”

  Rosalind was surprised by his statement. “Never have I slept more soundly,” she said. “And you? Did you sleep well? I am sorry you had to make your bed on the floor.”

  Shadow shrugged. “I can sleep on rocks, if necessary.”

  “Aye, I know that from traveling with you these past few days!” She allowed her eyes to sweep over him. He looked freshly scrubbed, clad in a loose-fitting white shirt, which she guessed had been donated by Adam, over his leather breeches. His hair fell loosely past his shoulders. Rosalind’s heartbeat quickened as she recalled the way his hair had felt when she had run her hands through it the day before. Unexpectedly, she found herself battling the sudden urge to brazenly invite him to join her in the bed.

  “Where is Adam?” she asked instead, her eyes darting about.

  “He has gone to gather supplies for my journey. Time grows short ere I must depart.”

  Rosalind’s eyebrows arched. “Then you have decided to stow away aboard the Conway?”

  He nodded. “You and Adam have managed to convince me it might be a wise idea.”

  “I am so relieved!” Rosalind breathed. “Knowing you will be safely away from here – far from all of this madness – will make my life much more bearable. If you had decided to remain here, no doubt I would have worried myself into an early grave.”

  Shadow smiled slightly. “Well, now you will have no reason to worry.”

  In truth, he had no intention of sailing to England, but he was not about to confess that fact to either Rosalind or Adam. Earlier that morning, as he and Adam had shared breakfast, Adam had mentioned that the Conway would briefly drop anchor in Boston ere it sailed to England. Shadow had found that bit of news most intriguing. In fact, the information had swayed his decision to make plans to stow away – but only as far as Boston, and only to appease Rosalind. When the ship anchored in Boston, he planned to disembark and circle back to the Corwins’. He calculated that by sailing, he would gain time and arrive there ere Rosalind did. Then he secretly would keep an eye on her. His instincts rarely were wrong, and they clearly were telling him she soon would be in need of his assistance again…and he was determined to be nearby when she did. Besides, he reasoned, what better place to hide from the Corwins than on their own property? It was unlikely they would think to search for him right under their very noses.

  Shadow stared at Rosalind, who did not seem at all eager to leave the comfort of Adam’s bed. “Hungry?” he asked her.

  “A bit,” she answered, although in truth, her appetite had vanished with Shadow’s announcement that he planned to board the ship within hours. A part of her was relieved he had decided to heed her advice and begin a new life abroad, but a much larger part was deeply saddened by the thought that never again would she see him…or touch him.

  “There is bacon, bread and cheese,” Shadow offered, pointing at each item as he named it. “Oh, and pottage left from last night.”

  “Bread and cheese will be fine,” Rosalind said, tossing the quilt aside and swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. “I cannot believe how swiftly time flew while I slept.” Under her breath, she cursed herself for having slept away precious hours she could have been spending with Shadow.

  “Adam set out some of his wife’s garments for you.” Shadow nodded at the bench where they lay. His eyes skimmed over Rosalind as she stood. “Perhaps you should get dressed ere he returns.” He concealed a smile as he added, “Were it up to me, however, I would prefer you to remain in that nightdress.”

  Rosalind rolled her eyes and moved to snatch the garments from the bench. “Turn your head,” she said.

  Shadow complied as she donned the garments. When she was fully dressed, she walked over to the hearth, where Shadow was seated. His expression clearly displayed his opinion of her garb – and unflattering, voluminous brown dress with a square white bib and a matching white apron.

  “If you were to present that dress to the women in my village,” he commented, “they would use it for a wigwam.”

  Rosalind giggled. “I fear that Esther Stoddard’s proportions are far more generous than my own.” She tugged at the extra folds of cloth that hung around her trim waist.

  “Well, then, I suggest you eat something so you can better fill out that dress.”

  Sighing, Rosalind moved to take a seat at the table. “Have you eaten?” she asked as she reached for a piece of bread.

  He nodded. “Hours ago.”

  Rosalind nibbled absently on the bread while Shadow sat silently watching her. She was reminded of the night Nathaniel had stared at her throughout supper, but oddly, she did not mind Shadow’s gaze. In fact, she rather enjoyed receiving his attention. After several minutes passed, Rosalind set down the remainder of her bread and lifted her eyes to meet Shadow’s. “What will happen to you if you are discovered hiding aboard the ship?” she asked.

  “I am too cunning to get caught.” His tone exuded confidence. “Do not concern yourself.”

  “You got caught stealing a sheep,” she reminded him. “And look what occurred because of it.”

  “A torture worse than any I could have imagined,” he said, his dark eyes teasing. “My path crossed with yours.”

  The door swung open, giving them both a start. Adam, his arms laden with supplies, struggled through the doorway and into the room. Shadow leapt to his feet and closed the door behind him, then assisted him with his bundles.

  “Did you arouse any suspicion in town?” Shadow asked.

  “Nay,” Adam said. He seated himself on one of the stools. “’Tis not uncommon for me to stock up on supplies.”

  “I am indebted to you,” Shadow said. “And I vow I shall find some way to repay you.”

  “’Tis the least I can do for a dear friend,” Adam said. “The only payment I shall require is your safe escape.”

  * * * * *

  After the three had supped on boiled venison and vegetables later that afternoon, Adam rose from the table, rubbed his rounded stomach and announced that he was going to the tavern.

  “I wish to keep a close eye on the activity there,” he said, turning to face Shadow, “while you make your escape.” He paused before adding, “I suggest you prepare to take your leave within the next hour.”

  Rosalind was unable to hide her concern as she stared at Shadow. “Are you certain you can safely board the ship without being detected?”

  “I am,” he assured her.

  “You are distressing yourself for naught, child,” Adam said. “I assure you, Shadow will slip aboard that ship tonight as easily as if he were a seasoned member of the crew.”

  Rosalind sighed. “I pray you are right.”

  “Now if you two youngsters will excuse me,” Adam said, “I shall be on my way.” He extended his hand to Shadow, who stood and grasped it for a vigorous handshake. “Godspeed, my lad. And do not concern yourself about Rosalind. I shall make certain she is safely returned to Eastwell.”

  “I cannot thank you enough, Adam,” Shadow said. He clasped the man’s shoulder. “But remember, you must tell no one you saw me. You will say Rosalind came to your door, alone, seeking help in the night after I abandoned her. The last thing I would want is for you to get into trouble with the law for aiding me.” He turned to look at Rosalind. “And you must tell the same story when you are later questioned about how you came to be here. I was never here. You must see to it that Adam shall be known only for helping you…not for helping a criminal.”

  Rosalind nodded. She did not even want to think about returning to Eastwell or of the lies she would be forced to tell about Shadow to protect herse
lf and her family. The mere thought of it distressed her.

  Adam directed his next words to Rosalind as he moved toward the door. “After Shadow’s departure this eve, latch the door behind him and open it to no one until my return. Understand?”

  “Yes, sir,” Rosalind said.

  * * * * *

  Methodically, Shadow laid out his supplies, then rolled them in a blanket and secured the roll with long strips of leather. Rosalind sat near the fire and watched him in heavy-hearted silence. Over and over again, she cursed herself for the way she had destroyed his life. Because of her, he now would be condemned to spend the rest of his days in an unfamiliar land instead of fulfilling his destiny as the future chief of his people. She could not understand why Shadow did not resent her, even hate her, for all the trouble she had caused him.

  When Shadow completed his packing, he paused, his hands planted on his hips, and assessed his work. Satisfied that everything was secure and he had forgotten nothing, he turned to look at Rosalind. Her hands were folded in her lap and her head was bowed. Although faint, Shadow detected the soft sound of weeping.

  He approached the stool where she sat, and knelt before her. Taking her chin in his hand, he gently lifted it until he could see her tear-streaked face. “Do not weep,” he whispered.

  “Oh, Shadow!” She flung her arms around his neck and pressed her cheek to his shoulder. “I shall miss you so much!”

  “Do you wish me to remember you this way?” he softly asked, stroking her hair. “With tears and sorrow?”

  “Nay,” she whispered against his shirt. “But at present, I can find little reason to smile.” Sniffling, she released her grasp on him and pulled away just far enough to allow him to see her face. “Will you not miss me even a little, Shadow? I cannot tell by your expression what you are thinking. Are you conditioned to feel no emotion?”

  He stiffened slightly. “I feel many emotions,” he said, “but I keep them here.” With his clenched fist, he touched his chest near his heart.

  “I envy you,” Rosalind said, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “Of late, I seem incapable of concealing any of my feelings.”

  “You have been through much,” he said. “But you must be strong, especially now. Soon, you must answer to the Corwins. No doubt it will be very trying for you.”

  “That it will,” she said, sighing. “I suspect, however, that my false tales of being taken hostage by you will prove to be not even the slightest bit convincing.”

  “I have every faith in you.” He smiled slightly. “Besides that, how can they possibly disbelieve someone who possesses a face as innocent as yours?”

  Rosalind managed a shaky smile. Shadow’s gaze was so intense, she felt as if she were being pulled into it. He rose to his feet and she stood with him, still clinging to him.

  She felt his hand cup the side of her face. Tilting her head to the side, she closed her eyes and rubbed her cheek against his strong fingers. She drew a long breath. The moment she had been dreading since the night they had fled the stables together had arrived. Shadow was about to leave her…forever. She felt as if she were losing a piece of her very soul.

  Shadow removed his hand from Rosalind’s cheek and moved a few inches away from her. “I must go now,” he said.

  Her eyes flew open. “Please…not yet!”

  He leaned toward her and silenced her with a kiss – a gentle, undemanding kiss that lacked the passion of the others they had shared…a kiss of farewell.

  Abruptly, he stepped away from her and silently moved toward the door, then lifted his pack and flung it over his shoulder. He paused with his hand on the door’s latch and turned to look at Rosalind.

  “Remember…be strong,” he said.

  Before she could respond, he was gone.

  * * * * *

  Rosalind did not know how long she stood there, staring at the door, silently willing it to open.

  “He is gone,” she at last said aloud, as if she believed hearing the words spoken would serve to more easily convince her of their truth. Following Adam’s instructions, she latched the door and then flung herself across the bed. Never had she felt so empty, so lost. She had been with Shadow every day and night since Jonathan’s death – eating together, sleeping together, talking about their lives…and inciting each other’s passion. Now, there was nothing left but a painful void. She realized that a part of her would forever belong to Shadow, no matter what the future held. Already she regretted that she had not become one with him in every sense of the word. Emotionally, she and Shadow had shared so much, but physically, they had only sampled the pleasures she was certain they could have given each other.

  None of it mattered now anyway, Rosalind thought, swallowing against the lump in her throat. Soon she would be sharing Nathaniel’s bed, where whatever pleasures that might be experienced would solely be his. The thought of Nathaniel kissing her and touching her in the way Shadow had, did naught but turn her blood to ice. Nathaniel had told her she would grow to love him in time, but she knew it was impossible – not when she loved…

  Rosalind gasped and abruptly sat up as the truth struck her. “Dear Lord, I have fallen in love with Shadow!”

  The admission seemed inconceivable, even to her own ears. She had spent the past six years determined not to allow any man to enter her heart or to penetrate the wall she so carefully had constructed around it, yet, somehow Shadow had managed to weaken that resolve in just a few short days.

  Hugging the bed pillow to her chest, Rosalind pressed her cheek to it and wept. The last time she had experienced such a deep sense of loss was when her father passed away. In many ways, she thought, the losses were similar. She had dearly loved her father, and now, she loved Shadow…yet she never would see either man again.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Rosalind was awakened by a knock at the door. She struggled to open her eyes and for a moment, forgot where she was. She thought she still was lying out in the woods and would roll over to see Shadow, sleeping next to her. Instead, she realized she was alone, in Adam Stoddard’s bed. She could not speculate how much time had elapsed since Shadow had left and she had cried herself to sleep. It might have been only minutes…or hours.

  Yawning, she padded across the floor and lifted the door latch, all the while hoping Adam had not been left standing outside too long before his knocking had roused her. She pulled open the door only a crack, then turned and went to warm herself by the hearth. Although the night was warm, Rosalind felt chilled. Shivering, she extended her hands toward the dwindling blaze.

  Behind her, the door creaked open, then closed. “I am sorry to disturb you at this late hour, Ma’am,” a male voice apologized, “but I have been informed by several townsfolk that your husband is somewhat of an authority on the Indians in these parts, and I desperately seek his advice.”

  Rosalind froze, her heart hammering in her chest. She could not respond, could not breathe. She knew the voice, and she was ill prepared to face the man who possessed it. Slowly, and with her eyes closed, she turned to face the intruder.

  “Rosalind!” Nathaniel’s voice held stunned disbelief. “Dear Lord in heaven! You are safe!”

  Her eyes flew open just at Nathaniel’s arms surrounded her, pulling against him with such force, she feared her ribs might crack. “I cannot believe my good fortune!” He planted several kisses on the top of her head as he held her. “I have searched endlessly for you. I cannot remember when last I ate or slept, I have been so consumed with my need to find you!”

  Rosalind managed to disentangle herself from Nathaniel’s grasp long enough to observe that his dark-ringed eyes and haggard appearance confirmed his statement. His hair was a mass of tangles, and several days’ growth of beard covered his face. Had she not recognized his voice, she might have mistaken her own betrothed for a stranger.

  “Are you all right?” Nathaniel questioned her. His eyes swept over her red, puffy eyes, unkempt hair and Esther’s unflattering frock. “Are you
safe here? Where is the Indian?”

  “I am fine,” Rosalind responded. “The Indian is far from here, and Mr. Stoddard, who lives here, has been naught but kind to me.”

  Nathaniel’s expression reflected his concern. He hesitated for several moments before he asked, “The Indian, did he…harm you in any way?”

  Rosalind momentarily considered telling Nathaniel that Shadow had indeed had his way with her, over and over again. She knew that the moment the words slipped from her lips, her betrothal to the captain would be a thing of the past. But could the same be said of her father’s debt? Although she was tempted to find out, she could not bring herself to accuse Shadow of violating her. It was going to be difficult enough to tell falsehoods about Jonathan’s death and being taken hostage, without adding rape to Shadow’s list of alleged crimes. “The Indian harmed me not,” she finally answered.

  Nathaniel released a long breath and ran his hand over his unshaven face. “Thank the Lord,” he murmured. Taking Rosalind by the hand, he led her to one of the benches, then sat down and pulled her down beside him. He turned to look at her. “Tell me everything,” he urged, staring unblinkingly at her. “I wish to know all of the details of how you came to be here.”

  Rosalind folded her trembling hands in her lap. Nathaniel’s unanticipated arrival had caught her ill prepared to relate a convincing tale about her time with Shadow. The mere thought of having to depict him as some bloodthirsty, cold-hearted savage, when he had shown her naught but kindness and respect, caused her stomach to knot. She realized, however, that she must heed Shadow’s last words to her and be strong. For the sake of her mother’s and sisters’ futures, she had to allow everyone to believe she had been taken hostage. As Shadow had told Adam, it was far too late now for the truth.