Too Far to Whisper

by Arianna Eastland

  A thorough search of the house revealed, to Rosalind’s delight, a store of corn, wheat and rye. Some freshly baked maslin might be nice for supper, she thought, as she searched for something to use for a mixing bowl. The simple bread would go well with whatever game Shadow might bring home.

  The day had just begun to grow dark and the bread was cooling on a cloth on the table when Shadow entered the house. Rosalind felt her pulse quicken as she took in the Indian’s ruggedly primitive appearance – from his wild, windblown hair and the bow slung over one shoulder to the fat, skinned rabbit dangling from his hand.

  “Smells good in here,” he commented, laying the rabbit on the table.

  “Maslin,” Rosalind said, picking up the rabbit and carrying it to the fire. “I busied myself with baking and cleaning while you were gone.”

  Shadow set aside the bow and arrows, then took a seat at the table. He tore a chunk from the still-warm bread and bit into it.

  “Hungry?” Rosalind asked.

  He nodded, chewing.

  “Oh?” Her tone was teasing. “I thought you might have eaten a few raw fish while you were out. After all, the river is right at our doorstep.”

  Shadow chuckled and shook his head. His smile, too long hidden, greatly eased the knot that had settled in her stomach.

  Later that evening, Shadow and Rosalind supped on roasted rabbit and maslin. Although Rosalind attempted to carry on a conversation during their meal, Shadow became more and more unresponsive until she felt certain she could have announced her hair was on fire and he would only have nodded absently in response.

  As Rosalind cleared the table, Shadow made his way to the hearth and seated himself cross-legged on a blanket on the floor. Rosalind’s hopes for a pleasant evening all but vanished as she eyed him, his expression solemn as he stared into the flames. Sighing, she realized she no longer could delay the inevitable. The time had arrived for her to have a much overdue discussion with him about his plans for the future. If his intent was to move on without her, then she preferred to be informed of it beforehand.

  As Rosalind approached the hearth, the familiar knot in her stomach returned, making her wish she had eaten less of the rabbit.

  “May I sit with you?” she softly asked.

  Shadow nodded, not removing his eyes from the fire. Rosalind plopped down beside him and tucked her legs beneath her.

  “What troubles you?” she finally found the courage to ask. She doubted she would receive more than a one-word response…if she received any response at all.

  “Nothing troubles me,” he answered, still not looking at her.

  “You have barely spoken to me since we left the ship,” she persisted. “I cannot help but think, by your actions, that you would have preferred to continue on to England.”

  Shadow turned to face her. His gaze was so penetrating, Rosalind momentarily felt impaled by it. “Truth be known,” he said, “I never intended to sail to England. I planned to leave the ship when it docked in Boston.”

  Rosalind’s eyes widened. “But why?”

  His gaze returned to the fire. “I could not bring myself to leave the land of my people.” He paused before adding, “I could not bring myself to leave…you.”

  His words caused Rosalind’s heart to leap. Dared she hope he really did care about her?

  Cautiously, she said, “There is no distance between us now, Shadow, yet I sense that a part of you still remains far away. Please, tell me what is wrong.”

  There was no warmth in his eyes when he looked at her. “No, you tell me, Rosalind.”

  She just stared at him, not understanding.

  “Why is it,” he said, “that you were so eager to fetch me from the ship only after your encounter with Nathaniel last eve?”

  Rosalind’s mouth fell open. “What are you suggesting? That I would be with Nathaniel right now and would not have sought you out, had he acted more gentlemanly?”

  “The thought had crossed my mind.”

  She stared at him for several moments before she responded. “Shadow, from the moment you left last night, I felt an emptiness like no other – not since my father’s passing.” She knew she must swallow her pride to speak her next words, but she decided to be honest, come what may. “I realized then that I had fallen in love with you. And I knew that if I allowed you to sail out of my life, I never again would have reason to smile.”

  She felt tears pooling in her eyes and hated herself for allowing Shadow to see them.

  He reached out and took her hand in his. “Do you truly believe you could be happy with me?” His question was spoken so softly, it barely reached the distance between them. “I cannot offer you the comforts, the luxuries, the Corwins can. With me, you will spend your life constantly looking over your shoulder, and I cannot predict when, or if, you will ever see your family again.”

  Rosalind placed her other hand over his. Her blue eyes met his dark ones. “I have come to realize that no sacrifice is too great if it prevents me from losing you.” She briefly thought of what would happen to her family if Nathaniel ever were to discover she had run off with Shadow of her own free will. She immediately dismissed the thought. Nathaniel never would find out. Never.

  Rosalind swallowed the lump in her throat and gathered the courage to ask what she so desperately needed to know. “Do you think you ever could come to…love me…Shadow?” She lowered her head to conceal her blush.

  Shadow used the side of his index finger to lift her chin until she was forced to look at him. “Come to love you?” he repeated. A hint of a smile curved his lips. “I do believe so.” His hand slid down to her shoulder. “I do believe I have loved you ever since I first set eyes on you.” His expression grew serious. “Since then, not a day has passed when you have not occupied my thoughts, nor a night when you have not filled my dreams.”

  Shadow’s words, combined with his breathtakingly handsome features in the firelight, rendered Rosalind speechless. She could only stare silently at him.

  Leaning forward, Shadow slowly, deliberately, lowered his mouth to hers. The moment their lips met, a spark ignited within Rosalind that swiftly and uncontrollably escalated into a flame. All her previous fears and misgivings dissolved as Shadow’s arms tightened around her and his kiss deepened. Back was the passionate, fiery Shadow she had believed was forever lost to her. Gone was the cold, expressionless statue of late who had tormented her with his silence. Shadow loved her! He had confessed it! So great was Rosalind’s happiness, she felt as though her heart might burst from it.

  Shadow’s lips were hungry, possessive, as his mouth slanted over Rosalind’s again and again in a series of searing kisses that left her gasping for breath. His strong hands moved to massage her shoulders, to caress the back of her neck, to press her more closely to him. Rosalind moaned softly into his mouth and wrapped her arms around him. When Shadow gently pushed her back onto the blanket, Rosalind had neither the will nor the inclination to resist. She lay there, gazing up longingly at him as he knelt before her.

  “Please…remove your shirt,” she whispered, her own boldness surprising her.

  Without hesitation, Shadow slipped out of his shirt and tossed it aside. Rosalind greedily eyed his smooth, broad chest and flat stomach, bronze in the firelight. He remained kneeling, his eyes never leaving hers.

  “I wish to see you,” he finally said, his voice husky. Before Rosalind could question his meaning, Shadow lifted her dress, his deft hands coaxing her to assist him. She complied, wriggling out of her cumbersome dress and undergarments and then stretching out on her back, presenting Shadow with and enticing view of her pale, naked curves. She held her breath as his eyes slowly, appreciatively, traveled from her neck to her ankles.

  Shadow moved to kneel between Rosalind’s legs. Planting a hand on either side of her shoulders, he leaned to kiss her on the forehead. He lingered there only briefly before his mouth slid down to her chin, her throat and her shoulders, each kiss causing a delicious shiver to t
ravel the length of Rosalind’s spine. When Shadow’s mouth reached her breast, Rosalind gasped with a combination of shock and pleasure, awed by the unfamiliar, yet thrilling sensations his lips and tongue incited. Arching her back, she grasped the back of his neck and pressed his face more tightly to her breast. He remained there for several minutes, nibbling, licking, and drawing the taut pink bud into his mouth until Rosalind nearly cried from the pleasure of it.

  As Shadow slowly kissed his way back up to Rosalind’s mouth, he lowered his body onto hers, so his full weight was pressed against her. Rosalind slid her hands down his smooth, solid back, her fingers pausing to dip into the waist of his breeches. Silently, desperately, she willed him to remove them.

  Shadow wondered how much longer he would be able to control his passion, especially with Rosalind’s soft hands caressing his flesh and her mewls of pleasure filling his mouth. His need to totally possess her, to make her his woman, was so all-consuming, he had to battle the urge to shed his breeches and thrust into her. Still, he was determined to hold back, to prolong his pleasure…and most especially Rosalind’s. He wanted not one inch of her body to remain untouched by either his hands or mouth.

  Rosalind felt certain she would die from the exquisite torture Shadow was forcing her to endure. She felt an unfamiliar dampness spreading between her legs, and puzzled over it for a moment. Ben’s words about Faith needing sufficient time to “prepare” before he entered her suddenly came to mind. Could it be, Rosalind wondered, that this was what her brother so awkwardly had attempted to explain to her on the morning after his wedding?

  Tearing her mouth from Shadow’s, she breathlessly blurted out, “I am prepared!”

  Shadow gazed down bewilderedly at her.

  Rosalind’s cheeks burned as she hastily explained, “My brother Ben once told me that a woman must be properly prepared ere a man can…enter her.” Her embarrassment increased. “I never really understood what he meant…until now.”

  Shadow wisely concealed his amusement. “Then you wish me to enter you?” he softly asked, wondering if Rosalind would be bold enough to actually speak the words.

  “Aye,” she whispered, closing her eyes and praying she would not immediately be struck to Hell for her admission.

  “In time, my love,” he breathed, leaning forward to capture her mouth in yet another burning kiss that caused her head to spin. Brazenly, Rosalind thrust her tongue into his mouth in the same manner that Nathaniel, and even Jonathan, had done to her. She could only assume, considering how both men had seemed so determined to invade her mouth with their tongues, that men derived some sort of pleasure from the act…and she desperately wanted to please Shadow.

  At first, Rosalind’s bold action seemed to surprise Shadow, as if it were something he never had experienced before, but he quickly reciprocated, matching her tongue’s thrusts with heated ones of his own. Determinedly, Rosalind’s hands once again slipped into the waist of Shadow’s snug breeches. She was eager to feel the full length of his naked body pressed against hers.

  Shadow gained great pleasure from Rosalind’s futile attempts to remove his breeches, yet he made no move to assist her. Still holding her mouth captive, his tongue teasing hers, he slid his hand between her legs. Indeed, she was ready…

  Rosalind tore her mouth from Shadow’s to whisper an impassioned plea against his ear. “Please, Shadow. I want…I need…to touch you.”

  Shadow rose to his elbows and gazed down at Rosalind’s flushed face and passion-filled eyes. She looked so beautiful in the firelight, he thought, her blond hair framing her face, her lips rosy from his kisses. Never had he felt more love…or desire…for a woman.

  “Why, Mistress Chandler,” he softly teased, his hand moving to smooth a damp curl from her forehead. “For someone so innocent, you are indeed bold!” He could not resist claiming her lips in another deep, greedy kiss.

  Rosalind froze. Shadow believed her to be pure! She had been so caught up in the moment, the passion, she had completely blotted out the nightmare of her past and the consequences of it. How, she frantically wondered, would Shadow react when he discovered the truth? Surely virginity was as highly regarded among his people as it was among her own! She may have devised a plan to trick Nathaniel on their wedding night, but at this very moment there was no way to deceive Shadow. A lump of panic rose in her throat as shame flooded through her.

  Shadow felt Rosalind suddenly tense beneath him. He lifted his head to search her face and was disturbed to see tears in her eyes. “Do not be frightened,” his tone was soothing. “I know it is your first time. I will not hurt you.”

  She rolled her head to the side so she would not have to see his face when she made her confession. “This is not my first time…I-I am not pure.”

  Shadow sat upright, his eyes narrowing. “Nathaniel?”

  “Nay.” Rosalind shook her head. “’Twas one of your own people, when I was but fourteen.” She finally dared to look at him, her tear-filled eyes pleading for understanding. “You must believe me, Shadow, ‘twas not my fault. The Indian rescued me from a blizzard – I was near death. I was not even aware of what had occurred until I awoke naked in his shelter. I swear to you, I was helpless to prevent it. My nightmares ever since that night have been filled with frightening images of his cloaked face close to mine, his hands…on my skin.”

  Shadow slowly rose to his feet, then presented his back to her. Raking his fingers through his hair, he sighed deeply and tilted his head back, as if looking to the heavens for guidance.

  Suddenly Rosalind became acutely aware of her nakedness. She sat up and struggled to pull the blanket around her, her trembling hands making the action frustratingly difficult.

  “I-I am so sorry,” she choked, speaking to Shadow’s back. “’Twas not my intent to deceive you. Can you not understand why my past is a subject I prefer not to discuss? The memory of what occurred distresses me far, far too much.”

  Shadow turned to face her then, and she was surprised to see pain, not anger or disgust in his eyes. He moved to kneel beside her, causing Rosalind to instinctively cringe as he reached out to wipe her cheek with the back of his hand.

  “My poor, sweet Rosalind,” he whispered, his tone unexpectedly sympathetic. “Had I known of this burden you have been carrying all these years, I would have eased your mind weeks ago.” His eyes locked with hers as he softly added, “You have been punishing yourself for naught, my love. You are indeed still pure.”

  Rosalind stared at him, confused by his words. “Why do you say such a thing? Is it because you cannot believe one of your own kind could commit such a vile act? Well, I assure you this savage could…and did!”

  “And I assure you he did not,” Shadow stated evenly.

  “You know not of what you speak!” she shot back, anger rapidly replacing her tears. “You were not there!”

  Shadow looked away from her and released a long sigh. “Yes…I was.”

  Fearing that her heart had ceased its beating, Rosalind clutched at her chest. “What are you saying?”

  He looked directly at her. “I was that savage of which you speak, Rosalind! I was hunting deer, wounded a doe and was tracking it when I found you lying lifeless in the snow. I carried you back to my shelter and cared for you. I swear, I did not take advantage of you in any way, nor did I even once consider doing so.”

  Rosalind saw it then, the same eyes that had gazed at her in the firelight six years ago – the same eyes that had haunted her in every nightmare. Why had she not realized it sooner?

  Her hands flew to her mouth, her eyes growing wide. “It was you!” she gasped. Unconsciously, she reached down to pull the blanket more tightly about her, then slid several inches backward, away from Shadow.

  “Your garments were frozen with snow,” he attempted to explain. “I removed them and laid them by the fire to dry, then rubbed your skin with warmed animal fat and wrapped you in furs to restore your body’s heat. I did naught more, I swear to you.”

/>   Fresh tears welled in Rosalind’s eyes as she considered his explanation. Finally, she asked, “Did you know ere tonight that I was the girl you had saved?”

  He looked at the floor. “Yes. I knew from the first moment Nathaniel introduced us.”

  Rosalind sucked in her breath. “And you chose to make no mention of it to me?”

  “I saw no reason to – not unless I was searching for some form of reward for saving your life. But I am not like that.”

  Rosalind no longer could hold back her anger. “All these years, I have considered myself soiled – a woman worthy of no decent man! I have shed endless tears and lost precious sleep, mourning the loss of my innocence! And now you inform me I have been punishing myself for naught?”

  Shadow’s eyes were blazing when he looked at her. “You found yourself deserving of no decent man?” he repeated. “Is that why you are here…with me?”

  “Do not be absurd! I am with you because I love – or at least I believed I loved – you. But how could I have given my heart to a man who has deceived me so?”

  “I have never lied to you,” he said icily.

  “Nay, but you have concealed facts, which is just as sinful! You led everyone to believe you could not speak. You led me to believe our meeting at the Corwins’ was our first. You even led me to believe you never had seen or touched my...naked…body before! Do you really think there is nothing wrong with that?”

  Shadow frowned and shook his head. “Surely you do not believe I purposely meant to cause you any pain.”

  “Pain?” she exploded. “You know not the meaning of the word! I have endured six long years of suffering because of you!”

  “Your suffering has been solely of your own doing!” he said as evenly as his anger would allow. “The wild imaginings of a child are to blame for your misery, not I! You would not even be alive right now if it were not for me, yet you are treating me as if I attempted to murder you rather than save you!”