Becoming Chloe
Page 19
Anyway, that’s what I decided. Chloe can speak for herself.
I think she’s a little bit afraid to write to you, because she thinks you’ll be mad that she told me all the stuff that happened to her before we met. She thinks you’ll be upset because she finally told me, but she would never tell you. I wanted to tell her that no one would be that small. I wanted that to be one of Chloe’s misunderstandings about the world. But the world is full of small people. I just don’t believe you’re one of them. So I told her you’re not like that. Don’t make a liar out of me, okay?
By the way, I thought about what you said about me having a life of my own. I’d like to say I’ve been dating, but the truth is, it’s hard to find a guy who doesn’t mind getting Chloe in the package. Now I know how single mothers feel. But it’s okay, and I’ll tell you why. Because when I find the right guy, that’s how I’ll know. Chloe will be my litmus test. What do you think? I like it.
Yours sincerely,
Jordan
* * *
April 14
Dear Dr. Reynoso,
Jordy says you want to know what we think about the world. I didn’t know you wanted to know that. You never told me you did. Jordy says you said it while I was sleeping. But sometimes I wonder if maybe you said a lot of things that didn’t quite go through to me at the time. Sorry.
Anyway, if you want to know, I’ll tell you.
Jordy thinks the world is more beautiful than it is ugly. I’ve decided he can think that if he wants. After all, he always lets me think what I want. Here’s what I think. I think the world is just as terrible as beautiful and just as beautiful as terrible. I think things can only be as good as they can be bad. Maybe I’m not saying it right.
Like rain. Take rain. It grows trees. But then you can’t even sleep if you don’t have a house. Or fire. It’s real warm when you’re in the snow, but then it burns your house down.
Now do you see what I mean?
Maybe you don’t because you didn’t see everything we saw. You can’t believe everything we saw. I would tell you, but it would take so much writing. I’d be writing for most of the rest of my life, and while I was writing, I’d be missing more stuff.
Even though you want me to, I’m not going to say how I made up my mind. Because I haven’t seen everything yet. How can I make up my mind when I haven’t seen everything yet? Maximilian is ninety and he hasn’t even seen the tip of the iceberg. So what I’ve seen is maybe not even the tip of the tip.
Maybe when I’m ninety I’ll write again.
Are you mad because I told Jordy all that stuff I never told you? He says you won’t be. He really likes you, you know. He trusts you. And Jordy doesn’t trust just everybody. Now I wish I’d been paying better attention back then. I bet I would’ve trusted you, too, if I’d been paying attention. I always liked you. But now I get that I missed a chance to have somebody I could trust. Besides Jordy, I mean.
Here’s why I told Jordy and not you. Because I know him better. And because I sort of felt like he earned it. I hope you understand. Do you understand?
Thanks for trying to help me even though I would hardly talk to you or anything. That must be hard for you when people do that to you. If you didn’t like me back then, that’s okay. I understand. I bet you would like me now.
Oh, and guess what? I think Jordy is going to get me a dog. He doesn’t think he is. But I think he is. I think I’m wearing him down.
Love,
Chloe
THIS IS A BORZOI BOOK PUBLISHED BY ALFRED A. KNOPF
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2006 by Catherine Ryan Hyde
All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Alfred A. Knopf, an imprint of Random House Children’s Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
Knopf, Borzoi Books, and the colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.
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The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition of this work as follows:
Hyde, Catherine Ryan.
Becoming Chloe / Catherine Ryan Hyde.
p. cm.
Summary: A gay teenage boy and a fragile teenage girl meet while living on the streets of New York City and eventually decide to take a road trip across America to discover whether or not the world is a beautiful place.
eISBN: 978-0-375-89142-7
[1. Homeless persons—Fiction. 2. Voyages and travel—Fiction.] I. Title.
PZ7.H96759Bec 2006
[Fic]—dc22
2005018949
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