Chess With a Dragon

by David Gerrold

  “Ahh. . . .” said all the Rh/attes together.

  “What was that?” asked Yake.

  “That was answer expensive. Given freely,” replied the fifth Rh/atte.

  Yake wanted to glare at Nori, but held himself back. Instead he said, “Not given freely at all! We expect you to give us an answer of equal value.”

  The Rh/attes exchanged glances, then huddled together in conference to discuss that thought. Yake fumed.

  Madja touched him on the shoulder then and he asked impatiently, “What is it?”

  She whispered in his ear. “How do the Rh/attes know about our lost colony?”

  Before Yake could answer her, the Rh/attes broke out of their huddle. The sixth Rh/atte spoke quietly. “This is why you are stupid, Earthman. There are only nine mammaloid species in the InterChange. The rest are equivalents of life forms you would call reptiles or insects or sea creatures. What is the difference most profound between mammals and the others?”

  Yake shrugged. “We bear our young live. We suckle them. We care for them.”

  “Precisely. Mammaloid species raise their young. Other species not need to. Not on scale same. They reach adulthood quickly and without need for training and programming. They do not recognize mammaloids as capable of intelligence anyway. Why should they recognize what happens to mammaloid young when the young are not raised by parents? They see vermin. The Fn-rr see vermin. Who would see otherwise? Who would know otherwise?”

  Yake was astonished. “Are you suggesting that there are—feral children out there? Human children?”

  The Rh/atte paused and smiled. Its yellow teeth were long and sharp-looking. “I ask you question now, Earth-creature. Who finds planet for the Fn-rr?”

  Yake looked to Nori. “Do we know that?”

  Nori checked his clipboard. “Just a moment.” His face froze as the answer came up on the screen. He held the screen for Yake and Madja and Anne to see.

  Yake turned back to the Rh/atte. “The Dhrooughleem,” he said quietly.

  “Are you surprised?”

  Yake ignored the question. His face had hardened into a mask of iron. “Isn’t there some kind of rule in the InterChange against selling another species into slavery without an indenture?” he asked.

  “Who is to know? Very shortly, who is to care? Slave now, slave then—all the same is.”

  Yake looked at his colleagues. They could all see the truth of that statement. Yake turned back to the Rh/attes. “Would you excuse us for a moment?”

  The Quiet Anger

  Madja was surprised to discover that Yake Singh Browne could out-swear her.

  Yake could swear in English, Swahili, French, Russian, InterLingua, German, Italian and Pascal. Yake could also break tables, chairs, lamps and windows with surprising agility and strength.

  Yake Singh Browne could go for fifteen minutes without repeating himself.

  Afterwards:

  They stood apart in the shambles of the room, exchanging glances. Yake was not ashamed to meet the others eyes.

  He said quietly, “I feel much better now, thank you. Shall we return?”

  Unlocking The Ki!

  When Yake returned to the room, the Rh/attes were still giggling among themselves.

  He eyed them warily.

  And then he made a mistake. He said, “There is more to this joke, I presume?”

  They told him.

  Another Glass Of Bheer

  “The problem with bheer,” said Yake to no one in particular, “is not that it doesn’t taste like beer. It does. The problem is that it doesn’t kick like bheer.”

  “Yah,” said Madja. “Is same problem with vhodka.”

  “And sahki,” put in Kasahara.

  “Ditto ghin,” said Larson. “Alcoholh is not what it’s cracked up to be.”

  “That is the problem,” said Madja solemnly. “It’s cracked from petroleum—or is that petroleuhm? I forget which.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” said Yake. “The ‘h’ is silent.”

  “Ahh.”

  Nori looked up blearily. “Tell me again, Yake, is this really a good idea?”

  “Nope,” said Yake. “It’s a really lousy idea. Getting drunk never solved anything. Getting dhrunk is even less of a solution.”

  “Then why are we doing it?” asked Larson, blinking and brushing her hair back out of her eyes.

  “Because it was the only thing I could think of,” Yake said. He opened another bottle. “Last time we got dhrunk, we had a ghood idea. I figured it might whork again—”

  Madja blinked at that. “Last time we got dhrunk, you had to talk to Dragon. You want to do that again?”

  Yake thought about that. Yake tried to think about that. “No,” he said, finally. “Let’s think of something else.”

  The thought in silence for a moment.

  Abruptly Yake looked over at Madja. She looked back at him. “Yes, what is it?”

  “Do you wanna sleep with me tonight?”

  “Is that all you think of?”

  “No, but it’s the only thing I can think of that I can do.”

  “I expect no less from Capitalist Swine,” muttered Madja.

  “Aww, don’t be so hard on him. He’s only a man.” Larson said. “That’s not his Capitalism talking. That’s his male chauvinism.”

  “No, no, no—it isn’t either of those things,” said Yake, slowly and carefully enunciating his words. “Everybody else in this InterChange is doing it to everybody else. I just wanna do it too.”

  “That’s lust,” said Kasahara. “I know lust when I hear it.”

  “Yah,” agreed Madja. “Sounds like lust to me.”

  “I doubt it,” said Yake. “I think it’s lhust.”

  “Is irrelevant,” said Madja. “It brings us no closer to solution.”

  “I don’t care anymore,” said Yake. “I just wanna do it to somebody else for a change, instead of having it done to me.”

  “Yah,” said Larson. “Me too.”

  “Me too,” admitted Nori.

  “I make it unanimous,” added Madja. “Is galling to be treated like this.”

  Yake refilled his glass, held it up to the light, frowned and put it back on the table. Abruptly, he forgot about the bheer. “Hey—” he said, looking at the others. “What if there were a way to . . . do it?”

  Madja returned his gaze. “If you find way, Yake—then you are better man than I. I sleep with you then.”

  “Hmm,” said Larson. “Better be careful what you promise.”

  “I know what I promise. If Yake is that smart, then he is smart enough to be father of my children. Bring ring, Yake.”

  Yake grinned. “You got a deal, lady.” He turned to Nori. “Turn on your magic clipboard and let’s look at the rules of the game. You can’t break ‘em till you know what they are.”

  “Hey. Is no cheating allowed.”

  “Wrong, Madja—” Yake’s grin was spreading from ear to ear. “Is no playing fair allowed. In this game, it’s how you cheat that counts!” Yake moved around the table to peer over Nori’s shoulder. “Let’s start by looking for loopholes—”

  The Slime and the Smile

  Shuushulluu, the Dhrooughleem Ambassador finished his ritual ablutions and slithered across the tank on his belly, his tentacles writhing in the slime. “Oh, great pool of life, I am yours to command. Touch me with your blessed wetness. I bring you tidings of great interest.”

  Lou’shloorloo the Whettest stroked one of Shuushulluu’s tentacles dryly, and burbled, “Tell me what news transpires in the InterChange.”

  Shuushulluu glurped and replied, “The Terrans have refused our final offer, oh water of waters.”

  “Then the waters shall close over their heads. . . . On their own heads shall it be.”

  “Oh, my blessed rainfall—I wither before I contradict you; but no, the waters shall not close over their heads at all. They have found two service contracts for themselves.”

  Lou’shloor
loo rose up in the tank, eyes blinking in wonderment and fear. “They have WHAT?”

  “Oh, wetness—this so distresses me. I am salty with fear and embarrassment. We asked the Rh/attes to tell us who and how and what and why—but the Rh/attes are being paid to tell us nothing. Deliberately so! I fear for what this means! There are no clouds on our horizon! The dreadful sun beats down on us! Our waters boil and evaporate!”

  The Dhrooughleem Lord sank back into the tank. “We have promises to keep, my withering servant. You assured me that the naked Terran grubs would be ours by now to sell.”

  “I did not think—”

  “That is apparent!”

  “—that they could find an answer!”

  “HOW DID THEY DO IT!!”

  “The only thing that I can think, they must have seen the Dragon—”

  “THEY CAN’T AFFORD TO ASK THE DRAGON!!”

  “Then the only other possibility is that they were clever enough to negotiate a solution by themselves.”

  “YOU TOLD ME THEY WERE NOT THAT SMART!!”

  “My Lord, I have been proven terribly wrong. We had no evidence to suggest that any species derived from mammaloids could be capable of any real reasoning. It is common knowledge that mammalian creatures think with their glands. Now, it seems that that common wisdom has been demonstrated wrong. I would wither and die for you.”

  “YOU DON’T GET OFF THAT EASY!! YOU AIR-SUCKING SCUM!!”

  “Anything, oh anything—”

  “TEN THOUSAND EGGS THIS WILL COST US!! AND THE OCEAN ONLY KNOWS HOW MANY MORE YEARS OF INDENTURE!!”

  Shuushulluu flattened itself upon the bottom of the tank.

  “I am yours to command, oh blessed wetness—”

  “HERE IS MY COMMAND!!”

  “Yesss, oh very yesss!!”

  “YOU WILL BE THE ONE TO TELL OUR OWN INDENTURER THAT WE WILL BE DEFAULTING ON THIS CYCLE. YOU WILL BE THE BEARER OF THE TIDE!”

  “Oh, my blessed wetness—”

  “BEGONE! GET THEE HENCE! YOU ARE FOULING MY TANK!!”

  The Warm Lands

  Again.

  Again, the sun is warm, the leaves are bright.

  Again, the blossoms grow.

  The roots are warm. We walk again.

  Anew. The world is anew.

  Again the dreams are true.

  Anew.

  The gardeners come Come soon.

  They have always been with us. Untrained. Unwise. They were as seedlings, always echoing, never knowing.

  Echoing. Knowing.

  Now, they shall be trained. And wise. So wise. They shall no longer eat the fruit of dreams.

  The soil shall be warm. The blossoms will be bright. The seedlings soon grow tall and strong. The groves shall soon be large again.

  Larger than a Fn-rr can walk within a season.

  Again. Anew.

  Soon, the gardeners live among us. The dreams of grubs and eaters in the orchards were seen through yester-season’s eyes.

  The eye of the sky shall smile. The rain will wash. The land will nourish. The soil will be rich.

  The gardeners walk the dreams.

  And the dreams no longer trouble.

  Never again.

  Again. Anew.

  Again, tomorrow is found in dreams.

  Again, we live anew.

  Again.

  Anew.

  The Clack of the Ki!Lakken

  Hnaxx reached gingerly with one foreclaw and touched the bell that hung before the Pavilion of the Egg-Master. A clear sharp tone rang through the air. Hnaxx waited a respectful moment, then parted the silk hangings and entered.

  The Egg-Master was waiting patiently on the High Dais. It was gently polishing its fore claws with a silk. The Egg-Master had the most beautiful fore claws; they were inlaid with precious metals and gemstones and polished to a high sheen.

  After a moment, the Egg-Master looked up and seemed to notice Hnaxx for the first time. “Ah,” it said. It put the cloth to one side and leaned forward intently. “You have news?”

  “I have much news, my Lord and Master. We shall be very prosperous indeed. Very prosperous. All has worked out quite well.

  “Indeed?”

  “Indeed. I shall endeavor to explain. You are acquainted with the offer made by the Dhroo?”

  “The Dhroo were willing to sell us the grubs at ten sequins per unit; is this not correct?”

  “Yes, my Lord.”

  “Such a price seemed very high to all of us. Did it not seem high to you?”

  “Yes it did, my Lord. And there was that other matter too. The one I shall not refer to after this.”

  “Yes, that other matter,” said the Egg-Master.

  “That one is now resolved as well. It seems, my Lord that we have been approached by another species—a mammalian one, if you can believe! They are called the Rh/attes and they are the representatives for the race of pale grubs. Oh, you were right, my Lord. These grubs are quite intelligent. The Rh/attes have been using them as slaves for years. We have been very fortunate in this matter. Now the Rh/attes will lease us individuals for only seven sequins per.”

  “There is a catch, I’m sure—”

  “Oh, yes, my Master; there always is a catch; but this time, it is a catch that serves the buyer even better than the seller. They will only lease us individuals for one year at a time. But we can have as many as we wish. We may have hundreds. We may have thousands. We may have hundreds of thousands. We cannot use them for our breeding or our feeding, but we can use them any other way we want. We can train them, if we wish, to perform any tasks we choose, as long as we are not deliberately harmful. The Rh/attes will become our sole suppliers; they will take responsibility for every grub upon this world. But the chore of training, they insist, must be ours.”

  “For what we get, the price is still quite high.”

  “For what we get, the price is very low, my Lord. We get a world free of Fn-rr. If I may be so blunt—these grubs will not need to be trained; all we have to do is set them free upon the land. They will figure out the rest themselves. They are predatory feeders. They will find the orchards and they will eat out the brains of the foolish Fn-rr while they sit and dream!”

  “Your excitement,” said the Egg-Master, “leads you to discourtesy, but in the face of such a bold arrangement, the enthusiasm you display might be called excusable.”

  “And once the Fn-rr are gone, the grubs will be ours to feed and breed upon. If the Rh/attes ask what has happened to their pets, we shall tell them that they died of a mysterious cause. We shall increase our numbers and the numbers of our Nests. We shall retire many enemies! My Master, I am grateful to the Nest which allowed me such an honor as this service.”

  “And the nest is grateful too, my child. You have served us well. We shall not forget what you have said and done. You shall be served in your time too.”

  It wasn’t until it was too late that Hnaxx realized exactly what the Egg-Master had promised.

  The Last Card is Turned

  Yake, Madja, Anne and Nori entered the room to applause. The Ambassador was standing at the head of the table, leading the handclapping.

  They moved to their places at the table, smiling with good-natured embarrassment. Yake held up his hands to silence the acknowledgments of his colleagues. “Please,” he said. “Please—not yet.”

  The applause continued for a few seconds longer, then died in uncertainty.

  “Let me say this. It looks good. It looks very very good. But we’re going to have to wait to see if it plays. So, please don’t start slapping yourselves on the back and congratulating each other just yet. There’s one more thing that has to happen, and I’m going to be taking care of it as soon as I finish my report here.” He motioned to the others to sit down, but remained standing himself. “If you’ll all be seated—”

  Yake waited until everybody had taken their chairs and all eyes were upon him.

  “It’s very tricky,” Yake began. “But it’s
all very very legal. That’s what’s so delightful about it. First, the Dhrooughleem are out of the picture entirely. Because we found our own way of paying the debt, the Dhroo have had to forfeit a very large deposit that they paid to the InterChange for the right of sole acquisition. The deposit, I am told, was considerable—and part of it will be credited against our debt.” Yake had to wait until the applause died down again before he could continue.

  “Thank you. I feel that way myself. They bet the store and they lost it. But, you don’t know yet just how badly they lost it. The Dhroo were planning to sell human individuals to a race of intelligent praying mantises called the Ki!Lakken. We got this information from the Rh/attes. This is what makes this game so interesting. The Dhroo thought that the Ki! wanted to use humans as food and as larval incubators. The Ki! were already using feral children for that purpose—” Yake held up a hand. “I’ll explain the details later; as near as we can figure out, these are the descendants of the lost Nineva colony; the Dhroo seem to have had a hand in that disaster too.

  “The thing is, some of the Ki! had figured out that the children could be trained, and they were planning to double-cross the Dhroo and the Fn-rr—” Yake paused. “This is about to get very complicated. The Ki! and the Fn-rr are sharing a planet; the same planet that the Dhroo stole from us. The Ki! wanted to purchase several hundred thousand humans, but not use them for food or incubators; they’d train them to kill the Fn-rr. Apparently the feral humans have been feeding on the Fn-rr. That would leave the Ki! the sole custodians of the planet. With the destruction of the Fn-rr, part of their debt would disappear. Is everybody following this? Good.

  “So, we approached the Ki! with a better offer. Actually, we had the Rh/attes make the offer for us—for a small commission, of course. The Rh/attes will supply humans to the Ki! now. We’ll get the fee, not the Dhroo. The contract specifically gives the Rh/attes (agenting for us), custody of all the humans on the planet. They can’t be used for food or eggs; they can only be used for training. Nori Kasahara says that the Fifth, Seventh and Twelfth Armies can be trained and on-site within seven months.”