Nowhere Fast (A Mercy Watts Short)

by A W Hartoin

  That morning I went to my parent’s house instead of my apartment. I promised to check their messages, water plants, feed the cats, file and straighten out any messes that cropped up. They were on a cruise, their first real vacation in years. Usually, they combined vacations with work. Dad was a retired St. Louis police detective turned private investigator and Mom was his assistant, if you go by titles. In reality, she was more of a partner and even nosier than Dad.

  Instead of listening to Dad’s messages or feeding Mom’s evil Siamese, I went to bed. Sleep, beautiful sleep—I never got enough. Plus, the opportunity to snooze in my parents’ bed didn’t come up very often. I loved their bed. It was an 1850s plantation cannonball bed with the best quality down and bedding, anything less than a five-hundred-thread count was a sin in Mom’s estimation. My mother knew how to make a bed.

  I slept like I was sedated until noon when the phone rang. Coming to took awhile, and I had a lovely floaty feeling in my stomach. I tried to ignore the ringing, but it was Mom’s private line and didn’t have an answering machine. Whoever was calling was willing to wait me out and I got annoyed. Another good sleep ruined by reality. I hated that. Reality pissed me off, especially reality in my parents’ bed. Getting a call there was twice as irritating as anywhere else.

  “Hello,” I said, sounding as grumpy as possible. You never knew, maybe they’d have a heart and hang up.

  “Carolina?”

  “No, it’s Mercy,” I said.

  It was a woman, her voice distant and strange, yet familiar. She didn’t say anything else for a moment and the pleasant feeling in my stomach melted away. The background noise was familiar, too. I’d been a part of it only a few hours earlier. Whoever she was, she was in an ER.

  “Can I help you?” I said.

  “It’s Sharon.”

  Sharon, Sharon. I probably knew half a dozen Sharons. I couldn’t place this one.

  “Okay. Sharon who?”

  “Sharon Flouder, your mother’s best friend.”

  That’s why I couldn’t place her. I’d called her Dixie from the moment I could talk, like Gavin, her husband, did. Mom and Dad called her Sharon. She looked more like a Dixie to me.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “Is Carolina there? Or Tommy?”

  “No, they’re on that cruise.”

  “Oh, God.” She started to cry in short, tight bursts.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Gavin’s dead.” She said it slowly, in a kind of rhythm between her sobs.

  An electric chill went through me. Gavin dead at fifty-five. That couldn’t be right. “What happened? Where are you?”

  She didn’t answer.

  “Dixie, please,” I said. “Where are you?”

  She continued to cry, but I could hear her pulling it together. From the sound of her voice, it took quite a bit of effort.

  “St. James’s,” she said after a moment.

  “I’ll be right there.”

  I burrowed out from under the duvet and brushed the hair out of my eyes. I’d forgotten to pull the shades and light streamed in through Mom’s gauzy curtains. They billowed up as the air conditioner kicked on and floated in the air, lazy and beautiful. It was silent other than the machinery and I was sleep-drunk and confused. It couldn’t be real. Dixie did not just tell me Gavin was dead. He couldn’t be dead. Plenty of people die, just not my people. I rubbed my eyes and looked at the phone sitting on the bedside table. It gave no clue whether or not I’d just been speaking into it.

  I flopped back onto Mom’s pillows, grabbed the phone and dialed St. James ER. I closed my eyes and listened to the ringing, imagining the clerks and nurses yelling at each other to pick up the phone.

  On the sixth ring someone did. “St. James ER. May I help you?”

  “This is Mercy Watts. I need to know if you have a patient there.”

  “Hey Mercy, it’s Evelyn. Who’s the patient?”

  “Gavin Flouder.”

  “Yeah, we got him,” she said.

  “Is he dead?” I asked, squeezing my eyes tighter.

  “Yep. He wasn’t one of yours, was he?”

  “No, he’s a family friend. Thanks, Evelyn.” I hung up and let out a whoosh of breath. It was real. I opened my eyes and looked around my parents’ room. I said it was my parents’ room, but it was Mom’s. It had her woven into its very fabric, its wood, its paint. Her Lalique perfume bottles glimmered in the light on her dressing table and I could smell their scent even at my distance. I lay there on The Oasis, the altar of the sacred bedroom, and wished she was there looking at her precious things and, damn it, answering her own phone.

  But, of course, Mom wasn’t there. Mothers are like cops, never around when you need one. So I slid out of The Oasis and landed painfully on my heels. The bed was four feet high. Dad built a step for Mom, so she could get into it.

  I leaned against the bed and rubbed my bare ankles. Crap. No decent clothes. The ratty T-shirt and the scrubs I’d worn home were lying in a pile and covered with unknown substances. I’d have to borrow something from Mom. She wouldn’t like that, but under the circumstances, how could she complain?

  I straightened up and trotted across the glossy wood floor dotted with various Oriental rugs to the wardrobe. It was an enormous beast, ten feet by six, and, at that time of year, held Mom’s summer clothes. I turned the large brass key and the right door swung open without a sound. That used to creep me out when I was a kid. My best friend Ellen and I spent rainy days crawling around in its depths, waiting for magic to happen. Dad told me Grandma George shipped it over from England and it was the wardrobe from The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I didn’t notice till I was ten that my parents’ bedroom furniture matched. All five pieces were the same dark walnut with delicate carvings of birds. I guess I was a dense kid, but I never thought about it. Lord knew nothing else in our house matched, not even the dining room chairs. How was I to know it was a family suite passed down five generations?

  The wardrobe glowed with a rainbow of colors. They were so Mom. To the far left I found a pair of black shorts and a crisp white linen shirt. They were only one size too big. I’d seen my future and it wasn’t half bad. I pulled them off their hangers and reached to close the door. At the last second, I stopped and shoved my arm between Mom’s sundresses. I strained until my fingertips touched the unfinished wood at the back. Oh well, better luck next time.

  I dressed, gargled with Dad’s industrial-strength mouthwash, and ran down the stairs to the first floor.

  The Siamese weren’t there yowling at me, threatening to shred my ankles, so I ignored their bowls, and went for the espresso machine. Super-automatic is the way to go. Even I could handle pressing a button.

  I found my nursing shoes in the butler’s pantry. They looked worse than my scrubs. Oh well, nobody ever looked at my feet anyway. While I put on my shoes, the smell of espresso filled the kitchen and the promise of caffeine awakened the rest of my brain. I tossed back a double, shuddered, and rinsed out my mouth.

  Gavin was dead. He really was dead. I considered calling Ellen for moral support, but she’d just cry, so no more delays. Just suck it up and go.

  I walked past my truck and got in Dad’s baby, a brand-new Chrysler 300 C. If I had to go deal with death, at least I could do it in luxury. It took me five minutes to pull it out of the garage into the alley. If I damaged his car the phrase “hell to pay” wouldn’t cover Dad’s reaction. Driving Dad’s car, wearing Mom’s clothes, it was bad enough to almost feel good. If I could’ve gotten Dixie’s voice out of my head, I might’ve smiled. I couldn’t, so I concentrated on not getting a ticket on the way to the hospital.

  St. James is the biggest hospital complex in St. Louis and the parking’s a pain. Spaces near the ER are at a premium, so I parked illegally next to the never-ending construction on the doctor’s building.

  “Hey Al, check out this rack,” a voice yelled from the construction area.

  I locked my
door and ignored the voice.

  “Come on, baby, let those titties bounce,” said a second voice.

  Great, construction workers. They were one of those stereotypes that were a stereotype for a reason.

  “Drop dead, troglodyte,” I said.

  “Nice. Sassy and stacked.”

  I slung my purse over my shoulder and flashed them the bird.

  “She’s wet for me, Al. Holy shit, look at that ass,” said the first voice.

  I walked away from the construction, trying not to bounce, and into the ambulance bay. Once into the ER, I looked for someone I knew. I saw the charge nurse jogging down the hall from the direction of the lab.

  “Hey Claire. You got a Gavin Flouder in here?” I asked.

  “Thank God you’re back. I had three sick calls. Can you believe that? Hurry up and change. We’ve got two MVA’s coming in,” Claire said. She wasn’t much of a listener, but a damn good nurse. Maybe she loved it. She never seemed to go home.

  “I’m not here to work. I’m looking for Gavin Flouder, family friend. His wife called and said he was here.”

  Claire pursed her lips and put her hands on her hips. She glared at me through thick glasses and said, “What’s he in for?”

  “Uh, I don’t know. She said he was dead.”

  “Old white guy?”

  “Yeah.”

  “He’s in six. MI.” With that she did an about face, jogged to the desk, picked up a phone and yelled into it.

  A myocardial infarction. Gavin’s heart stopped. I stood in the hall and absorbed the information. I expected a car accident or a fall off the roof. Gavin was putting the roof on the cabin he’d built for Dixie. He’d worked on that sucker for at least ten years. Until recently, he was too fat and out of shape to get much done. Dad said they’d both be dead before he finished. Now he was halfway to being right.

  I walked toward Room 6, my stomach tightening with every step. I flashed back over the last two weeks. How many people had I seen die? Probably three or four. It’d been bloody, but I couldn’t remember much about it. Those people faded into a jumble of patients and rooms in the back of my mind. I forgot them quite easily and any pain I felt at their deaths wouldn’t be felt again. Room 6 wouldn’t be like that. I’d remember it and Gavin lying in there forever. I didn’t want the memory, but it was unavoidable. Dad would say it was my duty to go in there and get that memory. He’d be right because Gavin was like family and you don’t let family down. No matter what it cost you.

  I walked to Room 6 and stood outside with my fingers pressed against the cold metal of the swinging door. I didn’t decide to go in, but before I knew it I’d pushed the door open and walked inside. The floor was littered with the paper smocks the staff used while treating Gavin. Thankfully, there was no blood. I guess there wasn’t a point in cracking his chest. His body, when I was able to look at it, was covered in a white sheet with the words St. James Mercy Medical Center printed in blue on it. I’d never noticed how many times they printed it on the sheets. Apparently they worried about theft, as if people were anxious to steal hospital sheets. Then again, maybe they were. People steal some crazy shit in hospitals.

  I walked up to Gavin’s gurney and picked up the chart lying across his legs. It was Gavin and Claire was right. MI. He was dead before he got there, but they’d made a good effort anyway. I felt proud of the staff for trying. How many times did I see staff give up before even assessing the patient? Too many to count and I’d been in their number more than I cared to remember. Now Gavin was on the table and someone tried. I took note of the doc’s signature. Robert Guest. I didn’t know him, but I’d seen him around. He worked traumas and I was a temp, so I did all the crap the regular staff didn’t want.

  I reached up and brushed the tears off my cheeks. I don’t know when they started. The front of my shirt was damp and I wanted my father, my mother, and Gavin most of all. His body didn’t look right under the sheet. It was too small, diminished from the man he’d been in life. Gavin, in my mind, would always have a potbelly. He was a big man. For a moment I imagined it wasn’t him. That there was a mix-up and he sat upstairs on the ward, eating pudding and rubbing his stomach fondly.

  “Mercy.”

  I jumped and turned to see Dixie standing in the doorway, her dark hair curled in soft waves around her pretty face. Her clothes looked like she was headed to a nice lunch with Mom. It was Dixie as she normally was, except that she held a cup of coffee, and it shook like we were having an earthquake. Coffee slopped over her fingers and dripped onto the floor. I put my arms around her. Neither of us said a thing. I felt the coffee’s wet warmth spread onto my back.

  She pulled away, looked at the cup, and said, “I’m sorry. I got you all wet.”

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  “You came.” She said it like there was a possibility I wouldn’t.

  “Of course I did. Can I call anyone else for you?”

  “Not now.” She smoothed her hair with her right hand. Her left continued to shake. I took the cup from her and tossed it into the trash. A nurse I didn’t know walked in and gave us the once-over. We must’ve looked like we had it together because she said, “We need the room, I’m sorry. I’m going to have to have Mr…”

  “Flouder,” I said.

  “Yes, sorry. Mr. Flouder transported to the morgue.”

  Dixie covered her eyes at the word morgue.

  “Fine. Is Guest around? I’d like to speak to him, if I could.”

  “He’s with another patient. It could be awhile.”

  “I’ll wait. Do you have the paperwork?” I put my arm around Dixie.

  “Yeah, it’ll be at the desk when you’re ready.”

  “Right.” I took Dixie’s arm and walked her out of Room 6. We kept going until we left the ER and entered the main body of the hospital. People hurried by, not giving us a second glance. They seemed happy compared to the way I felt, but they couldn’t be. Hospitals weren’t filled with happy people, unless you counted obstetrics. It was a different world up there.

  We sat down on a fat sofa across from the information desk. I looked at Dixie and she at me. I marveled at how normal she looked. Aside from her red eyes, she looked like the same old Dixie I’d known forever. She was dressed in a silk blouse and pants set. The burgundy color set off her pale skin and dark eyes. There was a certain air about her that spoke of forties movie stars and elegance. It didn’t matter if she achieved it with makeup and scalpels. I looked at her and thought of Gavin lying on the cold table in Room 6. It seemed no more likely Gavin could’ve left Dixie than he should’ve had her in the first place.

  Gavin was big, gruff, with hair everywhere but the top of his head. His language made men blush and if I ever saw him in a clean shirt, one without drips of ketchup, grease or ink stains, I don’t know when that was. Somehow he’d managed to marry Dixie. How was a mystery to me, and I’m not the only one who was puzzled about it. Dixie was the woman other women aspire to be. She sat beside me looking perfect, as she always did, and I wondered what it would be like to be elegant and serene. Sure, I stopped traffic, but next to Dixie I was showy and garish. I wanted to be classy like her. With a look like mine, it wasn’t going to happen.

  “Do you want to tell me what happened?” I said.

  “Sweetie, I don’t know. I went out for my walk this morning and he was fine. When I came back he was passed out in his office. When the EMTs got there, they said his heart was beating, but then it just stopped.”

  “I thought he had everything under control?”

  Dixie clasped her shaking hands together. “He did. I thought he did. We did every single thing Dr. Kahn told us to do. The diet, exercise, medication, everything. You saw him. He lost forty pounds. His last checkup was wonderful. They lowered his meds, he was doing so well.”

  “When was that?” I asked.

  “Oh, I don’t know.” Dixie pulled her iPhone out of her bag and punched a few buttons. “Three weeks ago on Friday.”
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  “And everything was good? Did they do an echo, stress test?”

  “They did the full series. Dr. Kahn was very pleased, especially with the weight loss.”

  “We’ll figure it out,” I said.

  “Will we?” she said, brushing a fresh tear off her face.

  “Definitely. I’ll take care of it. Do you want to go home now?”

  “Home? What for?”

  “Well, you could lie down for awhile or something.” I really didn’t know what to do. Dixie waited for me to decide, to tell her what was next, and I hadn’t a clue. I’d comforted people plenty of times before, but it was a short-lived operation. The bad news was broken, backs patted, calls made, coffee given, and they went on their way. I’d no idea what happened after they left the hospital. It wasn’t my business to know. Mom should’ve been there. She’d know what to say, what funeral home to call, everything. But Mom was incommunicado and I was on my own.

  “Can I get you something, coffee or tea?” I sounded lame, even to myself.

  “Tea,” she said.

  I think she wanted to give me something to do, or maybe she wanted to be alone. I went to the staff lounge and rooted through the cabinets till I came up with some chamomile and lemon zest. I didn’t know which Dixie would want. I made the chamomile because that’s what Dad drinks after a bad day.

  I returned, measuring my strides, not anxious to get back. A group of nuns crossed my path and I felt the warmth of the tea comforting me through the cup as I waited. Hot drinks did it for me. Whether it was a hot chocolate, mulled wine, or one of Dad’s yummy hot toddies, I felt better the moment the cup hit my hands. Then a feather-light touch on my shoulder brought me out of my revelry.