Torn (Devils Wolves Book 1)

by Carian Cole

  "I know...but if she woke up and could talk, and move again...I could bring her home. We could hire a live-in nurse while she recovers."

  His hope is starting to climb to unrealistic levels and that's not fair to him or Kenzi. Or Ember. So, I try to gently step in. There was a time a few years when we did this dance several times a week and none of us can live like that again.

  "Ash, she may not come back like that." I say quietly. I hate to kill his buzz in any way, but Ember suffered a severe brain injury. The chances of her ever being able to talk and make full sense are slim. "I think you need to really think about this long and hard and grill the shit out of the doctors about the experimental drugs and any case studies they have."

  "I plan to. I'm just excited about any hope at this point. And I know she hears me. I can feel it. She knows I'm there."

  "I'm sure she does." I agree, because I honestly do believe that wherever Ember's brain has gone, her heart knows that he's there with her.

  I have an entirely new respect and understanding for the intense love that Asher feels for Ember now, because that's how I feel about Kenzi. I would do anything for her and I'd never be able to give up on her.

  "Kenzi, why don't you come with me next week? I know it makes you uncomfortable, but maybe if she hears your voice too it will help."

  I already know she'll say no, and he does, too. Kenzi can't handle seeing her mother like that and I don't blame her at all. It's not easy in any way to see someone you love hovering somewhere between life and death. After the accident, Kenzi would sit next to Ember's bed for hours and just cry and beg her to wake up. After having a few meltdowns that required the staff to give her sedatives, her grandmother and her aunt insisted she stop going.

  "I can't." She says tearfully. "Please, Dad... "

  Fuck. I hate that I can't put my arms around her and comfort her like I should be doing if this situation weren't so screwed up. This is sheer torture.

  "Tor, tell him please, I can't," she begs, and it's not unusual for her to put me in the middle. She's done it her entire life when she's scared or upset. It just feels way worse right now.

  "Okay, let's all just calm down," I say. "You know how uncomfortable she feels there, Ash. Why don't you wait until after you talk to the doctors more, get some more info, and then we can decide if Kenzi should go. I'll go, too," I suggest. "Maybe hearing all of our voices together will help, maybe she'll remember the old times."

  Asher nods. "That's a good idea. I'll definitely be getting more information and meeting with the specialists. Kenzi, you know I don't want to upset you. I would never make you do anything you don't want to do."

  Kenzi stands and crosses the room to give him a big hug. "I know, Dad. I'm sorry. I love you and I just miss Mom so much."

  "I do, too. That's why I want to do whatever I can."

  I excuse myself and go into the bathroom to give them a few minutes alone. Once there, I stare at myself in the mirror and splash some cold water on my face. I want Ember to recover, and I know we all have to have hope and think positive, but I don't want to see Asher and Kenzi get their hopes up only to have them shot to hell all over again. And I could never voice this to them, but what if Ember did wake up but was absolutely nothing like herself? What if she can't speak, but instead moans and cries? What if she thrashes around and twists her body, instead of lying peacefully as she is now? They'll never be able to cope with seeing her that way.

  I leave the hall bathroom and check my bedroom real quick. It feels weird having Asher in my house, even though he's been here more times than I can count. I'm worried something personal of Kenzi's could be laying around in a place it never should be in. Like her panties tangled up in my bed sheets. Not that Asher would be in my bedroom, but still.

  When I join them I'm glad to see they're playing with the dog and the kitten and the mood is lighter and happier. Seeing them together in my living room playing with my pets only reminds me of how much I love them both and how I can't even consider losing either one of them. I wish I could pull Kenzi into my arms and snuggle on the couch with her and have Asher join us for a movie and just be a happy family. We've done it a hundred times and now suddenly it’s all taboo and wrong.

  When Asher tells us he's going to head home, Kenzi tells him she's going to stay for a while to finish watching our show and he hugs us both goodbye before he leaves, oblivious.

  Betrayed.

  I feel sick. Kenzi looks sick.

  Somewhere in hell Satan has just pulled out a bag of marshmallows and is roasting them in my honor.

  Kenzi looks at me with guilt, chewing her bottom lip after she closes my front door behind her father. "I'm sorry, Tor."

  "We're going to have to tell him, Kenzi."

  "I know...after his mini tour though, please? He's worked so hard on all the new songs. It's not a long tour, a month, maybe? When he gets back from that we'll sit down with him together and tell him. Or I'll tell him alone, if that's better."

  "No," I snap. "We do it together."

  "Okay," She fingers the necklace around her neck nervously. "I can't even think about what he's saying about my mom. Do you really think she'll ever be better?"

  Her green eyes plead at me, and I wish I could say yes. I want her to have both her parents back and have a normal, happy life. It's all I've ever tried to give her—some normalcy and security.

  "I honestly don't know, Angel. Your mom's accident, the trauma to her head, and the brain activity afterwards was unusual. The body and the brain are a fuckin' mystery; no matter how much doctors and scientists study it, there are always things that stump them. And unfortunately, there are times that no matter what, they can't make someone better. Like your dad said, all anyone can do is try. But, miracles do happen."

  "He thinks he can love her back to life, Tor. That's what he believes."

  "Ya know what, Kenz? I wouldn't be at all surprised if he could."

  She launches herself into my arms and kisses me like I've never been kissed before. It nearly knocks me over, and it has nothing to do with her throwing herself at me and everything to do with the depth of the love I can feel pouring out of her every breath.

  I want to push her down on the floor and kiss her lips until they bruise and bleed. I want to punish her for wanting me when she shouldn't, and thank her for wanting and loving me with so much of herself when I need it.

  Young love...first love is so innocent. So pure and trusting. So all encompassing. I shouldn't be on the receiving end of that love from her at my age, but in all honesty, she's my first love, too.

  28

  Kenzi

  Tor ~ age twenty-four

  Asher ~ age twenty-four

  I'm sitting in the old creaky chair in my office at the shop, trying to make some sense out of all the financial spreadsheets the accountant threw at me.

  I don't understand numbers. Or profit and loss.

  Neither did Pop, apparently.

  I mean, I know what it is, but I don't know how to fix it so I have more profit and less loss.

  I haven't taken a paycheck for myself in three months just so I could pay my brothers. I'm hungry and exhausted and worried.

  I hear footsteps at the door and turn to see Asher standing there.

  "It's midnight, Tor," he says.

  "I know."

  He comes in and throws a small brown paper bag and a white envelope onto my desk.

  Looking up from my mess of papers, I ask him what it is.

  "Open them."

  Inside the paper bag is a steak and cheese sandwich, extra cheese, salt and pepper, with grilled peppers. It's my favorite and my mouth is watering just from looking at it.

  "You didn't have to do this, Ash."

  "Oh yeah? Did you eat today?"

  I bite into the sandwich and almost groan from how good it tastes. "No."

  "Then yeah, I did have to do it. Open the envelope."

  Swallowing, I slice the envelope open with a knife and inside I fi
nd a check for fifty thousand dollars, made out to me. I stare at it, the zero's blurring in front of me. I've never seen a check for this much money in my entire life.

  "What is this?"

  "A check." He leans back against the wall.

  "I can see that. For what?"

  "For you. To fix this mess you're in."

  Shaking my head, I shove the check across my desk towards him. "I can't take your money, Ash. I appreciate it, but I can't."

  I take another bite from the sandwich, which I will accept. But not money.

  "You need the money, Tor. Don't be stupid. It's a loan from my inheritance. I don't need it. My family wants to help you."

  Fifty thousand dollars would fix so much. I could get this place back in order, get out of debt, finally have a little money for myself again to eat and be normal.

  "Asher, I can't."

  "You can, and you will. You wrote the first songs that are making me money, Tor. You think I forgot that shit?" He asks. "No, I fuckin' didn't."

  "I get royalties. That's enough."

  "It's not. Your father left you a business that was in a hole, man. He didn't have any life insurance. For four years you've been working your ass off trying to take care of everyone and keep this business going. This shop can be great but you have to get out of the hole first or else you're just spinning your wheels. I can't watch you kill yourself anymore. Especially when I have the means to help you."

  "Ash-"

  "Shut up and take the money. My dad has a friend that's a business and marketing consultant. He's coming on Friday to help you get a business plan together."

  I finger the edge of the check. I've never taken money from anyone before. But he's right - I'm sinking like the Titanic.

  "I don't know when I'll be able to pay you back."

  He shrugs. "I don't care if you ever do. I just want to help. You're my best friend. I don't expect or want anything back."

  Kenzi

  Tor and I see each other whenever we have the chance. On the days I'm at his house, he comes home for his lunch break and we eat lunch together. Sometimes I stay until he comes home after work and we have dinner, talk, play with the pets, and make love.

  I've been getting quite a few orders for hand written wedding invitations, and hand lettered tattoo designs, all by word of mouth. I've also been volunteering at the shelter as much as I can, and the veterinarian who takes care of the sick pets there hired me to do something that is very close to my heart. When her practice has a patient that passes away, they make an imprint of the pet’s paw in ink on notepaper, and she has me write a small, inspirational poem about eternal love on the bottom of the card, and I add the pets name and dates. Then its sent to the owner for them to keep. I personally think it's very sweet.

  Today is Sunday, and Tor's out riding and having lunch with my father. We haven't seen each other for three days due to just work and life stuff getting in the way, and I'm missing him a lot. To keep my mind busy, I've taken on the project of organizing all my pens, papers, and ink when I get a text message.

  Tor: I miss you.

  Me: I miss you more ;)

  Tor: Can you meet me at my place tonight? Around six?

  Me: Yes.

  Tor: Can't wait. I love you.

  Me: I love you, too.

  "Perfect timing. I just got here," he says when I let myself into his house, which is something he insists on. He hates when I knock.

  We kiss hello. A sweet, soft kiss on the lips and we're both smiling as we do so. I still get butterflies when I see him, even though it’s been a few weeks since we officially started seeing each other as a couple.

  "I have to take the great white furry one for his walk, you want to come?"

  "Of course."

  Diogee starts to prance as soon as he sees Tor get his leash, and then he waits by the french doors that lead to the back yard for Tor to snap his leash onto his collar. We walk through the back yard and out the gate leading to the woods. In just the past short few weeks, we've started to develop even more rituals, like walking the dog together.

  "How was the ride?" I ask.

  "Good. Humid, though. We rode down Hampton Beach, and it reminded me of your prom night."

  "Ugh, don't remind me of that."

  "It seems like so long ago, doesn't it?"

  I nod as we pause for Diogee to sniff around in the dirt and old leaves. "It really does."

  "I think that was the night everything changed between us. I don't even know why. I've thought about it a lot, and I don't know what the fuck happened. It's like something just switched."

  Nodding, I lean against him and kiss his shoulder. "I know what you mean. I felt it, too. When we danced together. The way you touched my cheek," I smile and squint up at him. "The look in your eyes. I was petrified."

  He lets out a laugh. "Why were you scared? You're the one who was talking about putting me in a box." He teases.

  My face heats up at the memory. "Oh my God, I did. I'm surprised you didn't run and hide."

  "No way, baby. I wanted you to put me in that box and keep me."

  "I'm definitely keeping you, but I'm keeping you out of the box for good behavior."

  He winks at me. "Good to know."

  As we make our way down the path and circle around back to his house, it starts to drizzle with light rain. Locking the gate behind us when we get into his yard, he lets Diogee off leash to run the yard and then pulls me into his arms.

  "Dance with me," he whispers.

  My heart swells and I rest my head against his chest. "There's no music." I say, even though it doesn't matter. Our bodies are already swaying together.

  "There's always music. Listen to the sound of the rain drops and our heart beats." He holds me tighter and presses his lips to my forehead as our bodies move together in the rain.

  I used to hate the rain, thinking it was gloomy, depressing, and the ultimate hair-wrecker, but now he's changed that for me forever by turning it into something incredibly romantic. I'll never be able to see or hear rain again without remembering this moment with him.

  "How do you make me love you more and more?" I murmur, sliding my hands up the back of his shirt, always want to be touching his skin. I hate any kind of barrier between us. Like clothes. Clothes on him are a sin.

  "So my evil plan is working?" He asks playfully.

  "To make me love you even more? Then yes, it's working."

  "Good." He squeezes me tighter, our clothes sticking to our bodies. "We're getting pretty wet. I'm going to take you inside now and make you even wetter."

  Yes.

  My heart speed up as he takes my hand and leads me back into the house with Diogee at our heels. I have no idea what he's got in mind and that just adds to the anticipation and excitement of being with him. I've learned that Tor loves my inexperience rather than resents it, as I first worried he might. I think being the only man who has ever really touched me turns him on, and I don't mind that at all. I can understand the possessiveness he feels.

  He takes me into his bathroom, closing the door behind us with a flash of that sexy grin I can't get enough of before he slowly takes off my damp clothes. His focus is one hundred percent on undressing me, his eyes riveted either on mine or slowly gazing over the parts of my body he's revealing. He doesn't distract either of us by kissing me like we see in the movies, and that's something very intense about him that I've grown to appreciate. He likes to watch his hands move over me, glancing up to catch my breathing and the expression on my face.

  "Turn the shower on," he says softly, pulling his own clothes off as I do so. He checks the water temperature with his hand before putting his arm around my waist and pulling me under the water with him. His body towers over mine in the small shower, and when he bends down to kiss me the warm water sprays over his head and then cascades down over us.

  He backs up slightly and moves his hands down to my waist. "Turn around," He says, his voice growing huskier, and when I do, he grab
s my hands and places my palms against the tile in front of me. The familiar scintillating hum courses through my body, spreading that feeling of excitement, longing, and a tinge of nervousness from the unknown. His lips come down on my shoulder while his hands slowly slide down my arms, brushing across my breasts, and over the curve of my waist, stopping to fill his hands with my ass cheeks, squeezing as he presses his hard cock against the small of my back.

  "You have the most perfect ass," He whispers as the steam from the hot water drifts around us. His hand moves down between us and slides between my wet thighs, his fingers reaching forward to rub my clit, the water mixing with my own wetness.

  "Do you want me?" His teeth graze the back of my neck as his finger slowly pushes into me, a small moan escapes my lips.

  "Always."

  "Tell me," his lips curve against my neck in response and he pushes his palm up against my sex, his middle finger pressing perfectly against my sweet spot. "I want to hear your sweet voice say something dirty."

  Without hesitating, I say exactly what I'm thinking. "I want to feel every inch of your cock rammed in me right now."

  "Fuck yeah." He hisses. He backs away from me and lets the water spray down my back, then grabs the bottle of lavender body wash I keep here, squeezing some into his hands. I stay where he put me, still facing the tile with my hands flat against it, and he begins to rub the lather all over my back. My nipples harden against his palms when he reaches around to cup them, gently pinching my nipples before moving his slippery hands down to soap up my thighs, running his hand between my cheeks on the way, his fingers lingering and pressing into places that make my breath catch.

  His hand tangles in my wet hair and pulls my head back to him, his lips capturing mine, licking the drops of water that have dripped down to my mouth. I twist my head back to kiss him deeper when he grips my waist, guiding my lower body to meet with his and pushing us so the stream of water flows between our bodies. His hand moves between us, fisting his cock and pushing the slick head into my passage. Grabbing my hips, he thrusts up into me long and deep, making me go up on my toes from the force of him filling me.