by Carian Cole
She's my love. The one I'm going to spend my life with. Not Sydni, who has managed to position herself back in my life while I laid here beaten and in a fog.
I have a vague memory of my sister kissing me goodbye and whispering in my ear "I have your phone and everything else. That bitch went through the stuff you had on you when you got brought in, but I took it all. She didn't get to your phone, thank Fuck. Kenzi is staying at your house until you get home. She said to tell you she loves you."
Pain pierces through my head again as I realize what has sparked Sydni to suddenly try to become girlfriend of the year.
When we pull into my driveway, Kenzi's Jeep is there. Thank God. I can't wait to see her and have her in my arms. I could feel the worry and sadness coming off of her the few times she visited in the hospital. I wanted to scream at everyone to get the hell out of my room and give us a minute alone, but doing that would have made everyone suspicious of why I'd want to be alone in my hospital room with an eighteen-year-old girl.
Sure I could have called her from the phone in my room after visiting hours. If I knew her number. I've called her cell phone and house hundreds of times over the past years, but always from speed dial on my cell phone. I have no freakin' idea what those numbers are, and Asher's number is unlisted.
Technology, you are a sick fuck, thinking you're making our lives easier with your one touch buttons. Fuck you.
Sydni insisted on driving me home after I was discharged and I didn't want to cause a scene so I agreed, just to get out of there. But now I'm putting an end to this charade.
I grab Sydni's arm as she reaches to open her car door. I'm not letting her walk with me into my house. This is going to end right here in the car.
"What's wrong?" she asks. "Do you need help getting out of the car?"
"No. We need to talk."
"Okay, let's go inside and talk then. You can send Kenzi home now, she's just been pet sitting."
"No."
She turns in the seat with a confused look. "No what?"
"We're not together, Syd. Nothing has changed. I appreciate you coming to the hospital and driving me home, but now I want you to leave."
She frowns at me like I'm an unruly child. "What are you talking about? You said you wanted to give us another chance, Tor."
"I said I would think about it after your tour if you didn't sleep with anyone. But a lot has changed since then."
"I don't understand. I've been here for you. What could have changed?"
"A lot, actually, and I'm sorry, but we're not getting back together. Ever."
She shakes her head, her mouth twisting in confusion. "I saw the ring with your stuff at the hospital, Tor. It was in the bag with your clothes."
I cringe and brace myself. Of course, I would get hit by a car after picking up an engagement ring - I hope it's not some kind of bad omen.
"The ring isn't for you." I say quietly.
I'm pissed at her for even touching something she had no right to be anywhere near, getting her bad mojo all over it. Now I'm going to have to burn sage next to it.
"What?" she asks.
I turn to face her and my ribs scream in pain. "It's not for you. I'm sorry, Sydni."
"Then who the hell is it for?"
"That's none of your business."
"What the fuck, Tor? Are you insane? Did you just meet someone recently and decide to get married? Just like that?"
I shake my head slowly. "No. It's someone I've had feelings for for a long time."
She stares at me, dumbfounded. "Are you serious?"
"Yes."
"Is it Lisa?"
"No."
"Then who?"
"I'm not discussing this with you."
"Why the hell not? Don't I have a right to know?"
I let out a sick laugh. "No, you really fucking don't."
"We've been in a relationship forever, Tor. You don't think I deserve to know how you just suddenly fell in love and are going to propose to them? That's supposed to be me!"
"At one time I thought it could have been you. But I was never enough for you. You always wanted or needed someone else. Several someone elses. Face it, Sydni; you don't want to be married. You just want to know I'm yours. You want a safety net." I look towards the house, my heart pulling me to go inside and see the woman who does love and want me. "And I'm not going to be that for you."
It bothers me that she's hurting, and that she jumped to a crazy conclusion after she went through my things and got her hopes up. Of course I care about her, because she's right - we do have a history together, but it's over for us.
"Well, good luck, Tor. I hope she's everything you want." She says bitterly.
She is.
"I still care about you, Syd. And I hope you find what you're looking for."
"Just get out." She pushes my arm, right over the raw, tore up section that’s covered in bandages, and I see stars for a moment from the pain.
Fuckin’ bitch.
I climb out of the car, my body still stiff from pain, and walk slowly to the front door as Sydni backs out of my driveway and peels out down the street. Kenzi opens the door for me, then closes it when I get inside. Diogee and Kitten are waiting with her, the dog wagging his tail and howling at me while the kitten rubs all over my legs. This is how I want to come home every day, only without being beat to hell.
Kenzi stares up at me, her eyes shimmering with tears. "Can I hug you?" she asks. "Or will it hurt?"
I snake my arm around her and pull her against me. "You better hug me, Angel," I whisper, burying my face in her hair. "I don't care if you crack another rib. Just don't let me go."
"I was so worried about you." She gently wraps her arms around me and rests her head against my chest. "I couldn't get near you with Sydni there, and Tesla had your cell phone. I didn't know she knew about us."
"Yeah, I told her. I'm sorry about Sydni, Kenzi. I didn't know how to get rid of her without causing a scene."
"It's okay. I'm just so glad you're okay and you're home."
"You have no idea how much I missed you."
She peeks up at me. "Yeah, I might have a good idea."
I lean down to kiss her but she pulls back from me and looks down at the floor.
"What's wrong?" I ask as worry settles in my gut. She's never backed away from me before. "Why are you pulling away from me?"
"I saw Sydni kissing you, Tor. I know you were hurt and not even really awake, but I wasn't there much. She was." She swallows hard. "I need to know if that kept happening."
"Absolutely not. I couldn't stop her from coming every day. My head was fucked at first from the concussion but I definitely did not kiss her. I could barely move, Kenz. I just told her in the car two seconds ago that I appreciate her visiting and driving me but that we are completely over and I'm in love with someone else." I wish I could tell her about the ring and how Sydni assumed that it was for her but I refuse to wreck anything to do with my proposal to her just because Sydni was an idiot. I have no idea when I'll be proposing. It could be two months or ten years, but I wanted to have the ring in case I decide to be spontaneous. I don't care if we're engaged for years, I want her and the rest of the world to know I'm serious about spending my life with her.
"I believe you. I'm sorry I even asked, it was just upsetting to see her touching you and I wasn't able to even talk to you."
"I wanted to call you from my room but I didn't have your number memorized. Do you believe that shit? I just sat there staring at the phone like an idiot."
"Oh! Why didn't I think to call your room after visiting hours? I totally forgot there was a phone there. I'm so stupid!"
I laugh and kiss the top of her head. "No, you're not. We were both stressed. I just want to put this crap behind us." I take her hand and lead her over to the couch so I can sit and rest. My back is already starting to hurt again. "Thanks for taking care of these guys for me."
"Don't thank me. I love them."
"We
love you, too. More than you know."
She smiles at me and I wish I could push her back on the couch, kiss her everywhere and make love to her for hours but with my wrist and my ribs being all fucked up I can't. Laying in the hospital all banged up sucked but it sucked even worse not being able to be close to her.
I lean back against the couch and let out a sigh. "It's good to be home. I'm going to be home for at least a week before I go back to work. Maybe two."
She kneels on the floor in front of me and takes my boots off for me, and it's a mix of sweet and sexy as hell watching her do it.
"You need to rest. Your brothers all said they would take care of the shop for you."
"Good. Ya know what I want?"
She puts her hands on my legs and looks up at me. "Tell me."
"I want you here with me every day while I'm resting."
"Ooh. Can I play nurse?" Her playful, sensual voice wakes up my cock, which thankfully escaped getting road rash.
I touch her cheek affectionately. "I was hoping you would."
"I can kiss all your boo boos better."
"I have a lot."
"That's okay."
I cup my hand behind her neck and pull her up to my lips. "I really want to spend as much time with you as possible. I missed you like fuckin' crazy."
"Then I'll be here every day. I can't stay overnight, though, even though I want to more than anything. Sleeping here without you was like torture. Now that my Dad knows you're home, I can't."
"I know." I sigh. "And I'll deal with it. I'll take what I can get."
32
Kenzi
Kenzi ~ age ten
Tor ~ age twenty-five
"Uncle Tor?" She's standing next to the couch, gently pulling on the sleeve of my shirt.
"Yes, love?"
"Can you read to me?"
I lower the volume on the movie I'm watching and turn to face her. She's wearing her pajamas and holding onto an old book I used to read to her when she was little.
"You know how to read, Kenzi. You don't need me to read for you anymore."
"I know but I like to hear your voice when I fall asleep."
That puts an instant smile on my face and now I want nothing more than to read to her. Smiling, I take the old worn book from her hands, which I have memorized from reading it to her so many times.
"Well, I can't argue with that, now can I?" I reply, winking at her.
She shakes her head back and forth and smiles. "Nope."
Kenzi
Tor's been going a bit stir crazy in the house, so today I drove him to the beach so we could walk around and get some fresh air and sun. We hold hands and walk along the edge of the water with our shoes off and watch the seagulls.
"I love having you at my house every day," he says, squeezing my hand. "Now I don't want it to stop."
My heart soars. I can't even put into words how much I've enjoyed being with him every day. "I don't want it to stop, either. I never want to leave."
"Someday, you won't have to. That's the goal, right? To live together?" He glances down at me.
"That's definitely my goal. Can I start working at the shop when you go back?"
"Of course. Are you sure that's what you want to do?"
"I'm positive."
"Then you can. Gretchen can spend a few days with you before she moves to train you on some things."
"That would be great."
Something catches my eye along the water, and I let go of his hand to step forward to grab it. It's an old glass bottle.
"Damn I thought it was a message in the bottle," I say, frowning.
"Nope. Just some asshole's garbage."
There are no trash barrels around, so I have to put the bottle back down in the sand.
"I'm bummed. I've always wanted to find a message in a bottle."
"Isn't it only worth it if it's written for you?" He asks, reaching for my hand again.
"That's so true. Even if I found one, I'm not sure I could open it and read it. It's so invasive. But how fascinating would it be to just see one? I'm curious how the paper and ink would look. I wonder how the ink and paper would hold up after years of floating in the ocean, tossed around by storms, and then warmed by the sun over and over again.”
"Only you would think of that, Angel. But...here's some food for thought - how will you know if it’s for you or not, unless you open it?" He teases, bumping my shoulder.
I gape at him in mock irritation. "Now that's just mean and torturous."
He gestures up towards an ice cream stand in the distance. "Let me buy you some ice cream and then I want to take you home and torture you in ways that are much more fun."
My pulse speeds up as I go up on my toes to kiss his cheek and whisper in his ear. "Ice cream sounds yummy but I really want to lick you."
He groans and puts his arms around my waist, pulling me into him. "You naughty thing. I may not make the drive home if you keep talking like that."
As soon as we get inside his house he backs me up against the wall. His lips covering mine hungrily, and his hands moving slowly up my arms to rest on either side of my neck, holding my face to his as his tongue twists with mine.
"My body's not that sore anymore, baby," He says, his voice raspy from the kiss. "And it wants you in a bad fuckin' way."
"I'm all yours," I whisper against his mouth, and slide my hand down his chiseled body to grope his cock through his jeans, squeezing gently. Any shyness I had about touching him has slowly faded over the past few weeks after taking care of him while he was recovering. Bathing and showering with him was the perfect opportunity for us to reach an even deeper level of intimacy, and I took advantage of it to be able to explore every inch of his amazing body.
He sucks in a breath and watches with dark lust-filled eyes as I slowly slide myself down the wall until I'm kneeling in front of him, holding his gaze as I slowly unzip his jeans and pull them down along with his boxers. His hard cock thrusts out, and I eagerly wrap my lips around the head and slide my mouth down his shaft, filling my mouth and throat with him. He leans one arm on the wall above me and his other hand cups the back of my neck, his thumb slowly rubbing over my cheek as I move my lips up and down the hot length of him.
"I love when you suck me," The deep, breathiness of his voice sends tingles up and down my spine as he thrusts his salty crown against the back of my throat. I wrap my hand around him and grip his hot velvety flesh in unison with my mouth, sucking him harder as I pull my mouth to the tip and then plunge back down on him, quickening the pace as I feel him growing harder and throbbing against my tongue. His hand fists my hair and pulls my head back, forcing me to look up at him as he drives into my mouth and then stops with a deep moan, his hot liquid spurting down my throat. Swallowing, I stare up at him. He looks completely content and sated with his hair hanging down over his face, eyes closed, as he catches his breath, his hand caressing my cheek.
"You just wrecked me," he finally says.
"I hope that's good?" I slowly stand and lean back against the wall where he originally had me, and he leans down for a long, slow kiss that takes my breath away. His hands sink to my hips as he settles his body between my legs.
"It's beyond good," He sucks my bottom lip between his and gently bites. "Now I need more."
We move to the bedroom where he makes love to me to the point of total exhaustion. After a nap, he sits up in bed shirtless and plays his acoustic guitar while I lay with my head on his thigh and listen in woozy bliss. He's been playing a lot since the accident, and I love that it seems to be therapeutic for him now rather than a bitter pill he was forced to swallow years ago.
He plays the ballad he played a few weeks ago at the bonfire, and while he doesn't sing, I know the lyrics by heart.
I wanted your smile to be for me
I watched you from afar for so long
And finally when I had you in my reach
You got stolen away, right in front of me
&nb
sp; "You wrote that song, right?" I ask.
He nods. "I did. In high school. Asher tweaked it a little, of course."
"Is it about someone?" Curiosity about the song has been on my mind for a while, and I want to hear the story behind it if there is one.
He chews the inside of his cheek and then looks down at me laying on his lap. "It sorta is. Or was at the time, I should say."
"Can you tell me who? It's kinda sad."
"Do you really want to know, Kenz?"
A twitch of fear burns in my stomach, but I nod anyway. "Yes."
His dark eyes settle on mine and he lets out a small sigh. "It was about your mother."
I pick my head up off his leg and stare at him. "My mother?" I repeat. "I don't understand. Did you write it for my Dad?"
He lays the guitar on the floor next to the bed. "No. I wrote it for me."
My mind starts to spin around with the rest of the lyrics of the song, about regrets, betrayal, and a love that never came to be.
I give my head a little shake. "I'm confused. You were with my mom?" My voice has taken on a waver that I don't like. I've just stepped into territory I had no idea I was walking into and now I wish I hadn't.
"No. Never. But I liked her first. She was new to town and it took me a long time to get up the guts to talk to her. At the time I thought she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. I know it's hard to believe now but I was really shy when I was young."
Swallowing hard, I touch his arm. "I never knew that."
"Yeah, I had asked her if I could walk her home, and we stopped at the park to get to know each other a little more, and I was just about to ask her out on a date when your dad showed up. The rest, as they say, is history."
"What do you mean?"
"He just swooped in and I was instantly forgotten about. And that's it. I went home and left them there, and they've been together ever since."
A strange, sick feeling washes over me. I feel like I stepped in something wet and squishy while barefoot and have no idea what it is, and I'm afraid to look.
