Theta

by Lizzy Ford

  “Did you find what you sought, when you left?” Alessandra asked and relaxed in my arms.

  “Not exactly,” I replied. “The world outside these walls is very different. The gods are dying, and they’re overtaking human bodies to try to survive.”

  Her eyebrows quirked. “Dying,” she repeated. “You’ve witnessed this?”

  “I have. The Silent Queen has been hunting and killing them. Neither of us can understand how or why the gods are in the shape they’re in.”

  Her expression fell, and I didn’t understand why. The tension of her body didn’t leave completely, and a shadow similar to that I saw in Lantos gaze lingered.

  Chapter Fifteen: Alessandra

  I had to send Adonis away, for his own benefit, and I couldn’t find the words to do it. I’d wanted to stand here like this with him almost since we met. I clung to him instead, never wanting him to leave me while knowing our time together was short.

  “I don’t want that to be true,” I said, focusing on what he said rather than what I felt. My thoughts were grudgingly lingering on one idea planted by Cleon and Lantos alike, and I hated the path it took me down. I was at a crossroads.

  If the gods were dying, how was it possible for what I wanted to believe about their involvement in the Holy Wars? Adonis was opening a door I’d been struggling to keep closed – the door to a different version of events than that I had been led to believe about the gods’ involvement on Earth. The priests who raised me at the orphanage had hated them and were determined to bring back the Old Ways.

  Was it possible they weren’t the first to act upon their beliefs that the gods were more of a nuisance than benefit to humanity?

  “You bear no good will towards them. What troubles you about them dying?” Adonis asked softly.

  I was caught for a few seconds in the beautiful shade of blue-green of his eyes. His strength and warmth grounded me while simultaneously frightening me a little, as always. Seated half on top of him on the couch, I couldn’t help wishing this moment would never end, that the chaos in my mind wasn’t going to return when our bodies no longer touched.

  For two weeks, I’d been trapped in this apartment, swirling slowly down into a level of insanity that left me unable to distinguish my thoughts from Cleon’s, or my experiences from his. Sometimes, I sat in his office and spoke to high level officials and sometimes, I watched television endlessly in my living room. I didn’t know which of us was which anymore.

  I hadn’t, until Adonis touched me and yanked me out of the mental free fall I’d been in for days. Without Cleon’s mind merged to mine, I understood where I was, who I was and even what conversations and thoughts had been mine.

  Adonis caused a different kind of free fall, where my heart – rather than my mind – was tumbling into the abyss. I rested my fingertips on his face, not quite able to believe he was here, even though the warmth of his skin assured me he was.

  Registering Adonis’ question, I lowered my hand before my fingers reached the full lips I ached to touch. “It’s complicated,” I replied, thoughts on Cleon’s firm belief the gods weren’t responsible for the Holy Wars. “Lantos … he gave them the ability to talk to me, but I’ve been suppressing them. Cleon won’t let me leave this apartment if I don’t talk to them.”

  “Maybe you should.”

  I studied Adonis. I could ignore the advice of everyone – except for Adonis and Herakles. Adonis was the former leader of the religious police, SISA, but I had never thought him particularly fond of the gods, especially given his Bloodline’s relationship with the deities who cursed them.

  “If you do not feel comfortable speaking to just any god, I know one who will listen,” he added at my silence.

  I hesitated. “You think it’s necessary?”

  “I think there’s no downside to understanding who your enemies may or may not be.”

  “Makes sense.” The guards had pierced the outer door and were starting on the metal wall I put between us. Instinctively, I gripped Adonis’ hand, unwilling to let him go, especially not before I warned him. “I foresaw your death, Adonis. Twice.”

  “Tell me exactly what you saw.”

  I filled him in on the visions. Whereas I’d hidden parts of them from Phoibe and Lantos, I revealed everything to Adonis. He listened, head tilted in interest and eyes steady on my face. When I was done, he remained quiet.

  “I can’t believe you’re here.” My cheeks grew warm again. I wanted to ask him if he thought worse of me after the incident in the city where I murdered over three thousand people, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t handle disappointing him.

  “I belong right here,” he said and cupped my cheeks in his hands.

  “But you can’t stay,” I insisted. “I can’t protect you. I couldn’t protect Theodocia or Leandra or Mrs. Nettles.” Tears blinded me, and I wiped them away, humiliated to cry in front of anyone.

  “I don’t need protection, Alessandra.”

  I loved the way he said my name. Low, soft, deep with reverence I’d never considered giving much of anything in my life.

  “If you will consider meeting with one god in particular, I think he can help,” Adonis added.

  At that moment, he could’ve asked me to murder another three thousand people, and I would have agreed without a trace of independent thought interfering with the decision. I gazed into his eyes, hardly able to believe he was sitting here with me, and we were touching in a way far more intimate than we ever had. Something akin to adrenaline was blazing in my blood, leaving me self-aware, my skin too sensitive, to sit here long without exploding or squirming.

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  “He may be able to interpret your vision. I see pieces of information in it, but the bigger picture eludes me.”

  “Me, too.”

  The grinding whine of a massive drill sent both of us covering our ears. The floor and ceiling trembled, and the metal wall began to shake. I tried to brace it, to will another layer of metal over the existing wall, with no effect. My heart began to race, and I recalled too clearly Lantos claim I would be the reason behind Adonis’ death. Cleon wanted Adonis dead, because he understood the threat to our bond.

  “Cleon’s here,” I shouted about the drilling. “He’s blocking me! You have to leave!” I scrambled off the lap of the man I was pretty certain I loved and willed all the lights in the apartment out. Certain to keep a death grip on his hand, I identified the darkest corner.

  “Alessandra,” Adonis called.

  “I can’t leave the room because of that asshole Lantos!” I exclaimed in frustration. “But he owes us both for betraying us. He’ll do what I tell him to!” Towing him to the corner, I leaned into the darkness and did as the shadow titan had once directed me. “Lantos!”

  Adonis took my arm and turned me to face him. His features were grim. He understood he couldn’t stay, not if he wanted to survive this. He said nothing, though, and we stood in awkward silence. He was calm. I was panicking.

  “I can’t lose you,” I said.

  “You won’t. I’m not going anywhere. Nothing that comes through that door -” The ferocity in his low growl was pure Mismatch.

  “You have to go. If you don’t, you will die!” I said urgently. “If you’re gone, I don’t care what happens to the rest of the world!”

  His jaw was clenched tightly enough for the muscles to tick. He was gripping my arms tighter, and emotions churned in his eyes.

  “Please,” I begged. “For me. We will find a way to be together, but it’s not here and now. If you die, I will chase you into Hades, and everything else will be lost. I’m safe here. No one can hurt me.”

  “One condition.” He released a breath. “Meet me tonight on the wall where I saved you once before.”

  I couldn’t. I wouldn’t, not if it meant I placed him in danger.

  “I’ll be there.” It took every ounce of what I’d learned from Cleon and Lantos for me to look Adonis directly in the eye and lie – and it
broke my heart to do it.

  With the drill screeching in our ears, and our fates doomed at best, I could think of no other moment in history where I wanted to be than here with my Adonis. Our look grew too long. Did he sense the thought going through my mind – that this might be our last time together?

  Did he know I would destroy my world to save him, and had already considered destroying myself for the same reason?

  More tears burned my eyes. I deserved far worse than their fire after all I’d done. I didn’t know what to say, and by his silence, neither did he.

  Adonis leaned forward and kissed me. The second his soft, warm lips touched mine, I froze. My mind went completely blank, and the fire racing through me turned into an inferno whose source was the base of my belly. Having never kissed anyone, I didn’t know what to do. His lips guided mine with gentleness at odds with the intensity of what I felt, and I timidly responded to the light pressure of his lips. Leaning into him, I rested my body against his.

  Adonis’ warmth and strength … his dark, masculine scent … his flavor … I wanted to disappear into him. My instincts were screaming at me to do so much more, but I didn’t understand what that meant. Herakles had raised me with absolutely no knowledge about the opposite sex, aside from where to hit or kick a man to disable him quickly.

  Someone coughed loudly enough for us to hear over the sound of metal grinding against metal.

  Adonis lifted his head from mine. My eyes opened, and I stared at him, breathless and unable to hear much of anything above my heart beating.

  “Pardon me for disturbing you,” Lantos said from behind Adonis. “I believe someone called for me.”

  Adonis’ hands dropped from my face to take my hand, and he turned away. If he hadn’t moved, I’d have been stuck there for eternity, gazing up at him in absolute awe. Any doubt I had about what he felt vanished in the flames of need raging in my body.

  Lantos didn’t look at Adonis directly but focused on me.

  “Yeah,” I managed in a faint voice. “Can you take him to safety?”

  “I can,” Lantos said.

  Adonis’ jaw was clenched, and the glare he leveled on Lantos was cold.

  “You have to go,” I said and pushed him towards Lantos. “Please. I’ll meet with whomever you want. Just go now!”

  Lantos and I exchanged a look, both of us aware of the danger Adonis was in if he remained. Adonis knew as well. He squeezed my hand and walked towards Lantos.

  “If you betray us again …” he began.

  “I won’t betray her,” Lantos replied.

  Adonis was tense, but he appeared to accept this, while I was left startled. Now Lantos decided to protect me? After he’d already inflicted the worst damage possible? Was this part of his attempt to right some wrong he wouldn’t discuss? And what did he mean by he wouldn’t betray me? Was he planning to turn traitor on Adonis?

  “We don’t have much time,” Lantos said with a glance at the metal wall.

  I squeezed Adonis’ hand.

  “I’ll be back for you,” he said to me without taking his eyes off his former friend.

  Adonis shifted towards Lantos. I braced myself for the return of Cleon to my mind, and turned away, eyes closed.

  The second his hand slid from mine, I crashed to my knees. Cleon was there, his consciousness merging with mine until I didn’t know if I stood in my living room or in the hallway outside, pacing anxiously.

  Thank the gods, he was thinking. What happened?

  The drill stopped immediately. I willed the wall away and wobbled to my feet. My head was filled with too much for me to manage without a major headache.

  Cerberus was in his mirror again, watching me, as always. This time when I looked at him, I thought about how far I’d go to rescue Adonis, in life and death. There were no limits.

  Wiping my eyes, I climbed to my feet. Now that I was reconnected to Cleon, we were sharing information again. I could keep nothing from him, and he could keep nothing from me. His relief was forefront in my mind, followed by anger and concern. He had thought I was dead or similar, though we both knew if I died, so did he.

  He would also know about now that Niko had set this all up.

  “If Adonis comes near here, I will have him killed,” he said, standing in the ruins of the destroyed wall of the front of my apartment.

  “You’re getting worse,” I said and faced him. The strange pains that had plagued him since shortly after we were united continued to grow. I sensed it without feeling it, which puzzled both of us, since we had been able to experience the physical sensations the other did for several weeks now. This pain was unique to him. It showed in the tightness of his features, his blanched skin, and the general weakness of his body. I could tell his hunger from mine, and I read in his mind he hadn’t eaten in four days.

  If anything happened to one of us, it would probably kill us both. Neither of us, however, had any idea why he was suffering.

  “I’m ready to listen to the gods,” I said. Speaking aloud was unnecessary with our minds linked, but I did it to try to put some space between us.

  “Good.” He turned and motioned to one of what appeared to be two dozen guards crowding the hallway. “Grab Niko and his son. Take them to the basements. Put out an alert for the Supreme Priest.” He was thinking of Adonis, but he didn’t mention him. “Move this shit.” He motioned to the equipment they’d used to breach the door and then flinched, one hand going to his head.

  Two soldiers hurried away while another five shifted into the apartment to lift the large drill.

  Cleon came to stand beside me. “I’m thrilled Adonis talked some sense into you.”

  “It’s not just that.”

  He met my gaze, accessing my thoughts as if they were his. “Then let’s go see her.”

  “Oh, so now I’m allowed out of my room?” I snapped.

  “If anyone had ever tried to convince me of how bizarre the brain of a teenage woman was, I’d have never believed it,” he said and shook his head.

  “Can’t be worse than being in the mind of a delusional psychopath!”

  “They’re pretty similar.”

  I hated him. He didn’t exactly hold the highest opinion of me, either. We were like a couple married for fifty years. Nothing either of us said or thought surprised the other anymore. We’d both sunk into a state of agitated apathy towards one another.

  “We’re not going to meet him tonight, no matter how much you want to,” Cleon added.

  “I wouldn’t put him in that kind of danger,” I snapped. “We have to see Cecelia.”

  He stepped aside and motioned to the gaping hole in my wall. “After you.” He was triumphant, aware I’d been swayed to do what he wanted me to since he dragged me into his office to discuss the gods. “Their voices are easier to hear at twilight.”

  I said nothing and walked through the mess into the hallway. The soldiers fell away when Cleon motioned them to, and I strode through the adjacent hall and to the stairs.

  Ten minutes later, we were outside. I breathed in deeply, and my whole body felt like it was coming back to life after a long slumber. It was muggy and cloudy, the air as thick as soup. I didn’t care. Fresh air was fresh air. After two weeks trapped in my apartment, I rejoiced in the cement and exhaust characterizing the city’s air. It was late afternoon.

  As one, Cleon and I struck off towards the Oracle’s caverns. Our strides synced, and we walked in step, our bodies adjusting to one another’s. I chose to ignore how little left of me was truly me and instead, sifted through our combined thoughts about the Oracle. Where we were in disagreement, it was easier for me to identify my mind from Cleon’s. He was ready to charge in and wrestle the Oracle’s power away from her, which sounded insane to me, since neither of us had a handle on the source of my power or hers, and no one knew what happened to us if she lashed out. She retained her full capabilities, even if she was weak, whereas I wouldn’t until she died.

  It was the one area where
I was unusually apprehensive and restrained and Cleon shed his patience and plotting for the purpose of instant action.

  “That was really your first kiss?” he asked, entertained.

  I flushed. I had been trying very, very hard not to think about Adonis at all, let alone dwell on how incredible his kiss had been. Lantos was taking Adonis to safety, which gave me a little time to do something stupid without the shadow titan interfering. A thrill raced through me at the thought of kissing him again but was soon followed by profound sorrow.

  I couldn’t see him again. Ever. Not while Cleon was in my head.

  “At least you won’t go down in history as the Oracle who’s never kissed a man,” Cleon said. “Of everything at stake, and without knowing if we can stop the apocalypse, how is that the most important thought on your mind?”

  “Stop it!” I snapped. “The only reason I haven’t blasted you to the moon is because I’m not ready to give up yet.”

  He was quiet. Our combined concern grew stronger as we reached the guard shack atop the caverns until the energy of my magic was bouncing between the politician and me. We entered unchallenged and rode the elevator down to the cavern.

  I breathed in the giddy, familiar scents with relief, enjoying the tiny piece of peace they offered.

  Cleon stopped a meter from the elevator. “I understand now.” He closed his eyes, and I felt his inner contentment, echoed inside my own being.

  Can you hear me? Cecelia’s soft voice sent a jolt of awareness through me.

  I looked towards her then at Cleon, who was smiling and oblivious.

  How can you talk to me without him hearing? I asked.

  I have had thirty years to learn to use my gifts. She said no more.

  I approached her prison inside the glass bubble on a wall. I wanted to ask her about the suspicions Cleon and Lantos shared, but I hesitated. When I saw what humans and gods had done to her and to her predecessors, I found it harder to condemn her for wanting to destroy everyone.

  I couldn’t let that happen, even if I pitied her and understood why she was so angry.