Here & Now

by Melyssa Winchester

  Before I can make my way in after her, Amelia reaches out and slides her fingers around my wrist.

  “Don’t worry. We’ve all been there. It was the same way with Eric.”

  I’m not much of a gossip and I definitely don’t like getting into anyone’s business, but with everything that they went through last year, I’ve gotta admit that I thought her and Eric would never be able to act the way Dillon and I do. If it had happened to me, I’m not sure I could either.

  Sliding her hand off my wrist, but not away completely, she grips my hand and does the same thing as Belle. Picks a spot and makes herself comfortable, her eyes looking to Belle once we’re all in and seated, obviously waiting for her to explain exactly what it is they’re doing here.

  “Why did you want to know what I was doing tonight?”

  “Kay and Dill are watching some game at home and the noise from them yelling at the television was driving me crazy, so I called Amelia. I found out that with Eric out of town this weekend with his family, she’s on her own and in need of some fun, so we thought we’d see if you wanted to do something with us.”

  “What did you have in mind?”

  Amelia grins, but it’s not like her usual ones. This is playful. Whatever it is she’s got in mind for us to do tonight, it’s definitely not something my mom’s going to be pleased about.

  “I’ll tell you what we’re gonna do, but first, I’ve got something for you.” She says, sliding her hand into her pocket, grabbing what she’s after and sliding it over to me.

  A plastic card, kind of like my library card in that it’s colorful, but one that’s got my picture and all of my information on it. She’s giving me an ID card. The only difference between this one and the one I already have in my wallet upstairs being that my birthday is apparently five years before I was born.

  “A fake ID?”

  “Yeah. If we’re going out tonight, you’re gonna need it.”

  Turning my attention away from her just long enough to shoot Belle a look, my friend leans forward in the rocking chair and grins.

  “When’s the last time you went out and did something fun?”

  Considering how the date night with Dillon went, I want to speak up and say then, but there’s something about the way they’re both looking at me that tells me it’s not quite what they’re getting at. The last time I went out alone and did anything fun, well, let’s just say it’s been awhile.

  My idea of fun is usually just staying in my room watching movies.

  “Awhile I guess, why?”

  “Amelia thought that with Eric out of town and Kay and Dillon wrapped up in the only other thing that matters to them besides us, we could do something different.”

  “Are you gonna tell me what that is or just keep being evasive?”

  “We want to go to a bar.”

  No way. I can’t believe Belle is sitting here suggesting that I do this. She knows my mom almost as well as I do. There’s no way she’s gonna let any of us out the door if she gets even the slightest hint that we’re going to a bar.

  Who is this girl and what did she do with the timid girl I met last year?

  “You know I can’t do that and even if I wanted to, I don’t drink.”

  “Well, we don’t either.” Belle agrees. “We’d be going there for a different reason.”

  “Which is?”

  “Karaoke and dancing.”

  This idea just gets crazier by the second. First she wants us to go to a bar, but once we’re there, we’re gonna sip water and sing? Is this even happening right now or is this another instance where the surgeon may have hit something when they were working on my head and now I’m moving around in some twisted reality?

  “I don’t sing.”

  “You don’t have too. I want to do it and so does Amelia.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I want to keep pushing myself to do things and go places I never have before. I just don’t want to do it alone, which is where you come in.”

  “What about me? I’m the one that suggested it.” Amelia says and Belle just laughs in response.

  “Yeah you did, but you’re also used to going out and doing this kind of stuff. Caddy and me, we aren’t.”

  She’s right about that. Belle and I are a lot alike and it’s got nothing to do with her autism and my disability. It’s just because our idea of a good time has always been something more home based and taking the step out from that is harder than it seems. I’m dealing with the looks and reactions I’ll get when I speak or even when people realize I don’t hear and she’s worried that the sensory stimulation will be too much and she’s going to end up embarrassing herself.

  “Even if I wanted to help, you know what my mom is like.”

  “I do,” she agrees. “Which is why I took care of it already.”

  This I’ve gotta hear.

  “How?”

  “It’s been a little while since I’ve seen her, so I popped by the school before coming over here. I remember from last year that she’s always working late, so I took a chance and it paid off. As long as you get upstairs and get ready quick, we can be out of here before we have to explain anything.”

  I’m not sure how I feel about this. The last time I went against my mom was the night Dillon and I stayed at the hotel, and the look she had that day, the way she treated me for a few days afterward was enough to make me not want to do it again.

  If I do what they’re suggesting now, I get the feeling it’s going to come back to haunt me again and this time, she won’t be as forgiving.

  “What did you tell her we were going to do?”

  “I told her the truth, about the karaoke anyway. I didn’t mention the bar.”

  “I don’t understand.” I admit, trying to piece together in my head how she could let part of the truth out without tipping my mom off to the rest of it. “Where does she think this is happening?”

  “My house.”

  “Look—” Amelia interrupts. “You know that deep down you want to do this with us because it beats being upstairs all night missing your boyfriend.”

  With how easily she pinpoints the way my night would have gone, it makes me start to believe she’s psychic.

  “Going to school in the city, having to go back in two days and completely unable to get back down here to see Eric for at least another two weeks, I know all about pining away in your room. I wish that I could be out with him right now, but since I can’t, this is the next best thing. Say yes, Caddy. It’ll be fun.”

  “And you’re okay with this?” I turn and ask Belle and when she nods, it looks like my plans are set. Amelia’s right. I would have spent the night wishing I was with Dillon and eventually passing out after putting myself to sleep reading, which isn’t much of a night at all. At least if I go out with them, I’ll be able to have some fun, even if it is a different kind of fun then I’m used to.

  I just hope that when my boyfriend gets wind of what we’re doing, he doesn’t lose his mind. Somehow I don’t see Dillon being all that happy about me going to a bar when I could have easily just made my way over to the house and been there with him.

  “Okay. I’m in.”

  Dillon

  Belle and Amelia stopped by. We’re gonna have a girls night. Enjoy the game!

  The idea of the girls all getting together and having a night to themselves makes hanging out with Kayden watching the Tampa Bay/Atlanta game a little easier to take. It’s also a reminder of what a lucky bastard I am.

  I’m dating a girl that instead of riding me about spending as much time as possible with her, pulling me away from my friends and doing what I love, is content doing her own thing, trusting me in the process. Where my time with Amelia had been all about making sure she knew where I was all the time, it’s the complete opposite with Cadence.

  The real difference between them is that with Amelia everything felt like a chore and I was pulling away from it long before we ended up breaking up, but with Caden
ce, the separation just makes me wanna say screw it to the game and go hang out with her instead.

  I genuinely want to be where she is every second, if she’d let me.

  Yeah, I’ve got it bad. I think I might be addicted to my girlfriend. As it turns out though, if addiction to a girl is my problem, I’m surrounded by the best company. Kayden’s the only guy I know that might just have it worse than me.

  “You know anything about this?” I ask, shooting my phone over to Kayden and watching as he reads over the text.

  “Yeah. Belle told me earlier she wanted to hang out with Caddy tonight.”

  “She really hates when you watch the game, huh?”

  “Hate isn’t a strong enough word for it.”

  “Any idea what they’re doing?”

  His eyes lower to the phone before lifting again as he hands it back over, a few seconds passing before he nods and turns back to the television.

  “What are they doing?”

  “Don’t blow a fucking gasket.” He warns before rubbing his hand over his face and releasing a sigh.

  If Kayden is warning me not to lose it after the way he lost it a few months ago and the way his anger flares up over the stupidest shit, then I’m not sure I wanna know what my girlfriend and her friends are up to. We’re pretty damn similar when it comes to shit that sets us off, so him warning me means he wasn’t a big fan of it either.

  “Just tell me.”

  “Amelia talked Belle into going to a bar.”

  “She did what?”

  Kayden dated Amelia the same as I did. We know how she used to deal with the shit going on her life. If she wasn’t fucking with people at school, she was taking off and getting drunk in various bars and clubs over town. She had some serious fucking issues and with as many times as I picked her up from these places, never once caring enough to ask her what was really going on, them going to a bar tonight rubs me the wrong way.

  The last place I want my fucking girlfriend is a bar with Amelia. I don’t even care that Kayden was cool with letting Belle go. Belle isn’t Caddy.

  “Remember Trixie’s?

  Yeah. One of the old haunts I picked Amelia up from when we first got together. I know it well. It’s a piece of shit dive bar and the last place I want to hear that Caddy went to. The guys in there are bad news, even for my girl.

  “They went to Trixie’s?”

  “Yeah. Apparently they did an overhaul on the place and it’s the grand opening tonight. Free drinks for the girls and karaoke.”

  “And you’re cool with letting Belle go there?”

  “No.” He laughs. “Are you kidding me? I fought her on it, but man, she wants to break out of her shell. Until I took her to the damn beach she hadn’t even been there. She’s fucking sheltered, so I told her I was cool with it.”

  “And are you?”

  “Not on your life. Why do you think I keep ignoring the fucking game so I can stare at the phone?”

  Well at least the way I’m feeling isn’t just me.

  “What the fuck is Amelia thinking?”

  “Eric’s out of town, she’s tired of missing him and wants to go have fun. At least that’s what she told Belle.”

  “You know the way she was before.”

  “I do, but Ames isn’t the same girl anymore. She’s not going there to get wasted and forget the shit with her dad. She’s going there to have fun and sing.”

  “Another tidbit you got from Belle?”

  “Yeah. If I’m gonna let her walk out the door, she’s gonna make sure I know everything.”

  The level of trust between these two, it’s huge and despite them both being my best friends, I’m jealous. I have something like that with Cadence, but it’s definitely not the same, at least not yet. I wouldn’t have let her walk out the door earlier. I trust her, but when it comes to the rest of the world, they can get bent. I don’t trust anyone.

  Cadence has already been through enough, the last thing she needs is some fucker in a bar giving her trouble and me not being there to put an end to it.

  “You’re gonna go down there, aren’t you?”

  “Are you telling me that you haven’t been thinking the same damn thing since Belle walked out of here earlier?”

  He laughs and I know I’ve read the situation right. I don’t care how much he loves her and how willing he is to let her go through with this idea of breaking out of her shell more, Kayden is still a protective asshole. He probably wants to be there even more than I do and the need I have to get off the sofa right now and get in my car is extreme.

  “You know I do, but if we walk in there with our chests puffed out like apes, it’s just going to make them think we don’t trust them. You really wanna deal with the fight that’s gonna cause?”

  “If it means that I keep my girl safe, you’re damn fucking right I do.”

  Leaning back into the sofa and pushing myself up, I pause once I’m standing and throw him a look.

  “You coming or what?”

  Cadence

  I feel bad for Belle.

  We’ve been here for about an hour and the noise, it’s made her place her hands over her ears about six times. Noises I am so thankful I can’t hear.

  When Amelia and Belle dropped this on me, I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, but getting to see the way Amelia lit up the minute we walked in and how quickly she made a beeline for the bright red and black jukebox in the corner, everything is clear. I’m happy to do this even if it’s not my idea of a good time because it makes her happy. I like her a lot more when she’s happy.

  Belle, though, she’s regretting this, I can tell.

  Noise is a big thing for her. We’ve talked about it before and judging from the amount of people here, all of them talking, the music playing with people constantly putting money in the machine and then proceeding to dance around the place and then the people getting up on the stage and singing, it’s got to be driving her insane.

  Tapping her on the shoulder and waiting patiently as she turns around to face me, I point to the door, more than a little eager to get her away from what’s obviously causing her distress and keep her grounded.

  She doesn’t talk about it much, but she’s still prone to accidents and sensory overload, which is why the small steps she takes every couple of months, wanting to get out and do things, they’re always controlled by her and the people she’s doing them with. The last thing she wants is to go backwards when she’s doing everything in her power to keep moving forward.

  Following where I’m pointing, she smiles before sliding off the barstool and making a beeline for the peace she’s sure to get on the outside.

  For me, not being able to hear, all of this is peaceful. I can take in everything in going on around me, focus on what people are saying with them having no idea I’m even paying attention and not worry about anything. It’s probably wrong, but watching people when they have no idea they’re being watched is kind of entertaining. People are definitely weird when they drink, which is probably another reason I don’t plan on ever doing it.

  I get the feeling that if half of the people I’ve watched tonight knew what they were saying, they wouldn’t ever want to do it again either. They bring a whole new meaning to the world embarrassing. Especially the one talking about getting revenge on her ex by sleeping with his best friend.

  Watching as Belle passes by a couple of guys making their way through the door, my gaze lands on the taller one with the light brown hair and when he catches me, his eyes go wide.

  “It’s you.” He says and I have no idea what he means. Looking around me, I try to pick out someone else around me that he might be talking to, but no one else is even paying attention.

  For whatever reason, this guy who I don’t think I’ve ever seen before knows me and that peaceful feeling from earlier starts to fade away. Maybe coming here was the mistake I thought it was after all.

  Turning and saying something to the guy he’s with, he turns his attention back
to me and the door that I can now see Belle has completely made her way out of. Moving along and pushing my way through it, I don’t stop until I’m outside and standing as close to my friend as I can get. The guy’s large frame imposing once he stops in front of us.

  “I know this is gonna sound fucked, but I know you.”

  Belle steps forward and even though I know it’s gotta be hard for her, she blocks the guy from stepping closer. She knows how I am about speaking in public, especially with people that have never heard me before, so she’s helping the way she always does.

  “Pretty sure you don’t know her, so why don’t you go back inside.”

  “You’re Murphy’s girlfriend, right?”

  Watching his lips move and seeing Dillon’s name, the fear at not being able to place this guy settles and I’m finally able to break the awkwardness of the moment by letting my lips rise just a little, which from the way he matches me, the guy seems to like.

  “I’m on the team with him.”

  His hands are moving and at first I don’t understand why, but the more I watch, the more I can see that he’s signing, which means this is definitely someone that knows Dillon and because of that knows all about me.

  I should be upset about this, but I’m not. The smile on his face, the ease at which he signs to me, I can tell that he means no harm with it and he’s just trying to make things easier, something that despite my earlier fear, I’m grateful for.

  It’s obvious you know me, but I don’t know you. I’m sorry.

  The guy doesn’t miss a beat. When Belle moves back after seeing my previous stance go from hard to more relaxed, he moves forward, the smile never once leaving and his eyes even in the darkness of the night almost glowing.

  “I’m Ryder.”

  Ryder. Going over everything Dillon’s told me about the team since he got back, the name sounds familiar to me, but I still don’t know as much about him as I’d like to. The more I sit and take him in though, the more he does start to look familiar, which can only mean I saw him in passing on one of my visits to the school.