A Reluctant Companion

by Kit Tunstall

  Both girls giggled into their glasses. They were homely, but their smiles made them much more attractive, and she vowed to try to keep the girls smiling as much as possible in the coming week. Not to improve their beauty, but because they both radiated warmth that suggested they were used to smiles and cheerfulness.

  Dinner conversation varied between interesting and mundane. Pru raved on about her four-month-old son, who was sleeping upstairs at the moment. Bea and May prattled on about parties and social obligations, while Madison and Cleo did their best to make interesting conversation. Cleo struck conversational gold when she asked them about their suitors, inducing giggles and shared confidences that lasted for the rest of the meal.

  Tiernan, Tex, and the other two men occasionally cast indulgent looks in their directions. Whenever Tiernan did, and Madison caught him, she stuck her tongue out at him, not liking the condescending behavior.

  As dessert made its appearance, the girls finally stopped chatting about the beaus in Texas, and Madison heard snippets of the men’s conversation. They were discussing rebel activity. The president was giving Tiernan a recount of his military days, when he was still the colonel and had led a decisive battle against the rebels. Curious, especially in light of Tiernan’s rebel activity, she asked, “Tex, do you mind my asking why the rebels were rebelling?”

  Tex shrugged broad shoulders. “Don’t know, Madison. There’s always someone who thinks they can do it better ‘n someone else.”

  She nodded, but didn’t think he was right. Most people didn’t rebel unless driven to do so. What set of circumstances had led the Texans to rebel, and had the colonel done anything to change them? Why were people trying to undermine Tiernan? She had no answer and was glad she didn’t bear the brunt of running the Northwest Federation. No leader could make everyone happy.

  When the evening wound to a close, Madison had made plans to have breakfast with Pru, who was an early riser, and then join the other sisters for afternoon tea, along with Cleo. She wondered if they would be partaking of the contraceptive tea as well and decided probably not, with a suppressed twitch of her lips. The Germaine sisters seemed likely to still be virgins, and not solely because they were plain. There was an air about them that suggested they were even more cosseted and protected than she had been before Tiernan.

  In the bedroom, she helped Tiernan remove his formal jacket and the shirt underneath. “I think you still need help.” She slid her hand into his waistband to stroke the flesh, stretching her fingers to brush the top of his shaft.

  “You too.” He undid the small buttons with ease, pushing the dress down into a puddle of fabric around her feet. “Bath?”

  “Bath,” she agreed with a nod, clinging to him as he swept her into his arms to carry her through to the bathroom. How strange her life had become, she mused. To go from mending fences to hosting visiting foreign dignitaries, from metal tubs in the kitchen to marble baths full of steaming water. When he had first taken her, she’d sworn there was no way she could be happy here, in this new life, and it was with some wonder that she realized she had been wrong. Life here was different, but happy, just the same. Happier in some ways, she thought, as he finished undressing them and settled into the water with her on his lap. Back home, there had been no tender tyrant to make her body sing and her heart thunder in her ears.

  *****

  Pru brought her baby with her to breakfast the next morning. He had inherited more of his father’s looks, and he was a handsome little boy. When he gave a toothless smile, her heart melted, and she was soon cuddling the little man in her arms as she sat with her newest friend at the table. “He’s beautiful,” she raved again for the fifth time in as many minutes. “You’re so lucky.”

  Pru’s eyes were misty. “I really am.” She reached out to touch her baby’s hand, but didn’t take him back yet. “I know what people say, you know.”

  Madison frowned. “About what?”

  “Oh, the spinster sisters.” Pru waved a hand. “Everyone thought we’d all be unmarried forever, so it wagged some tongues when Cody started courting me.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about what people think,” said Madison. “All that matters is you’re happy.”

  Pru’s wide smile brightened her plain features. “I quite agree. Still, it upset me when people just assumed he was trying to win favor with Pop through me. And the fact that he’s twenty years older than me had them all gossiping about how I was so desperate I’d settle for anyone.”

  “I think that’s nonsense,” said Madison, speaking truthfully. “I saw the way you looked at each other several times last night. It’s the same kind of look my momma and papa still give each other.”

  With a small sigh, Pru lifted her napkin to dab at her eyes. “You’re right. He loves me as much as I love him.”

  “I’m happy for you, Pru. Everyone deserves to feel that way.”

  Pru nodded, suddenly remembering her food. She ate several bites in succession before stopping. “I apologize, but breastfeeding makes me hungrier than a cow in clover.”

  Madison giggled. “I like that phrase.”

  They laughed together and resumed eating. Several minutes later, little Tyler started crying, and she handed him to his mother, who positioned him to nurse and continued eating, all with smooth motions. “It’s amazing how you do that.”

  Pru shrugged, not dislodging her baby. “It gets easier with practice. What about you? Will there be any little Archers running around in the future?”

  “No doubt,” said Madison, mouth dry. She summoned every shred of her practically nonexistent acting ability. “I shan’t be their mother, but I’m sure the commander will eventually produce an heir.”

  Pru frowned. “You don’t want babies?”

  Madison paused. “No, it’s not that. I want to be a mother someday, if the circumstances are right. It’s important to make sure I can take care of them—enough food and safety.”

  “How many do you want?”

  Her mind insisted on supplying images of adorable little babies that looked too much like Tiernan, forcing her to shy away from them. “Oh, maybe three. I have two siblings, and it seems like the perfect number.”

  “But you don’t want Commander Archer’s babies?”

  Madison tap-danced around that question. “I’m too young for babies.” She wasn’t really, since many women had one or two children by her age, but she wasn’t going to make a heartfelt confession to Pru, no matter how much she liked her. The subject was too hard to discuss with forced cheerfulness. No way could she admit that the idea of some other companion giving Tiernan children ripped her heart apart, but so did the idea of giving him a baby that he would raise in a cold, distant way as his mother had done.

  *****

  Tiernan had returned to the suite for a folder he’d forgotten before his breakfast meeting with Tex. He opened the door a couple of inches and froze when he realized Madison was entertaining Pru. He started to go on in, but froze again when he heard the other girl ask about little Archers. His heart stuttered as they discussed babies, and he found himself holding his breath when Pru asked her fateful question. Madison’s vague answer filled him with disappointment and another emotion he couldn’t identify.

  Easing backward, he made sure to step forcefully, so they would hear him coming. This time when he opened the suite door, they were talking about the goods available at Pike Place Market, particularly baby items. He smiled and greeted them both before retrieving his folder, never letting his neutral expression falter. It wasn’t until he was out of the room and making his way back to the dining room where Tex waited that he allowed his thoughts to return to the overhead conversation.

  Why had he felt let down by her answer? He’d already decided she would not be a suitable mother for his heir, so it shouldn’t matter that she didn’t want the role. Still, the thought of some other man taking Madison to his bed, filling her with his seed, and being the reason her belly swelled with new life filled him with
rage. He vowed he would never let her go, at least not until he could stomach the thought of another man having what had been his. Until he purged the need for Madison from his system, she would be at his side—without babies. That was a non-negotiable decision.

  *****

  As much as she had dreaded playing hostess, Madison had enjoyed the experience and made three new friends. It was with sadness that she watched them boarding the train a week later. Pru, Bea, and May waved from the window, and she lifted her hand to return the vigorous parting. She and Pru had become particularly close, and it was like bidding her sister goodbye—something she hadn’t actually gotten to do with Rosie.

  Being around Pru and Tyler had changed her outlook, it seemed. As she made her way to the clinic later in the day, she couldn’t help seeing babies and pregnant women everywhere. Most of the women were around her age, or perhaps a few years older. Since The End, education and career opportunities had withered for everyone, but especially women. Cleo had explained to her that society had once been a lot more equal, with women holding all sorts of positions. The end of the power had been more than the death of electricity. It had significantly curtailed many of the strides women had made, forcing them back to a more primitive state.

  Now, women were once again primarily wives and mothers. School ended in the early teens, and women often ended up getting into relationships or marriages within a year or two of finishing school. They moved from their parents’ household to their husband’s. She hadn’t really thought much of it until Cleo had educated her and the Germaine girls on the topic a few days ago.

  Where it was once commonplace for women her age to still be studying for a career, now they were marrying and having children. Ugh, what was her preoccupation with babies? There would be no babies as long as Tiernan kept her, and he showed no sign of tiring of her yet.

  Her heart gave a reluctant leap of excitement at the thought, much to her shame. She didn’t want to feel this way, but couldn’t seem to stop it. Loving Tiernan seemed inevitable. How did she stop it? She might as well try to stop the tide from coming in. That didn’t mean she couldn’t fight like hell to avoid it, but what was the point? She had a sneaking suspicion that it might already be too late to avoid loving him. She still wasn’t going to surrender to these traitorous emotions and let herself love him easily. If she was going to be stupid enough to fall in love with him, she had to maintain a strong sense of realism. There was no future in being his companion. She could love him for the moment, if she must, but would not let herself get lost in that love and be adrift when he inevitably ended the relationship. With the way he kept companions around, that could be months or years from now, so she would have to remain vigilant.

  *****

  It was as though he might have eavesdropped on her thoughts. Over dinner that evening, Tiernan said in a casual voice, “I’ve discharged Ashandi, Nina, and Esme.”

  She stilled, clutching her fork desperately as she struggled to respond in an equally casual manner, instead of shouting at him for an explanation. What should she read into this, if anything? “I see. What did they ask for?”

  “Ashandi would like me to arrange for her to travel to the New New England Colonies. She has cousins there.”

  Madison nodded, head still reeling, but somehow able to hold up her end of the conversation. “She’s mentioned N.N.E. before.”

  “Esme simply wants to go home, but I plan to buy her a house in her village.”

  She smiled. “I’m sure she’ll like that. She’s been talking about raising a family and fishing.”

  He laughed. “I have a difficult time imagining Esme fishing.”

  Madison grinned. “As do I, but apparently, she’s quite skilled at hooking salmon.”

  “A valuable skill. Maybe I should give her an island in the Puget Sound instead.”

  She smiled. “That might be going overboard.”

  He shrugged. “Perhaps.”

  Striving for a cool tone, she asked, “And Nina? What did she want?” Besides your love, which we all know isn’t happening.

  He frowned slightly. “She hadn’t decided, so I requested she tell me tomorrow morning.”

  The question wouldn’t stay unuttered any longer. “Why, Tiernan?”

  He didn’t need clarification. “I no longer need them. Why keep them bound to me if they serve no purpose?”

  His words were a bit cold, but her heart still raced with joy. “I see.”

  Reaching across the table, he took the hand she’d been extending to lift her wine. “Do you?”

  Meeting his gaze, she saw heat and something else there, something that frightened and thrilled her simultaneously. “Yes, maybe I do,” she whispered. It couldn’t be love, because he didn’t do love, but there was definitely an intense emotion in his eyes. She wondered if her own mirrored how he felt and hoped not. She didn’t want him to know the depths of her feelings. Madison didn’t even want to acknowledge them herself.

  *****

  Something compelled Madison to stop by Tiernan’s office the next morning. She tried to tell herself it wasn’t a need to snoop on his meeting with Nina, but couldn’t quite convince herself. She meant to tap on the door, but stood with her hand aloft as she heard the sexy purr of Nina’s voice.

  “I’ve decided what I want, and it’s you.” A rustling of fabric followed the declaration.

  Tiernan sounded annoyed. “That isn’t an option. Our arrangement has ended, Nina. What can I give you?”

  “Your heart. Or just your body. I want everything, Tiernan. Please don’t send me away.”

  Madison’s chest tightened at the pathetic words, more with empathy than sympathy. She could all too easily imagine Nina’s heartbreak at being discarded. How soon before she would know how it felt directly?

  “Nina, get off me.” There was the sound of two bodies interacting, followed by a small cry from Nina. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I don’t want you touching me.”

  Nina sniffed. “That’s not what you said when you asked me to be your companion.”

  “Things change.” His tone was so cold that it made Madison shiver.

  “She changed them.” Nina swore viciously, her voice losing its frail vulnerability. “If Madison had never come, you’d still be mine.”

  “Nina, I was growing bored with you before Madison.” For all the emotion, he might have been discussing the weather.

  “You’re lying,” Nina screeched. “I know how you felt. You were falling in love with me.”

  Tiernan sighed. “I wasn’t, and I’m not. Ask yourself why Cleo joined me on the Yakima-Grace trip? If I were that enamored, wouldn’t I have asked you? How many nights had I come to your bed in the weeks before Madison came? I don’t want you any longer, Nina.”

  She broke into sobs. “You’re a cruel bastard.”

  “Perhaps being honest is cruel, but it would be unkind to lie.”

  Madison winced at his words as Nina wailed.

  “I hope you love someone so much one day, Tiernan, and she doesn’t want you. You need to see how this feels.” Nina’s words sounded like a curse, as though she could actually cast such a fate upon the man.

  Realizing she heard Nina’s feet coming her way, Madison abandoned her plan to drop in and hastened away from the door, not eager to be caught listening. It would lead to awkward questions from Tiernan, and she didn’t want to humiliate Nina further by having the other woman discover she’d been privy to her rejection. The sordid experience left a sour taste in her. It was impossible not to analyze the words she’d overheard, to project that conversation over and over in her head, to be the one in Nina’s spot as Tiernan renounced his desire for her. It made her all the more determined to resist any of the gentler feelings for him trying to flourish.

  Still conscious of Nina’s footsteps behind her, she increased her pace and ducked into the sitting room where they often had tea. Cleo sat by the lamp doing needlepoint. She was the picture of domesticity, ex
cept for the low-cut blouse displaying her breasts to full advantage. A frown crossed her face as she saw Madison’s demeanor. “What’s wrong, honey?”

  Casting a glance over her shoulder as she shut the door just seconds before Nina passed, she turned to her friend, taking a seat nearby. “I did a bad thing.”

  Cleo arched a brow. “You?” The disbelief lacing her tone spoke volumes.

  Madison nodded. “I eavesdropped on Nina and Tiernan.” Clenching her hands together, she shook her head. “He was so cold with her.”

  “I can imagine, but I doubt he wanted to hurt her.” Cleo returned to sewing as she spoke. “It’s sometimes best to be direct and honest, even if it hurts for a bit.”

  She nodded, having reached the same conclusion. “I know. I guess I just can’t help imagining how it’s going to be when it’s my turn.” Biting her thumb, she confessed after a second. “I’ve also done a stupid thing. I think I’ve fallen—”