by Hart, Renee
“Wow, so you know way more than I do. I love Rogue, and Jubilee, and Gambit, and Morph, and Mystique,” Helena said making a list from the cartoon she watched in the 90s. “I used to love drawing those characters when I was younger and wanted to be an animator.”
“And you should definitely pursue all of the artistic forms that move you. You’re an artist of many trades.”
“Very many,” Helena said with a half-smile. She grew pensive for a moment. “I wanted to focus on teaching because that way I can also learn. I wanted to explore all the different kinds of art.”
“I understand. What was it that brought you to the city?”
Helena didn’t answer. She couldn’t explain that she wanted to avoid the question. Instead she shook her head, sending her thick curls flying this way and that, and looked down at the books that she had stacked in her hands. She had chosen ‘We’ by Yevgeny Zamyatin, ‘Sula’ by Toni Morrison, and the Stephen Mitchell translation of ‘Gilgamesh’.
“I’m gonna check these out. Give me a sec.”
Helena bounced more than she walked. She was bursting with color, life, and energy and Stanley couldn’t help but wonder what it was about him that made her choose him. It could have been that she didn’t choose him at all. She probably just wanted to get away from Sandusky, Stanley thought to himself.
He wandered down one aisle, not caring which books were on those particular shelves. In his mind he wanted to find one that looked worn. It excited him to seek out a book and judge it by the smell of use over time and the dog ears on the corners of the pages rather than how interesting the cover looked.
“You’re absolutely gorgeous,” Stanley heard someone speaking a little ways away. There hadn’t been that many people in the library, so he didn’t know who was talking or who it was they were talking to. He went back to roaming down that aisle and finding books for him to read.
“Oh, thank you.”
Stanley recognized that voice. It was Helena. She giggled a bit after she spoke. Curiosity got the better of Stanley and he moved to the edge of a bookcase and peered over.
Helena had been stopped by a tall, thin man who looked like he could still be in college. He peered down at her with dark brown eyes and a smile that was full of ulterior motives. He licked his lips and gave her a look from head to foot.
“Yeah, you here with anyone?”
Helena looked down and then looked around the library. Stanley ducked behind the bookcase, not wanting to be seen. Helena “uhh’d” and “hmm’d” for several seconds before answering.
“I’m not really here with anyone, no.”
Stanley knew that he shouldn’t have felt bad, but he did. He remembered the other morning and how she had been when she was around Sandusky, and how grateful she seemed to have Stanley walk over to them and save her from a potential horrendous encounter.
Now, though it looked like she was enjoying her time with Stanley, she was acting as if he wasn’t there with her. Stanley was beginning to realize that she probably liked that she was experiencing a new place, and the person who took her there wasn’t important. He now felt it was possibly the same for the fair in the gymnasium at his school. If it wasn’t Stanley, any other teacher circling by and Helena would have told Sandusky that that teacher had invited her out. This supposed “date” wasn’t about Stanley at all.
“You wanna grab a cup of coffee or something?” the college guy asked. Stanley hadn’t yet found the heart to look back over at their conversation. His back was pressed against the books on a shelf, and he concentrated on some deep breathing. He focused all of his energy into not going into a negative place and didn’t notice when Helena was standing right next to him.
“You ok?” she asked. She still had a bright smile on her face and it was mixed with a look of concern. “You look like you blacked out there for a second.”
“I guess I was just having a bit of vertigo, but I’m fine now,” Stanley said, not wanting to sound like he was hurt or possibly upset about anything.
“As long as you’re sure,” Helena said. She put her hand on his face. She felt that checking his temperature would be enough to at least soothe him.
“Sure, sure,” Stanley said with a hint of reassurance in his voice.
“Ok great. And ooooh, you’re never going to guess what happened to me just now!”
Chapter 3
Stanley waited for Helena to speak. She was gently hitting him on his stomach with the back of her hand. It was a quick and steady rhythm.
“Wait, before I say anything, how old do I look to you?”
A few moments before Stanley was feeling cold and kind of weary of Helena’s presence, but she had such a bright personality now that he couldn’t help but let the ice forming inside him melt just a little.
“You look about 25,” he said without really looking at her. Helena’s green eyes narrowed, but she laughed it off. Stanley was 32 and admittedly had considered their potential age difference from the time he first met her in the gymnasium to that very moment when they were standing together between bookshelves amidst centuries’ worth of literature.
“Believe it or not, I’m gonna be 30 next April. I’m an Aries baby,” she said.
“Well, you definitely don’t look it. Thirty, that is. I don’t know anything about the Zodiac,” Stanley said while adjusting his glasses. They kept sliding just a bit too low on his nose, and he eventually gave up, took them off, and wiped between the lenses with his dark grey sweater.
“Really? What month were you born?”
“October. I’ll be 32,” Stanley replied putting his glasses back on.
“Early or late?” Helena cocked an eyebrow and hugged the plastic bag that contained the library books up against her chest.
“Late. The 29th.”
“Oh. Classic Scorpio,” Helena said with a slow shake of her head.
“I don’t even know what that means,” Stanley admitted. He didn’t mean to sound so snappy. He just couldn’t get over the fact that Helena had just been flirting with someone else, and was now making nice with him. He certainly didn’t own her, but he felt there was a common courtesy when being out with someone.
“It means you like to challenge the other signs because you feel you’re right all the time.”
Helena rocked back and forth from the balls of her feet to close to her heels.
“Oh right,” she said snapping back into the conversation. “I’m supposed to be telling you something.”
Stanley nodded once and waited for her to begin.
“You know why I was asking you how old I looked?”
Stanley simply responded with head gestures. He wasn’t the type to interrupt. This time he shook his head.
“There was this kid in here earlier; actually, I don’t know if he’s still in here,” Helena lowered her voice and looked around the library. “Anyway, he was like 19 and he thought I was in college too. He kept saying how beautiful I was and asked me for my number.”
Stanley nodded once again and let out a low “hmm”.
“Isn’t that wild? I was flattered, but of course I told him no. That’s just wild.”
“Right,” Stanley finally spoke, “wild.”
He didn’t want to admit it to himself, but that gave him just a bit of relief.
Stanley didn’t check out any library books, but they walked around the aisles together talking about their favorite things to read. Stanley felt more relaxed. Helena didn’t give him the opportunity to be shy. She asked questions and spoke at great length, ensuring whatever she was talking about was inclusive or at the very least gave him room to ask questions to keep the conversation going.
She was hopeless when it came to science, but it worked because Stanley was hopeless when it came to art. They liked each other’s company so much that they roamed around the city together. Stanley took her to his favorite coffee shop, which was new and just opened around the corner from the shop he had got her Stargazer in. Helena was still
holding onto it, almost protectively. It almost felt like it had become a part of her with the way that it matched the pink in her hair. When she held it up against her face to smell it, it made her light green eyes appear almost aqua.
Stanley drove her home a bit after midnight, and the two of them sat in Stanley’s car for almost another 2 hours before Helena took him by the hand, squeezed it, and without another word hopped out and ran up into her apartment.
Stanley watched her all the way until she was out of sight. He sat in his car, taking in the night and taking in what was left of the scent of her perfume. He smiled as if it was a memory from long ago. Then he started his car and drove home…
Chapter 4
The weekend had gone by after that first date with Stanley March. Helena didn’t know what else to call it. She had a good time, and Stanley even got her a flower. They had had dinner together and he took her to the library and then later they went out for coffee. He was even so much of a gentleman that he didn’t call her until Monday after school.
Helena was worried she’d scared him off, but she was also terrified that she’d gotten him to like her. Everything made her nervous when it came to matters of the heart. She preferred to keep herself guarded, but that didn’t mean she had to compromise who she was in order to do that.
She didn’t text or call him in the hopes that he would first. She was curious about what it was he would say to her, and how much leeway he’d give himself before messaging her. She weighed the pros and cons of continuing whatever this was with Stanley and seeing what could happen, and then also tried to justify why it was she couldn’t allow for this to continue.
“I could say that I just needed someone to show me around town. That’s technically what that was, right?”
“You flat out just told me that you called it a date yourself, and you did it in order to get away from some creep.”
Helena was sitting in the teachers’ lounge with one of her coworkers. Rebecca Johnston taught 7th grade, and she was the only one Helena really knew in this town. They both connected because they were both young, both liked art, and no one at their school seemed to know what it meant to have any fun.
“I know. I mean, it was that way at first, but I wasn’t expecting to have such an amazing time with him. Was that wrong of me?” Helena didn’t want to sound panicked. It was almost 4 when Stanley texted her. His text was barely three sentences:
“Hi Helena, I had a really nice time with you on Friday night. I hope you had a wonderful weekend. Take care and I hope to see you again soon. Stanley March.”
But Helena couldn’t help but pick at the message until it was almost like deciphering an essay to her. She didn’t know if there were double meanings to anything. Was it that he was actually expecting for them to have another date? He didn’t exactly specifically ask for one. What if he didn’t really think of it as a date either and was just being nice? How was it that that idea brought her some relief while simultaneously making her feel sad?
Rebecca spotted Helena in the corner of the staff lounge, dunking a tea bag in and out of a mug and glaring furiously at the screen of her phone. Helena explained the situation as best as she could, and Rebecca simply folded her arms and shook her head.
“It’s only wrong of you if you don’t make your intentions clear. If you’re having such a difficult time with this message, and trying to find all the bad things, what I’m getting is that you have commitment issues,” Rebecca said.
“Hey…I resemble that remark,” Helena grumbled. She didn’t mean to make it a joke, but having anything become too serious worried her. Then she got a bit panicky and started flailing her hands in the air. She always needed to gesticulate when any of her emotions became too extreme. “And who said anything about committing? This was one date. He was showing me around town because I asked him to.”
“I see,” Rebecca said calmly, “and didn’t you just say you had a good time?”
“I did,” Helena said, now trying to calm herself by clasping her hands together in front of her.
“A good enough time to go on another date with him?” Rebecca asked. She made air quotes when she said the word date.
“I don’t know,” Helena admitted in a low voice.
“I see. Was it at least a good enough time to reply to his text?”
Helena did a motorboat with her mouth, letting out air and allowing her lips to flap together. She was frustrated, but not with Rebecca, and not even with the situation, she was frustrated at herself.
“Yes it was.”
“Perfect. That’s all you need to know. Take this one text and one moment at a time. That way you don’t get overwhelmed. If you think things are going too fast, or if you’re actually sure this isn’t something that you want, then just let him know,” Rebecca said.
“That’s the part I hate. I don’t like making anyone feel bad,” Helena said.
“So what then? You’re gonna set yourself on fire to keep other people warm?”
“I don’t know if you’re being a good Instagram post or a good therapist,” Helena said.
“Joke all you want, it’s true. There’s this song by Death Cab For Cutie that I always stop and reflect on when I feel like I’m settling with the person that I’m with. It’s called Cath, and it’s about a woman on her wedding day who’s getting married to a man she knows isn’t the one for her. But she grins and bears it. Here, I’m gonna play it for you,” Rebecca whipped out her phone, but Helena raised her arms up in protest though it looked like it was mixed with a bit of surrender.
“I’ll youtube it. Right now, I’m gonna go home, clear my head, and reply to his text. It’s not that I don’t like him, it’s that I don’t know him. And I’m scared that getting to know him means him getting to know me. The more we both know, the more it’ll hurt in the end.”
“Ahh, but what if with this one…there is no end?” Rebecca said. Her eyes glistened hopefully.
“Then I’ll be sure to thank my Fairy God Therapist,” Helena said on her way out of the teacher’s lounge. She could hear Rebecca laugh until she shut the door behind her.
*
“Dear Mr. March. Whoa, no, that sounds way too formal. Hello Stanley. I had a great time. Hope you’re well too. How is school?” Helena spoke out loud when she texted. She sent the message and sighed. A few minutes later, her phone vibrated in her hand.
Helena tossed the phone down on the couch beside her like it had bitten her. She just got a new text. She picked her phone back up and read the message aloud to herself.
“Thanks Helena. School is the same old same old. I was wondering what you were doing the last Saturday of next month. There’s a lunar eclipse and a super moon.”
Helena chewed on her bottom lip. Her first instinct was to make an excuse as to why she couldn’t make it. But she knew she couldn’t run forever. Rebecca was right, all Helena needed to do was to take it one text at a time. She didn’t want to say no, but she didn’t know what she was doing in 5 weeks either. It almost relieved her that there was no pressure. He wasn’t forcing her to see him again in the next few days, nor was he asking her for anything else either. He probably understood the “date” more than she thought that he did.
“Well I dunno. That’s awfully far away. But as far as I know, I’ll be free,” Helena replied. She smiled. There was no pressure. There was no reason to worry.
“Sounds good. I hope you don’t mind if I text you sometimes. I don’t know if you’re a serial killer, but I’m sure that I’m not.”
Stanley’s reply made her laugh. He had such a terrible sense of humor, but that was what she liked. She liked when people were cheesy, or had a different taste in music and movies from her. It meant there was something about the other person that was different. That was probably why she was so warm towards Stanley right away. He didn’t have piercings or tattoos [that she knew of], and he looked safe. She could be wild enough for the both of them.
Helena was still chewing on her l
ip when she decided that this time, instead of running away, she was going to take a chance. She sent a reply to Stanley:
“I don’t mind if you text me. I think it’s nice that you wanna keep in touch. Just wondering, what’s your next weekend looking like?”
Chapter 5
“Hi there! Thanks for meeting me,” Helena waved. She was sitting on a bench at one of the local parks. There were people walking, jogging, and playing with their dogs. It wasn’t a big park, but it was big enough for there to be a lot of people.
Stanley was walking toward her with a leash on his wrist. There was a short, fat corgi that was leading Stanley’s way towards Helena.
“Is he yours?” Helena bent down and hugged the corgi. It waddled closer to her and sat down.
“Yes he is. His name is Niko, for Nikola. As in, Tesla,” Stanley said. He was still a bit nervous despite the fact that he and Helena had been messaging each other for the majority of the last two weeks. He didn’t realize that he had so much to say before. She was bringing something out of him that he really enjoyed.
“How could you not tell me that you had a dog?” Helena said still playing and snuggling with the corgi. His tongue was sticking out and he just sat there and let her pet him.
“I have no idea,” Stanley admitted sheepishly. “I can be cliché and say that you didn’t ask. Do you have any pets?”
“Nah. And my landlady says only fish or birds,” Helena said. She changed her voice and made her landlady sound like an older woman from Staten Island. “I’d get a corgi if I could. They’re like little sausage foxes.”
“I normally hear the term bread dog, but sausage fox…that is certainly a new one,” Stanley said not even trying to stifle a laugh. “What made you want to come to the park today?”
“The other day, you said I could be a serial killer. And I just wanted to show you that even though I can be a little crazy, I’m not crazy enough to kill you in front of all of these people.”
