by Hart, Renee
“Your cynicism is, for lack of a better term, refreshing. Not the whole spiel about murder, but the fact that you can make cynical things clever. You’re all about artistic expression huh? Right down to your voice and accent changes and your sense of humor.”
“And you’re ever the scientist, my darling,” Helena said in a pompous British accent. She stood up finally and linked arms with Stanley. She skipped, Niko waddled forward, and Stanley tried to keep in step. “Right down to the way you give out compliments.”
“What’s the matter with the way I give out compliments?”
“Nothing! They’re very calculated. Almost premeditated,” Helena said.
“What’s wrong with that?” Stanley asked.
“There’d only be something wrong with that if you’ve been using your lines on other people.”
Stanley laughed silently.
“Do I look like the kind of guy who’s suave enough to use my lines on multiple people?” Stanley said. He looked down at Helena who was still bouncing beside him. She was barely shorter than he was. They were almost the same height.
“I don’t know. You could be any kind of person,” Helena said. She sounded like she was still playing at first, but by the time she got to the end of her sentence her voice was really low.
“I could be. You’re right. So could you for that matter. That’s the beauty of getting to know people. There’s always that chance that you meet one who has everyone’s best interests at heart.”
“You sound a lot like my coworker,” Helena said. She released his arm and went back to walking normally beside him. Helena’s heart was beating a bit faster. She really liked Stanley’s company. There was no pressure when it came to talking to him. She was even getting excited whenever her phone buzzed because he had stories to tell about his class, science, and the ways he thought about life. He seemed more open when he wrote than when he was around her. She knew that was because he was shy.
She didn’t want to admit that she was slowly falling for him, because in the back of her mind, she felt she was choosing him because he seemed safe. She knew that wasn’t the reason. She was always trying to find a flaw with any person who pursued her. It would be easier for her to run away.
“Got a lot on your mind?”
Stanley pulled her back to the present. Helena hadn’t noticed that they had both stopped walking.
“A lot and a lot of nothing,” she said.
“You can talk to me if you’d like to. I don’t judge,” Stanley said. It was true. It was something Vice Principal Henriques kept telling him. For someone so quiet, Stanley was completely open minded.
Helena shook her head. She didn’t want to say anything. There were too many things going on in her mind. Stanley stood and watched her. Even Niko turned and looked up at both of them, almost expecting Helena to speak as well.
“To be honest,” Helena started after a second of thought and a deep sigh, “I guess I’m thinking about where this is going.”
She could feel a lump of anxiety in her throat and she swallowed it down. If she didn’t say anything, she would be fighting herself internally for the rest of the day; even probably after she got home. Rebecca was right. It would be better for her to speak her mind instead of bottling up her feelings. If she spoke her mind, there would be fewer things to speculate and maybe, just maybe, she could start enjoying her time with Stanley.
“Where what’s going? I figured this was going around the park at least,” Stanley said. He laughed dryly, but stopped when he realized that Helena wasn’t laughing along.
“I just meant with you and me…” Helena said. Her voice was soft and her bright eyes were focused on Stanley.
He held out his hand in the direction of a park bench, and they walked towards it in silence. They sat down and Niko waddled around on the ground a bit before settling on a spot in between Helena and Stanley. Helena picked her legs up and crossed them on the bench. She rested an elbow on her knee and her chin in her hand. She was still looking at Stanley, like she was trying to figure him out with her gaze.
“Oh, I wasn’t entirely aware there was a you and me, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself. Go on,” Stanley said. He wanted to break the silence. He wasn’t used to being stared at in that manner.
“That’s just it. Is there? Could there be?” Helena asked. She was watching Stanley, but the questions seemed more rhetorical than anything.
“I can’t decide for you how you feel,” Stanley said simply. He shrugged his shoulders. He knew that he had feelings for her. She was different from anyone he’d known. Helena was wild and bright and opened up a new world for him. He didn’t want to tell her that. He knew she’d think he was crazy.
“I like you,” she blurted out without much thought. “I mean, I like what this could be.”
Stanley smiled at her, and that was the moment she decided to look away.
“I like you too, Helena,” he said.
Helena stared off into the distance but said nothing more. She was too lost in thought. There was more that she wanted to say, and she wished she hadn’t mentioned liking him as the first thing. Everything else would seem like an excuse after that.
“I have to go,” she whispered. Her voice was low, but Stanley could still hear her. He asked ‘what?’ anyway. He was too shocked by her sudden change in mood to really say anything else.
“I can’t be here right now,” she said. She uncrossed her legs and stood up from the bench. She lowered her head and started walking away as fast as she could.
Stanley felt like calling after her, but he knew that she wasn’t going to come back.
Chapter 6
“So you’ve decided not to take his calls?” Rebecca asked. She and Helena were sitting at a table in the far end of the cafeteria at Wellington Middle School.
“He called for the first few days, but when I didn’t answer, he stopped. He sent a couple of texts too.”
“Did you answer any of those?”
“No,” Helena sighed impatiently.
“What did he say?”
“The first few calls were him apologizing for making me feel uncomfortable, or if he said anything out of line. He didn’t want to scare me off. He said he wasn’t expecting anything from me, he was just happy to show me around and spend some time with me. The last text he sent he apologized again and he said that he wishes me well in this new city and with my teaching. He didn’t blame me for anything.”
“All I’m hearing right now is that you’re a coward,” Rebecca frowned.
“What? It could be that he’s a pushover…” Helena said.
“Is that what you actually believe or are you just one who perpetually lacks the notion of accountability?” Rebecca asked.
“Should I be charged by the hour to talk to you?” Helena joked. It wasn’t funny, she knew.
“Why is it so difficult for you to want to connect with someone? From what I gather, you’re just afraid to commit, and he’s afraid of doing something wrong. You’re both scaredy cats. That’s something you have in common,” Rebecca said.
“First of all, I haven’t heard the term scaredy cat since grade school…”
“You’re forgetting we basically teach children,” Rebecca interrupted, but Helena kept talking through it.
“Second of all, you’re probably right. About my lack of accountability and other things too. Being open about my emotions is hard for me,” Helena said. She stuffed a few fries in her mouth and then picked up a chicken nugget, rolled it around in some ketchup, and stuffed that in her mouth too.
“Why?”
“Because anytime I thought about really opening up, someone would walk away. I’m just scared he’ll walk away.”
“I mean, I know you guys aren’t actually together, but it looks like he was patient enough with you and respected your space. He wasn’t rushing or forcing you into anything.”
“That’s true…” Helena said. She sat pensively for a second.
&nb
sp; “You’re also afraid of people walking away, and don’t even take into account what you’re doing when you’re the one who walks away. Maybe it’s about time you stopped running.”
“You’re right,” Helena said. She held out her fist to Rebecca and Rebecca laughed and fist pumped her.
“You really should be a therapist though, Rebecca. And maybe you should write Hallmark romantic comedies,” Helena winked.
“A compliment and an insult in one go. That science teacher is in for a treat. Now, stop being a nervous wreck, and go talk to him,” Rebecca said.
“I will,” Helena sighed. She nodded her head to talk herself into it. It was as good a pep talk as any.
“I will…”
Chapter 7
“Thank you for agreeing to meet with me.”
Helena was standing in front of the dinosaur remains when she saw Stanley walk into the library.
“No problem,” he said. His smile was warm and he pushed his glasses further up to settle them on the bridge of his nose.
“I wanted to talk to you. About the way I’ve been acting. I won’t be completely open, because that’s hard for me. It’s a lot easier for me to joke around and be silly. That’s why I’m really good at beginnings, and then the middle falls apart somewhere, and I’m just no good at endings,” Helena said. She barely took a moment to breathe.
“I know what you mean. I worry too much even before the beginnings,” Stanley said.
“Yeah, me too.”
Helena moved around the Apatosaurus bones and Stanley followed behind silently.
“I had this really amazing speech. I sometimes like to make conversations in my head so I’ll know the right thing to say and the perfect way to answer. But now I just have a bunch of words bouncing around in my head,” Helena said. She groaned.
“That’s fine. Take your time,” Stanley said.
“That! Stop that.”
“Stop what?” Stanley was confused.
“You’ve just been so nice and so patient. You were apologizing when you weren’t the one who did anything wrong. I’m so afraid of someone walking away that I walk away first. But I don’t want to walk away this time,” Helena blurted out.
“You’re talking awfully fast.”
“I know. I’m nervous, okay? I’ve never done this before,” Helena said. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath through her mouth. She held the breath in for a moment, and in that time Stanley smiled sweetly at her. She let out the air in a loud whoosh, and someone from the library shushed her.
“Ok. Long story short, my mother and I were kind of a second family. My dad is some wealthy white important businessman, but he fell in love with my mother, who is Haitian. Fell in lust rather. Are you with me so far?”
Stanley responded with a single nod. He could see that nerves were making her shake a bit, and he took both of her hands in his and squeezed them. She could feel his warmth flowing through her.
“Ok, so my father and mother had me, but their affair didn’t last because he had a family of his own and so he was never around. He’d pay for my school and my art classes though. His wife knew. She didn’t want to act like she knew. I met her once. She was such a witch though. My father didn’t defend me at all. So, I guess I’ve just always been afraid. I’m afraid to become my father’s wife; a man who marries me but can start a family with someone else. I’m afraid to become my own mother; having a man who walks in and out of my life anytime he sees fit. I’m afraid to be abandoned, mentally and physically.”
By the time she had finished speaking Helena had a few tears streaming down her face. She released herself from Stanley’s grip and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She was wearing a jacket, and the tears seeped into the fabric. It normally took her so long to open up to somebody about her life like that, especially involving her fears, but she was feeling so vulnerable at that moment. Everything she had held inside was now pouring out, and she didn’t know how to stop it.
“Would you like a hug?” were the first words Stanley said when Helena stopped crying. She didn’t let herself be sad for too long. She nodded and almost collapsed into his arms. She pressed her face against his heart and listened to it beat. The sound soothed her, and she didn’t care that they were in public or if anyone was watching them.
“I just wanted to explain myself and say that I’m sorry,” Helena blubbered. “It’s not that I don’t like you. It’s that I’m scared to.”
“I understand more than you know. I’m scared to make a mistake or hurt anyone. I’m scared to be myself because I’m never sure if anyone will like all that I am. Keeping quiet mostly means that I know everyone vaguely, and so all my friendships and relationships have been vague. Stuff I learned from my family too. There was no love in my parents’ marriage. That’s why I’d come here a lot when I was a kid. Books…science were my escape. I’m not afraid of someone walking away, I’m afraid if someone forces themselves to stay in something they know they don’t want,” Stanley said. He rocked Helena gently when he spoke.
“Oh gosh,” she said looking up at him. “So we both have kind of sad childhoods.”
“Yeah. But that doesn’t mean that our adulthood has to keep us sad and afraid. We don’t have the past anymore. We have now. And I don’t know about you, but I’ve liked every now we’ve had…even the nows on the phone.”
Helena laughed a little at that and pulled away to look Stanley in the eyes.
“I can’t promise anything in the future. I can just promise right now,” Stanley continued. “I know that I like you now. And I’m guessing that you like me as well. We can go as slowly as you’d like and just see where all of our nows take us. If things don’t work out, there may be love and lessons there…and if things work out…isn’t that worth finding out?”
“You really should meet my coworker. You both should start up a greeting card business, or write sappy romances for Kindle, or maybe even…”
Helena didn’t get a chance to finish her sentence. Stanley had taken a chance, and leaned forward to give her a kiss.
“I just wanted to get your attention,” he said when their lips parted.
“You have my full attention Mr. March. At least for right now,” Helena cooed.
“And now is what we have right?” Stanley laughed.
Helena leaned forward to kiss Stanley again.
“Right now is all we have.”
Epilogue
“Hi, do you guys need any help?”
“I’m trying to find a flower for this lovely lady. One that matches the streaks in her hair.”
Stanley smiled and kissed Helena’s hand. They were inside the flower shop that he had gotten the Stargazer from just months before.
“I dig your hair,” the young woman said when she saw Helena. The florist had beautiful dark skin and dimples in both of her cheeks. Her hair was a long and wild afro and she was dressed way too stylishly for this time of year. Helena wondered if she was freezing.
“Thanks. I love yours too,” Helena said. The young woman smiled and showed the deep dimples in her cheeks. She moved around the store in search of flowers that matched Helena’s hair.
The streaks in it were no longer pink, but now a vibrant shade of purple. There were big bright purple flowers that Helena could see and she moved towards them, tugging on Stanley’s arm so that he could follow her.
“Excuse me. But the other woman with the nose ring. Is she here?” Stanley asked.
“Jess? No, she’s out sick today. I hope you don’t mind me helping out. I’m pretty damn good at picking flowers too,” the woman said with a laugh.
“I like her already,” Helena whispered to Stanley, and he smiled at her and nodded.
“What’s the occasion?”
“Oh, we’ve been together for 2 months now, and I wanted to show her where she knew she’d fall in love with me.”
Helena jabbed Stanley in the ribs. She had admitted to him that she knew that he was going to be someon
e special in her life when he had given her the Stargazer. So far she was right.
The florist looked around the store and showed Helena a few large purple flowers.
“I really like these, but ooooh, what are those?” Helena noticed a small flower pot with tiny purple flowers.
“Those? Oh those are verbenas.”
“I was confused before but now I know for sure. These. These are my favorite.”
THE END
One Simple Thing
A Contemporary Romance
(Clean Romance Edition)
J.L. STARR
Book Description
Online dating doesn't tend to work out so well for a divorced librarian. Especially with an ex-husband who is still around stirring up trouble.
Sharada Patil and her ex-husband moved to America from Mumbai ten years ago, with dreams of a family and a long life together. Now, they're divorced and her ex-husband nearly ended up in jail.
When she meets a kind, down-to-earth man who likes classic literature and poetry, she starts to realize she can be happy with the simple things in life. Though before her new life can begin, she has to burn the bridges of her past life and find a way to be rid of her ex and the schemes and scams he's become tangled up in.
Content Warning: This book is not for younger readers due to mature situations.
Chapter 1
Arguing with college kids about literature was never fun. But unfortunately, sometimes it was part of my job.
I was in the main entry hall to the campus library, setting up our displays for Women's History Month. The library had a line of glass cases in the entryway, displaying various books and works of art. The current display was for Black History Month, featuring classic and modern works by a variety of African American authors, from James Baldwin, Maya Angelou, and Alex Haley, to newer authors like Jamaica Kincaid and Natalie Baszile. We also had a selection of art pieces made by students, done in traditional African color schemes and themes. I'd always felt that adding a touch of art to the library display made everything more vivid, and hopefully helped to capture the students' interest more.
