Mad Addiction (Crazy Beautiful #2)

by Jessica Huizenga

  Rather than let Ryan know this, I choose instead to give him a hard time.

  “Really? That’s the best proposal you could come up with?” I cross my arms teasingly.

  He rolls his eyes, but next thing I know he’s dropping to one knee in front of me, holding out the delicate jewel.

  “Kelley Sunshine Brooks, will you do me the honor of being my fake fiancée?” A giant, cheesy smile spreads across his face as he grabs my hand.

  I can’t help but laugh at his overly dramatic display as he slides the ring on my left ring finger. I also try not to notice how perfectly it fits.

  Ryan quickly pulls back before getting up and heading to the closet that leads to the bathroom. He grabs a blanket and pillow from the top shelf. “I’ll leave you to get settled then. If you need anything, let me know.”

  I nod appreciatively as he leaves the room and closes the door behind him.

  I take the opportunity to look at the ring sparkling on my hand. Again, not exactly how I pictured this going down, but I must admit Ryan’s taste in jewelry is impeccable. Two small diamonds flank a larger princess cut one in the center of a classic setting. There is something stunning about it’s simplicity. I begin to picture him making a special trip to a jewelry store, telling the clerk how he needs something perfect for the love of his life.

  Yeah. Right.

  He probably picked it up at Walmart on his lunch break and I’m sure it was cheap. It’s probably not even real. The realization makes my throat feel tight, but I shake it off. I’m just tired. It’s been a long day and I can barely keep my eyes open. I quickly change into some comfy pajamas—a pair of shorts and an old t-shirt—before unpacking my toiletries. I wash my face and pee for the bajillionth time today. As I brush my teeth, I’m entertained by how neat and meticulous everything in the bathroom is. Maybe I expected some dirty, smelly bachelor pad, but I am pleasantly surprised by the tranquil vibe of Ryan’s place. It’s very much a reflection of his personality, and I find it reassuring.

  I shuffle over to the bed and slide down between the sheets. I’ve never felt so small in a bed before. I can fully stretch out in every direction and not even come close to the edge. I curl up on my left side and hug one of the pillows tightly to my chest. It smells like cinnamon, and that’s the last thing I remember before drifting peacefully off to sleep.

  I’m woken up by the same smell of cinnamon, which is now overpowering. I feel a warm, firm body pressed against mine as a tongue expertly glides across my chest, sending thrills of pleasure down my spine. I run my fingers through the man’s hair and pull his face to kiss mine. At the same time I feel him push his big, hard length deep inside me and I unashamedly moan into his mouth. He tastes delicious. He nibbles my ear before whispering, “Mine. You’re all fucking mine.” I open my eyes and see two dark blue ones staring wildly back at me. I’ve never felt so much pleasure in all my life. My head falls back against the pillows in complete ecstasy. He pounds into me so fast and hard I’m afraid he will split me in two. But it feels so good I don’t really care. Just as he sends me careening over the edge, I cry out “Ryan!” loudly and passionately before I lose all consciousness.

  Suddenly I’m running through a dark forest, being chased by someone wearing all black. The wind is howling and whipping around my face while leaves crunch loudly under my feet. I’m running as fast as I can, but every time I glance over my shoulder he’s right there, only a few steps behind. My heart is pounding and I can barely breathe. I trip over a fallen tree branch and fall to the ground with a sickening thud. I try to scramble away, but a jolt of excruciating pain spreads through my ankle. I feel a heavy hand grip my shoulder. I try to scream as the man pulls me up roughly to face him . . .

  I jolt upright, sweaty and short of breath. It takes a second for me to realize where I am.

  It was just a dream, Kell. A super sexy fantasy turned super scary nightmare, maybe, but a dream all the same.

  It just felt so goddamn vivid and real. I can’t tell if the dampness of my shorts is from sweat or desire, but the way my heart is racing and I feel extremely on edge makes me want to run and wake Ryan up. I never got to see the creepy man’s face, which makes it even more terrifying. The lights outside are casting strange shadows on the wall, making my skin crawl. I take a few deep breaths and just as I’m starting to calm down a gust of wind rattles the windows, scaring the ever living shit out of me.

  Fuck this.

  I scramble out of bed and scurry to the living room where Ryan is asleep on the couch. He looks completely content, lying on his back with his left arm outstretched above his head. The way his chest moves lazily up and down tells me he’s out cold. I slide quietly next to him. As I shimmy my way under the blanket, pressing my body to his so as not to fall off the edge, my hand brushes against something warm and muscle-y. And semi-hard.

  Ryan stirs and stares at me through confused, half-awake eyes. “Brooks? What the hell are you doing?” His voice is rough and raspy . . . aka hot and sexy.

  I unceremoniously blurt out “You sleep naked?”

  He exhales a gravelly chuckle, lightly tugging at the hem of my t-shirt. “If I knew you were planning to sleep with me, I would have told you the dress code.” I poke him in the ribs, which makes him twitch. “Hey, you’re the one who woke me up. Is everything OK?” he asks in a sleepy voice.

  I tuck the blanket closer to my legs, creating a barrier between our lower halves. “I had a bad dream. These stupid pregnancy hormones make everything seem so real and your room is too big and quiet. It’s creepy.”

  Ryan goes still and for a second I think he fell back to sleep. He leisurely rolls over and drapes his arm over my midsection, his fingers splayed across my stomach. Before he drifts off he slurs, “I’ll keep you both safe, Sunshine.”

  When his breathing slows I know he’s fallen back into a deep slumber.

  I, on the other hand, lay wide awake for another hour, trying not to read too much into his words. The less I try to attach meaning or feeling to this situation, the easier it will be.

  Once I finally succumb to sleep, I slip easily back into dreaming about a certain body part situated beneath the thin covers next to me.

  Ryan

  I’m surprised to wake up with a warm, soft body sprawled over mine. I vaguely recall a conversation with Kelley late last night that I thought was a dream. Apparently not.

  Her hair is tangled and messy. Her cheek is on my chest. I feel a hot burst of air as she breathes in and out. On every exhale an adorable, muffled snore escapes. I instinctually hug my arms tighter around her. When she melts into my arms, wrapping her leg around mine, my dick springs to life. That’s enough to snap me fully awake and realize this is a bad idea.

  A very bad idea.

  Rule Number One for Keeping Control: remove temptation. Here I have a gorgeous girl—who happens to be carrying my child—living in my apartment—which is a big fucking deal in itself—wearing nothing but a thin t-shirt and short shorts, cuddled against me as my cock threatens to bore a hole right through the blanket. And I agreed to stay celibate for the next nine months. What the fuck was I thinking?

  I maneuver myself out from under the covers and rise off the couch. Kelley starts to move, and I freeze like a fucking deer caught in big, beaming headlights. She settles back down, hugging the pillow in my absence. I take the opportunity to sprint my naked ass to the bedroom. I need some damn pants. And a cold shower.

  A short time later I’m clean and calm and walk back to the kitchen wearing a pair of jeans and an old college t-shirt. Kelley is no longer on the couch, but I hear water running in the spare bathroom so I start messing around in the kitchen.

  By the time Kelley exits the bathroom and walks over to sit on one of the stools, mumbling a groggy, “Morning,” I’m topping off two mugs.

  “Morning. Sleep well?” I can’t resist a seductive smirk. She rolls her eyes and I let out a quick chuckle. “I thought we’d have some breakfast and then go to your pla
ce to get your car and the rest of your things.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  I extend one of the mugs and she reaches for it eagerly. “Ah, bless you.” She goes in for a big sip. As soon as the liquid reaches her mouth, she nearly spits it out. She manages to choke it down, but sticks out her tongue afterwards. “This is the weakest coffee I’ve ever had.”

  “That’s because it’s tea.” I lean back against the counter, taking my own sip.

  “Seriously? No coffee?”

  “I don’t drink it, but even if I did I wouldn’t give you any. I read caffeine isn’t good for pregnant women. This stuff has ginger or some shit in it, which is supposed to help if you feel sick.” I might have been bored a few nights this week and stumbled across some baby forums online. Sue me.

  “I feel sick all right . . .” Kelley rests her chin in her hands. “So, no alcohol and no caffeine. Now I can understand why you gave me such a hard time about Grind. What’s your deal, Blake? Are you some sort of health nut?”

  I shake my head. “I just prefer not to indulge in addictive behaviors.”

  “That’s gotta take some crazy willpower.”

  “Nothing sacrificed, nothing gained.” I reach in the cabinet. “Here. I also picked these up for you. I heard it’s a good brand.” I place a plastic bottle on the counter between us.

  She picks it up and stares at me accusingly. “Don’t tell me you’re going to be one of those guys.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “Those guys?”

  “You know, the kind who thinks that just because half your DNA is inside my uterus, you have a right to dictate what I can and can’t do.” She slams the bottle filled with prenatal vitamins back on the counter before crossing her arms angrily.

  “Jesus, Brooks. I’m just trying to be helpful. Forget the vitamins if they offend you that much.” I pick up the pills to throw them in the trash. Can’t a guy do something nice without getting his head ripped off? I read about mood swings, but shit, it’s going to be a long nine months.

  Kelley lunges across the counter to grab my elbow. “Wait, Wait. I’m sorry. I’ll take them.” She slides the bottle from my hands and sits back on the stool. We stare at each other in an awkward silence before she gestures to the carton of eggs on the counter behind me. “I believe you mentioned something about breakfast? Remember, I’m eating for two now. And I plan to take full advantage of that.”

  I return her playful smile, confused by her emotional one-eighty, but fucking relieved she’s no longer upset. For now. “Coming right up, Sunshine.”

  Yup, it’s definitely going to be a long nine months.

  Eleven Weeks

  “Tell me again why we agreed to do this?” Kelley frowns as she grabs the foil-covered apple pie she made that’s sitting on the dashboard as I hold open her car door.

  “Because Lucas and Eli are family and I always spend Thanksgiving here.” I extend my arm to help her down from the truck. “Plus Luc fucking blackmailed me into it.”

  I slam the door closed and we make our way to the door. “Do you think Eli knows the truth?” The hesitation in her voice is apparent.

  “Nah. Luc might give me shit but he’s true to his word.” Both Lucas and Kinsley know about the baby, but as soon as we told them about us moving in together they knew the whole engagement thing was a crock of shit. We swore them to secrecy, though, so as far as I’m concerned nobody else should ever need to find out. We’re waiting until she’s further along to tell anybody else she’s pregnant—Eli included—so today is basically going to suck.

  I let us in the back door at Eli’s house, not needing to knock. He has always been like a father to me and I hate to fucking keep secrets from him, but it’s all just part of the goddamn mess I’ve gotten myself into.

  As we enter the kitchen Eli and Kinsley are sitting at the table talking while Luc leans against the counter nursing a beer. Eli looks genuinely thrilled as he gets up to greet us. He hugs me and then Kelley before saying, “I hear congratulations are in order, huh?”

  Kelley eyes me nervously but plasters on a big smile for Eli. We both nod stiffly. I silently remind myself he’s only talking about the engagement, but it doesn’t help that Lucas gets the biggest shit-eating grin on his face and I have to resist flashing him a certain hand gesture. Suddenly Kelley thrusts out her hands and practically shouts, “I made pie!” causing everyone to stare at her outburst. Kinsley not so subtlety hops up to cause a distraction by hugging Kelley. Thankfully Eli doesn’t acknowledge something weird is going on and thanks Kelley for the pie before putting it on the counter for later.

  I turn to greet Lucas and as we shake hands he leans in and grunts, “Way to play it cool, bro.”

  I scowl at him, feeling jealous for the first time in a very long time that he’s holding a beer right now. Today is obviously going to be awkward as fuck.

  When we sit down to eat and get caught up with our usual small talk, I finally relax. Lucas and I dig each other at every chance we get while Kelley and Kinsley laugh and roll their eyes. It feels comfortable to have everyone joking and shooting the shit.

  Once we’ve all had our fill of turkey, stuffing, and Eli’s famous sweet potato casserole, Eli gets a big smile on his face. “You know, for as long as I can remember it’s just been me and these two knuckleheads around for the holidays.” He gestures with his thumb to Lucas and me. We smirk innocently. “But I have to say it’s quite nice to have the company of two such smart, beautiful ladies for a change. Ever since Luc and I lost his mom this house has been missing the sweet sound of a woman’s laughter, and hearing it tonight makes this place feel like it’s home to a real family again. I just want to say how lucky I am that my boys here found such perfect people to love and to spend the rest of their lives with.” He holds up his water glass to toast. “Here’s looking forward to many, many more years filled with moments like this.”

  A heavy, sentimental silence fills the air as everyone nods and follows suit. I try to swallow past the lump that forms in my throat before raising my own glass. The conversation between everyone else picks up again but the room suddenly feels too stuffy for me, so I excuse myself, mumbling something about grabbing dessert.

  Once I reach the kitchen I place my hands on the counter, palms down, trying to take deep breaths. Lucas and Eli are pretty much the only family I have—the ones that have always been there for me anyway—and hearing Eli talk about his wife and Kelley and love and the future does weird shit to my head. And my chest. Love? That shit is just a sign of weakness. A sign you’ve lost control to someone else. But there is also nobody I respect more than Eli, and I realize I’m fucked if I think I could ever be anywhere close to the kind of father he is.

  I hear a throat clear behind me and it just about makes me jump out of my skin. “Need any help with that pie?”

  I glance back and relax when I see it’s not Eli. Or Kelley. Neither of them need to know how fucked up I’m feeling about this right now. “Jesus, Kins. You scared the shit out of me.” I laugh, but it comes out hollow.

  “Sorry. Just thought you could use some help.” She leans on the counter next to me. “And I’m not just talking about the pie.” I raise my eyebrow confused. “It’s weird to hear Eli talk about family, especially when you have such a messed up past like me.” She smiles gently, and I think I know where this is going. “I get the sense you know how that is, too, Ry, right?”

  I scoff like I have no idea what she’s talking about. “I’m fine, Kinsley, really.” Shit. What is it with everyone today? Maybe I can sneak out the back to avoid dealing with any of them.

  She shrugs, seeming to buy it. “Ok.” She reaches over and grabs the apple pie I’ve been staring blankly at. “But I used to think I could control everything, too, you know. It didn’t work out very well for me, and I’m guessing it won’t for you, either.” She chuckles playfully before waltzing back to the dining room as if she didn’t just try to call complete bullshit on me.

  Kelley
<
br />   Fourteen Weeks

  For the next few weeks Ryan and I live like hermits, working overtime to avoid everyone. It’s still too early to tell people I’m pregnant, and it’s too weird to pose as a couple in public. We agreed to wait until my next ultrasound, which is this morning, before saying anything about the baby. Part of me has been scared something might happen, and part of me just isn’t ready to deal with it. I’ve stalled as long as I can, as if my situation might magically make any kind of sense, but I’m starting to show and can’t keep it hidden much longer. The less my clothes fit, the more I feel suffocated.

  It doesn’t help that Ryan and I have fallen into a comfortable, easy routine. One that lulls me into a false sense of security. Sure, we still argue like crazy, but that’s just us. As much as we disagree, we’re actually quite similar.

  Sometimes, like when I’m pigging out on ice cream watching eighties movies late at night, and Ryan keeps stealing bites from my spoon (even though he claims he doesn’t want any) and I am overcome with a feeling of complete satisfaction and contentment, I have to remind myself that this isn’t real. It might be how I pictured my life on the surface, but deep down this situation is only temporary—and completely messed up. I knew going in this is what I signed up for, though, so I keep on pretending, just like we agreed.

  I wake up five minutes before my alarm and quietly slip out of bed, careful not to wake Ryan. After four straight nights of nightmares when I first moved in, I decided we could share the bedroom—as long as he keeps some damn pants on. The king bed is big enough that we don’t have to touch, though somehow we always wake up right next to each other. It made sense at the time, but lately my sex drive has been increasing by the minute. That, coupled with my raging mood swings, makes for real fun times.

  I take a long shower, letting the hot water calm my nerves. I’m anxious to see our baby blob on the ultrasound screen today. Nervous as all hell that something might go wrong, but excited.