Mad Addiction (Crazy Beautiful #2)

by Jessica Huizenga

  “Come on, man. You know it’s true.” Lucas replies with a snicker.

  “Wait, maybe we’ll use it as a diaper first.” Ryan tosses it back into the bag, but I can tell he’s amused.

  I pull out the next gift from the bag and pull out various pieces to a bottle kit. “Aww this will be a big help. Thanks, Kins.”

  Ryan looks at one of the packages skeptically. “A nipple brush?”

  “Dude, it’s so not what you think.” Lucas shakes his head, confirming he originally had the same misguided idea. All the girls in the room laugh while the men look uncomfortable.

  By the time we’re finished with all the gifts, it’s safe to say Caden shouldn’t need anything for a while. Between diapers and toys and a stroller—not to mention the fact his closet will be bigger than mine—he is one lucky kid.

  Seeing how generous, genuinely happy, and kind everyone is being today also makes me realize I’m pretty lucky, too.

  Which makes me feel extremely guilty since I don’t deserve any of it.

  After a few hours of eating and mingling, the party is finally winding down. Lucas, Kinsley, Logan, Tristan, Hazel, Ryan, and I are in the living room. Everyone is cleaning up while I sit on the couch, too tired, stuffed, and sore to move. Nobody would let me help anyway, which makes me feel even guiltier. Ryan is on the couch next to me, resting back with his arms behind his head and his ankles crossed.

  Tristan gathers up assorted empty cups and plates from around the room. “Care to help or are you just going to sit there like an asshole?” He directs his glare at Ryan, who looks completely unfazed.

  “Nah, I’m good. But you missed some trash over there.” Ryan nods to the side table.

  “Fuck you, princess. It’s not like you’re the pregnant one.” Tristan grumbles, but picks up the dirty cup Ryan indicated.

  “No, but he’s half my kid, which means it’s my party, too.” Ryan stretches out further to make himself more comfortable, purposely egging Tristan on. Hazel and Kinsley giggle at their banter while Lucas and Logan shake their heads.

  “Yeah, about that.” Tristan motions between Ryan and I. “I still don’t get it. Are you sure this isn’t all a joke? Be honest with us, bro—you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants and knocked her up by accident, didn’t you. ”

  “What the fuck, T?” Lucas jumps in.

  Tristan shrugs. “What? I’m just saying, if you’re not going to sack it, go home and whack it.” Everyone glares at Tristan now, which makes him get defensive. “Come on, you have to admit this whole ‘settling down’ thing is shady as shit.” He makes air quotes when he says the words settling down. “We all know Ry is a use ‘em and lose ‘em kind of guy, and then all of a sudden he’s playing house with some random chick out of the blue?”

  Before I have time to process what’s happening, Ryan is up, hands balled into fists at his sides. He gets in Tristan’s face. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about so I suggest you shut your goddamn mouth. It’s none of your fucking business what I do or who I do it with, but if I ever hear you refer to Kelley as some random chick ever again I’ll kick your fucking teeth in like I should have done years ago.”

  I’ve never seen Ryan look so dominating before, and it sort of scares me.

  It also kind of thrills me.

  As if sensing this could get ugly, Lucas and Logan move to separate them. Tristan studies Ryan’s threatening glare before finally backing off. Ryan holds his hands up in surrender as Luc holds him back, indicating he’s cool, although I see his jaw is still clenched.

  The room is now filled with an awkward silence as tension hangs heavily in the air. I hope my face doesn’t give away all the tortured emotions I’m currently feeling. On the one hand I feel exhilarated Ryan just stood up for me like that, but on the other I know Tristan didn’t deserve it—he’s actually right.

  Ryan reaches for my hand and I robotically let him help me to my feet. He grinds out, “We’re going,” and makes for the front hall. As he leads me out the door I peek back at Kinsley, who gives me a sad yet understanding look. I return it, trying to apologize. I know her and Lucas are going to have to do some major damage control to keep up this lie for us, especially after that outburst, and it’s not fair we put them in this position.

  Ryan coldly helps me into my seat of the truck, the back of which is filled with all the boxes and gift bags. Without saying a word he gets into the driver’s seat, starts up the engine, and peels out of the driveway.

  His anger has me too scared to say anything, so we ride home in silence. We get to the apartment and wordlessly unload the baby gifts. Ryan mumbles something about needing to get work done at the office, and stalks back out the door.

  We never talk about what happened.

  Despite the fact Ryan said he didn’t want to make a big deal about his birthday, I really want to make it special for him. When he finally came home after the baby shower incident last week, we both acted like nothing ever happened. But still, I sense some growing resentment. It’s like he’s mad he had to get into it with Tristan because of me, and I hate that he convinced me to go through with all of this in the first place. This lie is becoming too much of a burden, but I don’t know how to get out of it without making things even worse. I’m hoping a birthday surprise will help us forget about it all for a while.

  When I told Ryan to take Friday off and pack a bag for the weekend, he gave me a hard time, but finally conceded. Since my growing stomach makes it harder and more uncomfortable for me to be behind the wheel and we have an hour and a half ride ahead of us, I came up with a plan.

  “Turn right here. Then make a left at the light.”

  “You’re really not going to tell me where I’m driving—to my own birthday surprise might I add—you’re just going to shout directions at me the whole way?” Ryan sounds annoyed, but I know he secretly loves it.

  “Yup, so suck it up. You have no choice but to listen to everything I say for once.” I shoot him a triumphant, wicked smile.

  It’s just around three p.m. by the time we drive past the sign that says, “Welcome to Peyton Cove.” Ryan doesn’t say much when he sees it, but looks over to me and says, “You might be better at surprises than me, Brooks. Touché.” His big, genuine smile tells me it was a good decision to come here. I was a little nervous about how he’d react, but I remembered how he said it was his favorite place as a kid and thought it might be nice for him to experience it again right before he’s about to have a son of his own.

  I got us a beachfront hotel suite at one of the nicer looking hotels. We check-in and grab a quick bite before walking out to the beach. Being that it’s only May, there aren’t many tourists around yet, which means we pretty much have the place to ourselves. We walk along the far end of the beach that’s lined with a wall of giant rocks, enjoying the surprisingly warm weather. Ryan was right—it’s easy to feel wonderfully isolated in a place like this. That makes me think about all of the things—all of the feelings—I’d like to run away from. But I have to face them. I don’t want to ruin this moment, but we have a lot to talk about.

  I finally chance breaking our comfortable silence. “I want you to know I’m sorry for what happened at the baby shower.”

  Ryan’s jaw tenses. “Just drop it, ok?”

  “We have to talk about it sometime.” We usually never have a problem getting our stuff out in the open, so the fact he’s been more distant lately makes me feel even worse.

  “It’s not your fault, Brooks. Let it go.” He continues down the beach, looking annoyed, which irritates me.

  “You’re right, it’s not my fault.” I stop walking and look at him, the anger I’ve been feeling for weeks finally coming to the surface at his refusal to face things. “It’s both our faults.”

  Ryan stops a few steps ahead of me. He takes a deep breath before turning back to face me. “Do we really have to get into this now?”

  “Yes, we do. Because I’m sick of this. I’m sick of fe
eling like this lie is getting too big for us. We started this whole thing to keep anyone from getting hurt, but I feel like that’s all we’re doing. It was fucking selfish, Ryan.” He offers nothing to the contrary, so I cross my arms and continue. “It was idiotic enough to lie, but then we had to go and drag Kinsley and Lucas into it, forcing them to cover for us. They’re supposed to be our best friends.” I shake my head in disgust, talking faster as I get worked up. “Everything had to go and get so complicated. We both know this isn’t going to last, but you have to go and do things like take me on dates and build a nursery. You don’t think that confuses the hell out of me? It’s a sick reminder of the life we’ll never have together. I’m still wearing your grandmother’s ring and you talk to my mother more than I do, for Christ’s sake. Like it or not, both our families are involved and I just don’t see how this can still work like we planned.”

  “What do you want me to do, Kell? I’m fucking trying here.” Ryan’s tries to keep his voice calm, but I can tell he’s just as frustrated. “Can’t we agree on some way to fix this?”

  “We can’t even agree on what last name our baby is going to have!” I laugh, even though it’s not funny. “But the real kicker? Oh, the real kicker is that you just got into a fight with one of your closest friends to defend our relationship when he was the only one telling the fucking truth!” I sink down to sit on one of the large rocks. My feet and back are tired. Hell, my head and heart are tired, too.

  I drop my head, trying to calm down when I notice Ryan drop to one knee in front of me. I look at him, confused.

  “Marry me.” It’s a statement more than a question.

  “What?” I ask, positive I heard him wrong.

  “I know we fucked this up a long time ago, and I know we’ll probably still fuck it up in the future, but if I learned one thing these past few months it’s that I really fucking like you, Brooks. A lot. I want to have this baby with you, and I want us both to be there to mess up his life equally. You’re right, this whole situation is both our faults, so let’s make it right. Let’s stop pretending, let’s give this kid the same last name, and let’s turn this lie into a truth. Right here, right now. For real this time.”

  My heart beats so fast and so loud I can feel it ringing in my ears. I barely notice the tears running down my cheeks. I feel such a mixture of disbelief and excitement that I start to laugh. All I can manage to blurt out is, “That proposal is almost as bad as your first.”

  Ryan looks at me with a lopsided smile. “Is that a yes?”

  I take a deep breath, needing a second to clear my head.

  I let out a sigh. “Why, Ryan? Why me? If it’s just because we’re having a baby together you can forget it.” I can’t deny my feelings for Ryan have grown over the past few months, but he was very clear and up front about his lack of commitment skills. Is he just doing this because he feels like he has no other choice?

  Ryan moves to sit next to me on the rock, grabbing my chin with his fingers to force me to look into his eyes. “You’ve been different from the very beginning, Kelley. Ever since I first met you, you did things to me I didn’t understand. I didn’t want to understand. Yes, this baby is what brought us into this situation, but if not for him we never would have had the chance to get to know each other. And I’m so fucking thankful we did. I’m not used to any of this, but I know if there is one person I want by my side as I figure it out, it’s you. Let’s forget about everything and everyone else and see where this goes. I’ll go get a justice of the peace right now and marry the shit out of you right here. Let’s stop overthinking all the bullshit and just do it. Let’s just commit to being together and give our family a shot. Can we at least agree on that?”

  As much as this may not be the proposal I always dreamed of, I can’t deny it still somehow feels perfect. I think about how I always pictured a fancy wedding with a flowing white dress and a room full of people to witness it all. Then I think about my dad’s words: If you love someone and want to marry her, you should just do it . . . let it be about the two of you—the only people who matter.

  For once I don’t want to think. I just want to feel. And it feels so infuriatingly good to feel wanted . . . and to know that I want him right back.

  Without thinking I look into Ryan’s fierce, beautiful face and say, “Ok, Ryan Bartholomew Blake—let’s get married.”

  Ryan

  “Ok, Ryan Bartholomew Blake—let’s get married.”

  I never thought a few simple words could make me feel like such a fucking sappy shit, but hearing Kelley Brooks agree to marry me almost has me fist pumping like a damn fool. I think I was more surprised than Kelley to hear the words come out of my mouth, but once they did I noticed I didn’t want to take them back.

  Not wanting to waste time—or give either of us a chance to overthink our decision—I help Kelley stand and jog us a few yards down the beach until we reach the small town square. I glance around until I see a building marked Town Hall and pull us up the steps and through the front door. It’s almost four, which means they’ll be closing soon. I scan the directory for the clerk’s office and make our way to the second floor. An older woman sits alone behind the desk, looking like she’s getting ready to pack it in for the day. Her name placard reads Marge Brown.

  “Excuse me, I was wondering if my fiancée here and I could get a marriage license?” I smile excitedly.

  The woman looks at us and smiles back, routinely launching into a spiel about what documentation she needs to see and how it takes three days to approve.

  I muster my sweetest, most charming voice. “Look, I know you’re just doing your job and I’m sure there’s a very good reason they make these rules, but as you can see we’re a little pressed for time.” I gesture to Kelley’s large, round stomach. I see Marge’s eyes go soft and I know I’ve got her on the hook. “We’re only in town for a short time and we really, really have our hearts set on getting married on this beach today.” I reach in my pocket and pull out my driver’s license. “As you can see, today is my birthday, and the only gift I want is to marry the mother of my child. So what do you say, Marge, do you think you can help us out?” She looks torn as her eyes tear up, so I lay on the sad puppy dog eyes to seal the deal.

  “Oh well isn’t that just the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.” Marge sniffles back a few tears and grabs a few papers from the filing cabinet next to her. “I’ll need both of your driver’s licenses and then fill out this form here, here, and here. I’ll be sure to have this expedited.”

  I smile triumphantly and begin to fill out the forms. “Now, any chance you know a justice of the peace?”

  An hour later Kelley and I are standing on the beach, hands linked, just us, the waves, and Edward Brown—thank fucking god Marge’s husband is a JP.

  I’m not going to lie, there was a moment there when I thought I lost my fucking mind. I mean, me . . . get married? Really settle down and have the kid and wife and fucking Sunday pancake breakfasts or some shit?

  But standing here, looking at Kelley . . . her brown hair messy from the wind, wearing fucking stretchy maternity pants and a red long-sleeved shirt that hugs her round curves, her fucking gorgeous, intense eyes looking at me with such hope and trust . . . fuck. In this moment I know I love her, and I’ve loved her ever since I claimed her on the floor of that damn storage shed.

  And the thought fucking terrifies me, because I’ve never said those words to anyone in my life. I don’t know that I can. Feeling is one thing, but actually admitting it out loud? Love is a weakness. What if she doesn’t feel the same . . . what if this is only about appearances for her?

  Edward’s deep voice pulls me back to the present moment as we begin.

  “This is an important moment—it’s a celebration of love, commitment, friendship, and family. We have thousands of important moments that happen in our lives, though, so what makes this special? Why this moment? Because it’s a collective, passionate breath signifying two people who are in
it for forever. Because despite any differences, love is what we share. It's the great unifier, our one universal truth. No matter who we are, where we come from, or what we believe, we know this one thing: love is what we're doing right. And even though this experience is so incredible, words fail us when we try and explain it. That's just the way it is with love—it's meant to be felt, not described. But even though we still try to describe love in different ways—and even though love can look different—we all know it when we see it. And we see it here. You fell in love by chance, but you're here today because you're making a choice. You’re choosing each other. And so it is the most profound moment you can ever hope to experience.”

  As the sun sets, I know that this is in fact the best choice and the best moment of my entire life.

  “Do you, Ryan Blake, promise to keep Kelley Brooks as your favorite person—to laugh with her, surprise her, support her through life's tough moments, kill spiders for her, grow old with her, and find new reasons to love her every day?”

  There’s no question. No hesitation. Just truth. “I do.”

  We didn’t have time to get rings, so I slip a small loop of twine around her finger.

  “And do you, Kelley Brooks, promise to keep Ryan Blake as your best friend—to laugh with him, comfort him through good & bad times, have sex with him in showers, always sleep naked with him, grow a family with him, and find new reasons to love him every day?”

  . . . I may have asked him to add one or two things to Kelley’s vows. By the way happy tears trail down her cheeks and a smile lights up her face, I’d say she doesn’t mind.

  Without ever breaking her gaze from mine, Kelley whispers softly, but surely, “I do.” She slips a matching piece of twine on my finger.

  “I now pronounce you husband and wife. Ryan, you may ki—”

  I can’t wait another second to feel Kelley’s sweet, maddening lips on mine. I knew from my very first taste nine months ago that I would get addicted as fuck. But hell, I’ll gladly be a Kelley Brooks addict for the rest of my friggin’ life. It would be my pleasure.