Statistic

by Dawn Robertson

  Before I chucked my phone onto the bed and made my way for the shower, I had to check my messages one last time. I feel like a moth who is attracted to a flame. I can only hope I am not going to get burnt. One message stands out to me. One message that wasn't there minutes ago when I chatting back and forth with Brent.

  Aurora. That is a beautiful name for an extremely beautiful lady. DTF huh? I'm sorry you had to deal with some disrespectful little shit, because those are the only kind of guys who would use a term like

  that when talking to someone like you. I actually live a block away from The Old Barn (the bed and breakfast). It is a gorgeous little place. I've been there once before when my mother was visiting. What am I all about? So many things but I will start with a few. I love art when I am not sitting behind my desk doing the 9-5 thing. I love creating it, collecting it, and visiting galleries, even though there aren't very many locally. That is one thing I miss about living in New York City. I also go to the gym daily, but I'm not one of those meatheads. I am actually a former fat kid believe it or not.

  Hmmmmm... I hate talking about myself, so this is like pulling teeth. I like hiking out in the country. The animal preserve is a beautiful area for that. I've seen some cool stuff out there while making it up the mountain. I am kind of a homebody. I love movies, mainly action but I am a closet sucker for chick flicks too. Don’t tell anyone though. LOL

  I am looking to settle down. I was engaged for four years, but when it came time to move south, my fiancé wouldn't leave the hustle and bustle of the city to join me. We tried to make things work long distance for a while, but unfortunately there was no way to make a marriage work with that kind of distance, so we ended it.

  I wish I could say it was on good terms. That is something to talk about later on, maybe in person if I could persuade you to go out on a date with me?

  -Jeremy

  I wasn't expecting a damn book back from him. Maybe all the guys on this website aren't complete creeps. I type out a short and sweet reply to him and get on with my day, and my shower. Throwing together a quick crockpot meal for when Liam gets home later on tonight. I can only hope Colin doesn't take him out for some cheap McDonald's on his way to drop him off. Then again, I should already know that is exactly what he is going to do because he always does it.

  “So are you going to meet any of them in person?” Callie asks me while she digs into the chicken and dumplings I made for dinner. “I mean, what is there to lose? It's not like you had any luck with those dates Kim set you up on. Not that I am surprised.” She laughs with a mouthful of food, and points her fork in my direction as she picks up the glass of water she is nursing instead of her usual glass of Merlot.

  “I don't know. I just want to get to know them a little bit better.” I shrug my shoulders and dish myself a plate. “They are strangers to me. We met on a strange site. I want to just take my time.”

  “These dumplings are fabulous, you know that A?” She shoves another forkful without an ounce of grace. Yup, this is my best friend and I am still confused as to how she landed her Mr. Perfect of a husband, Grant.

  “Callie, they aren't that great. You will just eat anything now that you are eating for two. It is only one baby in there right? Because, the way you have been eating lately... I am pretty sure they missed two more babies on that ultrasound.” I can't help but sass her. I was so much younger when I went through my pregnancy with Liam. The only thing Callie, Kim, and Jill were concerned about was my lack of alcohol consumption with them while they were in their clubbing phase.

  “Ha. Ha. Ha. Soooo funny, Aurora.” She shoves another bite in her mouth and continues prying about my new venture into online dating. “This isn't like the 90’s, A. You can safely meet these guys and it really isn't a big deal. People do it every day. Heck, most couples I know have met online.”

  I know it is a norm today, but it just isn't a norm for me. I don’t think it will ever be a “normal” thing for me.

  “I know, Callie. I'm just skeptical. I gotta be responsible, for Liam, ya know?” It always comes back to Liam and the huge cloud of him having to live without me. Instantly my mind flashes back to Brent and the fact that he is raising his little boy alone. A man I barely know taking up so much space in my mind already, because this certainly wasn’t the first time I thought about him today.

  “Earth to Aurora! Hellllo! Where did you just go?” Her hands are waving in front of my face and I realize I was really spaced out thinking about a man I know so little about. Maybe it would be good to meet him and learn more about him. I guess it really couldn't hurt. He lives far enough away that I won't have to deal with him on a daily basis if it doesn't work out.

  “I'm sorry, I was just thinking about...” I can't finish that sentence because it will only prove her point. I need to get off my ass and finally go meet someone. She knows me better than anyone else in my life though. I won't be able to hide it from her.

  “I'll let it slide this one time, only because you made me such a yummy dinner. But, A. Seriously. Get out, get on with your life. You have wasted the past year focusing on work and Liam. You are a good mom and you will still be a good mom even if you start dating. If you’re happy, Liam will be happy. Get it?”

  I only nod as I dig into my own dinner. I check the time again for the 30th time since Colin texted that he was on his way to drop our boy off almost two hours ago. Never on time. Always junk food. I just can't win.

  As I stir in my rage, I decide to send a message to Brent. Maybe I’ll step up my game a little bit and text message with him. It may not sound like much, but giving out my telephone number is a huge step for me. I open the dating app to notice a reply from him this morning. I instantly feel bad that I made him wait all day, which is totally out of character for me.

  Aurora,

  I am sorry he did that to you. Pregnancy is the most beautiful time of a woman's life, even if you are

  super miserable. LOL For him to do that to you was shitty. It kind of proves he wasn't good enough

  for you.

  I'm sorry you have to deal with him when it comes to sharing custody. It must be really hard. How long have you been divorced?

  Don't worry about the message, we all have a story to tell. I want to know more about you. I don't

  think you’re going to be able to scare me off with a little over sharing. And if that was over-sharing

  then I am guilty of it myself.

  I'll be looking forward to hearing from you.

  -Brent

  A story to tell. I guess that’s what every person's life truly is. Their tale.

  Brent,

  Sorry, I got carried away with the day. Lots to do before Liam gets home tonight sometime. Made

  some chicken and dumplings and had one of my girlfriends over for dinner.

  I would like to get to know you more. Maybe we could try texting? My number is 687-5509 if you’re

  up for it. If not we can keep going back and forth on here.

  -Aurora

  It's been three nights since I first started messaging with Brent. Each day and evening we text and have actually made time for a couple phone calls. Make fun of me all you want. That is a huge step for me. Flippin' HUGE!

  I have continued to talk here and there with Jeremy. He is just as sweet, but I think it’s going to take me a little while to become as comfortable with him as I have become with Brent. We don't have as much in common. I’m not sure if that is a good or bad thing, but it’s something I will continue to explore.

  Tonight is the biggest step of all because I have a babysitter and I’m going to meet Brent for dinner at a small Italian place in West Monroe, where he lives. I wanted things on his turf, or maybe I just wanted to push myself outside of my comfort level a bit. Callie says it’s good for me and out of my gaggle of girlfriends, I trust her the most by far. She actually has her shit together. Well, for the most part.

  I straighten my hair and touch up a bit of light makeup before I pull
a long white skirt out of my closet and match it with a black tank top. The days have been hotter than hell, but the evenings are absolutely perfect. Something about the summer in South Carolina is why I stay here, even if my family is a couple thousand miles away in California. Maybe I just need to keep my mom and her insanity at an arm’s length? I don't even want to think of her right now because it will only put a damper on my good mood.

  Just as I’m done getting dressed, the doorbell rings and Liam barrels through the house, only coming to a halt when he almost hits the front door. His bare feet pound against the hardwood, echoing through the small two bedroom condo we share. It may be small but it is just big enough for us, and everything we ended up with after the divorce. Honestly, I didn't want much from the home I shared with Colin. Everything was décor he liked, which I didn't care for. I always yes'ed him to death just so I wouldn't have to argue with him. Confrontation is the worst, but these days I’m no longer scared to go toe-to-toe with him. And for once, I finally feel as though I have really found my voice.

  God, I hate how much space he continues to take up in my mind!

  “Liam, open the door for Miss Pam!” I yell down the staircase because I know he’s standing on the other side of the door watching her. He won't open the door for anyone until I give him the okay. Although if the ice cream man is driving through our complex, he’s out the door in record time, even if I am screaming for him as I chase him down.

  “Okay Mommy.” I hear, only followed by “YAY! MISS PAM'S HERE!” as my lovely babysitter joins him in the tight living room. Miss Pam is a little older than my parents and is actually the mother of my landlord. When I moved in she would come over and check up on the property, probably making sure my kid wasn't completely destroying shit. But over time we built a wonderful friendship. Now, she’s one of the only people I trust Liam with, which says a lot about her character.

  Yeah, the girls are great with him, but sometimes they just don't get what it’s like to take care of a four year old. Not that I would expect them to know what they are doing. Ha!

  “Where is Mommy, Liam?” I hear her warm voice from the living room as I make my way down the stairs.

  “I'm right here, Pam. Sorry, getting ready took me a little longer than I thought.” I round the corner and see her smiling face. Her short blonde bob is neat like always, and her face beams with her typical welcoming smile. She just makes me feel loved, something I haven't had much of in my life.

  “My goodness, Aurora Ann Alexander you look gorgeous.” Her well manicured fingers come up and cover her mouth as she lets out a small gasp. I instantly start to blush. I've never been good at taking compliments. It has definitely been easier to brush them off over the internet and texting. Not that many of the guys sending them to me are being genuine.

  “Oh, Pam. Stop.” I laugh as I pick up my purse and head to the kitchen to pull out the dinner I made for the two of them to share. “I re-heated some leftovers from last night. If he doesn't want to eat it there is a box of Mac n Cheese in the usual place for Mr. Picky.”

  “I think the leftovers will work just fine, Aurora.” Pam increases the tone of her voice ever so slightly as she continues, “If Liam eats all of his dinner, I think I’m going to bring him down to Neighbors Ice Cream for dessert.” She smiles at me and Liam barrels down the short hallway.

  “ICECREAMMMMMMMMMMM!” Liam's voice carries through the first floor of the house, out the open window and echoes between the buildings. I swear that child is louder than any person I have ever met. He certainly didn't get it from me!

  I kneel down to Liam's level and start my usual speech. “Okay, Liam. You need to be good for Miss Pam and I want a good report when I get home. Understand?” I kiss his forehead, and he nods in agreement. He never gets sad when I go, not when Miss Pam is here to care for him. If it were anyone else, the waterworks would be streaming by now. Half the time they are only crocodile tears to make me feel bad. It didn't take long to understand the game he was playing.

  Even when Colin takes him he turns on the hysterics. That is how I always know Pam is the best bet to care for my boy. I pick my purse up off the counter and make my way to the car without looking back. No second guessing myself this time around, for once I need to go and finally put myself out there. I've talked with Brent enough to know he is clearly a good person. For all he has gone through, he isn't jaded or mad at the world. He is grateful and down to damn earth. So refreshing.

  I slide into my Volkswagon and start the short travel to West Monroe. My GPS tells me it shouldn't be longer than a half hour which will give me enough time to totally lose my nerve. I chuckle to myself and turn on my Sirius radio. Beyonce's Drunk in Love blares through my speakers and puts a smile on my face. Wouldn't it be nice to find a connection like this with someone. The beat booms and works to calm my nerves. Music can always relax me. My taste in music is so broad that my girlfriends have always made fun of me.

  Because seriously. Who listens to The Avett Brothers and The Notorious B.I.G. back to back? This girl. That is who! I pulled down the main road of the little one horse town and I knew it wouldn’t be far until I would stumble upon the restaurant where I would be meeting Brent. My plan had slightly worked. The drive had gone by so fast that I didn't have time to second guess what I was about to do. Thanks Beyonce for being my homegirl.

  Brent's description of the meeting spot is perfect. When I see the white sign with a huge rose signaling Rose's Family Spot, I turn into the parking lot and park next to a large black pickup truck. Nothing out of the normal around these parts. All jacked up and shiny like these southern boys love.

  I check my appearance one last time in the rear view mirror, grab my Coach bag, and open the door without looking. I feel horrible when I hear it collide with someone.

  “Ow!” his voice echoes between the cars and the building a few feet away.

  “Oh my gosh! I am sooo sorry!” I look up to see Brent smiling back at me and I am completely freakin' embarrassed. I can't believe I just did that!

  “Well, you are great at first impressions, Aurora,” he lets out a laugh as a genuine smile spreads across his face. Wouldn’t it be my luck that our date would start out by me basically assaulting this guy? Maybe I am not ready to be dating after all.

  “I am so sorry. I can’t believe I just did that! I wasn’t paying attention.” I ramble on looking for a series of excuses to explain why I was in such a fog. But I stop before I give away exactly how nervous I actually am. But if he is any good at reading people, I’m sure he can already see it.

  “Relax, love.” Brent says, and just smiles down at me. He is tall, much taller in person than I thought he would be. And my god, his smile is even more gorgeous. As we stand there with our eyes locked for what seems like forever, all the nerves that have been eating away at me for the entire car ride completely disappear. The level of comfort we have built in the past few days is back.

  “Hi,” he says quietly.

  “Hi,” I reply back, still not breaking our eye contact.

  “Can I hug you?” he asks, and I can’t help but let out a laugh. My smile widens so much, it literally is starting to hurt my face, but I don’t care because it is such a nice feeling. A feeling that has been so distant from me for so long.

  “Yes…” I whisper in reply as his arms wrap around my body and pull me close. His arms are strong around my petite frame and as my body presses to his chest I can feel every last hint of the muscles I saw in so many of his pictures. I let out a sigh, but don’t realize exactly what I did until he laughs and slowly begins to pull away from me.

  “What’s so funny?” I ask him, looking up into his gorgeous blue eyes again.

  “That little sigh. You comfortable now?” he jokes.

  “Yeah. Somethin’ like that.”

  Dinner went by in a flash of easy conversation, jokes, and the best chicken parmesan I’ve had in probably my entire life. Everything with Brent was so easy, no confusion or complicat
ions. We were two adults, single parents at that who seemed to be on the same page about most of everything in life.

  If there was one thing I was sure of, it was the fact that I would walk away with a very good friend from this meeting, because the possibility of romance between us was quickly becoming a bleak option. Yes, we hit it off. But there has to be that spark. That attraction. That want and need to basically jump across the table at dinner. With Brent, it just wasn’t there. Of course I wasn’t going to push him away or tell him this. I mean, maybe I was just reading my signals all wrong. Who knows?

  As the evening came to an end, instead of going our separate ways and driving home, we opted to share a walk around the small waterway that the small restaurant sat mere feet from. The stars were bright in the sky, and the moon was full. The street lights didn’t need to guide us because nature provided all the illumination we needed. As we walked in the direction of the water bank, Brent laced his fingers in between mine. It felt like, but again I couldn’t help but note, that the spark I so badly wanted to be there was just missing.

  “I had a really good time tonight. I would love to do this again.” Brent said as he paused our steps, slowly beginning to turn his body toward mine. I knew what this meant and I was ready for the move he was going to make.

  “I had a really great time too, Brent.” As my green eyes locked with his, he slowly leaned in to kiss me. Our bodies moved on their own, dropping the other’s hand while looking for another body part to grasp. My arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer as his soft lips pressed to mine. A simple kiss slowly morphed into something else as we both lost ourselves in the other. I may not have realized it then, but my body was a traitor. There may not have been this amazing chemistry between the two of us, but God it had been so long since I felt wanted.