Statistic

by Dawn Robertson

  “Can I kiss you Aurora?” he asks, and patiently waits for me to answer him before making another move. I don’t think about my answer, I just say yes. Because right this second, I don’t want to think about anything else but feeling his lips touch mine.

  His head dips down and his lips sweetly press to mine. I kiss him back, pulling his bottom lip between my teeth gently. We stand there for several minutes just making out like teenagers in the parking lot of the rec center. It isn’t until we hear a throat clear behind us and we both turn at the same time to see who we were being interrupted by.

  I am shocked to see Brent standing there with his son, Max. My hand flies over my mouth as I gasp in embarrassment. Completely caught by a man I was making out with the same way a month ago. But, I am not upset because he saw, I am disappointed in myself because Max was a witness to the show Jackson and I were putting on in public.

  “Hey guys! What are you doing here?” I ask Brent and bend down to give Max a hug.

  “Daddy wanted to ride go karts, so I told him I would bring him.” Max says with a huge smile on his face. I know it was probably the other way around, but I will let him get away with the story he has chosen to go with this time.

  “Is that so? Well you guys have fun.” I say.

  “Miss Aurora, where is Liam? Is that Liam’s dad?” Max starts spouting off questions and my face starts to heat with more embarrassment.

  “No honey, this is my friend Jackson. Jackson this is Max and his dad Brent.” the men exchange handshakes and Max gives Jackson a high five.

  “Come on Max, let’s let Miss Aurora go.” Brent interrupts the pending round of questions the little boy is about to explode with. He is a smart boy. He wouldn’t let me get away with not answering his questions about Liam, considering the boys are nearly best friends now.

  “Have a nice night guys. Brent, I’ll talk to you tomorrow?” I question, and he nods in agreement. I know he’ll be waiting patiently for a text from me in the morning to see how everything went with Jackson. I wouldn’t dare tell him how my date with Wesley went though. I have a feeling it would have completely broken his heart.

  We may have built a close friendship, but I can still see the way he looks at me on occasion. With hunger and lust. Something I know we would never indulge in.

  “I’m sorry about that,” I apologize to Jackson.

  “No need to apologize. You clearly have friends everywhere you go. I like that. Is he an ex-boyfriend or something?” Jackson asks.

  “Oh, no. Nothing like that. We actually met on Fish in the Sea, but didn’t click. We have an awesome friendship now. Our boys have become great friends.” I answer honestly. I feel like I can talk with Jackson about almost anything. There is just that comfort factor.

  “How about ice cream too?” Jackson asks. “I don’t want to say goodnight… yet.” he admits.

  “I think ice cream sounds great. You found my weakness.” I wink at him and we start the short walk across the parking lot to the building next door that houses Neighbors Ice Cream, a little mom and pop homemade ice cream shoppe. Also my favorite place in the whole damn town.

  Jackson

  Why doesn’t she want me?

  She is perfect.

  But I am forced to take a back burner as she dates all these random men. I will patiently wait for my turn with her because I know in the end, she’ll be mine.

  I wonder what these men have that I don’t?

  What can they provide for her that I can’t?

  How have they caught her attention when I still can’t get her to give me the time of day?

  The more days that pass, the more she ignores me. Treating me like some kind of second class citizen. Not worthy of her love or touch. While she gives it away to any man that shows the slightest bit of interest in her.

  Not anymore.

  It stops today.

  It stops now.

  I won’t let her push me away anymore.

  I deserve my chance like all these other men have gotten.

  I won’t let another woman walk out on me.

  It is supposed to be a game, but it has become so much more. She is so much more to me than any of the others ever were. I shouldn’t have feelings for her, but I just can’t help it.

  Aurora Alexander will be mine in the end. No matter what the fuck I have to do to get her.

  To say my date with Jackson went unexpectedly well would be an understatement. It was amazing. Everything about us together as a couple would be perfect. The only problem now is the fact that I am seriously torn between two men and still nursing my obsession with talking to men on this stupid dating website.

  It is hard to explain.

  I have become obsessed with the attention this site gives me. It is a high. A boost in the low self esteem I have been nursing for years. I crave the full inbox and the flirty connections I make. Even if I don’t want these men, or will never make the time to meet them.

  I feel disgusting. Like an internet whore. But God, it feels so good.

  Yes, I have two very sexy and charming men in my life. But after being the object of no one’s desire for so long, the attention, the compliments, the feeling I get when I open my page and see a half dozen new messages just does something for me.

  Will I add any more men into my dating mix? Nope, because I already have far too many. I’m just not ready to give up the interaction I have on that website. I lay in bed scrolling through my inbox and see all the messages that have come in within the past forty eight hours when my phone vibrates. Brent’s name flashes across the screen, signaling a text.

  Your date looks like it went well.

  I giggle knowing we totally got caught out. I appreciate the fact that he continues to check up on me after all my dates. I wonder if it is awkward for him to think about, given the fact that we started out on a date before he was friend zoned. But then again, the feeling was mutual.

  It went great. I like him. We’ll see what happens.

  Looking at the clock, I notice it is only nine, and the sun is shining. I think a relaxing day at the beach is exactly what I need to mentally weed out the men in my life.

  What are you doing today?

  Brent asks, probably forgetting Liam is with Colin this weekend. The past two weekends we have gotten the boys together for a variety of activities. From the rec center to the brand new playground they put in off of Sawmill Road. Everything that would get the boys out of the house and enjoying the gorgeous summer weather. God knows in another month it will be too hot to do much of anything outside besides go to the pool or beach.

  Catching up on some work. Liam is with Colin.

  Work is always a good idea when my house is peaceful. Maybe I will call up the girls and see if they want to go to dinner. It has been a couple weeks since we had the chance to get together. Although, I have kind of been putting them off too.

  My phone vibrates once, twice, three times and when I finally look down I see a phone call instead of a reply text from Brent. Jackson’s name reads on the display and I nervously answer the call.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey Aurora. It’s Jackson.” he nervously answers.

  “Hi Jackson. How are you?” Could I sound like anymore of an asshole? Seriously? How are you? What are we? Business associates?

  “I was wondering if you had some time this afternoon? I was gonna take the boat out to Disappearing Island and wanted to know if you would like to join?” The girls, or Jackson in a bathing suit? Shit. What a difficult decision. Ha!

  So much for sitting at home and trying to figure out my damn life because I am totally going to jump at the chance to spend more time with him. When I am with him, I just feel something different. Something I haven’t had in the past, not with Colin or even Wesley.

  “Sure, I would love to. Mind if I bring a bottle of wine?” I laugh, hoping he will let me. It certainly would help take the nervous edge off. Not that I really should be nervous around Jackson at all. Everything
about him is warm and welcoming. Genuine and loving.

  “Of course. I can pick you up in an hour. Will that be enough time for you to get ready?”

  I roll over and look at the clock. Plenty of time to shower, throw on a bathing suit and do something with the rat’s nest on top of my head.

  “Yeah, that should be enough time.” I say while I jump from the bed and start pulling my bathing suit out of my underwear drawer.

  “Aurora, I need your address.” He laughs.

  “I will text it to you. See you soon!”

  I want to be nervous about letting my guard down enough with Jackson to actually share my address with him. I know it is stupid, but this is the only place I consider safe. The only place that is truly mine and I don’t want to sacrifice that under any circumstances. Yes, it is easy for him to just pick me up and I am sure I will text him my address without second thought. But, I think it is because I feel so comfortable with Jackson in general.

  He is safe for me. He isn’t like Wesley. He doesn’t have that personality I know I should really keep at bay. I wonder if today will help me make my choice between the men. Although the more I think about life with either of them, the more my mind chooses Jackson. Just because he isn’t Wesley.

  I stand in the small living room area waiting for Jackson some time later. My pink floppy sunhat on top of my head and my huge black sunglasses firmly in place. I am sure I look ridiculous, but this is my usual beach attire. Completely suitable for a day on the boat. I pick up my oversized beach bag and head for the door, locking my condo up behind me.

  Sitting on the small porch swing I fought with the condo association over, I smile when I see Jackson pull up in the blacked out SUV I parked next to the previous evening. I would have taken this for a police car of some type, just because of the sticker on the back, but then again I totally had one of those on my last car. Colin got it from a buddy who was an officer so I could avoid getting pulled over for my erratic driving. I happen to think I am a damn good driver though.

  “Heading to the water, pretty lady?” He asks from the car. His face is cleanly shaved and his smile is damn near blinding. It is nice to see him looking fresh. What I imagine he would look like right after a shower. In fact, as I start to approach the car, I can see that his hair is still damp. I can’t help but be turned on. Everything about him is delicious.

  “Can I catch a ride with you?” I tease him back as I open the door of the car. He smiles one of those genuine, heart melting smiles and I am kinda a goner. I shouldn’t be letting my guard down for anyone, let alone someone I just met, but he is impacting me on a level I would have never expected.

  “Come on, let’s get outta here.” he laughs and opens the door for me. After turning around and making sure my front door is locked we head off on our adventure for the day.

  “Sorry, had to make sure the door was locked. I am super bad at remembering to lock it half the time. I am pretty sure I would forget my head if it wasn’t physically attached to my body.” I laugh but it is the truth. I am so damn scattered it isn’t even funny. Calendars, lists, and organizational apps have no impact on me. I am a lost cause. Believe me, I have tried just about everything.

  “So you need someone to take care of you?” he jokes, but I can tell he is partially serious. The thought is nice, someone to take care of me for once when I have always been the caregiver. Whether it was with Colin or now Liam. Not that I mind taking care of my son. That is my job as a mother. But I am kinda over taking care of men. Do you really blame me?

  “Maybe,” I smirk as I answer him in a flirty tone. With Jackson, it all has just been coming too easy to me. It isn’t forced. I don’t think about what I am going to do or say and that is when I realize the difference between Jackson and Wesley. With Wesley I am always thinking about my actions and how he is going to react to me. How he will handle something I say. How I will touch him or what we will do together. Overthinking, plotting, planning. That isn’t how a relationship should be. I can’t be myself because I am just too worried about whether he will like me or my actions.

  If things are like that now, what will it be like a month from now? Two months from now? A relationship would simply never survive.

  “Earth to Aurora!” Jackson laughs and I am snapped from my thoughts of another man. Shit.

  “Sorry, I totally just spaced out.” I laugh. He probably thinks I am a total head case. Crap! I just couldn’t help but try and sort things out in my mind. I overthink. I may not be organized, but I for sure a deep thinker.

  “It’s okay. So, you are good to be out on the boat all day. Maybe we can grab some dinner later on? I mean, depends on how the day goes.” he winks at me again and all the reservations I have had sitting in the back of my head slowly begin to melt away. Yes, shit in my life is confusing, but whatever. What’s it the kids say today? Yolo? I guess I really do only live once and I am sick of never taking a chance.

  “That sounds great.” I wanted to say I would totally make him dinner later, but I am not going to let the cart get before the horse. Yeah I want to jump in head first with him but I am also not going to sabotage myself.

  We pull into the marina, row after row of expensive yachts. Nothing like I have ever been on before. I turn to look at Jackson and he smiles politely back at me. He looks like a little kid in a candy store as he turns to the backseat, grabbing a small cooler.

  “Everything okay?” he questions. I probably look as confused as I feel.

  “Yeah, I’ve just never…” I trail off looking at the sheer size of the boats.

  “Mine isn’t that big. It’s parked down at the end. A friend owns the marina so I get to hang with the big boys.” he laughs. “I mean, shit. Mine is big… Never mind.” he nervously tried to backtrack his statement.

  “Wait. What are we talking about?” I laugh and poke fun at him. What good is a dick joke if you don’t play into it? I almost feel like a twelve year old boy, but it feels good not to be overthinking everything I am going to say.

  “Sorry, I’ve been hanging around the guys way too much lately.”

  “It’s okay. I am used to it.” I grab my bag and we start heading toward the dock.

  I lay on the deck of the boat soaking in the rays of the hot summer sun. It feels good on my soft skin. I can feel my body heating, slowly tanning as Jackson lays next to me doing the same. If I didn’t know any better, I would think he was sleeping. His throat clears and I open my eyes and turn my head to find him staring at me. His chocolate brown eyes shimmering in the bright sun.

  “I think I am going to jump in and cool off. Wanna join me?” he asks and I eagerly agree. My body is dying to cool down even if it is in the salt water of the Atlantic. I can’t say I have ever been a fan of the ocean. I prefer pools, but beggars can’t be choosers right?

  I stand up and stretch my legs out. My arms fly over my head and I let out a yawn. I thought I had slept enough last night, but I guess it really is never enough. I love sleep. His arms wrap around my middle from behind and I feel my body slowly lifted into the air. I gasp and try to hit him but there is no use. From the position he is holding me in, I will never make contact.

  “JACKSON PUT ME DOWN!” I yell, and he laughs.

  “Ladies first!” he says as he tosses me over the side of the anchored boat. I laugh as I fly through the air, and then under the ice cold water. It is cold. Really freaking cold! I come to the surface gasping for air.

  “Cold huh?” he says as I watch him jump into the water. Splashing me with more of the ice cold water of the Atlantic. Damn it! I could totally kill him right now.

  When he comes up for air, his shaggy brown hair is dripping wet, and he looks even hotter than he did before he jumped in the water to cool off. It really should be illegal to look that good. I swear this man will be the death of me and I have known him for a whole two damn days.

  “You’re not mad at me, are you A?” he asks with a charming smile. I can’t be mad at him. Well, let me re-ph
rase that. I can’t stay mad at him when he is looking at me like that. The hair. His eyes so bright and full of something I haven’t seen in far too long. Is it lust? Maybe the small spark of love starting? Yearning? Passion? Something I can’t quite put my finger on yet… but I will figure it out.

  “Oh Jackson, I could never stay mad at you. Not in a million years.” I say with deep sarcasm. He laughs at me and splashes me.

  “How about now?” I splash him back as I laugh hysterically. I am gasping to catch my breathe while we splash back and forth like little kids. As the water finally begins to settle between us, we are breathing heavy and just staring at each other. I am waiting for him to make the first move, but I swim closer to give him the opportunity. Maybe this is my way of making the first move today?

  His arms wrap around my waist, and pull me closer. My wet body slides against his in the sprawling ocean. And in this moment I feel like we are the only two people in the entire world. Our eyes lock again and he goes in for the kiss.

  His lips are salty from the water, and it doesn’t even faze me. In fact the only thing I can think about is how absolutely delicious the salt water is on him when I normally hate the flavor. My hands let go of his arms and snake through his hair. The wet silky locks twist through my fingers and he lets out a moan into my mouth.

  I wrap my legs around his body trying to stay afloat as we make out in the middle of the deep ocean. Far from land or the viewing eyes of any strangers. As I lock my legs around his ass, I can feel the hardness of his dick pressing against my barely covered pussy. The simple movement of fabric could have us fucking in a matter of seconds. My mind focuses on that thought. I can’t push it from my mind as I slowly grind against him. His moans become deeper as we do nothing but kiss and feel our bodies naturally moving together.

  Our hot and heavy make out session is interrupted when my cell phone starts ringing loudly from the deck of the boat. The first missed call I ignore. But when the caller continues to ring repeatedly I know something is wrong. My first thought flies to Liam and I can’t get to the boat fast enough to find out exactly what is going on and make sure my boy is alright.