The Girlfriend: A Josie Cloverfield Detective Novel

by Jack Carteret

  I was still standing in the kitchen, doing my best to work things out and let go of my suddenly murderous anger towards my best friend when he trundled back down the stairs by the torch light on his mobile phone.

  “Where are you, Dude?” He whispered.

  “In a shambolic state in the middle of the kitchen floor where you left me, half-wit.” I spat.

  “Dude, that is harsh.” Liam said, and I could hear a bit of a chuckle developing in his voice, most inappropriately in my opinion.

  “They released you then?” I said, doing what I could to hold my tone in check.

  “I’ve been released on Police bail. Pending further enquiries, apparently.

  “And you’re alright?”

  “Yes, all things considered Dude, I’m ok.”

  “And you couldn’t just ring me, or knock the door like a normal person?”

  “No, I couldn’t. Well, I suppose I could have called you if I’d thought of it, but as for knocking the door, no way.”

  “So, there was a bonafide reason for you to break into my house, scare the living daylights out of me, and chuck me to the ground, causing the near-death experience of winding?” I was actually scaring myself with my Clint Eastwood calm-yet-menacing thing.

  “Yes, there was.” He began, all serious. “Winded? Was that why you made that horrible screamy noise? Seriously, Dude, that noise gave me chills.” Even in the darkness, I knew he was grinning.

  I knew every nuance, every change of tone, and every facial expression that accompanied it. I knew all of this because Liam was my best friend and always had been.

  “Are you really alright?” I said, and felt myself soften to blancmange.

  “Yeah, I’ll be ok. They had nothing on me, Josie, and they knew it as well as I did. But still, it was pretty rough. They treated me like dirt, Dude. Not like physically, but just their attitude. As far as Thorn is concerned, I did it. I am the sort of low-life scum-bag who would strangle the life out of his girlfriend.” Liam faltered for a moment, and I knew the facial expression that went with that sound too.

  I knew it so well that tears sprang to my eyes. I could barely see him in the darkness, particularly since he seemed to have the torchlight aimed at the linoleum, but I shuffled over to where he was, nonetheless.

  Once I’d safely reached him, we fell into each other’s arms. We were silent for the longest time, but I knew that Liam was crying, just as I was.

  How the hell did we get here? Liam’s biggest crime, as far as I could see, was going out with a girl whom everybody, the girl included, thought was far too good for him.

  As we held tightly to each other in the darkness, I decided that I did want to be the one to find the killer.

  I didn’t want to be in the background, doing nothing more than piecing together all the clues; I wanted to be the one to chase them down the street and rugby-tackle them to the floor, before giving him or her the most vicious beating they could ever have imagined. Liam had done nothing to deserve having his life pulled apart, but the ones doing the pulling didn’t know him. They’d never seen into his heart, or witnessed his six-year-old self bravely standing up for a little girl he didn’t know.

  I could feel Liam reaching around the back of my neck to surreptitiously wipe his eyes, and I decided to stay silent and just hold him until he broke that silence.

  Chapter Twenty

  Like a mole, I began to get used to the darkness. I had to, Liam’s aptitude with a torch was shocking. He was a bit excitable, which was probably understandable all things considered.

  Still, the way he wafted the torch about reminded me of really fast disco lights, and I was just thankful not to be an epileptic.

  “So, why are we hiding out in the dark?” I asked, when we’d both finally got on top of our own emotions.

  “Because the front of my house was crawling with press when I got home. I thought about sneaking around the back, but I just couldn’t face it. I thought they might see me and, if they did, even running to your place wouldn’t help. They’d have followed me.”

  “Oh, I see. But why didn’t you knock?”

  “It’s hard to explain.”

  “Try, old bean.”

  “Well, I could see all the lights on upstairs. Why, by the way?”

  “I’d spooked myself and needed a bit of sunshine.”

  “Fair enough.” Liam said, before going on. “Anyway, I knew you were upstairs, not down, judging by the lights. I didn’t want to bray on the door, in case there were any press wandering about near your place. So, since the kitchen door is almost always unlocked, I went for it.”

  “Only to find it was locked.” I said, remembering my heightened security measures after the intruder had broken in.

  “Yeah. I was getting more and more agitated, and in the end, I just put my shoulder too it. A bit too hard, as it happens. That’s how come I ended up on the floor.”

  “Knocking me to the ground and emptying my body of vital oxygen, lest we forget.” I added in a slightly pinched tone.

  “Soz, Dude.” Liam said, and I could hear the hint of mirth in his tone once more. “And oddly, it’s not actually broken! The springy bit just boinged back when I pushed the door. That’s why it flew open the way it did.”

  “With technical terminology like that, Liam, it’s just as well you took art.”

  “Now is not the time for Liam-bashing, my weirdly practical little friend.” He was still amused, and I was glad of it.

  It had almost torn me in half when he had cried in my arms in the darkness.

  “So, do you think they’ll come here?” I didn’t like the idea of being a media sensation. I was no Fliss Hardcastle.

  “If someone tips them off that we’re best buds, Dude, I reckon they will.” Liam said, sounding suddenly agitated. “You should have seen them, Dude. There were just loads of them hovering about outside. Cars, vans, not to mention half the street out having a nosey. One of my neighbours will tell them about you soon enough. That’s why we have to keep the lights out. And no noise whatsoever.”

  As if by magic, my mobile began to ring loudly.

  “Light my way to the front door, Liam. It’s in my duffle pocket.” Liam did as I asked, and I was able to answer the phone and put an end to the horribly loud ringing in quick time.

  “Hello.”

  “Hi Josie, it’s Richard.”

  “Oh, hi Richard.”

  “Any news on Liam yet?”

  “Yes. He’s just got out. He broke into my kitchen and scared the living daylights out of me.”

  “Sounds like fun.” Rich Richard laughed. “Is he ok?”

  “Yeah, he’s fine.” Once again, I had to push away the emotion of just minutes before. “They’ve bailed him for further enquiries.”

  “In other words, they have nothing.” Richard said, and I remembered why I liked him so much.

  “Exactly.”

  “So, where do you go from here?”

  “To the chip shop, if I can get out of my darkened house without any members of the press seeing me.”

  “What? Seriously?”

  “Well, they might end up here. They were all outside Liam’s place when he got back, so he came over here and broke in. Did I mention he scared the living daylights out of me?” I heard Liam snort in the background, and I was glad he was returning to his old self.

  “Oh wow.”

  “Yep. We’re in darkness and starving in a house with nothing but dry noodles and crisps.”

  “Look, stay where you are. I’ll sneak over to your place. I’ll be really careful, I promise. And I’ll stop at the fish and chip shop on the way. I’ll be about forty minutes.”

  “Oh, that’s great. See you then. And come around the back of the house.”

  “Will do.” And with that, Rich Richard hung up.

  Liam was simply relieved that someone, anyone, was coming with chips. It was then that I realised there was a lot of catching up to do.

  There were thi
ngs that neither Liam nor Richard knew, and I would probably be better off waiting and telling them the ins and outs of my further investigations when I had them both together.

  Except, of course, that I needed to tell Liam about Hannah and Richard. I laid heavy emphasis on the fact that their one-night stand had happened before Liam and Hannah had ever met.

  “Don’t worry, Dude. I’m not going to go all Neanderthal right here in your kitchen. I told you before, I just didn’t have that really big feeling about Hannah, you know?”

  “I know, but I wanted to get it out of the way before Rich Richard got here. I didn’t want it to come as a shock, you know?”

  “Yeah, I know.” Liam said, quietly. “I know I wasn’t really into Hannah that much, and we would have lasted about five more minutes, but I still feel sick that she’s dead.”

  “I know, Liam.”

  “Hey, you don’t think Rich Richard did it, do you?”

  “I doubt it. But you never know, I guess.”

  “Funnily enough, I can’t see it either. I quite like him. He’s alright for a toff.”

  “He’s not a toff, Liam. He’s like us, but with more money.”

  “Really? So, you’ve got to know him then?”

  “A bit. He’s been really helpful while you were away. He photocopied the photocopy before the police went to the university to seize it. He made it with, like, seconds to spare. He’s been pretty cool. I think we can trust him.”

  “And he is bringing chips.” Liam wasn’t even joking.

  As far as he was concerned, it was stuff like that upon which one could truly rate a man.

  “So, what else has been happening?” Liam went on.

  “Oh, let’s wait until Rich Richard gets here and we’re eating. Otherwise I’ll have to repeat some of it, and I’m knackered already.”

  “I know you are. You just kept going, didn’t you? I mean, you just carried on investigating, looking for the killer.”

  “I had to. I didn’t know what else to do.”

  “Thanks, Josie. I really love you.”

  “I really love you too, but don’t call me Josie. It’s weirding me out.”

  “Alright, Dude.”

  Finally, Richard arrived with the chips. The chips came with fish and battered sausages, so Richard became our new hero on the spot.

  We were kind of bonding over the batter, and I didn’t really want to end all that by starting with Fliss at the dry cleaners, but unfortunately that was the beginning.

  “So, Fliss knew all along.” Richard said, sounding more awkward than concerned.

  “Yes.” I said, feeling a little of the awkwardness myself.

  “Why do you think she didn’t mention it? Do you reckon she was saving something up for you? I mean, hatching some sort of plan?” Liam was feeling no awkwardness whatsoever, and both Richard and I relaxed.

  “Like what?” Richard asked, sounding more concerned about Fliss.

  “Well, didn’t you say that Fliss had a face-scratching sort of a temper?” Liam went on, and I could hear that his mouth was crammed to capacity with chips, and was glad we were eating by torchlight so that I didn’t have to bear witness. “Not to mention the whole you’re dead threat she gave to the Dude here.”

  “That must have been rough. Sorry you had to put up with that, Josie.” Richard said, his chip etiquette miles better than Liam’s.

  “It’s hardly your fault. She’s just a nasty piece of work.” I reassured him.

  “Nasty enough to kill?” Liam more or less said what we were all thinking.

  “Nasty enough, yes, but actually capable? I don’t know about that.” I said, thoughtfully. “And then there’s the whole business of Dirty Harry. Surely Fliss wasn’t Dirty Harry. And it seemed to me that Trixie and Harry had already met at the strip-pub.”

  “That’s if Dirty Harry was actually the killer.” Liam said.

  “I’ve thought about that too, but it all seems too coincidental.”

  “But what if she met Harry and they….. you know…..” Liam was as curiously prudish as me, evidently. “And then Dirty Harry left and Fliss came along.”

  “Still kind of complicated. Fliss would have to have been following Hannah.” I said.

  “Or Harry.” Richard added.

  “Yeah. It does seem kind of out there.” Liam gave in.

  “But not impossible. None of it is impossible.” Richard added. “Like, we shouldn’t exactly close the door on that one.”

  “Ok.” I said, wanting to move things along. “Let’s keep Fliss on the list.”

  “Who else is on it?” Richard asked, innocently.

  “Well, I thought I’d better keep an open mind about MJ. Well, Matty Jameson, you know. Just in case.”

  “He’s always been on my list.” Liam said.

  “Oh, you’ve got a list too?” I said, chuckling.

  “Yeah. You’re on it Dude, so watch what you say.” He chuckled back, and Richard joined in.

  “Am I on the list?” Richard asked, quietly. It totally took me aback.

  “Noooooo.” I said, with way too much vehemence to be anywhere near casual.

  “Does that noooooo mean yes?”

  “No. No, it really doesn’t.” I knew I was scarlet, thank God for torchlight.

  Rich Richard, however much I liked him, was still on my list, and he knew it as well as I did.

  “It’s ok, Josie. If you’re doing this right, then my name should be there, shouldn’t it?”

  “And mine, Dude.” Liam added. He always knew what to do. “Don’t leave me out. I’m on bail, after all.” He wailed plaintively, and we all burst out laughing.

  “Ok, so you’re both on my list.” I said, chuckling and kind of knowing that neither one of them could possibly have killed Hannah Davenport.

  “Anyone else?” Richard asked, when we’d all got over the chuckles.

  “Well, I’m not sure yet. I should have a better idea by tomorrow afternoon.”

  “Oh?” Liam said, and I could feel both of them suddenly straighten up, waiting for the next bit.

  So, I told them all about my encounter with the Hannah look-alike in the Duchess of Devonshire.

  “Dude! You went in there on your own?” Liam almost dropped his chips. “Seriously?”

  “Yes.” I said, feeling kind of badass and full of myself. They didn’t have to know I had quivered like frog spawn in a jam-jar.

  “No way!” Liam started to laugh. “Dude, did they make you wear a feather boa?” Liam was snorting hard, and Richard joined in.

  For badass read butt of everyone’s jokes!

  “You utter fool!” I was trying to be annoyed, but couldn’t find the right spot. Liam was just too funny, and I was sunk. I started to laugh. “And anyway, Sunday is stripper day, not Saturday. Shame, really. It probably pays more than the dry cleaners.” The boys were still giggling like….well….boys.

  “So, was she really like Hannah?” Richard asked, pulling himself together long before Liam.

  “I nearly fell off my barstool.” I said, honestly. “And then she spoke, and they were poles apart.” I went on to tell my thoroughly engrossed audience about all the differences of dress, voice and mannerisms.

  “When are you meeting her?” Richard asked.

  “Three o’clock in Mama Mia’s. I’m buying her a pizza.”

  “Do you think you should really go alone, Dude?” Liam asked, suddenly sounding concerned.

  “Yeah, she’s fine. To be honest, despite her spikey ways, she’s strangely likeable. I mean, I feel a bit sorry for her. Her dad sounded awful. He was bellowing from the cellar, and Kellie just looked terrified. I’m guessing she hasn’t had an easy life.”

  “That’s a shame.” Richard said a little sadly, and I wondered if he was comparing Kellie and me.

  “So, what are you hoping to get from her?” Liam asked as he screwed up his empty chip papers.

  “Well, a bit of family background. Exactly how they are related would
be interesting. And if there were any regulars who might actually fit the profile of Dirty Harry.”

  “More suspects.” Richard said.

  “Yes, more suspects.”

  “Cool.” He went on. “So, what can we do to help tonight? Googling or Facebooking or what-not?”

  “Yeah. Put us to work, Dude.” Liam said, and he seemed kind of warmed up by the fact that he had at least two people on his side, willing to do whatever it took to clear his name.

  “I don’t think there’s any online stuff to look at yet. Hopefully Kellie will give us something tomorrow that we can dig into.” I said, and I began chewing thoughtfully at my bottom lip.

  Suddenly, the torchlight was full in my face and I blinked and ducked.

  “Dude! I totally knew you were doing that munchy bottom lip thing! It cracks me up; you look like a lama or something when you think hard. Do it again, so Rich can see it.” I think I’ve already mentioned that Liam is not possessed of a robust attention span.

  “We have to find out who the killer is, fast.” Richard said, quite seriously. “Because this numpty won’t last five minutes in prison.”

  Once again, the three of us were laughing. Liam appreciated Richard’s line so much that the two of them hi-fived in the semi-darkness.

  So, my best friend had bonded with my new friend. To be honest, I couldn’t help liking that a lot. There was something about Rich Richard which sort of marked a turning point in the way I viewed the world around me.

  I really, really hoped he didn’t turn out to be a killer.

  “What about the photocopy? Did you get through that yet?” Richard asked.

  “Oh, no, not yet. I’ll go and get it.” I shot off, taking Liam’s phone for a light and plunging my pals into darkness as I trotted off upstairs for the photocopy.

  Well, photocopy of the photocopy.

  We read through several pages with very little on them but the odd appointment or lecture change. It was not easy by torchlight, it has to be said and, in the end, we took turns reading out a few pages each.

  Before long, we were almost in the present day. There was no more talk of rebellion or random email addresses. There was nothing else regarding Emjay or nudity or anything of that nature.