The Governess Who Stole My Heart: A Historical Regency Romance Novel

by Hanna Hamilton

  “And John?”

  “Hmm. There have been times when I look at him and I can’t catch my breath. And if he touches me, I feel a shiver all the way down to my toes. It’s like a sudden spark when you least expect it—like when you reach out to touch someone when it’s dry in the winter and a spark jumps between the two of you.”

  Clarissa nodded. “Can you see the difference from what you just said?”

  Susan thought about that. “Safe and comfortable versus shivers and sparks. One sounds bland and the other passionate and exciting.”

  “Hmm. Not to mention the fact that there is the problem of your captain being at sea for long periods of time. Now, I guess, it’s going to be up to you to make the final decision.”

  Susan was still in turmoil. “I don’t know. Daniel is so ardent and caring. And I’ve only begun to explore my feelings for John. It’s just too early for me to make such a momentous decision.”

  “And there’s also the fact that if you married John, you’d become Elizabeth’s step-mother. You would become a permanent part of her life. Does that appeal to you?”

  Susan lit up. “Oh, Clarissa, you know it does.”

  Susan’s body seemed to collapse. It was all too much to handle at the moment and she put her hands up to the sides of her head and just shook it.

  John had told Standish to tell Miss Fitz that he would not have time to visit with her before supper. However, she had been invited to meet for sherry in the second drawing room at six.

  She was already seated by the fireplace with a glass of sherry, with Standish standing by, when John entered. John gave a discreet nod to Standish and he left the room.

  “Miss Fitz…” John started.

  “Oh, please, just Fitz. Certainly, there’s no need for a great deal of formality between the two of us.”

  She was dressed elegantly—far exceeding the dress requirement for a simple supper evening at home. Her hair was perfectly coiffed, her dress—a dazzle—and her physical attributes in full display.

  She was seated on a love seat and patted the space next to her—clearly an invitation for John to sit beside her.

  However, John remained standing and stood with his hands folded behind him—back to the fire.

  “Miss Fitz,” John began, “I want you to know that I’m happy to have you in my house as my guest…”

  “And I am delighted to be here.”

  “However, it is rather an inconvenient time for me, as I am in the final stages of preparing my wool for shipment to market.”

  John was trying to be polite and a good host.

  “But certainly that doesn’t take all your time, every single day. You must make time for… recreation… as well, is that not so? I know you like to ride. And you shoot. And, of course, your evenings are free, are they not?”

  John could see she was unrelenting in her pursuits and he determined to be forthright.

  “Miss Fitz, what I am trying to say, is that I am aware of your intentions in finding a suitable husband.” She blanched at his directness. “And I see I must make it perfectly clear to you that, while one may not discount your undeniable charms, it is not to be me.”

  She was stunned, and for a moment had no response. Then she asked with an obvious acerbity, “Is it that teacher? Has she insinuated herself into your life? Is she your intended?”

  “That is neither here nor there, Miss Fitz. And my point is that while you are welcome to stay as long as it takes for you to make other arrangements, I expect you to make them in a timely manner. Am I perfectly clear?”

  Fitz gazed down at her glass of sherry and nodded but did not speak.

  Then John asked, “And how was your visit with Lady Briddlesworth? Is she still collecting orchids?”

  Just then Simon came into the drawing room.

  “Hello, I don’t believe I know you,” Simon said, going over to Fitz to introduce himself. “I’m John’s brother Simon.”

  Fitz looked up slowly and a large grin crossed her face. “Miss Fiona Fitzwilliam, but all my friends call me Fitz.” She held up her glass to Simon. “Would you be a darling, and pour me another glass?”

  Dinner was somewhat strained—with John barely tolerating Fitz, and Fitz barely tolerating Susan. That left Fitz and Simon to carry the brunt of the conversation.

  “Do you ride?” Fitz asked, twirling one of her curls with a finger.

  “I do. But I’ve not gone riding not since my illness.”

  “Then you and I must get back in the saddle. Isn’t that what they say after one has suffered a misfortune? I should love to see the estate by horse. Perhaps you might show me. If you are up to it that is.”

  Susan was amused by Fitz’s obvious flirting. John must have said something to Fitz as she was now turning her attentions fully on Simon.

  Simon replied, “I think it’s time to give it a try. I feel much better and my strength is gradually returning.”

  “Excellent. Tomorrow then? Shall we say ten o’clock?”

  Simon gave a quick glance at Susan. “I’ll have to see how I feel in the morning. If I have a bad night, I might not be available.”

  Fitz pouted. “Then we need to get you off to bed early so you can have a good night’s rest.”

  John turned to Susan and whispered, “I’m sorry you must endure Miss Fitz’s embarrassing flirting.”

  “John, think nothing of it. I feel sorry for her actually. It can’t be easy being a single woman with little money, no family, and tenuous prospects.”

  John nodded. “Yes, some compassion is called for… unless you’re the target of her intentions.”

  They both laughed.

  Susan became serious. “John, I’ve not had the opportunity previously, but when Elizabeth and I were last in the village there was some heated discussion amongst the village women about conditions in the village.”

  “Oh?”

  “They said they’d alerted you to their concerns before, but nothing was ever done. Is that true?”

  John looked sheepish. “Yes, I’m afraid it’s true. But I was burdened by the repayment of the loan to my father-in-law at the time and I had no way to address their concerns.”

  “I see. It’s just if we are promising them a school, it also raises their expectations for other improvements.”

  “I understand. We can discuss this later. Dinner may not be the best place for this discussion,” he said, with just a touch of irritation.

  “Of course,” Susan said.

  When the dinner was finished, John stood and announced. “Coffee will be served in the drawing room. But you must excuse me, I have an early morning and I still have my correspondence to addend to.”

  “And I must excuse myself, as well,” Susan said without giving an explanation.

  Fitz turned to Simon and took his arm, “Then that leaves just the two of us. Shall we have a jolly evening together?”

  Simon gave Susan a pleading look, but he was quickly whisked away by Fitz.

  Chapter 24

  The next morning Susan was out for her morning walk. It was a chilly late November morning. She was walking smartly along when she heard someone calling her name. She turned and saw Simon trotting after her.

  “Good morning,” he said as he caught up with her. “My, but you move right along don’t you,” he said, catching his breath.

  “It’s cold. One needs to keep warm.”

  “Might I walk with you?”

  “Of course, if you can keep up,” she teased, charging on ahead.

  “That Fitz is some woman isn’t she?” he asked.

  Susan turned to look at him, not believing her ears, but she didn’t answer.

  They carried on for a while before he spoke again. “Susan, you may have guessed that I still have sincere feelings for you.”

  Not breaking her stride, she turned to look at him. “You do?”

  “I thought it was obvious,” he pleaded.

  She stopped walking and turned to face him. “Simo
n, what are you saying? Are you looking for us to be together again? Do you want to court me?” Her tone was, if not severe, then at least firm.

  “Ever since I’ve been home, you’ve been attentive and most kind. And being around you again has ignited feelings for you I thought were dead.”

  “Simon, I do care for you, and I’ve shown sympathy for your illness, but please don’t mistake my sympathy for anything more than that.”

  “You have no romantic feelings for me at all?”

  “Simon, you know that I’ve been courted by a naval captain for many months, and to my great surprise I also find that your brother and I have feelings for each other.”

  “You and John?”

  Susan nodded. “It’s too early to tell what will happen. I’ve been torn between the two. Please don’t complicate this for me. Simon, I do have warm feelings and regards for you, but it will never rekindle into a romance again. I’m sorry.”

  Simon nodded. “I see. Thank you for being honest with me.”

  “How else could I be with you? We have a history, and you deserve the truth.”

  “Thank you. I’ll go back now.” He started back and she could hear him muttering, “Her and John?”

  As Susan was coming back from her walk, she came across John coming down the stairs as she was going up.

  “Out for your morning walk?” he asked, as he leaned in and kissed her cheek.

  She pulled back slightly. “Yes, and I need to tell you something,” she said rather seriously.

  “Oh. And what is that?”

  “Simon sought me out earlier and expressed his interest in reigniting our romance. And I had to tell him that was not possible. And, in telling him that, I needed to confess that you and I had feelings for one another.”

  “Oh…”

  “I felt you should know that he knows about us. Just in case it comes up.”

  “Thank you for telling me. But does this mean you’re accepting my suit?”

  Susan sighed and placed her hand on his arm. “John, please, I need a little more time. It’s only been a day since we discussed this.”

  “Well the feelings for me, at least, go back a lot farther.”

  Susan agreed. “Yes, but I’m still dealing with my feelings for Daniel. Please understand.”

  John nodded. “Very well. I shall leave it up to you to broach the subject again when you’re ready.”

  “Thank you. Now I must fetch Elizabeth and get her ready for breakfast.”

  Just then Fitz appeared at the top of the stairway. She paused when she saw the two of them together.

  “What a perfect day for riding,” she said as she started descending the stairs. “I certainly hope Simon’s in good health and spirits this morning. I so look forward to our ride together.

  “Miss Fitz,” John acknowledged, as she passed them on the stairs without making eye contact with either.

  “My tea was tepid this morning when I awoke. I do hope the coffee will be hot,” she said and disappeared toward the breakfast room.

  It was nearly eleven o’clock and Susan was going over the series of British monarchs with Elizabeth.

  “So many,” Elizabeth observed, “How do you ever keep them all straight? There’s the first and second of this king and the third and fourth of that one. This Plantagenet and that Lancaster. How do you ever make any sense of this?”

  “It’s called history. It’s a new subject for you and gradually, over time, you’ll begin to understand when we study all of their stories,” Susan said.

  “Oh, I like stories. Let’s start right now.”

  Clarissa appeared at the schoolroom door after knocking briefly.

  “Susan, might I have a word,” she asked looking a little ashen.

  Susan went to her. “Are you ill? You don’t look too well,” she observed.

  Clarissa was accompanied by Charlotte, who went inside the schoolroom as they remained in the hallway.

  “What is it, Clarissa? Is it something serious?”

  “Come with me to my rooms, I need to tell you something.”

  They went to the rooms and, inside, Katherine was waiting for them with an even more distressed looking face.

  “Katherine?” Susan exclaimed, greatly surprised. What immediately flashed through her mind was that either her Mamma or Papa was ill.”

  “Come sit with me,” Katherine requested. “Susan, we got a letter about Daniel.”

  Susan’s face brightened. “Oh, is he coming home?”

  “No, Susan. We had a letter from the Admiralty. Daniel’s ship was lost in a terrible storm off the coast of Cuba. There were no survivors.”

  A charge like lightning surged though Susan and she couldn’t speak. She sat staring blankly ahead. Katherine reached over and took Susan’s hands and she burst into tears as Susan remained dry-eyed. Clarissa stood behind them with her hands on their shoulders.

  “How is that possible?” Susan asked. “It was a brand new ship.” Katherine couldn’t answer. “There were no remains?”

  Katherine shook her head.

  “Oh, my dear sister,” Susan said, taking Katherine into her arms and rubbing her back.

  Katherine finally stopped crying and released herself from Susan’s arms.

  “Oh, your dear parents….”

  “Devastated,” Katherine said, wiping her eyes and blowing her nose with a now soaked handkerchief. She stopped and looked at Susan. “You’re numb, aren’t you?”

  Susan nodded. “I am. I can’t get it to register. And all I can think about is you and your parents.”

  Katherine just sat there, almost in a trance.

  “How kind of you to come and tell me yourself. You have no idea how much that means to me in your time of grief.”

  “I had to.”

  “Will there be a service?”

  “I expect so. We haven’t made any plans yet.”

  Susan felt surprisingly calm. Everything was too much. But she couldn’t help thinking briefly about John. But she immediately shook the thought away. This was absolutely the wrong moment to be thinking about that.

  “Do you want to stay over?” Susan asked Katherine.

  She shook her head. “I borrowed a horse and cart. I need to get back and I don’t want to leave my parents alone too long.”

  “Is there anything I can do for you?”

  “Not that I can think of. It’s just too horrible and overwhelming. I have no idea what to think or do except to put one foot before the other until the shock and dismay wear off. I’d better leave.”

  “Let me go out with you.”

  Susan put her arms around Katherine’s shoulders when she led her out of Clarissa’s room.”

  As they were passing down the entry stairs, Fitz passed them on her way up. She looked over at the stricken women and said, “How bizarre,” and disappeared.

  Katherine was momentarily taken aback and asked Susan, “She’s back?”

  “Don’t ask. It’s a long story. One day over tea—but much later.”

  They reached the entrance and Standish kindly opened the door for them. Susan led Katherine to the cart and helped her up.

  “My thoughts will be constantly with you and your parents.”

  “But what about you, Susan? You seem to be taking this very well. Do you think it’ll hit you later and then you’ll have a collapse?”

  Susan shook her head. “I don’t know. There’s been so much going on, my head is a complete muddle. I need to sort everything out. And remember, I’m still responsible for Elizabeth and must keep myself together for her.”

  Katherine reached out her hand and Susan took it. They looked at each other and gave sad smiles. Then Susan let go of Katherine’s hand and watched her drive off.

  After Katherine disappeared down the drive, Susan just stood there, unable to move, think, or decide what to do next. She was surprised when John suddenly appeared beside her.

  “Did I see your friend, Katherine leaving the house?”
<
br />   Susan nodded and turned toward him. “There’s been terrible news, and Katherine came to tell me.”

  John put his arm around her waist. “Do you care to tell me?”

  Susan related the tragedy and he leaned over and kissed the top of her head. “Terrible. Just terrible. My dearest Susan, you have my very deepest sympathy.”

  “Thank you,” she said simply looking up at him.

  “I expect you’ll want the evening alone. Shall I arrange for a tray to be brought up to you?”

  “I don’t think I could eat right now.”

  “Of course. And I can have Elizabeth watched for several days if you wish. Do you think you might want to go home for a spell?”

  Susan thought about that. “No. What is best for me is to immerse myself in my teaching. I can’t think of a better way to heal than to be with Elizabeth’s eager brightness.”

  John nodded, and Susan took his hand, kissed it, and returned to her room.

  Susan had not yet cried for Daniel. Were her affections so shallow, she asked herself? She sat and stared out at the park. It was lunchtime, but she didn’t feel like eating. She knew Elizabeth was being cared for and, as it was a bright day, she decided to don her coat and walk. Walking always calmed and settled her.

  As she was putting on her coat, she saw the cockade on the lapel of her coat. She instinctively reached up and fingered the locket Daniel had given her, and she was overcome with a wash of grief. Daniel—sweet, sweet—Daniel was gone forever. She would never see his smiling face again. She remembered the sparkle of his blue eyes and the soft golden curls of his hair—his warm smile and the touch of his hand on her arm. True, it was not the great charge she felt when John touched her, but she treasured it nevertheless.

  She sat down and began to cry—not great sobs—but a soft gentle crying that seemed more appropriate for the grief she felt for this gentle man.

  When she could cry no more, she stood up, wiped her eyes, buttoned her coat, wrapped a scarf tightly around her neck, and went for her walk.

  The air was cold, but the sun had warmth. She stretched her legs, briskly moved her arms, and used the physicality of her body to release her grief, clear her mind, and begin to deal with her thoughts and feelings for John.