I turned back to the refrigerator and opened it. My hand was shaking badly but I covered it up by gripping the edge of the door as tightly as I could.
“So that’s it?” Ronan said from behind me. I didn’t dare turn around to check if he was as close to me as it felt like he was. I was terrified that if I took even the slightest step back, I’d feel his big, warm body pressed against mine and I’d beg him to forget everything I’d just said.
“That’s it,” I whispered. “I’m done…we’re done.”
I was right about Ronan being right behind me because he grabbed me a split second later and dragged me back a step before slamming the refrigerator door shut and shoving me up against it so I was facing him.
“No!” was all he said and his voice was so rough and chalky, it sounded like a snarl. And then his mouth was on mine, his hands holding my wrists in place against the stainless steel at my back.
I’d like to say I fought Ronan’s kiss but I didn’t. Not even a little. My brain may not have wanted Ronan but my body welcomed him like it always did. But this time around, I wasn’t content to just take what Ronan was giving me. I battled for control of the kiss and when I finally won, I managed to pry my hands free of Ronan’s hold. I let my tongue search out every recess of his mouth as I maneuvered us so it was his back pressed up against the refrigerator. I had my hands on his waist but, to my surprise, he didn’t move away from my touch or try to stop me from pressing my fingers into his sides. But I could also feel the tension running through his frame so I knew I only had precious seconds to maintain what little power over him that I had for the moment.
As I continued to make love to his mouth, I let one of my hands slide down to stroke over his erection. Ronan gasped against my mouth and then he took over the kiss. But he didn’t stop me from exploring his length where it bulged impressively against his pants. There was enough give in his waistband to allow me to sink my hand inside so I could grip his cock. I shouldn’t have been surprised by the softness of his skin stretched over the hardness of his flesh since I’d touched myself like this more times than I could count, but nothing about it was the same.
Ronan finally stopped kissing me once I began exploring his cock but his lips hovered over mine, his hot breath fanning my mouth as he tried to get control of himself. But I didn’t want him to be in control and I began stroking him in earnest, hoping that I was using enough pressure to bring him pleasure. I could only assume as he began thrusting into my hand that I was doing a reasonably adequate job. But it was over too soon because Ronan let out a muffled curse before grabbing both my arms and forcing me back against the island counter behind me. I’d definitely succeeded in snapping his control because all his movements after that lacked finesse.
He spun me around and shoved me down over the butcher block countertop. His weight pressed against me as he began rubbing his crotch all over my ass and a second later, I felt his fingers working my pants open. We’d been in this exact position before but this time there was no fear and not because my hands weren’t tied. No, I wanted this. I didn’t want to want it but I couldn’t deny the need to feel Ronan inside of me again.
I shoved my ass back against Ronan and groaned when I felt his erection push against me. Ronan separated from me only long enough to shove my pants and underwear down and then he was back and I gasped at the feel of his bare cock nudging my cheeks. I had no idea how he’d managed to get his pants open too but as his hot flesh speared through the globes of my ass, I didn’t care. Ronan’s lips sought out the nape of my neck and he kissed, sucked and nipped at my skin as I squirmed desperately beneath him. My hands were flat on the wood beneath me but I couldn’t stop myself from reaching behind me to seek Ronan’s warm skin out. My fingertips brushed over the hair on his thighs and I relished the feel of it as I ran my palms up and down his hot flesh.
I’d been too distracted to notice Ronan getting the lube, presumably from his wallet, but I couldn’t help but shiver from the coldness of it as his finger breached me without warning. But unlike the night he’d made love to me, Ronan didn’t take his time letting me adjust. There was no pain as he sank his finger inside of me but I groaned at the feel of a second finger splitting me open just a few seconds later. It was then that I knew I was going to be fucked hard and fast just like the way Ronan had promised that day in the bathroom before he’d realized my distress. But there was no fear this time. I wanted it…badly.
Ronan’s weight pressed down on my back once again, his hips shoving me forward. I was forced to use my hands to brace myself but I couldn’t dwell on missing out on touching Ronan because I felt his cock nudging at my hole a second later. And while he didn’t just shove into me, he also gave no quarter as inch after inch of hot, rigid flesh speared into me. The burn bordered on painful but then the heat began to flare out to my limbs and I pressed back to try and take more of him into me. His flesh felt so hot inside of me that it took me several long seconds to realize why.
Ronan wasn’t wearing a condom.
I didn’t get a chance to say anything because Ronan bottomed out inside of me at that exact moment and I let out a hoarse groan and buried my mouth against my arm to stifle the sound. Ronan stilled and then pressed his mouth against my ear.
“I’m clean,” he whispered. “Tell me it’s okay.”
I knew it wasn’t the responsible answer, nor was it the answer that would keep me from losing more of myself to this man but I didn’t even hesitate for a second. “Yes.”
The one word was like a starter gun for Ronan because he pulled almost all the way out of me before shoving in hard and deep. A throaty moan erupted from deep inside of him as he said my name and then he slammed into me again.
Chapter Thirteen
Ronan
Taking Seth without a condom was the second stupidest thing I could have done, the first being putting my hands on him yet again. And I didn’t even have the justification that I was too caught up in the moment to worry about protecting Seth the way I should have. Because I’d done it deliberately. I’d seen the condom in my wallet when I’d gotten the packet of lube and I’d made the decision that I needed all of Seth before he made me walk away from him.
Worse, I needed him to have a part of me that no one else had ever had, not even Trace.
Beyond the vise-like grip Seth’s ass had on my cock, his heat burned me and the feel of his smooth walls sliding over my ultra-sensitive flesh had me struggling to keep my orgasm at bay. The only man I hadn’t ever used condoms with had been Trace and since he’d steadfastly refused to bottom for me, I’d had no idea what to expect when I slid into Seth without the latex barrier separating us. And anything I could have come up with would have been utterly lacking. Because being inside of Seth this way, having him bent over in total submission, his tight body cloaking me in a veil of perfection I was afraid I would never escape from, was beyond anything I could have imagined. But what was worse, and what I suspected had little to do with being bare inside of Seth, was the feeling of completeness that came over me as Seth’s body cradled mine.
As physically close as we were, it didn’t seem like enough so I wrapped my arm around Seth’s chest and drew him up until he was flush against my body. He groaned as the position forced even more of my length inside of him and I couldn’t resist taking his mouth with mine as I continued to hammer into him. With my arms wrapped around him like they were, Seth couldn’t move his arms but he used his kiss to touch me instead. As badly as I’d hurt him and as angry as he was with me, he didn’t hold anything back as his tongue mated with mine and his inner muscles tightened on my aching shaft as if trying to keep me inside of him.
I could feel the end drawing near as electricity began firing up my spine and I began pumping into Seth with shallow, jerky thrusts that I had no control over. Seth whimpered as his own body stiffened against me and I reached my right hand down to close around his leaking cock. The second I lowered my arm, his hands came up to grab a hold of the forearm I
had wrapped around his chest. His nails dug into my skin as he shouted against my lips and his ass clamped down on my dick with so much pressure that I could barely breathe. My orgasm ripped through me as I felt Seth’s hips jerk against my hand and then his come was dripping over my fingers. I yanked my mouth from Seth’s as wave after wave of pleasure rocketed through me and I bit down on his shoulder, grateful that his shirt separated my teeth from his skin. I held him that way as I rutted into him over and over as each ripple of his internal muscles pulled my come from my body. The heat from my climax bathed us both and when I finally released my hold on Seth’s shoulder, he slumped forward and I followed him down and let all my weight pin him to the countertop. Aftershocks kept making my body jerk and Seth would let out a little moan each time as his body twitched in response.
If I’d been a smarter man, I would have left things where they were at and just pulled free of Seth’s body. But Seth’s last words to me kept playing on a loop in my head and I couldn’t stop myself from leaning down, putting my mouth next to his ear and saying, “We’ll never be done.”
Seth’s whole body tightened beneath mine and I knew it wasn’t because he was still enjoying the aftermath of our simultaneous orgasms. But he didn’t say anything or try to push me off. He just lay there, his eyes going blank and his features loosening to the point that I saw no emotion whatsoever. I was tempted to kiss him to see if I could bring him back to me, but I was too afraid I’d find out what kissing Seth and having him not kiss me back would feel like so I didn’t do it. Instead, I carefully lifted myself off of him. My cock slipped free of his body and I nearly swallowed my tongue when I watched a line of my semen drip out of him a second later. I wanted so badly to lean down and clean him up with my tongue just so I could share the proof of what he’d done to me with him, but I knew he wanted nothing more to do with me at that point. It was written in the way he held himself.
He may have wanted what had happened between us but that didn’t mean he wasn’t regretting it too. I hadn’t really believed making love to him would change anything, but a tiny part of me had hoped he’d hear the words I couldn’t say.
I tucked myself back into my pants and then reached for Seth to pull him upright but he pulled away from me the second I made contact with him. “Don’t,” was all he said. He ignored the semen running down his inner thigh and bent to yanks his pants up. He turned to face me but didn’t look up. “You proved your point,” he muttered before lifting his eyes. “But it doesn’t change anything. We’re done.”
And with that, Seth was the one to walk away this time.
Chapter Fourteen
Seth
Bullet tugging on the leash I was holding was what made me realize I was no longer alone. I glanced over my shoulder and cursed the shadow of disappointment that went through me at the sight of Hawke walking towards me.
In the week since I’d asked Ronan to leave, I’d spent a lot of time in this same spot – the old, weathered log on the beach at the base of the bluff my house sat on. I’d made the excuse that Bullet needed the fresh air as he recovered from his injury, but it was just another lie among many that I’d told myself. Like that I didn’t miss Ronan. Or that I didn’t have dreams about how right it felt to have him inside of me and that I didn’t ache to feel his warm body pressed against mine. And that I didn’t wonder if it was him I sensed watching me throughout the day.
I’d been surprised when Ronan actually left but also relieved. I’d always believed I’d take any piece of Ronan I could get but now that I’d had just that, it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.
Bullet began jumping up and down on his hind legs as Hawke approached and I quickly put my hand on his back to settle him down. The big dog was struggling with not being able to run loose like he wanted, but the vet had said he just needed a few more days of limited activity to give his body more time to heal. She’d also pointed out that if we’d gotten Bullet to her any later, he wouldn’t have made it. I had Ronan to thank for the fact that I still had my best friend with me.
And the man standing next to me.
Hawke wasn’t quite as big as Ronan but there was something about his presence that had me on edge. Like the relaxed, easy demeanor was an illusion and he could strike out at any moment. I’d suspected the man had still been watching me at Ronan’s request but I hadn’t actually seen him until now.
“How’s he doing?” Hawke asked as he sat down next to me and ran his hands along Bullet’s face. Somehow my big, powerful dog had become mush in the man’s presence.
Just like with Ronan.
“He’s good. He’s got a couple more days of down time and then he should be good to go. Thank you for what you did for him.”
Hawke merely nodded. His silence unnerved me as he stared across the dark blue waters of the Sound. My parents had built our vacation home on the top of a bluff along the southwestern part of the island and they’d bought enough of the surrounding land and waterfront so that there weren’t any neighbors for miles. I’d used the remote location to my advantage in the years after they’d died, but having had Ronan here even for a few days made me realize how truly isolated my life had become.
I expected Hawke to start talking at some point but ten minutes passed, then fifteen and nothing. Bullet had dropped down to lay between us, his big head resting on Hawke’s black boot.
“Is he gone?” I finally asked, since I was too worn out to try to figure out what Hawke’s presence meant.
Hawke shook his head.
“I haven’t seen him,” I said.
“Wasn’t that the idea?” Hawke asked, though his eyes remained on the water.
I didn’t know how to answer that…or maybe I didn’t have the courage to answer it. “Why are you still here?”
Hawke was quiet for so long that I didn’t think he’d answer but then he finally looked at me. “If you could have a few more minutes with your parents, your brother, even knowing you were still going to lose them, would you want them…the minutes, I mean?”
I nodded.
“Ronan gave me that,” Hawke said before shifting his gaze up and down the beach and then checking over his shoulder.
“How?” I asked.
“My wife. Ronan was working the night my wife and I came into the ER.”
I saw Hawke finger the obvious burn scar on his jaw and I wondered if he even realized he was doing it.
“She would have died then and there if he hadn’t done what he did. He gave me three days to say goodbye to her, to feel the warmth of her hand in mine, to hear her tell me she loved me one last time. To feel the softness of her lips before she had to be intubated. To tell her all the moments in my life that were perfect were only that way because she’d been a part of them.”
The heartbreaking words caught me off guard. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, my throat feeling tight as I remembered my own loss and how I would have given anything to be able to tell my parents and my brother how much I loved them one more time. “So you owe him?” I finally ventured.
Hawke shook his head. “No, not anymore.”
I didn’t know what to make of the cryptic statement. Bullet sat up and pressed his nose against my hand and I realized he’d sensed my building stress. “I’ll never be enough for him,” I whispered as I let my gaze fall to the black and brown fur on the top of Bullet’s head. It was ridiculous to admit my fear to a virtual stranger, but the need to understand Ronan’s behavior was overriding my common sense. I’d been so sure after the night that Ronan had made love to me for the first time that he saw me as something more…as someone apart from Trace’s brother. And last week he’d told me we wouldn’t ever be done even though he was the one who’d walked away from me the morning after our first night together.
I felt the thickness in my throat growing as Hawke didn’t respond, but just as I was about to get up to escape the humiliation, he spoke. “Seth, there’s going to come a day when you learn the truth about what happened to you
r brother.”
My hand stilled on Bullet’s head and I snapped my eyes up to Hawke who was watching me intently. I opened my mouth to ask the obvious question but he cut me off with a shake of his head. “As hard as it’s going to be to hear about what was done to him, just remember that Ronan is the one who needs you now.”
I shook my head as Hawke rose and dropped a hand on my shoulder before stepping over the log and walking away. I didn’t bother chasing after him because I was too caught up in what he’d said. I felt my stomach roll violently.
“Hawke!” I called, but I didn’t look at him to see if he stopped. “Where is he?”
“The Water’s Edge Motel. Room 127.”
I may have nodded in response; I wasn’t really sure. I wanted to go running to that motel and demand Ronan tell me what Hawke was talking about but Hawke’s words kept repeating themselves in my head.
Ronan is the one who needs you now.
Had the military lied to me? They’d said Trace had been killed by friendly fire during a training exercise. I’d never even thought to question them – why the hell would I? But if they had lied, why hadn’t Ronan told me the truth?
Another sick feeling went through me.
He wouldn’t have told me if the truth was something he didn’t think I could handle. Which meant it was really bad.
Bullet began nudging me in earnest and I realized I’d gotten so worked up that I was nearing a panic attack. I sucked in several deep breaths and focused on one of the mountain peaks across the water. I carefully worked my eyes to the right, counting each peak in turn until I felt my fear subside.
Ronan is the one who needs you now.
I didn’t know what that meant but I knew Hawke was telling the truth. And I finally realized that the Ronan I’d known hadn’t been lost to me simply because Trace had been taken from him…it was how he’d been taken that had changed everything.
Salvation (The Protectors, Book 2) Page 11
