Salvation (The Protectors, Book 2)

by Sloane Kennedy

  It hadn’t.

  Because even in the years after Ronan had left me, deep down I’d believed he’d come back to me someday. He’d see that I could be what he needed.

  But any hope I had left was gone. Especially after tonight.

  The dinner itself had gone well and while Ronan had seemed tense at first, he’d relaxed enough to participate in the conversation here and there. It was my curiosity at seeing Ronan around people he seemed to knew pretty well that had me agreeing to go when he’d asked earlier in the day. Jonas, Mace and Cole had been welcoming, but it was seeing the three of them together that had me aching for something I couldn’t have. I wouldn’t have thought it possible for three men to be together in a relationship, but after having seen it for myself, I knew it worked for them.

  While I guessed that Jonas wasn’t much older than me, he’d taken me under his wing and by the time the evening was over, he’d given me his phone number and had programmed mine into his cell phone with the invitation to call or text if I ever needed anything or just wanted to talk. Then he’d wrapped his arms around me as Ronan had said his goodbyes to Mace. Mace and Cole had then kissed each other goodbye since Cole was coming back to the hotel with us. I’d been in the process of getting a goodbye hug from Mace when I saw Jonas say something quietly to Ronan and then wrap his arms around him. At that point, I’d felt the last little bit of my heart shatter into a million pieces. I’d managed to keep it together as Cole and Jonas kissed goodbye before we made our way down to the car, but I’d made sure to keep Bullet between me and Ronan on the back seat of the limo.

  “You okay?” I heard Ronan ask as he closed the door behind us. I didn’t see Cole so I could only assume he’d stayed in the hallway to keep a lookout for anything unusual.

  “I’m fine,” I murmured.

  “Seth-”

  Ronan’s hand closed over my arm as he said my name, but any patience I had left fled.

  “Don’t touch me,” I snapped as I yanked my arm away from him.

  “Seth, what-”

  “I want you to leave, Ronan. Now!”

  Ronan was clearly confused, but I didn’t give a shit and I turned my back to him and stormed to my room. I had barely closed the doors behind me before they were flung open again.

  “What the hell is wrong with you?” Ronan asked angrily.

  “You! You’re what’s wrong with me. Take your shit and get out. I’ll hire a fucking battalion to watch out for me if it means I never have to see you again.”

  I could feel my anger giving way to crushing devastation and I wrapped an arm around myself to try to prevent the chill that was taking over my body.

  Ronan took a step forward and I shook my head violently. “Get out!”

  But my words had no effect on Ronan and he grabbed me by the arms before I could escape him. “Don’t!” I cried, but it came out as a pathetic whimper.

  “Seth, please,” Ronan suddenly whispered, his voice sounding low and anguished. He tried to wrap his arms around me but I desperately lashed out at him. “Talk to me,” Ronan pleaded. I knew tears were coursing down my cheeks, but I was too far gone too care.

  “He hugged you,” I managed to get out. “You let him hug you.”

  “Who? Jonas?” Ronan asked in surprise. “It didn’t mean anything.”

  “Yes it did.”

  “No, Seth, I swear. He loves Mace and Cole.”

  Frustration surged through me and I shoved away from him. “You let him touch you, Ronan. And you damn well know I don’t mean sexually.”

  I saw the moment Ronan finally understood what I was saying because he went pale and stepped back.

  “One innocent kiss and you leave me for three fucking years,” I yelled. “Then you come back and your only rule is that I can’t touch you! And I followed it because I just wanted to be with you in any way that I could. One hug, Ronan. One fucking hug,” I whispered brokenly. “You couldn’t even give me that.”

  Ronan hadn’t moved during my tirade and the blank expression on his face just hurt me more. “Get out,” I said again and to my surprise, Ronan finally did it. I sank down on the bed and Bullet automatically came over and nudged my hands which were shaking violently. I used my sleeves to wipe at the trail of tears on my cheeks and tried to get my breathing under control. But I jerked upright when I heard a muffled shout and then a thud. I waited and heard what sounded like glass breaking. I hurried across the living room towards Ronan’s room as more crashing noises resounded from the room. At the same time, Cole used his keycard to open the door.

  “Everything okay?” he asked.

  I couldn’t speak because my heart was in my throat. I reached for Ronan’s door but Cole got between me and it and pulled a gun from the back waistband of his pants before turning the knob. Panic shot through me when it didn’t open, but I didn’t even get a chance to say anything because Cole threw his weight against the door, causing it to crash open. As Cole was scanning the room for a potential intruder, I gasped at the damage. The lamp from one of the nightstands had been thrown against the wall, shattering the delicate glass base. Ronan’s suitcase and the small table it had been sitting on were over turned and I could see that all the little decorative knickknacks on the dresser and small writing table were tossed onto the floor. I went around the bed and let out a muffled cry at the sight of Ronan sitting on the floor, his back to the wall and blood dripping down his hand. The remnants of the broken mirror that used to hang on the closet door were spread all over the place.

  “Ronan,” I said gently as I dropped to my knees in front of him.

  Tears were coursing down his face and he was shaking his head back and forth.

  “Here,” Cole said from behind me and he handed me a towel from the bathroom. I placed it over Ronan’s palm and applied pressure.

  The room phone rang and Cole went to answer it. I kept my eyes on Ronan as Cole said, “Yeah, sorry about that. We were moving a couple of heavy suitcases around and a couple of them fell and knocked over a lamp. Please tell the people downstairs we’re sorry about the noise.”

  Cole came back around the bed a minute later with a first aid kit in his hand. “Found this in the bathroom. There’s probably not much in it.”

  I nodded and took it. “Can you give us a few minutes?” I asked.

  Cole nodded in understanding. “I’ll be out front if you need me.”

  “Ronan, can you stand up?” I asked. His silence was scaring the shit out of me…even more so than what he’d done to the room. He didn’t answer me and I wondered if he even realized I was there. “Ronan, baby, please look at me.”

  Ronan’s eyes finally shifted to me. “I didn’t want to lose you,” he whispered. “But I knew you wouldn’t want me after I told you the truth.”

  I steeled myself because I knew in my gut what he was talking about. It was a subject I’d had to push from my mind over and over in the weeks following my conversation with Hawke.

  Ronan is the one who needs you now.

  “Ronan, look at me,” I ordered gently. I waited until his focus was on me. “Nothing you tell me will ever change how I feel about you.”

  Ronan began shaking his head so I reached out to grab his chin gently with my hand. I was relieved when he didn’t pull away from me. I leaned in and brushed my lips over his. “I love you so much, Ronan. That won’t ever change.”

  He managed a shaky nod.

  “Baby, there’s a lot of broken glass around you. Can you stand up and sit on the bed so I can look at your hand?”

  Ronan nodded and I kept the pressure on his hand as I helped him stand. We were both still wearing shoes so I didn’t have to worry about his or my feet getting cut. I walked him around to the opposite side of the bed and sat him down. He hadn’t destroyed the lamp on that side so I turned it on and carefully removed the towel. The bleeding had already slowed and I was glad to see the cut didn’t look too deep. I didn’t see any glass in it but I asked, “Does it feel like there’s any
glass in the cut?”

  “No, it’s okay. Just wrap it to stop the bleeding.”

  I hated how dull and lifeless Ronan sounded, but I did as he said and cleaned and dressed the wound as best I could.

  “Do you want to lie down while we talk?” I asked.

  Ronan shook his head. “No, I need…I need to be facing you.”

  I hated that he felt like he needed to treat what he had to say to me like a confession, but it was also a telling sign. Not only was whatever he was carrying inside of him about Trace’s death really bad, he was also suffering from a heavy dose of guilt. I dragged a decorative armchair from the corner of the room and set it right in front of him where he was sitting on the bed. I sat down and took his hands in mine. I stifled the twinge of pain I felt as he pulled his hands free and settled them on his lap.

  “I never wanted you to find out what really happened that night,” he began, his voice breaking. “He wouldn’t have wanted you to know what they did to him…he wouldn’t have wanted you to have to live with it.”

  I swallowed hard. As much as I’d tried to prepare myself for this moment, I knew that such a thing really wasn’t possible.

  “There was this spot on the outskirts of the base. It was where the equipment that needed to be repaired was kept. At night it was pretty isolated so Trace and I used to meet up there when we wanted to be together.”

  “The army didn’t know you two were together?”

  “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was still in effect back then. We both would have been discharged if they’d found out we were gay. Trace didn’t want to meet up that night because he was worried some of the guys in his unit had started to become suspicious, but I wanted to see him because we hadn’t had a chance to be together since he’d proposed to me a week earlier.”

  Ronan used the back of his bandaged hand to wipe at his face. “Neither one of us heard them sneak up on us. There were five of them.”

  My heart sank as I realized what was coming.

  “Two of them grabbed me. Trace was holding his own against the other three, but he gave up when one of the guys put a gun to my head…I was so scared that I didn’t do anything. I didn’t fight back, nothing.”

  “Ronan-”

  “Don’t, please. I have to get this out now or I never will.”

  I nodded.

  “They started beating him and he let them. I begged them to stop but they just kept kicking and hitting him until he stopped moving. I thought the whole thing was over but then they came after me. But they only hit me a few times. Then one of them pulled out a knife.”

  I stifled a moan as I remembered the cuts on Ronan’s chest.

  “He could barely talk but he kept trying to goad them so they’d go after him again.”

  “He loved you, Ronan. He would have done anything to protect you.”

  Ronan managed a nod. “It seemed to go on forever. Every time I thought it was over, they just tried something new. But then this one guy…the leader, he kept asking Trace how he liked taking it up the ass. And then he asked him if he’d take anything up the ass.”

  Ronan began sobbing and I pushed back from the chair and dropped to my knees in front of him and gently grabbed both his hands and dragged them to my chest and held them there.

  “They raped him with a fucking pipe,” he let out with a hoarse cry. I could feel my own hot tears streaking down my face and dripping beneath the collar of my shirt, but I ignored them and pushed to my feet. I sat down next to Ronan and dragged him up against my chest.

  “I’m so sorry, Seth! I couldn’t stop them! I couldn’t save him.”

  “It’s okay,” I whispered as I dropped my lips to his head and just held him as tight as I could. His tears soaked through my shirt as he wrapped his arms around my middle and let out heart wrenching sobs. It took several minutes for him to quiet enough so that I could be sure he heard me when I said, “Tell me the rest.”

  He shook his head violently against me. I leaned down and skimmed my lips over his forehead. “I need to bear this burden with you, Ronan.”

  Several long seconds passed before he started speaking again. “Trace stopped moving after that, but he wasn’t gone yet. They…they made him watch.”

  I felt like my insides were being ripped out with every word that fell from Ronan’s lips. “He had to watch them do the same thing to you,” I whispered.

  Ronan nodded against my chest. “I kept wishing for it…death. For him, for me. After a while, I didn’t feel anything anymore and I thought I was dead. I could see both of us lying like broken dolls in the sand. I saw the man who’d hurt Trace leaning over me, holding me down. I could hear his buddies laughing. I saw my body jerking and the blood pooling beneath me as the man who’d cut me used the pipe on me. I saw Trace’s outstretched hand reaching towards mine. Close but not close enough to touch. And then it was over and they were gone and I knew he was gone too. Then death finally came for me too.”

  “What happened after that?”

  “I woke up about a week later. They’d put me in a medically induced coma to give my body time to heal. They’d had to perform surgery to fix the damage the pipe had done. I was in the hospital for a month.”

  “Why did the army tell me Trace had died in a training exercise?”

  “Because they didn’t want the negative press. They told me they’d punish the guys who did it, but if I went public, everyone would know what had been done to Trace.” Ronan shook his head. “I couldn’t let them do that to him. It would have been like he was being violated a second time.” I felt Ronan shift enough so that he could look up at me. “I didn’t want you to know either.”

  I used my finger to wipe away his remaining tears. “I’m so sorry, Ronan,” I whispered as I brushed my mouth over his. “I’m so sorry for what happened to you.”

  Ronan jerked and sat up, putting distance between us. But I still had my hands on his arms and either he didn’t notice or he didn’t care because he didn’t move them. “No…I told you, it was my fault. I made him meet me. He couldn’t fight back because he was defending me! I couldn’t save him.”

  With every word, Ronan’s whole body shook and he tried to put more space between us. But I followed and when he got too far away, I snaked my hand around the back of his neck and gently pulled him forward until our foreheads were touching. “I’m sorry for what happened to you, Ronan.”

  “Seth, don’t-” Ronan whispered harshly. His fingers were biting into my arms but I didn’t care.

  “I’m so glad you survived. I’m so glad you came back to me.”

  This time Ronan didn’t say anything; he just shook his head against mine and then let out a brutal, gut-wrenching sob. I knew the tears he’d shed before had been for Trace but these…these were for himself.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Ronan

  It took me several long seconds to process what the heavy weight on my chest was, but once I did, I was glad I was laying down because the night before came back to me in such a rush, that I was sure it would have knocked me to my knees if I’d been standing.

  I hadn’t understood the reason for Seth’s violent outburst when we’d gotten back to the hotel after dinner, but once I’d seen my actions through his eyes, I’d understood that I’d pushed him too far. I’d hurt him too badly. And then I’d only wanted to hurt myself. So that was exactly what I’d done as soon as I’d seen my own reflection in the mirror. But it hadn’t been enough and I vented all my grief and heartache on the rest of the room before giving in to the stunning realization that I’d lost Seth for good.

  And then he’d been there before me and I’d known it would be my last chance. My only chance.

  “Is this okay?” Seth asked, his breath gently washing over my skin where he had his head resting on my chest. His arm was wrapped around my waist and my arm was resting against his back. I didn’t remember taking our shirts off last night after he’d held me for what seemed like hours. We were both still wearing the p
ants we’d each worn to dinner.

  “Yes,” I said, my voice sounding hoarse. I ran my hand up and down Seth’s back and felt a sting of pain as I put too much pressure directly on the cut that slashed across my palm. The bandage was still in place, but I could see a little bit of dried blood on it. I lifted my hand and let my fingers trail through Seth’s hair. “Will you come take a shower with me?”

  Seth nodded against me and then lifted up and kissed me gently. He got up and climbed over me and then searched out my hand and led me to the bathroom. As he got the water started, I began unwrapping the bandage but Seth quickly took over the task and when he had the bandage free, he carefully placed a kiss on an uninjured section of my palm. While I checked the severity of the cut, Seth got undressed and then he was working on my pants. His seeking fingers quickly distracted me from the gash on my hand.

  “Does it need stitches?” Seth asked.

  The feel of Seth’s hands roaming over my ass as he pushed my underwear and pants down had me asking, “What?”

  “Your hand, does it need stitches?”

  “No,” I managed to answer, though what I really wanted to do was kiss Seth and beg him to keep touching me. But he finished stripping me and then led me into the shower. I only managed to steal a few kisses as Seth took his time washing me and by the time he’d finished, I was painfully hard. I reached for the soap to return the favor, but let out a muffled moan when Seth’s hand closed around my cock.

  “Tell me if you want me to stop,” Seth murmured as he began to drag his hand up and down my length. I hated that he felt insecure enough that he needed to ask, but I knew it was my own fault. I went to reach for his cock, but remembered my injured hand. The left hand would be more awkward to use, but I could make do. But Seth beat me to it because not only was he jerking me off, he had his other hand on his own dick, matching the same pace he was using on me. Despite my tired body, the pleasure began to flood my limbs and I put my hands on the tiled wall behind Seth. I thrust against him so that our dicks were touching as he worked us both. His mouth parted as he began to increase both the pressure and the pace and I couldn’t resist dipping down to steal into it. He moaned into my mouth just before he came and the second I felt his hot come splash against my own dick, I let out a shout and gave in to my release. Seth gently caressed me for a few more minutes as the high wore off and then I went about washing him as best I could with one hand.