Cosmo and the Magic Sneeze

by Gwyneth Rees

  ‘Well then,’ Bunty said, settling herself comfortably on one of Sybil’s kitchen chairs. ‘You had better cooperate fully with us, hadn’t you?’

  And Sybil, under threat of being sent to a human prison, lost no time in telling them everything.

  First she explained that, although she was Euphemia’s daughter, her father had been human. ‘He was a very bad human, but he was human just the same. Mother got rid of him soon after I was born – she says she can’t see what attracted her to him in the first place, except maybe his badness.

  Anyway, when my mother tested me she found that I took more after him than her and that I had less than the required percentage of witch blood to make me a witch.

  She was ashamed of me at first, but then she saw how determined I was to be thought of as a witch, and how clever I was, and how I could trick everybody into believing I was a witch when I wasn’t. I used green polish for my nails and green paint for my belly button so that I looked just like any other witch, and I learned to balance on a broomstick if a witch-cat or my mother powered it up for me.

  I lived at home with Mother for a long time, helping her with her spells. Then when my grandmother died my mother said I should have her cat – Mephisto – because she knew he was very powerful and would be able to help me a lot. It was then that I set up my own spells-and-potions business and used Mephisto’s sneezes to make them work. My mother carried on keeping my secret for me, although she always told me that one day she would ask me for something in return.’ She paused.

  Bunty said quietly, looking at the golden Mia, ‘And now she has.’

  Sybil nodded. ‘Mother came across the spell by accident. She was mixing up some ingredients she’d never used before to try and make some magic paint. The back door was open and a nosy kitten from one of her neighbour’s houses came inside. It jumped up on to the shelf above Mother’s cauldron, slipped and fell right in. When Mother fished it out, she found that it had turned to solid gold. Mother loves gold, so she got very excited and—’

  ‘I don’t understand,’ Scarlett interrupted. ‘If Euphemia killed a cat – and she is a witch – then why didn’t she go up in a puff of smoke?’

  ‘I expect the curse wasn’t activated at that point, because she hadn’t killed the kitten on purpose,’ Bunty said. ‘On that occasion, it really was a genuine accident.’

  ‘That’s right.’ Sybil nodded. ‘But after it had happened, it gave her an idea and she went to look up all her books on Dark Magic—’

  ‘Books of evil spells,’ Bunty explained quickly to Scarlett. ‘It’s against the law to own such books, but many bad witches still do.’

  ‘—and found a recipe very similar to the one she’d been using to make the magic paint, except that it had an additional main ingredient. It used kittens.’ Sybil paused while the cats in the audience let out little hisses. ‘The witch who invented the spell first tried it using a fully grown cat, but the cat just jumped out of the cauldron covered in gold liquid but unharmed. Then she realized that the difference between a kitten and an adult cat is that the kitten still contains a lot of growth potential. She guessed that the growth potential in a kitten might be an essential ingredient in the spell, so she decided to try it with a kitten instead. In fact, she recommended throwing in two at the same time for maximum effect!’

  ‘And what happened when she did that?’ Bunty demanded, glaring.

  ‘There’s a note written by the witch’s daughter at the bottom of the page, saying that the result of the spell was a really splendid, large, gold cat but that the witch had been turned into a puff of green smoke.’ She paused. ‘Mother knew that I could harm a cat without the curse affecting me, so she sent me the spell and told me how to do it. She forced me really.’

  ‘I’m sure she had to force you very hard,’ Bunty said sarcastically, ‘since you’re such a good-hearted person.’

  Sybil looked sulky and didn’t reply.

  Bunty looked at the gold statue on the table. ‘Do you know if there’s any way of reversing this spell, Sybil?’

  Sybil shook her head. ‘Mother didn’t say.’

  ‘Then it looks like there’s only one way to find out.’ Bunty stood up. ‘We shall have to call on Euphemia.’

  At that, Doris quickly volunteered to be the one who stayed behind and got rid of all the kittens who were still cramming round the back door. The cats looked at her sharply when she said ‘get rid of ’ and she swiftly added, ‘Send them away, I mean.’

  Bunty and Scarlett started to discuss the quickest way of getting to Euphemia’s house, and it was Scarlett who suggested they take Sybil’s magic carpet. Bunty thought it was best if they left the gold statue behind with Felina to guard it. ‘Any reversing spell is bound to involve using the same cauldron,’ she explained, ‘so the safest thing is to keep Mia here beside it.’

  Felina gave a subdued mew in reply. She looked frightened, and India went over and rubbed her head against Felina’s to comfort her once more before they left.

  Cosmo had never been on a proper journey on a magic carpet before. Sybil was sitting between Scarlett and Bunty, so that the two witches could keep an eye on her, and Cosmo sat behind between his mother and father. He couldn’t believe that they were really flying on their carpet from the garage. Cosmo found that he didn’t feel as sick as when he was on the broomstick, apart from when the carpet dipped then rose again suddenly to avoid a flock of birds.

  India, after holding on tightly with her claws to begin with, was now starting to relax and enjoy herself. ‘Why haven’t you ever taken me flying with you before, Mephisto?’ she asked Cosmo’s father reproachfully. ‘This is fun! Look at that blackbird! It’s so close I could almost—’

  ‘Don’t!’ said Mephisto, as she stretched out her paw. ‘I don’t want you falling off.’ And he looked so irritated at the thought of her doing that, that she felt quite flattered and leaned forward to give his nose a lick.

  ‘Mother’s house is behind that row of trees just over there,’ Sybil said after they had been flying for some time. She pointed to a house with a chimney that was painted green and purple. They landed in the front garden and the others held back as Bunty and Sybil went to knock on the front door.

  Cosmo was starting to feel frightened now. Euphemia was a very powerful witch – possibly even more powerful than Bunty. What if she turned them all into frogs as soon as she saw them?

  There was no reply, but the door was unlocked, so Bunty and Sybil went in.

  ‘There’s no sign of her,’ Bunty called out, coming back to the front door after checking through all the rooms in the house.

  Scarlett and the cats were amazed when they stepped inside. Euphemia’s home was totally decorated in gold. She had gold wallpaper, gold-coloured paint round her windows and gold carpets throughout. On the mantelpiece was the gold-cat statue that Euphemia had been showing off on the Witch News. Now they knew why its face seemed so lifelike.

  Just looking at it made them all shiver.

  ‘Where can she be?’ Bunty muttered.

  In a dark room at the back of the house, they found a lot of books.

  ‘It’s just like Professor Felina’s study,’ Cosmo said.

  Bunty spotted a large book lying open on Euphemia’s desk and when she went to look more closely, she saw that it was an ancient book of Dark Magic. Bunty had only seen a book like that once before, when she had accidently disturbed a very evil witch who was planning to use human babies in a spell to cure baldness. It was open at the page where the golden-cat recipe was written. Bunty read it very carefully.

  The others watched as Bunty then flicked through the rest of the book until she came to a section at the back headed ‘Reversing Spells’. She felt her heart beat faster as she came across the spell she was looking for. ‘This spell will only work if done within two hours of the original spell,’ she read out loud. She looked up and said, ‘So I’m afraid it’s too late for that poor little kitten on the mantelpiece.’


  ‘And it’s nearly too late for Mia,’ Scarlett said, checking her watch. ‘We have to hurry, Aunt Bunty!’

  Bunty frowned as she moved her finger down the list of ingredients. They seemed to be the same ones that had gone into the original spell. Then she spotted one that was different. ‘We need some fur from Mia’s mother.’

  India miaowed that that wouldn’t be a problem. Felina would give up her whole fur coat if she thought it would save her kitten. Any mother cat would.

  Bunty carried on reading, then nearly choked as she came to the next reversing-spell ingredient. ‘It says we need to use one whole witch,’ she gasped.

  Everyone was silent, hardly able to believe that a witch would use another witch in a spell. Mephisto growled, feeling the hairs on his tail stand on end at the thought. He still felt very protective of witches in general, despite what he had discovered about Sybil.

  ‘That’s it then,’ Scarlett said flatly. ‘We can’t do the spell. We can’t save Mia.’

  12

  As everyone slowly took in this terrible news, Cosmo found himself staring up at the ceiling. Something was moving up there. It was hard to make out in the dark room, but Cosmo was almost sure it was a puff of green smoke.

  He mewed to draw the others’ attention to it, and when Bunty looked up she exclaimed, ‘Of course!’ as if something suddenly made sense to her now. ‘It must have happened when Mia was turned to gold.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’ Sybil demanded.

  ‘I wasn’t sure how the curse worked,’ Bunty continued, ‘but now I can see that Doris was right to be afraid that if she didn’t do anything to help the kittens, the curse would apply to her too. Our ancestors have made sure that no witch can ever intentionally play any part in the death of a cat – even if the witch doesn’t actually do the murder herself – without being lost as a smoke cloud.’

  ‘Are you saying . . . ?’ Sybil was staring up at the ceiling in disbelief. ‘Are you saying, that’s Mother?’

  ‘I believe so,’ Bunty replied, crisply.

  Everyone was now staring in awe at the puff of green smoke above them, which had obviously become trapped in the room because all the windows were closed. Sybil started to call out her mother’s name but everybody – including the puff of smoke – ignored her.

  Bunty was looking thoughtful. ‘I think I understand now. The spell needs one whole witch – but not necessarily in solid form.’ She turned to her niece, beginning to sound more hopeful. ‘Scarlett, go into the kitchen and see if you can find a large jar with a lid on it.’

  She began to search down the rest of the list, stopping as she found the last ingredient that they needed for the reversing spell. ‘It says that the final thing to go in must be a witch-cat sneeze – but it has to be from a cat who was born under the same star as Mia.’

  Cosmo turned excitedly to his mother. ‘I know all about the stars! Father told me! One star always shines extra brightly on the night you’re born, and that’s how you know which star to join when you die.’

  ‘That’s correct,’ India replied, exchanging a smile with Mephisto. ‘And that is the same for all cats, not just witch-cats. All mother cats know which star their kittens were born under.’

  ‘Will Mia’s mother know which star she was born under then?’ Cosmo asked, but before India could answer he continued, ‘Because if Mia was born under the same star as me, I could use one of my sneezes to make her come back again, couldn’t I?’ Cosmo’s whiskers were standing right out from his face, twitching excitedly.

  At that moment Bunty, who had climbed up on to the table to reach the ceiling, succeeded in capturing the green puff of smoke in the jar Scarlett had brought her from the kitchen. ‘Got you!’ she gasped, screwing the lid back on as tightly as she could. She turned and looked down at the others. ‘Now . . . let’s get back to Mia and see what we can do!’

  They found Felina sitting with her tail wrapped around herself for comfort, staring miserably at the gold statue. She jumped up when they came in, giving Sybil a hiss to warn her to keep as far away from her as possible. Prison was too good for Sybil as far as Felina was concerned.

  ‘Felina, we’ve found a spell that might change Mia back again, but we have to act quickly,’ Bunty said, looking at the kitchen clock. The whole trip to Euphemia’s house and back had taken over an hour, and Sybil had told them that she had put Mia in the cauldron at least half an hour before they had arrived. That meant that the two hours had to be almost up. ‘Firstly, I’ll need some of your loose hairs.’

  Since cats always shed a lot of hair when they are nervous, there was plenty coming off Felina’s coat now.

  ‘Good,’ said Bunty, gathering up a whole handful. ‘We have the puff of witch right here. But as for the magic sneeze . . .’ She looked at the cats. ‘I’ll have to leave that to you.’

  ‘Felina, what star was Mia born under?’ India asked urgently.

  ‘The brightest one of course.’

  ‘Different stars are the brightest on different nights,’ India reminded her, thinking that Felina wasn’t sounding like her normal professor-self at all. ‘We have to know which one shone the brightest when Mia was born.’

  Felina frowned. ‘Well . . . I could point to it, if it was night-time, or I could tell you the name that the ancient Greeks gave it—’

  ‘Was it a big yellow star with a circle of smaller stars around it?’ India asked impatiently.

  ‘Yes,’ Felina nodded, but just as India was getting excited and saying that it must be the same star as Cosmo’s, Felina seemed to snap back into being a professor again. ‘Not necessarily, India. That description fits many different stars. In my book on astronomy there are at least—’

  ‘We haven’t got much time!’ Bunty reminded them, looking anxiously at the clock.

  India frowned at her friend. ‘There isn’t time to go and look at your astronomy book now, Felina.’ She paused. ‘My instincts tell me that Cosmo and Mia must have been born under the same star. Cats who pair up together nearly always are.’ She was thinking of Mephisto and herself, who had both been born under a lone white star, which shone most brightly in the winter months. ‘Doesn’t your gut tell you that too?’

  ‘It’s just that . . .’ Felina broke off, agitated. It was just that normally she never acted on her gut feelings until she had searched her books thoroughly for evidence to support them. But she knew as well as India that there was no time for that now. ‘Yes,’ she mewed finally. ‘It does.’

  Mephisto, who had been waiting nearby, miaowed for Cosmo to begin climbing the steps of the cauldron. Bunty, seeing that the cats were ready, picked up the golden statue and carefully lowered it back inside the magic liquid. Everyone watched silently as she threw in the handful of Felina’s loose fur, then took the jar with the puff of witch inside, and plunged it deep into the cauldron liquid. With her free hand she unscrewed the lid, and immediately a hissing sound came from under the surface as if a snake was swimming round and round very fast before disappearing into nothing.

  Bunty removed the empty jar and stood back. Now it was Cosmo’s turn. He was at the top of the cauldron steps now. Scarlett had the pepper pot ready for him.

  He sniffed hard until the inside of his nose felt ticklish. ‘A-A-A-TISHOO!’ he burst out, sending a huge shower of magic sneeze into the cauldron.

  The noise that followed nearly made him fall off the steps. There was a bang, louder than any bang Cosmo had heard before, then the surface of the liquid seemed to explode into a fountain of gold stars. And then something even stranger happened. The stars stopped being gold in colour and changed to what could only be described as tabby coloured.

  As the stars kept shooting up into the air, ripples started to appear on the surface of the cauldron liquid. Cosmo leaned forward without thinking, and as a star collided with his gold paw, there was a loud hiss and his fur started to tingle. Cosmo pulled his paw away quickly, then miaowed in excitement as a familiar tabby-coloured head surfaced
inside the cauldron amidst a lot of coughing and splashing.

  Bunty rushed forward to rescue Mia, and a few minutes later, the kitten was lying on the floor and Felina was purring with relief and licking every part of her daughter over and over, just as she had done when she had first given birth to her.

  Cosmo was racing round and round the room, too excited to stand still.

  ‘Cosmo, come here!’ Mia called out to him.

  Cosmo went over to her, his tail still bushy with adrenalin. Mia was about to speak when her eyes fell on his paw. ‘Oh,’ she exclaimed, because it was no longer golden.

  ‘Oh no!’ Cosmo gasped, seeing that his right front paw was now tabby coloured.

  ‘I think it looks very handsome,’ Mia said quickly. ‘And anyway, I like you, no matter what colour your paws are!’

  All Cosmo’s skin started to tingle, not because it was changing colour again, but because that was the nicest thing Mia had ever said to him – and he forgot all about his paw as he gave the top of her head a big wet lick in reply.

  13

  Cosmo and Mia were lying in Sybil’s front garden a few evenings later, gazing up at the sky.

  ‘That’s our star up there,’ Cosmo said, pointing up at a bright-yellow star with his paw.

  Mia looked up at it. ‘Mother’s going to teach me the names of all the stars next week,’ she said. ‘This week we’re doing planets.’ Mia had become more enthusiastic about her mother’s lessons since she had learned how to spell the word TUNA in crunchy-munchies. That was her favourite thing to eat, and Amy never seemed to buy any. Amy had responded by buying in a large supply of the stuff and inviting all her friends round to see the letters (which they all refused to believe had been put there by her cats).

  Cosmo didn’t seem to be listening very hard. He was staring at a board that had been erected in front of Sybil’s house that afternoon. The board belonged to one of the local estate agents – Witch Properties R Us – and it was invisible to the human eye. It was advertising the house as being available for sale immediately.