by Zoë Marshall
COLE SAT IN a wheelchair in the hospital waiting room trying to forget about the pain he was in. Claire had gone to grab him a bottle of water from the vending machine, and he decided to text Sutton.
Hey, Sutt.
About five minutes later, Claire had not yet returned and Sutton texted back:
Hey.
You’ll never guess where I am.
Oh yeah? Where?
The hospital.
Oh no. What happened?
Well, I started in the game today. I was doing great until I cut back and collapsed. The team physician thinks I may have torn my ACL.
Are you okay?
Yes and no. I won’t be able to play for the rest of the season.
I’m sorry, Cole.
It’s okay. I’ll survive. I just thought I should tell you about it, even though things are weird between us right now.
I appreciate you letting me know. Keep me posted, okay?
Cole debated whether or not to tell Sutton about Claire, but he decided it wasn’t the right time.
Will do. Take care, Sutton.
You too.
Cole put his phone down on the table next to him just as Claire returned. She walked over and took a seat next to him, handing him a bottle of water and a bag of chips. She grabbed his hand as she wore a worried expression on her face. “How are you doing?”
“I’m okay. Still in a lot of pain.”
“Can I get you anything else?” Claire asked.
“All I need is your company.”
“Well, I’m all yours.”
SUTTON PUT HER phone in her purse and sighed. Her heart ached for Cole. Football was his life. And it had been taken away from him, in an instant.
“Hello? Earth to Sutton,” Ava said, interrupting Sutton’s train of thought. They were at a French bistro downtown, just to get away from campus food for a change.
“Sorry. I just got a text from Cole. He had a big game today and he may have torn his ACL. He may not be able to play for the rest of the season.”
“Oh no! Is he okay?”
“As okay as he can be, I guess,” Sutton replied, sipping her iced tea.
“Was it weird hearing from him?”
“A bit.”
Ava took a bite of her Caesar salad. “On a brighter note, Jesse will be joining us this weekend, right?”
“Yeah.”
“You don’t sound too excited.”
“I am, I just … I feel bad for Cole.”
“Well, snap out of it. This trip is just what we need.”
Ava and Sutton were going to Mountain Rock, a campsite a few hours away, for the weekend. They were going to be spending two nights in a cabin by the tiny excuse for a lake, where students often camped. It was going to be Sutton’s first overnight trip with Jesse. She was nervous. What if they didn’t get along? What if he drove her crazy, or worse—if she drove him crazy?
“I hope so.”
“Snap out of it, hun. It’s time to get to packing. Let’s get the check.”
“Okay.”
Thirty minutes later, Sutton was packing the world’s largest bag. She didn’t know what the weather would be like and she wanted to be prepared. She probably wouldn’t even use a quarter of the stuff, but over-packing was sure to be a better option than not bringing something she could end up needing.
Ava must have had the same idea, because her bag was even bigger than Sutton’s. “You’re bringing a swimsuit, right?”
“Ava, it’s going to be freezing.”
“I’m for sure going swimming, no matter how cold it is. And you will be joining me.”
“I’m not too sure about that, but I’ll bring a swimsuit anyway,” Sutton caved.
“Thatta girl. When is Jesse meeting us?”
“In a couple of hours. He has a soccer game right now.”
“He’s still driving, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay good. Now, finish packing. Then we’ll stop by Jesse’s game.”
“Sounds good.” Sutton packed the rest of her stuff and zipped up her bag. She sat on her bed and thought about Cole sitting in a hospital bed all alone. She wished she could be there, more than anything. Instead, she was running off with her new boyfriend.
Jesse was great, but Sutton often felt like there was something missing. She wanted to trust him, but a part of her was still scared. What if she never trusted anyone again? What if she ended up ruining this great thing?
No, she wouldn’t let that happen. Ava was right. This vacation was exactly what Sutton needed.
COLE WAS FINALLY being released from the hospital. It had only been four days, but it had felt like an eternity. He hated just sitting around, but Claire barely left his side. She brought him food, and they had some great conversations. She truly was the perfect girlfriend.
It turned out Cole was lucky enough to only partially tear his ACL, so it wasn’t going to require surgery and there would be much less recovery time. All in all, the injury could have been much worse.
Claire handed Cole his crutches and he stood up.
“You’re going to be so sexy with these.”
Cole laughed. “I highly doubt that, but thanks.”
“Are you ready? We need to get you home to rest.”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”
“Then, let’s go babe,” Claire replied, smiling. “My car is downstairs.”
Cole struggled to make it to the elevator. This was going to be hard to get used to. He was extremely coordinated on the football field, but these crutches were going to be a challenge.
“I’m not exactly skilled with these.”
“I’m sure you’ll be a crutch pro in no time.”
“Yeah, we’ll see about that.”
Claire put her arm around Cole as they exited the hospital and began the rough walk to her car.
“Don’t worry. I’ll be here for you.”
“You’re an angel.” Cole was still pumped with pain meds and was dreading the moment they would wear off.
“I’m no angel. I’m just an extremely amazing girlfriend.”
“Yes, you most certainly are.”
Cole slept through the whole drive back to campus. He was exhausted. Though the drive was short, he had vivid dreams about what life was going to be like now. Football was everything to him. Now it had been taken away. And he had pretty much lost his best friend. He was grateful for Claire, but his heart still ached. Two of the most important things in his life were now gone. Things were going to be so different now.
Cole awoke, startled, as they pulled into the parking lot.
“Hey, sleepy head.”
“Hey. Sorry, I’m just so tired,” Cole said, groggily.
“Don’t worry. We’ll get you straight to your bed.”
“Bed.”
Claire laughed her sweet little laugh. “Yes, bed.”
SUTTON AWOKE ON Sunday morning to an extremely caffeinated Ava bouncing around the room. “Finally! I thought you were going to sleep forever. Are you ready to go swimming?”
“It’s literally Antarctica outside.”
“Yeah, so?”
“So, frostbite isn’t exactly my thing.”
“Jesse is already at the lake. So, get up and let’s go.”
“Geez … okay. I’m getting up.”
Sutton peeled herself out of bed and shivered as she changed into her swimsuit. She threw on her soft blue hoodie and matching yoga pants.
“You can’t be serious. You’re not swimming in that ensemble.”
“I’m not swimming, period. But I will join you guys.”
Ava did a twirl in her suit, checking herself out in the bathroom mirror. She looked over her shoulder toward Sutton. “So, how are you feeling about Jesse? Has it been weird spending so much time with him?”
Sutton thought about it for a moment. “Not really. He’s great.”
“That doesn’t sound very convincing.”
“He is. I’m just �
�� getting used to it all.”
“Used to what?” Ava asked, while applying red lip gloss in the mirror.
“Moving on and all that. Being in a relationship again. I didn’t plan on getting involved in one so soon.”
“Soon? It’s been months. He’s good for you.”
“Yeah, I guess he is,” Sutton replied.
“Don’t guess. Guessing is for the weak. Just know.” Ava walked from the bathroom over to Sutton, who was standing nervously near the bed. “Ready?”
Sutton took one last look down at her outfit and nodded.
As the two girls approached the lake, Sutton saw a glistening, shirtless Jesse. He truly was a thing of beauty.
“Hey guys. I was starting to think you weren’t coming,” Jesse called over when he spotted Sutton and Ava. He ran his fingers through his wet hair and shook it a bit. Sutton was mesmerized as she watched the droplets of water coming off of his head. He looked like he had come straight out of a Calvin Klein ad.
“We wouldn’t miss it for the world. We have to leave in a few hours, so we should make the best with the time we have left,” Ava said, walking toward the lake in her skimpy suit.
“Good.” Jesse walked over to Sutton. “You look like a cute little blue marshmallow. Are you swimming?”
“I don’t think so. It’s so cold,” Sutton replied, shivering.
“Come on … you got this.” Jesse put his strong hands on her shoulders and began to rub them. “Plus, you know I’ll keep you warm.”
As Sutton saw Jesse’s beautiful smile and felt the warmth from his masculine touch, she caved. “Okay, fine. Just for you.”
“Excellent. Then let’s go, pretty lady.”
Sutton nervously took her sweatshirt and pants off. “Let’s.”
COLE AWOKE TO the sound of Hunter’s classical music. He often listened to it while studying. It didn’t bother Cole. It was actually sort of soothing, especially in his drugged-up state.
“Good morning,” Hunter said, over his shoulder. “Sorry, is the music too loud?”
“No, not at all. Where did Claire go?”
“She went back to her dorm after you fell asleep yesterday. She wanted to make sure you got rest, but she said she’d be back today. You certainly have one dedicated girlfriend.”
“I do. It’s nice,” Cole replied, smiling.
“She’s easy on the eyes as well,” Hunter replied.
“You’ve got that right.”
Hunter turned back to his laptop and Cole stared at the ceiling. His mind was racing. What was he going to do with himself without football? Sure, he would have practice, but again he would be planted on the bench, wishing he could jump onto that field once more. Football made him feel alive. It made him think more clearly. Now his mind was all muddled, and he felt lost.
He wished his somewhat former best friend were there. Surely she’d be able to distract him and make him laugh.
Claire was funny enough. He and Claire had a tradition of going to the movies and making fun of the audience the whole time. For some reason, they found it endlessly entertaining. There was the time during a particularly dramatic scene when a girl from the audience headed to the bathroom. All of a sudden, they heard a man’s loud voice filling the theater: “It’s okay. It’s just popcorn.” Apparently the girl had knocked his bag of popcorn over and was apologizing profusely. But the man was so sweet about it. Cole and Claire couldn’t stop laughing. One would stop, then the other would stifle a laugh and they would start cracking up once more.
Those were precious moments and he did cherish them, but his time with Sutton was unlike anything else.
Cole heard a knock on the door. “Come in.”
In walked Claire, looking as beautiful as ever. She had her hair pulled into a loose braid, with a pink bow holding it together. She was looking truly angelic in a white dress, tightly fitted in all the right places. “How are you feeling today?”
“Still groggy, but the pain level is more manageable than yesterday.”
“Oh, good. I’ve got class but I just wanted to stop by and check in.” Claire walked over to Cole’s bed and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. “I’ll come by after.”
“Sounds good.”
“And don’t you dare think of getting out of that bed.”
“But what if I have to go to the bathroom?”
“I’ll get you some diapers,” Hunter chimed in, laughing heartily.
“Make sure you get those extra breathable ones,” Cole replied, slurring a bit.
“Okay, guys … have fun. Are you going to be around, Hunter?”
“I’m always around. Don’t you worry,” Hunter replied, returning to his typing.
“I can’t help but worry,” Claire replied, sounding concerned. “I will try my best though,” she added.
“That’s all we can ask,” Cole responded, his head hitting the pillow once more, as his eyelids began to close.
“I’ll see you soon,” Claire said softly, then exited the room after flashing one last sympathetic smile.
After the door closed, Hunter turned around to look at a nearly-sleeping Cole. “You’ve got a keeper there, you know that?”
“I do.”
“Lucky bastard.”
SUTTON FORCED HERSELF out of bed after Ava left for Algebra. Sutton didn’t have classes on Tuesdays, so she figured she could finally catch up on some homework. Jesse had back-to-back classes all day, so she wouldn’t be distracted, as she had seemed to be a lot lately.
Sutton had always been an honor roll student and she didn’t want to let it slip now, especially since she planned on applying to grad school after she graduated. She needed to maintain her stellar grade point average if she wanted to have a chance. She wanted to get her Masters of Fine Arts in creative writing at her dream school, UC Berkeley, but they only took an average of seven students a year for the program.
No pressure.
Sutton took a seat at her desk and opened her laptop. She had an essay for her Intro to Screen Writing class and a short story to write for her Creative Writing class. Not only was she distracted by her personal life, but she wanted nothing more than to work on her book. She figured she could work on it for an hour, seeing as she had a pivotal scene to finish writing.
Sutton had realized the protagonist might have been coming off a bit unlikeable. She needed a scene to explain why she was the way she was. She had left off with the main character in the park where she and her best friend often met when important things were happening in their lives.
Sutton began to type.
“A cold breeze sweeps across the grass and I pull my sleeves down to cover my quickly numbing hands. I swing slowly as I look around at our sanctuary, our special place. What would I do without him? I don’t even want to think about it. He seems to be the only person who truly ‘gets’ me, whatever that means. I think he sees a side of me that no one else can see, as if he has some special decoder glasses he got in a cereal box, which enable him to cut through the bullshit that is me. I mean, I guess it’s not entirely bullshit. It’s seemingly uncontrollable. It’s my protection from the scary world around me. If people misunderstand me, maybe I’ll know a different kind of peace. A lonely peace, but a peace that makes me a stronger and more interesting person. Although, what’s the use of being interesting and strong when you stand alone?”
Sutton’s decision to write in a first-person, present-tense narrative was not an intentional one. It was just the way the story made sense to her. She identified with the main character a lot. Obviously, it was easiest for Sutton to write what she knew. And she knew of her insecurities more than anything. Sure, Cole understood her better than most, but there were sides to her that she kept hidden from all those around her, parts of herself she was ashamed to admit, even to herself.
“I look up at the blank sky, watching the gray clouds drift by slowly. I wonder what it would be like to float along with them, to gaze upon the world below, to be an impartial viewer
. None of us can truly be impartial viewers, no matter how hard we try. We’re all wrapped up in judgement, whether or not we intend to be. We see the world through the lenses we’ve had made specially, just for us. Our own personal, colored contact lenses of observation, enabling endless hours of contemplative wonder over how another human being exists, how their hard drive must be configured. And we’ll never know. We’ll never know the contents of another’s soul. I guess the best we can do is try to understand the contents of our own. I don’t think I do. I don’t think I understand my contents. I want to put them in a cardboard box and label them ‘Return to Sender’, in hopes that they will send me some sort of manual. And hopefully not a manual similar to what you’d receive with furniture from Ikea. I need one that resembles an instruction manual for an ‘Age two-and-up’ board game. I want large shapes with corresponding colors. Large shapes that fit into their clearly labeled counterparts. Where do I find it? Where do I find the manual?”
Sutton tapped her nails on the desk as she drew a blank. She had many questions she didn’t yet know the answers to, but she longed to. She figured she would find the answers sooner or later. In writing about the main character’s struggles, she was sure to understand her own eventually. At least she certainly hoped she would….
Sutton decided to begin her short story and work on the book later. She had become blocked again and thought that working on writing something else might get the creative juices flowing once more. She wasn’t really sure what to write that story about either. The only guideline she had was that it was supposed to be a story about fear. She had plenty of that. It only needed to be 10,000 words, so it probably wouldn’t take her more than a few days, if she could remain focused. Luckily she had a week to finish it.
