When I get home, I decide to take a shower before Logan gets here. Since coming home I have avoided talking about what happened back in that basement. Talking about it is not going to make anything better, it’s not going to make the scars go away. He needs to understand what’s done is done. We can both talk till we’re blue in the face, but in the end, it won’t change a damn thing.
After stepping out of the shower and drying off, I realize I forgot to bring in a change of clothes. Wrapping my towel around my body, I open the bathroom door to go to my closet and grab my pajamas. I stop in my tracks when I notice Logan standing in the middle of our room, his eyes tracking my every move.
Once I retrieve my clothes, I try stepping around him to get back to the bathroom, only to have him block my path. “Logan. Let me get dressed, then we can talk.”
“No,” he says flatly.
“What do you mean, no? I’m not having a conversation with you in my towel.”
Shit. I know where he’s going with this and I’m not sure I’m ready for it. I KNOW I’m not ready for it. My whole body gets warm and I start to get the inside jitters. My hands are clammy, my breaths are quickening, and my pulse is racing. I am working up to a full-blown panic attack. I have avoided this very moment for months now, and he has let me.
“If you need to get dressed, you can do so in front of me, Bella. No more hiding.”
My stomach drops. He can’t be serious. I was prepared for talking. Not this.
“I’m not ready,” I say gripping the towel tighter around me.
“Yes, you are. You’re strong, baby. You just don’t know it.”
“Don’t tell me what I am. Stop trying to force me into doing something I don’t want!” I yell.
At this point I’m so worked up-so angry, my body is vibrating.
Logan is standing five feet in front of me, nose flaring, and a look of fury on his face. “I was there. I saw what that motherfucker did to you. I carried your bloodied, almost lifeless body in my arms, Bella!” he yells back, pacing the floor, pulling at his hair.
“Is this what you wanted to see?” I cry at him, dropping my towel to the floor, keeping my arms at my sides resisting the urge to cover myself. I’m facing my fears head on while battling the voices in my head to do the complete opposite—to run and hide.
“Tell me, Logan! You come in here making demands, like you have the right. Newsflash, this,” I say, pointing at my scars, “didn’t happen to you! It happened to me! I’m the one who was kidnapped! I’m the one who had that filthy motherfucker’s hands all over my body! I was the one who was screaming in pain while being sliced open!” I yell with tears rolling down my face.
“And it’s my fucking fault!” Logan bellows, cutting me off, pacing back and forth and running his hands through his hair.
“What?” I ask stunned, losing some of my anger. He’s mad because he thinks he didn’t protect me. I was expecting pity or a look of disgust. Instead, Logan is looking at me like he could care less about my scars.
He looks defeated, tired.
“It’s my job to protect you. If I had protected you better none of this would have happened.”
This whole time I’ve been so focused on my demons, I didn’t stop to think about how this whole fucked up situation affected him. He’s been battling demons of his own and I was too selfish to see it.
“It’s not your fault this happened to me. It’s because of you I’m alive.” I challenge.
In three strides, Logan is in front of me gripping my face in his hands. “It is my fault, Bella, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Starting right now. Starting by telling you how beautiful you are. I never want to hear you call yourself disgusting again.” he grinds out, “you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Your scars are a part of you and I love everything about you.”
Picking me up, Logan holds me as if I’m the most precious thing in the world. Carrying me across the room, he gently lies me down on the bed. “I’m going to show you just how beautiful you are,” Logan says, his tone a promise.
Starting at my feet he slowly kisses his way up, until he reaches the inside of my thigh. He places a gentle kiss on the first scar. The smallest one, but that’s the cut that nearly cost me my life. Next, he trails his rough calloused hands along the jagged scarring on my ribs. I feel another array of soft kisses, this time along the edge of my breast. I have no doubt he doesn’t miss the tremble in my skin, as I try with everything I am to suppress a sob. I feel the heat of his body hovering above me, but refuse to open my eyes. I’m scared of what I might see now that he’s seen me, touched me.
“Open your gorgeous eye for me, Angel.”
Fisting the sheets in my hands, I shake my head refusing.
“Yes,” he whispers softly, his mouth against my ear.
Opening my eyes, I’m not prepared for what I see—no, what I feel. Love, and I can’t hold back any longer. The pain I’ve been holding onto for so long is released through tears that are streaming down my face.
“Beautiful.” Logan softly repeats over and over while he continues to kiss and caress every inch of my body. It doesn’t take long for my sobs to turn into pants when he runs his tongue over my nipple, causing me to gasp. It’s been forever since I’ve felt Logan’s touch and I’m desperate for it. Rising off the bed I watch him rid himself of his clothes. “I need to taste you.”
Kneeling before me, he grabs my legs, pulling me to the edge of the bed. Spreading my legs, Logan peers at me. His eyes dark with desire before lowering his head. I moan loudly at the feel of his hot, wet mouth on my pussy. It feels so good I nearly come right then.
“Not yet, Bella. When you come, it’s going to be with me inside you.”
“Logan, please,” I beg.
“Please what, Bella? What do you want?”
I lower my head, looking at him between my legs, “I want you inside me,” I urge with fire in my voice.
When Logan stands, my mouth waters at the sight of his cock.
Climbing over me, he takes my legs and urges me to wrap them around his waist.
Leaning down Logan takes my mouth. I open to him, allowing his tongue entrance at the same time his cock fills me.
As he lazily moves in and out of me, placing soft unhurried kisses along my neck, and down over my collarbone I start to realize, the sex this time is different.
This time Logan is delivering on his promise. He’s making love to me and showing me how beautiful I am, that he loves me—ALL of me.
CHAPTER THRITY-THREE
Logan
Things have been fuckin’ great since Bella and I had our little ‘come to Jesus moment’ a few weeks ago. Now we’re facing everything head-on together. I can’t begin to explain what it was like finally getting to touch her, kiss her, taste her after so long. I’m fuckin’ addicted to Bella Jameson. She owns my heart, holds it right in the palm of her little hand.
It’s already July. Bella’s sister graduated a couple weeks ago, but wanted to wait on celebrating until it was closer to her birthday, which is today. So, we are having Alba’s birthday and graduation party at the clubhouse this afternoon. Everyone’s involved with making sure it’s a big blowout. The smell of food grilling is floating on the breeze as I help set up the tables and chair out back. Bella and the other women are inside preparing the rest of the food.
My brother Nikolai is manning one of the grills alongside Reid and Quinn. He’s been hanging around the clubhouse more than he has his own place since our father went back home to take care some business. I thought it would be harder than it was to talk him into letting my brother stay behind, but surprisingly he felt it could do him some good.
The brothers seem to have adopted him. Jake even gave him a room of his own to crash in here at the clubhouse. He seems to be enjoying his freedom and a new-found sense of family.
I watch as Bella comes walking out the sliding glass doors, carrying a large bowl of food, followed by a couple of the other brother
’s current women. One by one they place the stuff down on the tables, along with all the paper plates and plastic ware.
She’s nothin’ but smiles today, as I stand here and take her in.
“Man, you’ve got it bad,” Quinn laughs, as he comes to stand beside me, looking in the current direction my attention is fixated on.
“Yeah, brother, I do.”
Bella turns to see me watching her, her eyes telling me that my heated stare is having its intended effect, and begins to walk my way. She’s wearing a white sun dress today with her favorite pair of boots and has left her hair down. The sun reflecting off her beautiful face is making the gold speckles in her hazel eyes flicker, hypnotizing me, making me fuckin’ speechless as she comes to a stop in front of me.
“Brother, you’re droolin’,” Quinn says loud enough, making a few others standing around turn and take notice, laughing themselves at his outburst. Bella throws her head back, laughing along with them. Damn it’s good to hear her laugh again.
“Fuck off, Quinn,” I say as I take hold of my woman.
I watch him walk off, satisfied with himself.
Looking down, I speak to Bella. “Hey, beautiful.”
“Hey,” she beams up at me.
“Looks like everything is about ready to kick off. Where’s the birthday girl?” I ask her.
“She’s up in her old room getting ready with Sofia. Has someone gone to get her present yet?”
“Yeah, babe. Gabriel should be here any minute with it. I figured we give it to her first thing. There’s no way we’re gonna be able to hide it.” I inform her.
“I’m so excited! She’s going to love it.” She reaches up, wrapping her arms around my neck, pulling me down for a kiss. “I’m going back inside to help her get ready. I’ll bring her out when Gabriel gets here.”
“Okay, babe.”
I release my hold on her and watch her ass sway as she makes her way inside. Jake walks up to me and slaps me on the back, handing me a cold beer.
“Hey, son. She’s looking much better. Gabriel on his way yet?”
“Yeah, he’ll be here soon. Glad you found me. I wanted to make sure you and the guys could do without me for a few days towards the end of the month. I wanna take Bella out of town after her sister leaves for school. I know we’ve been bogged down with builds at the shop lately, so I want to make sure I won’t be leaving you in a tight spot.” I explain to him.
“That shouldn’t be problem. I’ll get my sorry ass out there and do some work for a change. I kind of need the distraction anyway.” Jake says, running a hand down his beard.
I don’t ask questions to what’s bothering him. Jake doesn’t share much and meddling only pisses him off.
“Thanks, Jake.”
My phone rings so I take it out my pocket, answering it.
“Yeah?”
“I’m down the road, brother. Everyone ready?”
“Yeah, brother, I’ll get Bella to bring Alba down.”
I hang up the phone and text Bella.
Me: Gabriel is pulling up. Get your sweet ass down here.
Bella: Yay! On our way.
Less than a minute later, Bella comes walking out with her sister and Sofia in tow. I stand back and watch the excitement on Bella’s sweet face as Gabriel comes cruising around the side of the building in a black lifted Chevy four door pickup truck, coming to a stop beside the girls.
“Oh my god! You guys got me a truck!” Alba screams with delight as she squeezes her sister.
Gabriel slides out of the truck and Alba runs over, wrapping her arms around his neck and jumping into his arms. No one misses the sweet kiss she plants on his cheek before letting go and climbing into the truck.
The rest of the day goes smoothly. With all previous threats being taking care of, we can relax and have a good time. Music is playing and the smell of the wood burning in the huge bonfire has filled the air. Quinn even got out his guitar and plays a few songs, which he hasn’t done in a long time. I sit back, taking it all in.
Most everyone ended up staying at the clubhouse to sleep for the night, even the brothers with kids. They pushed the pool tables in the common room off to the sides and set up some rollaway beds we had stashed in the building out back. The kids loved the idea.
Lying in bed, I trace over Bella’s scars. They’re looking much better and she’s more at ease letting me see them. “You know, babe. You could tattoo over them if you wanted to. People do it all the time,” I inform her.
I don’t see anything wrong with them myself, but maybe putting something over them would help her feel better.
“Really? I’ve never thought of that? I don’t know if I could let someone look at me though. At least, not right now.” She sighs.
“You do what’s right for you, babe. You’re beautiful no matter what you decide.” I kiss her lips and trace my hands down her body.
With a full house, I quietly make love to my woman. Showing her that everything about her is beautiful.
I’m sitting here, watching my woman nervously let Gabriel look at her scars.
When I expressed to her, that she could always have a tattoo cover them, she hasn’t stopped talking about it. I talked with Gabriel beforehand, and set up a time for us to come into the shop. The only person I trust to do the job right is my brother, Gabriel. He’s done cover ups like this before.
It took her about a week to get the courage to come in. My woman is standing strong though, facing those demons head on, and I couldn’t be prouder. She’s not healed up enough to have the needle on her skin, but will be soon enough.
She glances over her shoulder at me as she lays on her side, her shirt scrunched under her breasts, as he examines the area. She knocks the wind out of me every time she looks at me that way. With love. Nothing but pure, unfiltered love.
A few weeks ago, she was pushing me away, but she’s been going to counseling twice a week now, and since then has only had two nightmares. Things between us are stronger than ever.
Her and Gabriel have wrapped things up and she’s walking over to me, wearing a beautiful smile on her face.
“Gabriel said that he shouldn’t have any issues covering my scars. That he’ll make them fade into the background like they aren’t even there. Afterward, I should wear my scars with pride, not disgust, because I’m no longer a victim, but a survivor,” she beams at me with tears pooling in her eyes.
I look over at my brother, quietly thanking him for giving my woman strength with his words. Standing on her tiptoes, she presses her lips against mine, giving me a soft kiss. I grab her around the waist, pulling her in tighter.
“Fuck, I love you,” I say after my lips leave hers.
Once we walk out and mount my bike I tell her we’re going for a ride, but don’t tell her where. I’m cruising down the highway with Bella tucked into my back, her hands wrapped around my waist, and it’s the best fuckin’ feeling in the world.
I pull off onto the dirt road leading to the lake—our lake. The sun’s peeking through the canopy of trees as we make our way down the narrow path until it opens to a perfect view of colored fields and the crystal blue water.
Over the past few weeks, the lake has become a place of healing for both of us. We try to make it out here at least once a week. Getting away from everyday life has given both of us a newfound sense of peace.
I pull to a stop, parking the bike, lifting her off after I stand. I unstrap the small rolled up blanket I have fastened to my bike, grab her hand, and lead us to our favorite spot on the water’s edge. Spreading the blanket, I guide her to sit.
“I’ll never get tired of coming out here. It’s beautiful,” Bella says, breathing in the warm fresh air.
I stare at her as she closes her eyes, soaking up the rays of sunshine hitting her face. In that moment an image of her, sitting in this exact spot, belly swollen with my son, and a little girl running around with deep, brown curls bouncing around as she picks wildflowers. The image is so vivid
I reach out, putting my hand on her stomach.
“Logan, are you okay?” She laughs.
I blink. Where the hell did that thought come from?
The words leave my mouth before I can even think about what it is I’m saying.
“I want to have a family with you, Angel.”
She looks surprised, a little caught off guard by my statement, but doesn’t falter as she reaches up, cupping my face in her tiny hand, telling me, “I’d like to have a family with you too, Logan.”
The loving, sincere smile that overtakes her face is my undoing. I crush my lips to hers, stealing her breath, making it my own.
Pulling her into my lap, I break our connection to reach into my cut. I hear Bella gasp as she watches me pull out a small, blue ring box. Opening it, I look at her. She hasn’t taken her eyes off the ring nestled inside. It’s a cushion cut, chocolate diamond, encased with small champagne diamonds, mounted on a rose gold band.
My father insisted that when the time came he wanted to provide the ring. I didn’t refuse. He and Jake are the only ones who know what I’m doing today.
“Bella, I’m not perfect, but you make me want to be a better man every day. You’ve shown me the kind of love and acceptance I never knew I was missing in my life. I’m a man who knows what he wants, and that’s you—right by my side, or on the back of my bike. Be my old lady. Marry me.” It’s not a question, but a statement.
Tears are falling from her eyes as she gives me her hand to slip the ring on her finger.
“I love you! Yes, I’ll marry you!” She beams, full of excitement.
I stand up, pulling her up with me, lifting her off the ground. The sun shines behind her, casting a golden halo.
I’m at a loss for words.
My future is within this beautiful, strong woman I’m holding in my arms.
Her love warms my once cold fuckin’ heart and feeds my soul.
“Angel, I will spend the rest of my life and the one after, lovin’ you.”
Epilogue
Undaunted: The Kings of Retribution MC Page 24
