I am Not Your Melody: (steamy cowboy romance)

by Shoshanna Evers

  At night, after the work was done, she would sit quietly, and read one of her books. Or she’d get up and bustle around, putting all his things in tidy piles so he couldn’t find what he needed later. Funny how it didn’t annoy him like he’d thought it would.

  Maybe ‘cause they kept falling into each other’s arms. The sex was hot, he’d give her that.

  Nah. It was more than just hot sex. Bill really cared about Allie, as a person. She’d been taking over his mind, to the point that… he wasn’t constantly thinking about Melody anymore.

  It almost felt like a new way of living… to not be consumed with thoughts of his late wife. Lately, it hadn’t even been thoughts about Melody in particular, more like… guilt. Or anger.

  It had been so long since Melody had been gone, that he had forgotten how her voice sounded, or what her hair felt like when he ran his fingers through the dark strands. That was something that had brought him a lot of shame, not remembering every detail of her time with him.

  It didn’t anymore. He would always feel sorrow that he’d lost his young bride so early, but it was a relief to have the grief lifted like clouds after a storm.

  And behind the clouds, there was the sun. There was Allie Crawford.

  He’d never thought that he would have a future with a woman, but Allie had worked her way into his life so completely, that despite all of his plans to keep her at a distance, he found himself pulling her closer and closer toward him.

  Now he didn’t want her to move out of his house — not now that he had her there.

  “Hey Bill,” Zach said, interrupting his train of thought. “I bet we could have this apartment finished by tomorrow afternoon. I know for a fact that Chris’s cousin has an old refrigerator in his yard that’s doin’ nobody any good. All we gotta do is screw the door back on.”

  Bill looked up in surprise. “The carpet needs to be replaced.”

  But what he really meant was… I’m not ready to let her leave yet.

  Didn’t matter, though — he couldn’t keep Allie forever. He shouldn’t want to, right? After all, he was the one who had insisted they be on the same page. And they were. She didn’t want a relationship, and neither did he.

  Hell.

  There was no way Bill was going to be the one to screw everything up by asking her to live with him, instead of in the apartment she had bought from him with her hard-earned money.

  Zach looked at Bill, and raised his eyebrows. “Maybe you should talk to Allie about whether or not she’s actually lookin’ for new carpet right now, at all.”

  That cowboy was about as subtle as a hungry calf. Swap the word “carpet” with “relationship,” (or maybe “ol’ man”) and that right there boiled down to the real question.

  Bill smirked. “Ix-nay on the secret ode-cay.”

  “You’ve lost me,” Zach said, smiling that lazy smile of his. “I was just talkin’ ‘bout carpet.”

  Allie’s answer shouldn’t matter to Bill. In fact, if Allie said anything other than “no, of course I’m not ready for a new man in my life,” Bill might just run and hide under the bed like he’d done when he was four years old and scared shitless.

  How had this girl rewired his mind the way she did? He’d gone from thinking about Melody all the time, to comparing Allie to Melody, to now… thinking about Allie all the time instead.

  Allie was his obsession now.

  Bill had to be careful with his obsessions… it could consume him. If being with Allie was anything at all like his marriage to Melody, she would consume him completely, and then destroy him by tearing him down until he was nothing but dirt on the bottom of a boot.

  “Let’s get this apartment finished up fast for her, then,” Bill said.

  Even though it hurt him to say it.

  ***

  The following morning, Bill stood in the doorway of the kitchen, holding his coffee mug and watching Allie run around like a crazy woman as she tried to find her keys.

  She looked so cute, like a confused squirrel, darting back and forth, rechecking the same places twice. A lock of her blonde hair came loose from her braid, and fell across her cheek.

  Allie caught his gaze and flashed him an annoyed look. “Are you enjoying your coffee?”

  “The coffee, and the free entertainment.” Bill laughed, and set the mug down so he could help her search.

  “Nice,” she said, but he could see her trying to hide her smile.

  “You shouldn’t be goin’ out in the snow,” Bill said, “anyways.”

  The guys were already setting up the wood-burning stoves in the barns, and putting up some make-shift covered areas for the cattle who needed it. The temperatures were dropping into the single digits at night now.

  “I still haven’t seen the new carpet!” Allie said. “Besides, I have to learn how to drive in the snow at some point. Hardy Idaho women aren’t afraid of a little weather.”

  “That what you are now?” Bill asked with a smirk. “Where’d the Miami girl go?”

  He crossed the room into her bedroom and grabbed her keys off of the top of her dresser, which was the fourth most commonplace she liked to leave them.

  “Thank you!” She grabbed the keys from his hand, their touch accidental, but still electric, enticing.

  Just a touch wasn’t enough. An overwhelming sense of protectiveness and… something else… came over him.

  Bill wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her toward him.

  She looked up at him with a small smile and laughed a little. “Yes?”

  “It’s good everythin’s fixed at your apartment,” Bill said. “But our grand opening is comin’ up real soon — no reason to add the hassle of movin’ on top of that.”

  He took a breath, unsatisfied with the expression on Allie’s face, which hadn’t changed since she’d grabbed the keys from his hand.

  Allie raised her eyebrows. “I could move out. Give you back your space.”

  “Stay with me.”

  “I guess… that is probably a good idea.” She half-smiled. “There’s no rush, really, now that you know I don’t drive you nearly as crazy as you’d thought I would.”

  “Oh, you drive me crazy all right…”

  He touched her chin, tilting her face up toward his. She came up on her tip-toes, and he leaned in and kissed her. As short as she was compared to him, they fit together perfectly. With his arms around her, and hers around him, they were two puzzle pieces that fit together.

  “I’m driving myself crazy too,” Allie said with a laugh. “I don’t even know what I’m doing here…”

  If only he could read her mind. Did she mean here, in his arms? Maybe here in Idaho. Or in his house.

  Allie shook her head and smiled, as if to clear her thoughts. “It’s barely snowing out,” she said. “I’m going to head over to the bar, check out the apartment and make a list of anything else I need there, and try calling around again for someone to perform on Saturday night.”

  “I told ya you’d have a hard time gettin’ a musician. Bear Creek Saddle’s not exactly filled with rock stars.”

  Allie waved her hand, as if to shoo away his words. “All the ads we have on flyers and message boards around town say we’re having live music. So we’re having live music, even if I have to fly someone up from Hollywood to make it happen!”

  Bill laughed, hoping at least that that was a joke. He had no intention of paying someone to fly all the way up from Los Angeles to sing at their small bar… in an even smaller town… in the middle of nowhere. Hard to think that was a possibility.

  “One more kiss,” Bill said.

  It wasn’t a question. He just needed her to know that… that he needed her.

  She kissed him hard, on the lips, and pulled away. She jingled the keys, grabbed her purse and was out the door with a smile.

  There were no visible stars out. It had been getting dark so early in the day, and tonight not even the moon had found a hole in the clouds to shine through. The snow w
asn’t bad now, but if living in north Idaho his whole life had taught Bill anything, it was how to tell when the weather was going to get worse.

  “I shouldn’t’ve let her go,” he mumbled to himself.

  Not like he had any choice. Allie was her own woman, as she liked to let him know all the time, both in action and words.

  He needed her… and that couldn’t happen, not ever again. It was as if he’d been underwater for the past two years, maybe even longer… maybe since Melody had stopped talking with him, and started distancing herself, day by day. Bit by bit.

  He had lost himself; he’d been underwater drowning. Treading water, losing air. And once Melody had gotten in that crash, Bill had just…gone under.

  He’d been a dead man walking for these past two years, but Allie had thrown him a life vest with that very first email she sent.

  Now he was above water again — hell, he was swimming toward the boat and ready to step onto dry land. But now that he was out of the water, he was afraid to ever go back in again.

  He shouldn’t need Allie, couldn’t need her —

  Because if he did, she would lure him back into the water like a mythical Siren, and this time… he would drown.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Allie wiped her boots off on the welcome mat outside Uncle Freddy’s Bar, and took the separate entrance that went directly in to the stairwell that led up to her apartment. There was no fear ascending the stairs now, not like the first time she’d gone. The small one bedroom suite was quite cheery and homey now, despite its previous state, and despite being above the bar.

  One of the best things about it that she hadn’t taken the time to appreciate before, was that the floor and walls were soundproofed, so even if she was upstairs while people were in the bar getting rowdy, she wouldn’t hear it. It wasn’t something that worried her now, but maybe in the future, when things really got going, she’d be able to hire some help and have some off days or nights.

  And wow, the new carpet looked awesome. It was one of those carpets that matched everything, super plush under her bare feet, and had even been treated to repel stains. Pretty much the perfect carpet.

  Allie walked through and made notes in her phone about the things she still had to pick up: dishtowels, detergent for the tiny stacked washer and dryer, matching lampshades for the bedroom (since the actual lamp stands didn’t match), and maybe some scented candles… That might help reduce the new carpet and paint smell.

  She flung herself back onto her queen-sized bed, and stared out the window. The heavy curtains were still open from when Zach and the guys had last been in there, working. The security light outside her building illuminated the falling snow.

  Bill asked me to stay with him.

  “Did you mean it?” Allie whispered, scarcely aware she’d spoken out loud in the empty room.

  She believed that he meant it when he’d said “stay until after the opening.” But did he actually want to live with her on a more…permanent basis? What kind of relationship would that mean for them?

  If they planned on living together for real, she could always rent out the apartment above the bar for extra money. It wouldn’t be a financial loss in that sense, even if she had spent her savings on buying the place. Or maybe, since Bill had said he had too many bad memories there at Melody Ranch, he could even move in with her at the bar.

  Whoa. This was moving too fast.

  But as fast as it was moving, it also seemed… right. Would Bill consider living with her, here? She looked around the bedroom. It wasn’t too girly, not like Melody’s room in Bill’s house. It was the type of room a man could feel comfortable in. She touched the pillow on the side of the bed next to her. What would it be like, to have Bill lying there with her, every night?

  What would it be like, to have Bill Edwards at her disposal — to be able to be with him, sleep with him, take care of him and have him take care of her — as they both worked together at the bar?

  “I wish there was a star to wish on,” Allie said softly. Outside the window, it was all snow, no stars.

  It was comforting having Bill around in the house at the ranch when she was home. Not having him here in this little apartment with her made it seem too empty, as if it wasn’t really her home, after all.

  That’s got to just be because it was new to her. It wouldn’t take more than a few weeks for the apartment to feel like home, right? With or without Bill. She could already envision herself cozying up on the couch (bought used, but new to her and in great shape), with a fuzzy blanket and a cup of tea and a good book. She even had an end-table in the perfect spot to set the mug down and put a reading lamp on it.

  She added “reading lamp for ends table” to the notes in her phone.

  The snow was coming down quicker, and Allie checked the time. What had seemed like only twenty minutes in the apartment had actually been over an hour. She grabbed her purse and keys, and bundled up before heading outside.

  A thin blanket of snow covered everything, making it all beautiful and clean. There wasn’t a scraper in her car (did they even sell ice-scrapers in Florida?) so she put the car’s defrost on with the heat turned up to full blast, and sat in the cold driver’s seat, waiting for it to melt.

  She loved that new apartment, and she loved the bar. She couldn’t wait for opening day, and to share that day with Bill. What she wanted most of all was to go home to Bill right now, take off her coat, and surprise him with a long, slow kiss. A heavy make-out session by the fireplace sounded completely ideal right about now.

  When she could see well enough out the mostly-defrosted windshield, Allie opened the car door and stepped back outside into the bitter cold. Her gloved hands weren’t as good as a scraper, but she wanted to push as much of the snow off the car as she could.

  The ice beneath her feet surprised her, and her foot came out under her. She would’ve slipped if she hadn’t been holding onto the car door.

  “Goodness!” she gasped. That had been a close one. It was definitely icy out. The snow seemed to freeze the moment it hit the already-icy pavement.

  Bill had said something about how the town would salt and sand the streets for better traction, but there were no plows out on the road now.

  Allie got in the car and shivered until the blasting air from the heat warmed her. She put her car into gear, and — very slowly — started the relatively short drive back to Melody Ranch.

  “Steady, steady,” she murmured. The car didn’t listen.

  Her tires spun on the slick road. Thank God there were no other cars out, or she would’ve hit somebody for sure, swerving into both sides of the road as she did despite her best efforts to keep the car in line.

  Each time the tires skidded, Allie’s stomach dropped. Bill was right. She shouldn’t have gone out in the snow — especially since she knew nothing about how to drive in snow.

  Hardy Idaho woman, hah. You could take the girl out of Miami, but you couldn’t take the Miami out of the girl, apparently.

  Her car wasn’t equipped for this, either. Why hadn’t she asked for a loan to get those studded tires everyone else was talking about at the ranch? Bill would’ve done it. She’d been too prideful to even think of asking.

  Now she was in trouble.

  She had to turn left, so she slowed down even more and put the car into a lower gear.

  “Just turn the way I want you to,” she warned the car.

  Though she drove at a turtle’s pace, the car was all over the road, even after making the turn (sort of).

  “Damn it!”

  This was a rear-wheel drive vehicle. And there had definitely been some mention that rear-wheel drive was not good in the snow—

  The car skidded, spinning on the black ice.

  No no no no no

  Allie shrieked, unable to stop the sound from leaving her mouth.

  Take a deep breath. Focus.

  She willed the car to stop, trying to control the spinning steering wheel even though she ha
d no idea what on earth she was doing.

  “Come on, come on,” she muttered. Adrenaline coursed through her body.

  The pine tree on her right was dangerously close. The thick trunk with its heavy green pine needles sagging under a layer of snow filled her field of vision; it was all she could see. The car seemed drawn toward the tree by a gravitational pull. It was as if her car and that tree made a mutual decision to just—

  CRASH!

  Allie yanked the wheel to the left at the last split-second to keep the impact from being a head-on collision. Her airbag inflated, and knocked her head back against the head rest. It all happened at the same time, and it was over in an instant.

  Help! Where was her cowboy to pick her up out of danger and toss her over his saddle?

  “Bill,” she cried out, although in her mind, she’d thought she’d yelled for help. Maybe she’d done both.

  Allie’s head hurt, just a bit. It didn’t feel life-threatening. Allie swallowed her fear and batted the deflating airbag out of her way. With a shaky breath, she looked around.

  The car, the wheel, the tires — everything that had been spinning so fast was now still. One step at a time. She put it in park, and put the parking brake on.

  Time to assess the damage. She was okay. Alive, no matter how scary the collision had been. Thank you Jesus! Her head hurt where the airbag had hit her, and her chest hurt where the shoulder strap of the seatbelt had pressed into her, keeping her from being ejected through the glass. Her left thumb, of all random things, hurt the worst.

  Allie pulled her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes. The street was silent all around her, as if the horrifying crunch of steel compacting against bark, of glass shattering, hadn’t been the only thing that filled her ears only moments ago.

  “Thank you, Lord,” she said, her eyes closed, her breath finally returning to normal. “That could have been really bad. Really bad. But I’m okay — thank you, thank you.”

  ***