I am Not Your Melody: (steamy cowboy romance)

by Shoshanna Evers

  Yeah, he’d been a major asshole when she’d first arrived. And he was acting like one now, too — albeit for different, more noble reasons. It’d been so silly of her to think that she’d never fall for that handsome cowboy because he was such a jerk. Big Bad Bill had stolen her heart, and now she was at a loss for what to do about it.

  I love him.

  The realization struck her hard, and she sat straighter in her chair, setting the phone down.

  How, after promising herself — no, vowing — that she would never fall in love again, how had she let her guard down to the point that she’d let Bill sneak in under the radar?

  He was broken, he had said so himself. Just because he was handsome, and a good man deep down, and adopted wounded horses… just because he could make her laugh, and was the absolute best sex of her life, making her feel things she’d never felt before… Just because Bill understood her on a deep, personal level — that did not mean that she loved him and should be together with him as a couple. That didn’t mean anything at all, right?

  No. It meant everything.

  I’m in love with Bill Edwards.

  Despite her best intentions not to, despite her very real knowledge of how much it hurt to lose someone you love, Allie had screwed up. She’d screwed up by falling in love with the one man who would never, ever, love her back.

  Bill seemed so sure that Allie was dangerous the way Melody was. That Allie had the power to destroy him, to break him completely just like he’d told her would happen. She didn’t want that power — to take a strong man and crush the remaining ability to love that he’d held on to.

  He could keep that for himself, she would trust him with it. Allie didn’t need it, didn’t want it.

  She just wanted Bill. All of him, and all of his heart.

  ***

  Bill stroked Pirate’s face, between his eyes. The black stallion had come to trust him, and Bill felt comfortable with the horse in turn.

  “I didn’t think I’d be able to tame you,” he admitted to Pirate. “You surprised me.”

  Bill opened the gate, and led Pirate out. Saddling Pirate was no longer a death-defying task. The horse’s wound had healed cleanly, and during that time, Bill and Pirate had gotten to know each other. Pirate wasn’t so quick to freak out anymore. It was like he knew, instinctually, that Bill wasn’t going to hurt him.

  If only Bill could feel the same way toward Allie. Allie could hurt him. If he let her, she would. It was no wonder he was still wild at heart, escaping to even deeper into the mountains, to live alone.

  “You can come with me,” Bill said to the stallion. “We can keep each other company.”

  He would be glad to leave Melody Ranch in the very capable hands of Zach Walker, and Eric Hunt, Chris Green, and Jay Thomas. Solid ranchers, all of them. Hopefully, the guys would not take after Bill’s footsteps and live their lives alone forever. They were good guys; they deserved happiness — wives, and children. A life. Everything that Bill had thought he would have with Melody, until it was taken from him.

  The way he felt about Allie though… it was different. Stronger, somehow, than he’d ever felt even about his own wife. How messed up was that? He was supposed to have loved Melody, his wife, forever.

  Until death do us part.

  Yeah. Only until “death do us part” — but that was easier said than done. For the longest time, every brief affair he had after Melody was gone — seeking comfort if only for a short while in a woman’s arms — had felt like a betrayal. Maybe it was.

  But… he wasn’t hurting anyone, morally, by falling for Allie. Surely Melody, unhappy and depressed as she was during her last few months on earth as his wife, wouldn’t expect him to remain on his own forever. Melody hadn’t planned on being Bill’s wife, and she hadn’t wanted to live on her namesake ranch.

  Too many memories, most of them hard to deal with. Really hard. He wished he could seal off his past and forget all about it.

  But Allie kept bringing it back up. Just having her there, knowing that he… he loved her.

  I love Allie.

  “I’m in serious trouble,” he muttered to Pirate, who looked at him quizzically. Bill finished strapping the saddle on, and hopped up on to the stallion.

  “Hup!” he ordered, and squeezed his thighs against the horse’s muscular body.

  Pirate responded in return, and Bill urged him toward the trail in the area near the woods. They moved together smoothly, the muscles in Bill’s thighs and calves flexing right along with the horse’s huge body, and soon they were trotting quickly, not quite galloping — not yet.

  What had he done? I love Allie.

  She had almost died. He would’ve had to have gone through everything all over again. Everything that he’d experienced with Melody, only times a million, because Bill felt even more deeply about Allie than he’d ever thought humanly possible. He loved Allie in a way that he hadn’t known existed.

  He had thought he had already felt true love in the highest form — yet Allie still superseded everything.

  And Allie actually wanted to be with him. She wanted to spend time with Bill. She wanted Bill with her, at the grand opening. If Bill could have hand-picked a woman to be the exact opposite of his late wife, in the hopes of avoiding a similar unhappily one-sided relationship, he would have picked Allie.

  So why was the fear still there?

  Bill looked out at the setting sun. The snow from last week had mostly melted, though still thick up higher in the mountains, where his hunting cabin waited for him. The grand opening of Uncle Freddy’s Bar was the talk of the town. Everyone would be there. Every teenager in town was booked to babysit the younger kids, so the parents could go to the big party. It had been over a year in the making — folks were excited.

  And Bill would not be there. He should be there. It was Allie’s bar, through and through — no matter what the deed said. He didn’t feel like he should own half of that. He really did want to sell it to Allie, so she could claim the whole thing as her own.

  He didn’t care anymore if the bar was out of his family. It wasn’t as if Bill had children, or even nieces or nephews, to pass the bar down to the way Uncle Freddy had done with him.

  He had no legacy to leave anyone.

  But that could change.

  I love Allie Crawford.

  And she actually… maybe she even loved him too. He couldn’t be sure. He couldn’t even imagine why somebody as amazing as Allie, someone as smart and beautiful and good as Allie would want him. He’d been so horrible to her. The way he’d spoken to her when she’d arrived, it made him sick to think back on it. Hell, it had only been a few days ago that he’d kicked her out of his house and yelled at her.

  There was no way Allie could love him back. It wouldn’t make any sense.

  Indecision tore him in two. He squeezed his thighs tighter and yelled at Pirate to go hard. Pirate didn’t need to be told twice. Bill pushed forward into a gallop, leaned forward and galloped fast, faster, letting the cold night air run over him.

  There were two paths he could take — not the dirt paths in front of him, the ones he could ride with his eyes closed. It was the direction his entire life could go that tormented him.

  He could go up into the mountain, go to his cabin and live out his life alone. His heart would be safe. But it would only be safe because he wouldn’t be using it. And what was the point of protecting himself from hurt, if he wasn’t living anyway? What kind of a life would he have if Allie wasn’t in it?

  His choice became clear. The scary, unknown path was the only right choice. Whether Allie felt the same way as he did, or whether she wanted him out of her life for good…Bill had to tell her that he loved her.

  That future that he had envisioned with her, working at the bar with her, living with each other… sleeping together in each other’s arms, every night.

  He couldn’t let all of his fears get in the way of that. Yes, she had gotten into a car accident. And that sure
as hell had triggered a lot of bad memories. And brought up a lot of fears.

  Allie is not Melody.

  She was her own woman. Bill knew now that he loved her, and he wanted to be with her despite everything that had gone wrong in his past, and that might go wrong in the future. He wanted her.

  And God willing, that woman would want him back.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Allie looked around the bar with excitement. The party was everything she’d dreamed of. The grand opening had drawn everyone in town, it seemed. Well, obviously not everyone —there was no way that 648 people could fit in the space — but the place was packed. The cool thing was, men had brought their wives, men brought their dates, and even Zach and the other ranchhands had some girls from town on their arms.

  A young woman with blonde hair and a former-cheerleader smile came up to Allie at the bar.

  “I’m Paige,” she said, needing to raise her voice to go over the music and the din of the crowd. “Zach was telling me about how you and Bill were fixing up this place. I love it!”

  “Thank you!” Allie said, shaking the girl’s hand. “I’m definitely going for a more female-friendly vibe here.”

  “It’s working! I’d totally come here with my girlfriends.”

  Paige flashed her a big smile and was sucked back into the crowd, where she attached herself to Zach’s hip. Zach didn’t seem particularly into her, though. And he had told Allie that he was still looking for a girlfriend… for a wife.

  Where was that cowboy going to find someone new to date, if he was taking over Melody Ranch and staying put in Bear Creek Saddle? Poor Zach.

  “Isn’t this great?” Ginger yelled over the bar, raising her voice to be heard over the people chattering.

  “I couldn’t have done it without you,” Allie said.

  Since Ginger’s General Store was the place everyone went to shop other than the big Walmart two towns over, having Ginger tell each and every customer about the renovation and grand opening certainly had to have made a big difference.

  “On the house,” Allie said, handing her a cold imported beer, “as a thank you.”

  Ginger beamed. “Thanks! So…what have you been doing to Big Bad Bill? He hasn’t been nearly as horrible around town lately.” She paused, sipping the beer. “Come to think of it, just the fact that he’s around town lately at all is out of character for him.”

  “Where’s Bill at, anyway?” a guy asked from down the bar.

  He was only the twentieth person to ask her that in the past hour that the party had been going strong.

  “Bill got caught up,” Allie lied. “But I think he’s coming soon.”

  That had been her standard answer. She didn’t have the heart to tell them that Bill didn’t want anything to do with the Uncle Freddy’s Bar anymore. People were having a great time, it seemed, so Allie wasn’t worried that they would get up and leave if they knew Bill wasn’t going to be at the party.

  So why was she lying? Was it to save face for herself?

  Maybe she was just hoping that by saying it out loud so many times, it would make it true. This bar was Bill’s family business — it just didn’t seem right that he wouldn’t be there. She wanted to show him the large framed piece she’d added on the wall by the booths. He had to show up at some point, right? He had to…

  Allie barely had time to think, she was so busy pouring drinks, handling the register, and greeting every single person who welcomed her to town.

  “When’s the live music happening?” a woman asked, one arm linked with her husband’s. “We can’t stay too late, but I don’t want to miss that.”

  If Allie could just pull a lever and open a trap door so that she could drop out of sight right at that moment, that would be perfect. Unfortunately the renovations hadn’t included that. She should have thought ahead and planned for making a fool of herself.

  “Umm…” Allie started, looking at the woman, “Actually, I…I mean they…I couldn’t—”

  Zach Walker came up to the bar, put down a ten dollar bill, and interrupted her. “The live music is happenin’ soon, so stick around,” he said.

  Allie glared at him, her eyes wide. Now what? She never did find anyone to play live music, and Zach knew that. So far, since it was still early, this couple had been the first who had asked her about it.

  “Lookin’ forward to it!” the woman said, and went back to the dance floor with her already-two-drinks-in husband, who probably knew he was going to get lucky tonight.

  “What are you doing?” Allie asked Zach.

  He grinned, his straight white teeth reflecting the sparkling lights across the long the back wall of the bar. He pushed the ten toward her again, as if to remind her it was there.

  “I think I need a shot of whiskey for some liquid courage,” he said. “Please.”

  She reached for the bottle of Jack Daniels, keeping her eye on the handsome cowboy in front of her. “You better have a musician in your pocket, or you just got me into trouble.”

  Zach exhaled, as if he’d been holding his breath.

  “I know,” he said. “You don’t have any live music.”

  Allie put her hand to her head, feeling the beginning of a stress headache come on. Bill had warned her she’d never find someone to play at the bar. She should have listened.

  “I tried,” she said. “I really tried. I thought for sure that someone would — Do you think people are going to feel like I’d led them on, just to get them in the door?”

  “Not if you let me play my guitar,” Zach said.

  He didn’t say it very loudly, so Allie had basically just read his lips. Was this for real? She hadn’t even known that Zach played the guitar. Why hadn’t Bill mentioned it? Maybe it was a brand new thing and no one even knew about it yet.

  “Are you…any good?” she asked.

  “Well—”

  “—nevermind. It doesn’t matter if you’re any good,” Allie interrupted. “I shouldn’t even have asked that. You’re the only one who’s even offered, and I definitely want you to play — if you’re willing.”

  Zach smile widened. “Really?” he asked. “I knew you were lookin’ for live music, but I didn’t offer, ‘cause… well, I’ve never played for anyone before, outside of campfire songs, an’ I figured you’d want somebody more…special, for your special openin’.”

  “You’re sweet,” Allie said, laughing. “But I don’t know whether to hug you, or kill you. Didn’t you know how crazy I was going?” She poured his shot and set it in front of him. “At this point I’d take somebody who told me they played the triangle.”

  Zach’s smile faded. “Yeah, you’re right. I should’ve said somethin’, at least offered. Probably would’ve been better if I played for you so you could see what you’re gettin’ yourself into first.”

  “Well, that’s comforting,” she joked. “There’s no time for that now. But everyone loves you here. And if you played around a campfire, well… that’s good enough for me. I think you’ll be great,” she added, to pump him up. In reality, this was kind of a gamble.

  On the bright side, no one would boo their own favorite cowboy off the stage, right? Hopefully.

  Zach stood and nodded. “I’ll run back to the ranch and grab my guitar. Shoulda brought it — I had a feelin’ I’d need it tonight.”

  Allie handed him back his ten dollar bill. “And I’ll have another shot of whiskey ready and waiting for you when you get back.” As Zach turned to leave, Allie called after him “Oh hey — what type of music do you play?”

  “Country songs,” he said, as if that were the most obvious answer in the world. “What else?”

  Zach Walker was a good man. He’d make some lucky woman a very happy wife… if he ever found that lucky woman.

  Allie spent the next half-hour making drinks, (though with much less finesse than if she hadn’t broken her thumb).

  “Whaddja do to yourself, there?” a young man in a beat-up baseball hat asked, nodding towar
d her casted hand.

  “The car airbag broke it,” she said, for the millionth time to the millionth person (okay, not literally, but it felt like it).

  Still, she answered him brightly. It was nice that folks around here even cared about what happened to a woman they’d just met. “I’m from Miami, so I still need to learn how to drive in snow!”

  “Wow, that’s somethin’,” he said with a low whistle. He paused. “Bet you gave Big Bad Bill a heart attack.”

  Yes. Yes, she pretty much had. But the party was spinning around her, and there was no time to stop and think about everything that had happened, everything that had led to not having her partner by her side.

  Bill, please please come.

  An older gentleman came up to the bar. “I’d like a gin and tonic with lime,” the man said jovially, “but hold the gin.”

  Allie raised her eyebrows. “So tonic water and lime? On ice?”

  “Yes ma’am.” He smiled, and pointed to a pleasant-looking middle-aged woman, chatting exuberantly at a booth with her friends. “My wife is especially excited you’re doing bingo nights. We haven’t had bingo since the church stopped doing it.”

  He tried to hand her cash, but Allie just gave him the drink without accepting payment, waving him off.

  “No need, it’s just tonic water.”

  “‘Round here, you should stock up on more no-alcohol beverages — soda, juice, coffee and all, and get used to charging for them.” He leaned in so she could hear him better, or maybe because he didn’t want others to hear. “You’ll get more of the teetotalers in — and there’s a lot of them.”

  “I hadn’t thought of that,” she admitted. “You still don’t have to pay for your tonic and lime, at least not tonight. But that’s a good tip. I’ll talk to Bill about it.”

  And she would. Who better to tell her what the town wanted, than people from the town?

  “Where is Bill anyway?” he asked the guy next to him.

  Please, Bill, where are you? Don’t miss this.

  Allie felt her eyes tear up, but she shook her head to clear her thoughts. She was only getting emotional because of all the excitement of the evening. She was doing fine without Bill — the grand opening was definitely a success. People were even using the dance floor, especially every time she put on a slower song, giving the couples who didn’t usually have a chance to go out dancing in the mountains a chance to have some fun.