Esprit de Corpse

by Gina X. Grant

  Before I could say or do anything to reveal my inner green-eyed monster, Willa, Shannon’s administrative assistant, rushed in.

  “Oh, Shannon,” she addressed Conrad. “I’m so sorry. I tried to stop him, but . . .”

  “Move aside, ma’am. This is a police matter.” Detective Leo strode into the room, hand resting on the gold shield clipped to his belt the same way mine rested on my scythe. “Ms. Iver, you’re going to have to come with me down to the station.”

  “That’s preposterous,” Conrad huffed in Shannon’s voice. Before she’d been dispossessed, she’d sounded self-assured, now Conrad just sounded self-important. “I’ve far too much to do here. I can’t possibly get away. If you need a public relations specialist, I can send one of my junior account execs.”

  “No, Ms. Iver, I’m afraid it has to be you. Will you come along quietly or do I need to use cuffs?”

  “I’m not going anywhere.” He turned to Willa. “Joanne. Wendy. Whatever your name is, call my lawyer.”

  Willa pressed her lips together and dashed from the room, although whether to call the company’s lawyer or pack up her desk, I didn’t know. If he’d spoken to me that way, I’d probably quit.

  “I see we’re going to do this the hard way.” The detective held out a white plastic coil, like a garbage bag tie on steroids. Boring. Our manacles had a lot more panache. Plus they made the appropriate ghostly clinking sound, not to mention the artfully applied rust.

  “Shannon Iver. I’m charging you with the murder of Kirsty d’Arc. You have the right to remain silent . . .”

  Chapter 6

  The Ego Has Landed

  SILENT WAS THE one thing Conrad couldn’t remain. He argued and protested through the entire arrest process.

  Just like in the movies, Detective Leo cuffed Conrad’s stolen hands behind his back and marched him out of the big corner office. Conrad wobbled a little on Shannon’s high heels, but soon muscle memory took over and he managed to walk down the hall, although not exactly gracefully.

  Detective Leo kept a firm grip on Shannon’s bicep, moving Conrad along at a respectable clip.

  With each office they passed, the resident executive stuck their head out, demanding to know what was going on. By the time the detective had marched Conrad into the lobby, the entire place looked like whack-a-mole—the corporate version.

  Once they reached the elevator, I jogged to catch up. Snaking around Iver PR employees slowed me down a bit. Much as I liked being able to walk through walls and doors, I hadn’t yet come to appreciate my ability to walk through people.

  Behind me, Dante guided Shannon’s soul along, although his hand on her arm seemed a lot friendlier than the way the detective gripped her father.

  The elevator pinged its arrival. Leo, Conrad and I stepped on. The door began to slide closed. “Hold the elevator!” I yelled, sticking a foot in the doorway to block it.

  Of course it closed right through my hiking boot and began its descent.

  A moment later I stepped to one side as Dante, dragging Shannon with him, fell through the roof. Shannon shrieked. What was her problem? It had only dropped about ten feet and Dante had managed to keep her upright when they’d landed. She struggled in his grip, finally pulling away.

  She bumped against her father. Instead of slipping right through him, she bounced off. Oh, right. I remembered doing that, too, when I’d tried to repossess my own body.

  And that made me wonder. Had Conrad managed to get Shannon’s signature on the Hellish contract amendment?

  “Shannon, you know that document Conrad was trying to get you to sign when I woke up?” I asked.

  She nodded, tears welling in her eyes. “Oh, Kirsty. I’m so grateful you saved my life. But it looks like your sacrifice was all for nothing.”

  “You’re welcome,” I said, ignoring the unpleasant reminder and keeping us on track. “What happened to the document? It was parchment and . . .”

  “I never signed it, but I hung onto it because he seemed to think it was important. I keep it in a locked drawer at the office. Only Willa and I have keys. I didn’t want anyone to find it and think my dad wasn’t in his right mind.”

  “Wasn’t in his . . . He tried to get you to take his place in Hell. You watched him bash my brains in. Of course he wasn’t—Why are you looking at my hair? Is it all frizzy again?” Old insecurities die hard. When my hair had turned white, it had lost its frizziness. But I still worried. “Does it look okay?”

  She glanced down, looking embarrassed. I smoothed my hair.

  “It turned white when I . . . Oh, you weren’t looking at my hair, were you?”

  She shook her head, her own elegant, manageable coif swaying with the motion. She wore it in a loose bun and the side tendrils fell around her reddened cheeks. “Did the, you know, damage my dad did, uh, transfer?” She reached out a hand toward me, but stopped short. Instead, she ran her hand over her own skull.

  Dante jumped into the conversation. “The means of one’s death does not necessarily affect one’s soul-shape.”

  “Huh?” I said.

  “I’m sorry?” Shannon added.

  Dante pursed his lips, probably trying to figure out where he’d lost us.

  “So in Kirsty’s case, her head is not any more lumpy than it was when she was alive.” He smiled at me.

  “Gee, thanks, Dante. Are you’re saying I have a lumpy head? And by the way, sometimes the method of one’s demise does affect one’s soul-shape. I met this guy in the appeals line who kept losing his head. Told us all about it. He’d been decaptivating.”

  Still staring at my head, Shannon whispered, “Sorry.”

  “’S okay. You didn’t know.”

  The elevator reached the ground and spewed us all into the lobby. We followed the detective and Conrad toward the exit, Conrad’s high heels clicking loudly in the marble foyer.

  I had tuned Conrad’s voice out while I’d been grilling Shannon about the document, confident Dante would draw my attention to anything important. We may have been fighting and he may have been acting like a jerk, but when it came to reaping, he put the “dead” in “dedication.”

  Now I tuned back in, hearing exactly what I’d expected.

  Conrad, in low, conspiratorial tones, was trying to manipulate Detective Leo into letting him go. Having reached the end of his excuses and promises, he moved on to threats. He knew the mayor. He knew the police chief. He knew the dogcatcher. Whatever it took to make the charges go away. I wasn’t looking forward to the ride downtown. I didn’t need Claire Voyant or Sue Sayer to foresee that begging and bribing were in the unlucky detective’s future.

  And I’d be stuck listening to it all.

  The detective placed a hand on Conrad’s head and guided him into the backseat of a dark blue sedan. Conrad practically fell into the car, unpracticed at maneuvering in a tight skirt.

  I couldn’t help laughing. Conrad struggling to be calm and manipulative while dealing with a tight skirt and high heels only whetted my appetite for justice. I nearly asked Shannon about her monthly cycle; wouldn’t it be fitting to have Conrad bent double with cramps? Not to mention having to deal with the ins and outs of feminine protection. Literally!

  We ducked into the car, me calling shotgun, while Dante and Shannon squeezed in next to her father. Shannon tried to grasp the seat belt but her hand kept passing through it.

  “It’s not necessary, Shannon. In the event of an accident, we’ll be thrown clear.” He placed his hand over hers to stop her pointless attempts to move the metal buckle. “Besides, affecting objects on the Coil while you are a soul is quite a difficult trick. Even Kirsty has not yet managed it.”

  Even Kirsty. Was that a compliment or an insult? I sat in the front seat, steaming. Especially the part where he was holding her hand.

  “Here, let me show you.” Dante rel
eased her hand, reaching across her to tickle her dad’s nose. Conrad scrunched up his face—he scrunched up Shannon’s face, to be accurate—unable to scratch it with his purloined hands cuffed behind him.

  “Stop it,” Shannon said, pulling at Dante’s arm. But she smiled as she said it. He leaned back in his seat looking proud of himself. “See. Now you try.”

  It took some prodding, but finally she tried tickling her own nose—the one her dad was currently wearing—but Conrad wasn’t feeling it. Shannon sighed with frustration. Oh, wait, that was me. Dante had never tried to teach me to manipulate objects on the Coil. To be fair, this was really the first opportunity we’d had, but here he was teaching Shannon and she wasn’t even really dead!

  I refused to admit I was being a lifist. After all, I’d been on the receiving end of lifist bullying from that bigoted jock, Rod, who’d been in my class at the Reaper Academy. Then I remembered how he’d been sucked through the swirling vortex and into the Heller dimension. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Even him. I felt ashamed of myself.

  But not for long because we’d arrived at the precinct.

  Detective Leo parked near the door and assisted Conrad from the car before marching him into the station. They’d reached what must have been Booking. A few officers toiled at desks corralled behind a long laminated counter. An equally long bench lined the opposite wall. Leo recuffed Conrad’s hands in front and then locked a short length of chain from the plastic cuffs to a metal loop in the bench. He waited his turn to check in with the booking officer.

  Conrad continued his attempts to get the charges dropped, now including the booking officer in his pleas and threats. Everyone ignored him. Perhaps they’d been around this block a time or two before.

  In record time, Conrad’s lawyer, Gill Hammerhead, appeared, instantly taking over with his own pleas and threats.

  “She’s not a flight risk,” Hammerhead insisted. “Plus she’s got money. Shannon Iver is the CEO of a very successful public relations firm.” He dropped his voice and whispered conspiratorially, “She just lost her father, you know. She’s an orphan.”

  Somehow being called an orphan is a lot more meaningful when you’re eight years old. People tended to be less sympathetic to someone in their mid-twenties losing a parent. Still, Hammerhead was good. Almost as good as Conrad.

  Had he made a Deal of his own? I could ask Sybil to check.

  “Bail will be set in the morning. You know that, Gill.” Detective Leo and Conrad’s lawyer were no doubt old acquaintances. “Besides, she’s got no family, friends, boyfriend or girlfriend. Not even a cat.”

  I sniffled a little. With the exception of my beloved aunt and her partner, he could have been describing me.

  “Plus, when I interviewed her staff, they told me she’s got no interest in running her father’s business, so she absolutely is a flight risk. I doubt the court will set bail at all, or if they do, it’ll be sky-high.”

  “Well, I tried.” Gill Hammerhead glanced at his BlackBerry, thumbing through messages. He dropped it back in his briefcase. “See you tomorrow, Shannon honey.”

  “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Conrad yelled, Shannon’s voice taking on a tone of angry entitlement I’d never heard before.

  At least not from her.

  Hammerhead scowled at his client. “You get more and more like your father every day.” He turned his back and strode down the hall, briefcase swinging jauntily from one hand.

  “Oh, my God,” Shannon cried. “My father’s been charged with murdering Kirsty. We have to do something!”

  “Of course, we’ll do something.” I squeezed her free hand. In my head I added, Yeah, we’ll do something all right. Something like sit back and let justice take its course.

  Chapter 7

  The Wages of Spin

  MUCH AS I wanted to see Conrad behind bars for his crimes, I couldn’t let that happen. Or at least, I couldn’t let that happen here on the Coil. Not only would Conrad skip town, er, bodies and leave Shannon’s to lie in a hospital bed like mine had, but Dante would also fail to retrieve Conrad’s soul as assigned by Sergeant Schotz. He’d be drummed out of the Reaper Corps, reincarnated and I’d lose him forever.

  “Shannon,” I said, gripping her shoulders and looking her in the eye. “The first thing we need to do is prove you’re innocent. It doesn’t matter who’s in your body for the trial.”

  In fact, her dad might make the better defendant. Even without the Deal, he understood persuasion and he’d had lots of practice. And as an added bonus, he’d be using his talents for good instead of evil.

  But I said none of this out loud.

  Instead, I told myself to start acting like Hell’s bounty hunter, which, in my new, hard-won role as Reaper, I was. So, step one in the Save Shannon Plan, hide the incriminating evidence.

  “Shannon, what happened to the stapler? The one Conrad used to bash in my brains? It must have his fingerprints on it, right?”

  Along with my blood and little gray bits of brain tissue. I shuddered, my head suddenly throbbing. I let my hands drop from her shoulders.

  “Kirsty.” Dante gave me a look that failed to warm the cockles of my heart. In fact, could you have frozen cockles? “A word, please?”

  “Just one? Okay then.”

  He patted Shannon and leaned her up against a wall.

  She didn’t seem to have noticed yet the way things were solid to us or not, depending on circumstances. Like if she wanted to, she’d be able to walk through that same wall that was now the only thing keeping her upright. When I’d first been scythed, I’d asked all sorts of questions like that.

  Shannon? Just leaned where she’d been left.

  As if to prove my point, I followed Dante through that same wall for a private word.

  “So how we going to play this, Dante? Can we somehow trick Conrad into—”

  “Kirsty! How could you make a vow like that? And on my behalf, too. We cannot drive Conrad from that body. It would be better if we followed protocol. Rules are in place for a reason.”

  “Yes. Yes, they are. And the reason they’re in place is to make sure nothing like fairness actually happens. It’s Hell, Dante. Have you called it home so long you’ve forgotten what fair is?”

  The irony that I wasn’t being fair wasn’t lost on me, but all’s fair in love and war and this fell somewhere in the middle. “We’re getting Shannon cleared of all charges and we’re getting her life back and that’s final.” He wasn’t the only one who could make blanket pronouncements.

  Ignoring whatever he had to say next, I stepped back through the wall just in time to hear Shannon say, “They have it.”

  “What? Who? What?”

  Dante stepped through after me. “Cosa? Who? Cosa?” Damn translator app. Sometimes it worked too well and others, it gernsaple dansbow.

  “You asked me about the stapler.” She pushed away from the wall, swayed a bit, but remained standing. Her jaw was set firm and her eyes were tear-free for the first time since I’d hauled her off her office floor. It appeared she’d finally pulled herself together. Well, it wasn’t like there was a timetable for coming to grips with having your soul ripped from your living body. Just because I’d handled it better . . .

  “The police took it as evidence from the crime scene.”

  Which matched up with what I believed had happened. Hard to recall exactly. Being bludgeoned to death tends to demand all your attention.

  “Well, then they’ll use their awesome CSI technology to look at the layers of fingerprints and see that his were the last ones laid down on the . . .”

  Oh, no. Memories of the final moments of my Coil life floated up from the bottom of my brainpan. I could almost grab it. I tried to relax and use one of the memory-enhancing techniques the former Death Valley girl Amber had shown us back when we were studying for the Reape
r exam. Using the insides of my eyelids as dual movie screens, I replayed that scene in my mind. First that had happened, then that, and then . . . oh, skeg! Shannon had been the last person to touch the stapler. She’d picked it up to defend herself after Conrad had clobbered me.

  And then, when Security had rushed into my hospital room, she’d been the one holding the smoking gun, er, stapler.

  “Oh, skeg. Now what?” I asked.

  Shannon, Dante and I all stared at the floor, considering our next move. Around us, the wheels of justice not so much spun as sputtered and clanked along. The booking officer handed Detective Leo a stack of forms.

  After that, things moved pretty quickly. First they unlocked Conrad from the ring in the bench and escorted him to the cop-shop photo booth.

  “Face front. Now turn to the right. Your other right.”

  Click, click and that was done. Then on to fingerprinting. I’d looked forward to him getting ink all over his stolen hands, but these days they use a computerized sensor to capture fingerprints and enter them into the international fingerprint bank in one smooth, high-tech move. I wasn’t surprised to find Shannon had no priors. Like me, she’d never done much of anything on the Coil. At least she’d earned a degree.

  Still, the fingerprinting process was interesting. At least for the first few fingers. I was very glad we didn’t have to sit through Kali being scanned.

  Detective Leo marched Conrad back to the bench, handing his clipboard to the booking officer. No matter how sophisticated our systems become, we can’t seem to escape from clipboards. I think they’ve somehow become embedded in our DNA.

  “She’s all processed. Can we get an escort to Holding, Angus?”

  Angus rubbed his eyes. “No can do. Sorry. Busy day and every cell’s filled to the limit.”

  “Must be a full moon,” Detective Leo said. “And it’s not even dark yet. I gotta drive home in rush-hour traffic.” He glanced at his watch. Shook it and held it to his ear. Was time out of whack again? Up here?