Hopeless Heart (Regency Romance)

by Rebecca King

  Because of past animosity between her mother and aunt, Georgiana suspected she would be able to stay at Ruth’s for as long as she wanted. Ruth would encourage it. Her father might venture to travel that far to fetch his daughter back but, given his abiding affection for Ruth, his sister, Georgiana couldn’t see even him going to the time and trouble to bother. He liked Ruth and trusted her. The only person they once might have sent was Will, but he would now be busy with his wedding preparations.

  “Once I am there, I can ignore all of my mother’s correspondence until I can be definite that the wedding has taken place.”

  She stared at the bed chamber she had occupied all of her life. In a way, it had become a veritable prison. It was the one place in the entire house where, like her father, she had the opportunity to get away from her mother’s incessant babble and interference in every aspect of her life. It was her bolt-hole of normality. In another, far more worrying way, it was also her place of confinement.

  As if to confirm that thought her gaze was drawn to the faded pink wallpaper. It displayed one thousand four hundred and eighty one flowers between one window and the other. The shutters had twenty four knots in the wood, and there were three holes in the rug beside her bed.

  “I need to get my life together,” she whispered, and began to rummage around under the bed.

  It took her several minutes before she found what she was after, and wriggled back out to sit on the floor and count the number of coins in her pouch. In addition to the coins there was a large amount of money tucked away at the bank if needed. Now that she was one and twenty she didn’t her father’s permission to withdraw any of it. It was hers to do what she wanted with–thanks to a rather wealthy great-uncle.

  “He probably took pity on me because of Cecily,” Georgiana muttered. “He must have suspected I might need it.”

  Silently sending a prayer of thanks to her deceased relation, Georgiana slid the coins back into the pouch and tucked it away carefully in the bottom of her travelling trunk. When she considered the collection of belongings she wanted to take with her she realised it was ridiculous to take such a huge trunk for so few items and took everything back out again.

  “I can’t get that out of the house without Cecily noticing,” she whispered with a sigh. “I need to find something smaller.”

  Moments later, she crept out of the attic and back into her bedroom with a small travelling bag and began to pack.

  “Perfect,” she whispered minutes later as she flipped the flap over and tied the laces. With a book to read while travelling, and her cloak and shawl, she was now all set to leave.

  “Georgiana!” her mother screeched.

  Georgiana closed her eyes and sighed deeply. “If she is going to go on about the wedding again, or mentions to me about getting married myself, I am going to walk out of this house and not come back,” she ground out as she pushed to her feet.

  “Yes, Mama,” she called dutifully, all the while digging deep for her patience.

  “Come here,” Cecily demanded.

  Silently praying for the fortitude to get through the next few hours, Georgiana took a moment to hide her bag and paused beside the door to make sure her room was in order. Eventually, reluctantly, she left the room.

  “What?” she asked abruptly when she appeared at the top of the stairs.

  “Don’t shout dear,” her mother chastised.

  Georgiana sighed but didn’t take her mother to task for the fact she screeched like a banshee herself.

  “Theresa is here,” her mother whispered, even though Georgiana’s best friend, Theresa, stood only a few feet behind her.

  Relieved that someone had come to her rescue, Georgiana hurried to her room.

  “I will fetch my shawl and be with you in a moment, Theresa,” she called as she quickly gathered up everything she needed.

  “But I wanted to discuss the material for our dresses for the wedding,” her mother protested when Georgiana ran down the stairs and hustled her friend out of the front door.

  “The wedding is weeks away,” Georgiana called dismissively, making no attempt to stop.

  “Georgiana!” Cecily demanded.

  “I am going for a walk,” Georgiana replied. “I am sure you can pick out the material for your dress by yourself. I will sort mine out another time. We will be back later,” Georgiana called over her mother’s spluttering protests.

  Once outside, Theresa looked worriedly at her and then back at the door, half-expecting Cecily to storm after them and demand they return.

  “Hurry up,” Georgiana murmured, tucking her hand in her friend’s arm and marching her down the driveway. “Don’t stop.”

  “I say, Georgiana, are you in trouble?” Theresa asked as she stumbled alongside her friend.

  “No. I just don’t want to get involved in the blasted wedding arrangements.”

  “Georgiana!” Theresa gasped. “You swore.”

  “Yes, I did, didn’t I?” Georgiana replied with an unrepentant grin.

  “Is everything alright, dearest?” Theresa asked as she studied the bright, almost frantic spark in her friend’s eyes. “I have known you for a long time. There is something wrong.”

  “Thank Heavens you came when you did,” Georgiana replied when they turned out of the driveway and slowed their pace to a steady walk.

  “Where are we going?” Theresa asked after marching for half an hour in a seemingly random direction.

  “I am not sure,” Georgiana murmured, feeling a little freer now that she was away from the house. With each step she took the morning’s anxiety seemed to dwindle to the point that she was at least able to savour the crisp morning air without wanting to burst into tears. “I need to stay out of the house for a while.”

  “Is it that bad again?” Theresa asked with a frown.

  Georgiana’s relationship with Cecily was tempestuous as best, not least because Cecily had a tendency to be snobbish and commanding. Georgiana, on the other hand, was considerably more likeable and easy-going, but also headstrong with a tendency to be wayward. The contrasting personalities of the two women meant they clashed–often.

  Georgiana nodded but would start to cry if she tried to explain.

  “Whatever is the matter?” Theresa demanded when she saw the devastation her friend couldn’t hide.

  “I need to leave home.” Georgiana’s voice was laden with misery and increased her friend’s concern.

  “What is it? What has happened? Have you had cross words with your father?”

  Georgiana shook her head. “But he can’t help me,” she whispered.

  “What’s wrong?” Theresa glanced around in search of somewhere they could talk.

  Georgiana shook her head. “I just have to get away.”

  “Why? Whatever for? What do you plan to do?” Theresa studied the frown on her friend’s porcelain features and suspected she wasn’t going to like Georgiana’s answer.

  She didn’t.

  Georgina sighed. “I want you to promise me that you won’t tell a soul what I am about to tell you.”

  “Of course,” Theresa replied honestly. “I won’t betray your confidence, trust me.”

  “Promise me,” she persisted.

  “I promise,” Theresa replied.

  “I intend to live with my aunt,” Georgiana stated flatly. “I need to get away from here. My Aunt Ruth is the only person in the family who will understand my situation and has a strong enough aversion to Cecily to offer me a roof over my head. Thankfully, I have funds now that I am one and twenty to not only get there but pay for my upkeep while there.”

  “You don’t sound as though you intend to come back,” Theresa said warily.

  “I don’t intend to,” Georgiana sighed.

  “There is something more,” Theresa replied, eyeing her friend’s hesitation warily.

  “I don’t intend to tell my parents I am going,” Georgiana added calmly but firmly.

  Theresa was shocked. “You can�
��t just leave. What will they say? They might send the magistrate after you.”

  “For doing what, visiting a relative?” Georgiana shook her head. “Even Cecily wouldn’t be able to harangue the magistrate into bothering with anything like that.”

  “So why not tell them?” Theresa protested.

  “Because they won’t allow me to go, that’s why,” Georgiana snapped. “Cecily hates my father’s side of the family. She would never agree to it, so I am not going to tell them.”

  “So you intend to just leave?” Theresa cried.

  “Yes.” Georgiana’s chin tipped up in defiance. “I don’t care what they say. This is not their life it is mine. I am not going to spend any more of my life being dictated to by Cecily. I can’t breathe, Theresa. It is too much. I need to get away before I go stark raving mad.”

  Theresa stared at her. “You mean it, don’t you?”

  Georgiana nodded. “There are a lot of things I want to do with my life, Theresa. If I stay here, I am never likely to get to do any of it.”

  “Like what?” Theresa asked curiously.

  In quite an unladylike manner, both of them hitched their skirts higher and climbed a small gate beside them, into a small meadow located next to a narrow stream. Away from prying eyes, it was somewhere they usually went when the weather permitted just to talk confidentially about things they wouldn’t otherwise be able to discuss with other people present.

  Once beside the stream, they settled down in their customary places. Theresa took a seat on what she called her ‘thinking stone’ while Georgiana lay on the grass beside her.

  “What on earth has gotten into you?” Theresa asked as she stared at her boots.

  “I want to live, that’s all. You don’t know what it is like to have to live with my mother. Everything I do is questioned; everything I wear is given to me. If I dare to wear something that my mother doesn’t consider quite right I am ordered to change it and nagged relentlessly until I do. It’s hopeless to try to be myself. Now, she has heard that Will is going to marry Penelope Smedgrove and will be insufferable about weddings.”

  “What?” Theresa cried.

  Georgiana sat up and looked at her friend’s horror. “I only heard about it this morning from Cecily who heard it from his mother last night. Apparently, although she is without issue, theirs is to be a speedy union. He doesn’t want to wait.”

  “Oh, Georgiana,” Theresa said softly.

  Tears welled. Georgiana flopped back down on the grass in a desperate attempt to try to stop them from falling.

  “I need to get out of here,” Georgiana whispered sadly. “I can’t stay for the wedding, and I cannot stay in that house while my mother carps on daily about how wonderful it all is, and throws herself into the outfits we are going to wear.”

  “Of course you can’t,” Theresa murmured sympathetically. Silence settled between them as she contemplated Georgiana’s shock announcement. “You are at least going to a relation, I suppose, so it can’t be considered too bad, can it? You should have a companion for the journey though. But, as long as you don’t take any unnecessary risks there can’t be that much in the way of danger can there?”

  Georgiana shrugged unconcernedly. “Whatever the danger, I would much rather face that than another moment in that house now.”

  “What about the wedding? Your mother will insist on you coming back for it,” Theresa said softly.

  Georgiana’s uncharacteristic snort spoke volumes about her newfound contempt for the man who brought her so much hurt. “I am not going to his wedding. He can marry whoever he chooses as long as I am not expected to sit in the congregation.”

  “So what are you going to do?” Theresa asked. “When do you plan to leave? How do you plan to go? You can’t creep out in the middle of the night.”

  When Georgiana didn’t reply she squinted at her. “Can you?”

  In reality Georgiana had no idea how she was going to get out of the house but didn’t confess as much to her friend.

  “Are you sure you can’t find a way to stay?” Theresa asked sadly when Georgiana didn’t answer.

  Georgiana shook her head. “I have to get out, Theresa. I am one and twenty and have experienced nothing in my life.”

  “You have been to London for a season,” Theresa offered helpfully.

  “Ha! I have been dictated to so much by Cecily that only suitors with fat bank accounts have been allowed near me. She was always so pushy that it was an embarrassment to watch her. Those whom she did consider worthy of my hand I considered weak, limp, and lifeless. I should have been ever so bored being married to any one of them. Cecily being Cecily carped on about my being too choosy for months afterwards. It wasn’t an enjoyable experience, and something I never want to experience again.”

  “Alright, so maybe your seasons were a flop,” Theresa sighed ruefully.

  “I want to just be myself,” Georgiana declared loudly.

  Theresa looked at her. “What do you want to do with your life-as yourself?”

  Georgiana thought about that.

  CHAPTER THREE

  “Well-,” Georgiana pursed her lips as she stared up at the billowing white clouds. “I want to skinny dip.”

  “What?” Theresa began to laugh. It wasn’t the answer she had expected.

  Georgiana grinned unrepentantly. “I want to swim naked in a lake. My brothers used to do it all the time but they wouldn’t let me join them. They said it wasn’t ladylike of me and I shouldn’t do such things.”

  Theresa looked flushed. “You saw your brothers swimming naked?”

  “No!” Georgiana gasped. “Good Lord, no. I wouldn’t be the sane person I am now if I saw any of that business. No, they always made me go home, but I knew what they were doing.”

  She didn’t tell Theresa of the time she snuck back and caught Will beside the stream half-naked. The tanned skin of his slender, boyish chest had captured her youthful imagination even at ten years old, and created a whole realm of girlish fantasies.

  “Then what?” Theresa murmured.

  “I want to go to a gaming house and play poker.”

  Theresa snorted. “You wouldn’t even get through the door.”

  Georgiana smiled secretively. “But I can dress as a man.”

  Theresa sat bolt upright and stared at Georgiana in dismay. “You can’t. Your mother would have a conniption if anybody recognised you, and word spread.”

  In spite of this, Georgiana began to laugh. “I don’t care,” she declared. “I really, really, don’t give two hoots what Cecily demands. She makes far too many decisions for everybody. This is something I am choosing to do for me. Whether she likes it or not is irrelevant to me.”

  “Aren’t you are a little young for a mid-life crisis?” Theresa murmured.

  “So much of my life is dictated to me that I am merely going to try to find out who I am, and what I want out of life. Right now, I have no idea. What I don’t want to do is get pushed into a marriage I don’t consider right for me just because Cecily decides I must wed. I don’t want to regret not standing up to her for the rest of my life. Why, I have no idea what type of man attracts me, or what I should be looking for in a future husband, or if I even want one.”

  “Will’s your type,” Theresa replied knowingly.

  “Yes, but where that has gotten me?” Georgiana sighed sadly.

  Theresa threw her a soft smile of commiseration but doubted Georgiana saw because she had resumed her study of the sky again. She suspected that her friend would not do any of the things she talked about but was prepared to consider them, not least because they sounded like fun. If she had the moral strength, she would like to try skinny dipping, although not playing poker, but she didn’t say as much to Georgiana just in case her friend suggested they try it together.

  “Then I want to race a curricle.” Georgiana frowned and decided she needed to write this down as soon as she got home. “I also want to buy my own house and live by myself for a while
. Then I want to buy a red dress.”

  “Red!” Theresa gasped. “But the only women who wear red are-” She began to nod emphatically as though pronouncing the words she was too polite to say aloud.

  Georgiana laughed but had no such qualms. “A whore. You can say it,” she replied dryly. “I don’t care if a red dress makes me look like a common whore. I want one.”

  Theresa looked doubtful and leaned toward her. “You want to look like a whore?” she asked as though Georgiana had taken leave of her senses.

  Georgiana laughed. “I want to wear a crimson dress, and lie on a chaise and eat grapes, lots and lots of grapes.”

  Theresa grinned. “You will if any of your brothers catch you. They will lock you in your room until they can find someone stupid and reckless enough to take you on, and then you will be done for. They won’t allow you to go for even a walk without having someone with you, and it won’t be me.”

  “They are like it now,” Georgiana replied.

  Theresa’s off-hand comment stole Georgiana’s enthusiasm because her friend was right. Her brothers would argue, demand, threaten, cajole, and when they didn’t succeed, as they never did, they would send Will to try to persuade her to fulfil their wishes. It galled Georgiana to admit it, but Will always managed to succeed where her brothers’ bullish ways failed. Stupidly, she had always fallen for his pleading; her weak will and even weaker heart having rendered her useless to deny him anything.

  Not any longer Georgiana mused sadly.

  “It is none of his business now,” she whispered aloud.

  “What’s that?” Theresa murmured lazily as she languished in the sunshine.

  “I don’t care whether they send Will after me or not,” Georgiana declared flatly.

  Theresa turned her head sideways to study her. “They will you know. When your brother’s get nowhere, they will send him.”