Hopeless Heart (Regency Romance)

by Rebecca King

  Frustrated by the soft barrier of the material, Will eased up enough to yank his shirt over his head before he resumed his place, and began to pepper her bared neck and shoulders with random kisses.

  “Will,” she breathed, silently pleading with him for more.

  “Tell me to go,” he demanded quietly as he slid a hand slowly up the bare flesh of her thigh.

  “Go,” she said dutifully at the same time that she tugged his head back down to hers.

  The heat that spread between them swept aside all qualms, doubts, concerns, and their argument, and rendered it all completely insignificant. Aware that this was her first time, Will tried to be gentle. He tried to slow, but it was impossible when she writhed and squirmed against him, pleading with him to ease the burgeoning ache within her.

  “We need to stop,” he pleaded, his voice shaken with the force his need for her.

  Words failed her. It was as though a dam had burst inside her. The heady flow of sensuality within her wouldn’t be denied. This was her one and only chance to experience this kind of love, and she had no intention of denying herself.

  “No,” she challenged and kissed him in the way she had always dreamed of doing.

  She had no idea what she was asking for, but there was a lot more to what they were doing, her body seemed to instinctively know it. There was an ache deep in the heart of her she knew only he could ease. Strangely, it never occurred to her to ask him what to do. It wasn’t necessary because he seemed to know she wanted without her having to put it into words.

  Late the following morning, Georgiana stood in the doorway to the study and stared blankly at the chaise where so much had happened last night. She had never expected to experience anything like it, especially with Will. The memories of everything she had allowed him to do made her want to squirm with embarrassment but it was too late to go back now. An awful sense of guilt settled over her, but she refused to give it credence. Instead, she needed to contemplate what on earth she was going to do now.

  “I have been so foolish,” she whispered aloud as she placed her chilled fingers against her heated cheeks.

  Flashing images of what they had shared hovered hauntingly over her as she set about tidying the room. So much so that she had to pause and take a seat in the chair before the fire for several moments. She tried to keep her gaze away from the chaise, but was drawn back to it time and again–just like she was to him.

  Eventually, once the room was tidy, she had little choice but to contemplate the enormity of what had happened last night. While she was positive they hadn’t made love fully, they had shared far more intimacies than any friends should. What that meant now was beyond her.

  “I am still not going back to Cranbury,” she whispered.

  Something inside her wondered if Will had already gone back, if only to make sure that nothing like that ever happened again. After all, in spite of what had happened between them last night, he was still due to marry Penelope Smedgrove. Last night had been a slight aberration; and something that shouldn’t ever happen again. As wonderful as it had been, as many of her girlish fantasies it had fulfilled, it still brought forth a wave of vulnerability that made her want to cry. It was difficult enough to try to forget about the man without having memories like that to try to banish as well.

  It hurt to acknowledge it but, although it had been wonderful at the time, what they had shared last night was wrong on so many levels.

  “Now what do I do?” she muttered. She picked up the list of adventures from the kitchen table and stared at it. Her first instinct was to scrunch it up and throw it in the fire. But, deep inside her heart, she couldn’t. After all, she wanted to experience life. That had been the whole purpose of making the list in the first place. Last night had taught her a lot. It had made her stop to consider what she truly wanted now, from herself, from him, from everything really. Whatever lingering guilt or worries she had been left with, she only had herself to blame for.

  It bothered her that he hadn’t woken her before he had left the house. It worried her that he too regretted what they had shared but hadn’t stopped to talk to her about it. Instead, he had crept out while she was asleep and most probably didn’t intend to return. The worst thing that might happen would be that he intended to use what they had shared to try to persuade her to go back to her parent’s house.

  “Well, it won’t happen,” she promised herself. “It can’t happen. Not now. Not after last night.”

  She suspected that his regret would come from the fact that he was due to marry someone else and he had betrayed her whereas hers was down to the fact that she loved him yet he belonged to someone else. Deep in her heart she knew that she would never love another man the way she loved Will. Just seeing him made her heart flutter and her stomach flip with excited anticipation. She had never experienced it when she had met any other handsome bachelor. But she mustn’t let him see how much last night had affected her. If he had one hint of how much she loved him, and he realised how much influence he had on her decisions, it would open up a plethora of problems and difficulties she daren’t contemplate.

  “What do I say to him?” she whispered. She dreaded the day she saw him again.

  Quickly crossing ‘kissing a stranger’ off her list, she turned her attention to the next item and crossed off ‘getting drunk’ too. She also crossed off ‘skinny dipping’ and studied the rest of the items.

  “Maybe I should dress as a man,” she mused. “That would make him wonder.”

  She sighed. She had no enthusiasm for doing anything on the list today.

  “Maybe I need to get out of the house for a while but do something mundane, like go for a walk.”

  The front door began to rattle. The relief that swept through her when she watched Ruth enter the house and not Will was overwhelming, and she slumped back against the chair with a sigh of relief.

  “He has been here again, hasn’t he?” Ruth declared when she saw her niece’s face. When Georgiana nodded slowly, Ruth shook her head in disgust. “It is obvious when he has been around because you are always fretful afterwards.”

  “I am afraid it is worse than that,” Georgiana whispered.

  While she daren’t tell her aunt what had happened, she could tell her about everything leading up to it. After all, if Will did try to argue his case with Ruth, then her experience with the brandy would be raised anyway. She hoped he would be a gentleman and not tell her aunt everything else.

  “Go on.” Ruth stood still and waited.

  “How is Mrs Merriweather?” Georgiana asked.

  “She is still poorly but Mrs Delaney is looking after her while I get a change of clothing,” Ruth replied. “What did he do?”

  “It isn’t what he did that’s the problem.”

  “Alright, so what did you do?” Ruth corrected.

  Georgiana looked bashful. “I was in my cups when he arrived. I have no idea how he got into the house. I didn’t realise he was here until he appeared right beside me. By that time, I was half way down a bottle of brandy.”

  Ruth nodded and puffed out her cheeks inelegantly. Thoughtfully, she picked up her basket and carried it into the sink. She lifted a brow at Georgiana as she passed.

  “You had better tell me the rest.” It wasn’t a request. There was a hint of steel in her aunt’s voice that Georgiana had never heard before. She realised then that Ruth’s sudden appearance at the house had something to do with what had happened here last night.

  “I was wearing my red dress at the time,” Georgiana sighed. “I was in the conservatory eating grapes on the chaise.”

  Ruth nodded. “What happened then?”

  Georgiana’s cheeks were aflame, but she tried to ignore them and keep her mind on what had happened in the conservatory. “We had an argument. I have found out that when I am in my cups, I have a tendency to tell the truth and, well, I told him. Not all of it, but I told him that he is overbearing, and will not get me to go back to Cranbury.” She wrin
kled her nose up. “I told him to go home and marry Penelope Smedgrove, but I cannot remember the exact words because I was a bit hazy at the time.”

  Ruth began to relax a little and sat down in the seat opposite her. “So you put him in his place, that’s good.”

  Georgiana snorted and fell silent. “I have also learned that being drunk makes me ill the following morning.”

  “Well, it’s a lesson not to let it happen again, isn’t it?” Ruth said unsympathetically.

  Georgiana nodded and watched Ruth study the list. “So, what’s next?”

  Georgiana sighed. “I don’t see the point of it.”

  “I don’t want to worry you, my dear, but I need to tell you something,” Ruth began somewhat hesitantly when Georgiana attempted to leave the table.

  Georgiana went cold as she read the concern on her aunt’s face; something had gone horribly wrong.

  “Has Will spoken to you?” Her heart began to hammer wildly as she waited.

  Ruth’s gaze met hers and then slid away uncomfortably. “Not Will, no.”

  “What is it?” Georgiana’s voice was a mere whisper.

  “Someone saw Will leave the house at dawn this morning.”

  Georgiana worked hard to keep the guilt from her face but her cheeks turned fiery red, anyway. “At dawn, you say?”

  Ruth nodded. “This is the countryside, Georgiana. The farmer was moving his cattle out of the field out back at dawn this morning. He saw Will leave the house through the conservatory door. Obviously, he knows this is my house and is aware that no man lives here, so was concerned. He found out from his wife that I was with Mrs Merriweather, and came to see me this morning because he was concerned that someone had been at my house while I was out. He was on the verge of sending for the magistrate.”

  Georgiana closed her eyes. “I am sorry,” she whispered.

  “I have to say that I am a little disappointed that Will would be so irresponsible with your reputation. He is a man who is used to living in the country himself. Even at dawn, people are starting to go about their business, he knows that. He should never have been here in the first place. As soon as he realised you were alone, he should have left. I cannot help but wonder if he is trying to ruin you himself. A village like this thrives on gossip. It is no different to Cranbury.”

  Georgiana’s startled gaze flew to her aunt’s. Their eyes met. She read the question in her aunt’s eyes.

  “We didn’t,” she whispered. “We didn’t.”

  “Good. I hope not because he is due to marry someone else. If a man is prepared to double cross his intended wife before he even gets to the altar then he won’t have any qualms about doing so when he is married. Remember that.”

  “I don’t want the villagers to gossip about me,” she replied. “It isn’t fair on you given how wonderful and generous you have been to me.”

  Ruth snorted. “It is a bit late for that,” she replied crisply. “Word is already spreading. The gossips will run rife with the news that a man stayed overnight here, and all sorts of ridiculous stories will be born from it I don’t doubt.”

  “I am sorry,” she whispered. “If you want me to move out then I will,” she offered, but mentally began to pray that her aunt wouldn’t take her up on the offer.

  “Nonsense,” Ruth protested, softening her stance slightly at the sight of her niece’s distress. “I need to have a little word with Will, if he is still in the village. Now that you have explained what happened, I can put it about that you were not well and, given that I was with Mrs Merriweather, Will, an old family friend, came to check on you. That should appease people.”

  “In the early hours of the morning?” Georgiana looked doubtful.

  “You need to stay indoors for the next couple of days so people have no reason to question the story,” Ruth suggested. “Meanwhile, Will needs to be told that it would be best for your reputation now if he leaves the village and doesn’t come back. I can make a show of wishing him well with his forthcoming marriage and all that, just in case there are any doubters. People will hopefully then turn their attention to other gossip.”

  Georgiana nodded. There was nothing much she could say to that. If Ruth wanted to try to limit the damage in this way, then that was fine with her.

  Ruth tapped the list. “For the time being, you should consider the wisdom of doing anything else on this list for now. After all, there is no rush. You are here for a long time yet. Before you rush headlong into anything else, stop and contemplate not only what you want to try your hand at next, but how you can go about it safely without anybody in the village being any the wiser.”

  “I don’t want to bring you any trouble,” Georgiana whispered.

  Satisfied that she had found a way to resolve the gossip, Ruth left the table. “I need to go back to Mrs Merriweather’s but will call in and speak with Will as I go. I will see you later.”

  Georgiana remained perfectly still and silent while she listened to her aunt bustle about before she left. Once the door had closed behind her, she slumped dejectedly in her seat and rested her aching head on the table. Last night had created nothing but trouble, not only for herself and Will, but now also for Ruth.

  “I hate small villages,” she whispered aloud, and meant it.

  Although Mecklemerry was a pretty village, occupied by friendly people, they still had a tendency to gossip, and life was as restricting as it was back in Cranbury.

  “It won’t do to try to live a freer life in a place like this,” she sighed. The only difference between her life here and her old life back in Cranbury was that Cecily didn’t order her about.

  “Maybe I should try living in a town for a while? A larger place where people are less likely to watch each other all the time,” she murmured. “If only I knew where.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Across the village, Will stared out at the empty road and contemplated how similar it was to his life. It led this way and that but neither took him in a direction he wanted to go. He was still reeling from Georgiana’s drunkenness last night, and what they had shared. It had gone considerably further than he had anticipated and had shaken him to his core, haunting his dreams and leaving him restless and on edge.

  Strangely, he didn’t regret a single moment of it. He just wished the circumstances surrounding what happened had been different. He should have waited for her to sober up a bit more because he wanted her to want him knowingly and not be driven to sharing her body by the alcohol. But it was too late to go back now. Everything had changed because of what had happened. It was too late to go back.

  Unfortunately, before he could take matters further with Georgiana, he needed to find out if he was engaged or not. While he hadn’t offered for Penelope Smedgrove, he had no idea what kind of arrangement his parents had committed him to in his absence. Several weeks ago he had, in a fit of fury, told his mother to arrange a bloody wedding if she wanted one and he would go through with one just to shut her up. He could distinctly recall telling her that if she was going to continue to push for him to marry she may as well go the whole way and condemn him to matrimony to Penelope Smedgrove. He had left the house when she had looked joyful at the notion, and been horrified when she had informed him of Cecily’s excitement upon hearing the news. Whenever he had tried to talk to her after that, she had promptly vanished and had refused to discuss backing out. Now he had to push to get his father to renege on whatever agreement he had arranged with the Smedgrove family.

  “God, what a mess,” he sighed in disgust, and now wished he had put his foot down before he had left.

  He knew his mother well enough to realise that she would indeed forge ahead with a union and put the suggestion there with Penelope’s family if she had a mind to even before any formal arrangement was put there between the heads of the families. It would be up to him then to either suffer his way through a union he didn’t want, or set the hopeful bride down without offending anyone. Either way there was a considerable amount of
trouble waiting for him now when he got home.

  The more he contemplated his actions of late, the more he realised that if he did marry Penelope Smedgrove, he would be accepting a marriage very much like his parent’s. While they were happy in their own way, there wasn’t the personal warmth between his mother and father that he had with Georgiana. He had never witnessed much in the way of outward displays of affection. In fact, he had never seen his father kiss his mother. While tactile displays of affection weren’t commonplace amongst polite company, he hadn’t even seen them embracing in the comfort and privacy of their own home. In fact, it was rare to find his mother and father in the same room as each other.

  “That’s not for me,” he muttered. “Not at all.”

  He didn’t consider himself a very tactile man either, but he wasn’t so staid and boring that he was prepared to greet his wife with a handshake every morning.

  “I should just damned well marry Georgiana instead,” he whispered with a sigh. Strangely, the more he contemplated that the more appealing the prospect became. It was a damned sight more attractive than marrying Penelope sodding Smedgrove.

  “It is never too late,” his father had said mysteriously when Will had told him that he was going after Georgiana. Rather than ask what he had meant, Will had stormed out of the house, eager to leave his mother’s matrimonial ramblings behind him. He had ignored her calls for his help, wheeled his horse around, and left the foolishness far behind, eager to be on his way and free of the chains that were being carefully woven around him.

  Now that he was far away, he didn’t want to go back.

  “Good Lord, how much worse can this get?” he murmured aloud.

  A knock on the door broke him out of his musings.

  “Come.” He read the note the maid handed to him and quickly shrugged into his jacket as he bounded down the stairs.