by Laura Howard
My father sucked in a breath. “She and Kelsey were out and about. They should be here any moment.”
Noah and I exchanged a look. More Kelsey.
“Okay, well I hope they get back soon. I’m starving,” I said. “Where are we ordering from?”
My mother held up three menus. “Here are the pizza menus we have, why don’t you choose the place you like best?”
I nodded, “All right.” I took the menus over to the counter and sat there with Noah and Uncle Paul.
Uncle Paul reached over and tapped the menu for Ricciardi’s Pizza Parlor. “I haven’t had a pizza from Ricciardi’s in so long.”
He’d moved about thirty minutes away a few years ago to cut back on his commute. He co-owned an auto repair shop in Walden, a small town to the west of Moore Crossing.
“Sounds good to me,” I said. If there was one thing that was good about this town, it was the pizza. There were at least four pizza parlors, and they were all delicious. Pizza in the UK couldn’t compare.
“You still like the eggplant, well-done?” Noah asked, eyes scanning the menu.
“I was gone for seven months, did you really think my tastes would change that much?” I asked, bumping my shoulder against his.
“You never know, right?” he asked Uncle Paul. “I’ve heard the food over there is different.”
“What the hell do they put on pizza in London, anyway?” Uncle Paul said as he laced his fingers behind his head.
“Pizza is pizza,” I said, laughing. “It’s just better in the US.”
Uncle Paul started to tap on the counter and sing “Born in the USA” by Bruce Springsteen. Noah and I joined in, even though our voices were way off key.
“Hey, you remember that time at your high school graduation party when Jack sang “Glory Days” with us?” Uncle Paul said.
“Yeah, that was awesome,” I said, poking Noah in the side. “Jack could actually sing.”
Noah snorted. “You wound me. But you’re right, he did have a great voice.”
My smile fell when I saw the tears welling in my father’s eyes. He hadn’t said anything in so long I’d practically forgotten he was there. I glanced at my mother, who had her back to us. She drained the contents of her wine glass and placed it on the counter with shaky fingers.
“I’m going to just...step outside,” she said.
“Claire,” my father began, but she gave him a look that would melt iron. My mother went out onto the back deck and Dad stormed off toward the cellar stairs, slamming the door behind him. The three of us were left sitting there on our stools, our mouths hanging open.
“Wow,” Uncle Paul said.
“Yeah, this is a pretty good taste of what’s been going on here for the past couple weeks,” I said, slumping in my chair.
Noah reached over and rubbed my back, not saying anything. What could he say?
“So, are we supposed to forget Jack ever existed? Is that it?” Uncle Paul said, slapping his hands on the counter.
The door opened and Maggie walked in, taking in the somber state of the room. “Wow,” she said.
“I think that about sums it up,” Uncle Paul said as he stood. “So, are you pretending your brother never existed, too?” he asked as he pulled her into a bear hug.
Maggie looked at me over Uncle Paul's shoulder, her eyes widening slightly. “Um, no. What happened?”
“Uncle Paul mentioned the time Jack sang “Glory Days” at our graduation party and Mom and Dad kind of lost it,” I said, pressing my lips together.
Maggie sighed. “Yeah, it’s best not to talk about him when they’re around. It’s still too soon.”
“I just don’t understand why we can’t remember the good times, you know? I get that it’s hard, but it’s the only way we can keep him alive,” I said. “We can’t just not talk about him.”
“I know. But, I guess it’s different for them. He was their son,” Maggie said. My diplomatic little sister.
“All right, I'll behave. We won’t say another word about him tonight,” Uncle Paul said, shrugging. “Now, let’s get those pizzas ordered.”
As I made the call, my uncle went down to the cellar to talk to my father. Maggie headed into the living room and flopped onto the couch. I could see her throw an arm over her face as she lay there.
I hung up the phone and glanced at Noah. “Good times, right?”
He shook his head, smiling sadly. “It’s only been a couple weeks, like you said. I’m sure they’ll come around.”
I folded the menus and got up to put them back into the drawer where my mother kept them. “I sure hope so.”
“Hey,” Noah whispered. I turned and he gestured toward Maggie with his chin.
I raised my eyebrows. “What?” I mouthed.
I sidled up to him and he leaned over to whisper, “How’s she doing?”
There was only one way to find out. I took his hand and led him into the living room. Maggie still didn’t take her arm away from her face, but Noah and I sat in the recliners arranged around the couch.
“What have you been up to today?” I asked her.
“Kelsey and I went to the cemetery to clear away some of the dead flowers people had left,” she said without looking at me.
“That was nice,” I said, meaning it.
“Uh-huh.”
“There was a ton of stuff, wasn’t there?” Noah said gently.
Maggie snorted. “Yeah. And the trash was overflowing tonight.”
I arched a brow. “What?”
“They were there, those idiots who let him drink and drive.”
I swallowed and looked at Noah.
“Jared and Alec?” he asked.
Maggie rolled onto her side, letting her arm drop. “Yep.”
“They were at the cemetery?” I asked.
“Yeah, didn’t I just say that?” Maggie said with a frown.
I shook my head. “You did, I’m just surprised.”
“No more than I was. They must have guilty consciences or something.”
“Well, they should,” I said.
Noah shot me a look. I pursed my lips. “If Jack were here right now, I’d be pissed at him, too. They were all being stupid.”
“And yet, they’re still here, drinking beers at the cemetery in honor of our brother,” Maggie said, raising her fingers in air quotes.
I blew out a breath and rolled the tension from my shoulders. I guessed everything I'd heard about these guys was true. What kind of guys hang out at the cemetery drinking after losing their friend in a drunk driving accident?
The back door opened and closed and I heard my mother walk into the kitchen.
“What’s on TV tonight, Mags?” I said, changing the subject.
“I don’t know. I missed Vampire Diaries last week, so I’m thinking of watching the recording.”
“Oh, please no,” I said, dramatically slumping back in my chair.
“Sorry. Not all of us are intellectuals,” she said, her lips twisting into a smirk.
“If my vote counts, I would have to vote no on vampires,” Noah said.
“God, you two are such snobs.”
The doorbell rang and I hopped up. “Saved by the pizza,” I said, walking toward the kitchen.
Footsteps stomped up the stairs from the cellar. Uncle Paul answered the door and handed a few bills to the delivery boy, telling him to keep the change.
Conversation was stilted during dinner. It felt like we were all trying to avoid talking about Jack. I understood why my parents couldn’t stand any mention of him, I did. But it made me feel better to talk about him. Just that little reminder of Jack singing “Glory Days” had made me feel more at peace. I needed to feel that he was still with me…that he was gone, but not gone.
“Uncle Paul?” I said, between bites. “When is Gridlocked playing? I haven’t seen you guys play in almost a year.”
He wiped his mouth with a napkin as he finished chewing. “We have a show in Barrington this Sa
turday. You two want to come?”
I looked at Noah and he nodded. “Yeah, that would be perfect. Anybody else wanna come?”
“Can’t,” Maggie said. “Maybe next time, though.”
My mother shook her head. “No, you two have fun,” she said with an attempt at a smile.
“What are you up to this weekend, Maggie?” Uncle Paul asked.
She cleared her throat. “We’re probably going out to the lake, right, Dad?”
My father nodded. “That’s right. I need to do some work on the heating system now that it’s getting a little warmer.”
A wave of guilt washed over me. They were planning to be at the lake house, and I hadn’t even known anything about it. Despite my promise to be more involved with my family, I was still making my own plans.
“Did you need any help, Dad?” I asked, my gaze sliding to Noah.
My father waved his hands at me. “No, no. You go have a good time. This is stuff I could do in my sleep.”
I didn’t feel much better, despite his reassurances. It was obvious Maggie would be going to keep my mother company. Then again, maybe they didn’t even want me there—they hadn’t mentioned it to me.
I’d been planning to spend the night at my parents’ house, but the feeling that I wasn’t needed—or, perhaps, wanted—weighed on me. After the leftover pizza was all wrapped up and Uncle Paul said his goodbyes, I went to my room to grab a few things to take to the apartment.
While I was throwing some things into a bag, Maggie knocked on the door. I smiled at her without really meeting her eyes.
“Before you go,” she began. I turned to face her, watching as she shifted from one foot to the other. “What does Noah think about Jared? Has he ever said anything?”
I shook my head and frowned. “Hardly at all. I don’t think Noah really knew Jared very well, to be honest.”
Maggie nodded, pressing her lips together. “It’s just something about those guys…makes me so mad.”
“I understand, Mags. We can’t help but look for someone to blame for all of this,” I said, gesturing with my hands. “But honestly, Jack wasn’t the kind of guy to get talked into doing anything he didn’t want to do. It’s not their fault he got behind the wheel that night.”
She ground the toe of her shoe into my carpet. “Jared was…” she let out a breath. “He was crying at the cemetery. And I don’t know what came over me, but I just went off on him.”
My eyes widened. I’d never seen Maggie yell at anyone in her life. Of the two of us, I was the bitch. People always walked on eggshells around me, but Maggie? Never.
“What did you say?” I asked.
When she looked up, tears spilled from her eyes. “I could tell he’d been drinking, but that wasn’t the part that made me mad. I’m just so angry lately, Kate…I’m angry at him, at Alec—I just feel so furious with everyone.”
I heaved a sigh. “I know. I do too,” I told her. Her eyes widened, and I could tell it reassured her, at least a little, to hear she wasn’t alone.
“But,” I continued. “It’s not going to bring him back, you know? And really, it’s only hurting you. All that anger is going to fester inside you unless you let it go.”
I laughed to myself a little, thinking I should take my own advice.
“He gave me his number on a slip of paper and said to let him know if I ever needed anything, even just to talk,” she said, biting her lip.
“Who?” I said, taken by surprise.
“Jared. That’s when I lost it.” She shook her head, as if still surprised at herself.
“Kelsey was with you though, right?” I said, alarmed that she’d started yelling at this guy she didn’t really know. Especially if he’d been drinking.
“Yeah,” she said, sniffing. “She got me out of there pretty quick after that.”
“Good. You shouldn’t have yelled at him. Who knows what kind of guy he is?”
She shrugged. “He wasn’t violent or anything. I told you, he was crying.”
I considered that and thought of my little sister, my little Mary Margaret, with her pale green eyes lit up with fury. The mental image almost made me laugh out loud. Jack would have gotten a kick out of Maggie acting as his avenging angel. The two of them had never really been close, not like he and I had been, but she brought out his fiercely protective side. Probably without her knowledge, he’d gotten into many fights with his high school friends over her. She was so pretty and sweet and good-natured—the perfect target for teenage boys. They should have known better than to mess with Jack’s little sister, but they didn’t need to be told twice.
“I guess he won’t be coming around here any time soon, then?” I said, smiling gently.
Maggie pursed her lips and suppressed a tiny smile. “I don’t think so.”
“Listen, about this weekend. Do you want me to come to the lake house with you guys?” I asked.
She hesitated and I didn’t like her guilty expression. “I don’t think you need to. Kelsey is coming, so you know, we should be fine.”
I nodded and licked my lips. Kelsey was everywhere. It felt almost like I'd been pushed aside and she'd taken my place in the family. “All right.” I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder, forcing a smile. “Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I’ll be around after class. What time are you going to be here?”
I shrugged. “I’m coming home in the morning. Noah’s going to drop me off before he goes to class. Maybe we could go to lunch?”
“Probably not. I won’t be here ‘til around two. But I’ll see you then.”
“Of course,” I said, giving her a small smile. “Some other time.”
Noah and I drove back to the apartment in silence. I kept replaying the evening’s events in my mind. Noah and Uncle Paul had experienced what passed for a regular night since my brother’s death. My father and mother barely speaking. My father hiding in the cellar, my mother chain smoking on the porch and glugging wine.
I wasn’t sure if I should bring up Maggie’s run-in with Jack’s friends. Just as I was thinking this, he asked me about her.
“Everything okay with your sister?”
“I guess so. But you know how she said she saw those guys at the cemetery?” I said.
“Yeah.”
“I guess she got into an argument with one of them. She said she even yelled at him.”
“Are you serious?” he said, laughing.
I tilted my head to the side. “Why is that so funny?”
Noah shrugged. “I just can’t really imagine Maggie yelling at those guys. The only person I’ve ever seen her yell at is Jack.”
That made me laugh, too. “That’s exactly what I was thinking.”
“Who did she yell at?”
“Jared. What do you know about him?”
“Not much,” he said, frowning. “He’s pretty quiet. He drinks a lot, I know that.”
“He gave her his number,” I said, sneaking a glance at him. “Said she should call him if she ever needs to talk to someone.”
He blew out a breath. “That doesn't seem like a good idea.”
“Is he some kind of womanizer or something?” I asked, curious to know what he meant.
“I don’t know…I’ve never seen him with any girls, but he goes out a lot. She’s way too good for him.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right. Who knows what he intended, but if he was trying to use Jack’s death as a way to hook up with her…”
His mouth twisted. “I don’t think he’s that kind of a guy. I can talk to him. He’s in my Environmentalism class on Mondays and Wednesdays.”
“Okay, just see if you can figure out what he’s thinking. Don’t try to start a fight or anything.”
He glanced over at me, eyebrows raised. “Give me some credit, I’m not a total asshole.”
I laughed. “Yeah, just a partial one.”
The look he gave me let me know I’d pay for that when he wasn’t driving.
/>
Later that night, I climbed into bed and snuggled into Noah’s waiting arms.
“So, I never did ask why you decided to come back with me tonight?” he said. “Not that I'm complaining.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. It seemed like they had everything under control. Maggie’s staying at the house with my parents.”
He was quiet for several seconds. “What would you say if I asked you to move back in?”
I sat up so I could get a better look at him. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?” I asked.
He reached over to take a drink from his glass of water. “Why not?”
“I haven’t forgotten the conversation we were having before my father called.”
He grimaced. “Kate, you’re here almost every day and most nights. It seems logical to me.”
“Yeah, I know. I just don’t want to mess things up again by rushing.”
He put his fingers on my chin, getting me to look at him. “Things are different this time. But you don’t have to decide tonight.” He kissed me softly. “Just think about it.”
“Okay,” I said, closing my eyes as his lips found the side of my jaw. My hands slid up to his shoulders, pulling him closer. Our bodies fit together perfectly, just as they always had.
I couldn’t think clearly when his fingers made their way under my tank top, feather soft against my hip.
He pulled back, and I opened my eyes to look at him.
“I’m trying not to move too fast,” he said, swallowing hard.
Instead of answering, I pulled him back down to me and kissed him gently. His fingers tightened on my hips and a spark ignited deep in my chest. Just as he was lifting the hem of my shirt, a knock came on the door. Noah pulled back, and I looked up at him in surprise.
“Whoever it is, they’ll go away,” he said, squeezing his eyes shut.
I propped myself up on my elbows. “What if something’s wrong with my mom?” I said, dread churning in my stomach.
He made a grumbling sound in his throat and got up. “Stay here,” he said, pushing my shoulder toward the bed. “I’ll be right back.”
I smiled to myself as I watched him leave the room. He shoved a hand in his hair, clearly agitated by the interruption, and shut the bedroom door behind him.
