by Laura Howard
“Sure,” I said as I pulled the Chinese menu off the cork board next to the fridge. I was glad she wasn’t trying to hurry and get away from me. The entire ride back from the hospital I’d envisioned her calling Kelsey to hang out. Being with her like this was…nice.
“Kate?” she said in a quieter voice.
I turned around. “Yeah?”
“Do you think Mom’s going to be okay?”
The menu slipped from my fingers and I fumbled to catch it. Licking my lips, I put it down on the counter and wrapped my arms around my middle.
“Yes. I mean, of course she is. She’s just lucky you guys were right there with her. Once she’s had a chance to rest, she’ll be fine. She’s strong…we all are.”
Maggie nodded and headed into the living room.
After I ordered the Chinese food, I joined her. I flopped down onto the big tan leather couch and closed my eyes.
“What do you think? Will Noah want to watch a comedy?”
I laughed. “He’ll watch anything.” And he would. I knew he understood what a big deal it was that Maggie had chosen to stick around with us.
“Kate?”
“Yeah?”
“I'm sorry for everything I said about you and Noah before.” She looked at me with her wide doe eyes. “I think I might have been jealous.”
“Jealous? What do you mean?” I asked, trying to understand.
“None of my friends from school even knew Jack.” She shrugged. “When you came home and immediately went to Noah for comfort…well, I guess I wished you had come to me.”
“Oh, Maggie,” I said, swallowing. “Would you laugh if I told you I felt the same way about you and Kelsey?”
She gave me a sideways glance, and we both started giggling at our absurd behavior.
When Noah came back with the Chinese food and beer, Maggie and I were laughing hysterically as we talked about the time Jack had tried to teach me to ski. After thirty minutes, I’d taken off the rented boots and walked down the bunny slope. No one in my family would ever let me live that one down.
As Noah handed us both paper plates, he winked. This cemented my theory that he, too, was glad Maggie was here with us.
She started a movie and Noah loaded our plates up with noodles and nearly every appetizer under the sun. I smiled to myself as I listened to the easy flow of conversation between them. We’d been on a roller coaster of emotions these past few weeks—all of us—and it felt nice to have this one moment of ease.
Once the food was cleared away, we turned off the lights and focused on the movie.
Noah wrapped his arm around the back of the couch and leaned down to whisper in my ear. “Want a beer?”
I groaned and patted my stomach. “I can’t fit anything else. There is just no way.”
He laughed and kissed my temple.
When the movie was over, I glanced over at Maggie. She was curled up on the recliner, fast asleep. I lightly elbowed Noah in the side and pointed at her.
He smiled and said, “I’m going to hang out until your dad gets home, then I’ll head out.”
“You don’t have to wait,” I said, reaching up and touching his cheek. “Once I hear how my mom’s doing, I’m just going to crash. I’m exhausted.”
“You know, you’ve spent the night at the apartment so much lately, I don’t know how I’m going to sleep without you.”
Something in the way he said that touched me. I was reminded of the teenage boy who’d slept in my room on the weekends, holding me so tight. We’d slept that way together even before our relationship became sexual.
“I know,” I said. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”
His eyes lit up. “Promise?”
With Maggie in the room, I didn’t want to tell him I’d gotten used to being back in his bed, too. I knew he would be my last thought before I fell asleep, just like every night.
“So, I guess I’ll just go?” he asked, his eyes scanning mine.
I licked my lips and nodded. “I’ll walk you out.”
He followed me to the door leading out to the driveway. The keys in his hand jangled as he swung them around his finger.
I leaned against the door and when he turned to say goodbye, my throat tightened.
“Goodnight, Kate.” He leaned down to kiss my forehead.
“‘Night,” I said, mashing my lips together, missing him even though he hadn’t left yet.
His eyes locked onto mine and I wasn’t sure what he saw, but he wrapped his arms around me, taking some of the fear away.
Twenty minutes after Noah left, my father came home. I offered to heat up some Chinese food for him, but he claimed to have picked up a sandwich at the hospital cafeteria.
He sat at the dining room table and pulled off his shoes slowly, not talking.
“Did she wake up at all?” I asked. Leaning against the counter, I watched as he crossed one ankle over the other.
He blew out a breath. “She woke up a little, but she was out of it. She complained about being there, typical stuff for your mother.”
“Did the doctors have anything else to say?”
He nodded. “They said her blood pressure is picking up now that they’ve gotten some fluids in her. Depending on how she’s doing, she should be able to come home tomorrow.”
“That’s good. I hope she’ll try to take better care of herself,” I said.
“She has to find the will to get through this,” my father said, his shoulders slumping.
“She will,” I said, not sure I truly believed it.
“I’m going to turn in, Kate. I want to get to the hospital first thing.” He stood and turned to go to his bedroom. He glanced over his shoulder at me with one side of his mouth twisted up a tiny bit. “Your mother might be having a hard time, but she did give me a list of things she wants me to bring to her in the morning.”
I huffed out a dry laugh. “That sounds like Mom. See you in the morning.”
Chapter 8
Two days later I sat on the couch at the apartment with my feet resting in Noah’s lap. He rubbed lazy circles along the arch of my foot and I closed my eyes, enjoying his touch.
“How was your mother when she got home yesterday?” he asked.
Without opening my eyes I said, “She was okay. She got annoyed at us for fussing over her, but at least she was talking a little. That’s more than she has been doing.”
“Baby steps,” he said. His hand started to move up my ankle and over my calf, massaging the tense muscles there.
I cracked open an eye as his hand continued rising.
“What? Am I making you nervous?” he asked, a little glint in his eye.
“A little.” I smiled and stuck my toe into his thigh.
“I’ve been wondering when you think we’ll be ready to… ” he began. “I mean, I’m not trying to rush anything, just curious—”
“You want to know when we’re going to have sex?” I said, giggling at how difficult it was for him to put the question into words.
“Uh, yeah. Pretty much.”
“I don’t know. How long do people wait in normal relationships?” I said, leaning my head back as he began rubbing my calf again.
“A few weeks, probably. I don’t have much experience with being normal.”
I sat up a little straighter. “I would guess you have more than I do,” I said.
His eyes widened. “I guess.”
“Let’s hear it, then.”
“Are you serious? Are you really asking me this?”
“I think I just did.”
“Okay, but remember—you asked for it.”
“Just tell me, already,” I said.
“All right, all right. But I really don’t think it’ll be much help,” he said, avoiding my gaze.
“More helpful than my experience,” I said, shrugging.
“Are you going to tell me about yours?” He narrowed his eyes at me.
I snorted. “You know what I’ve done.”
; He grinned. “Correction—I know what you haven’t done. But that doesn’t mean there haven’t been other guys.”
“It seems like you’re just stalling.”
“Can you blame me?”
“You’re the one who wanted to know when we can start having sex again,” I said, shrugging. “If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to.”
He grabbed my chin and pulled my face dangerously close. “I seem to recall you being quite eager not too long ago.”
Heat crept up my neck at his reminder of my not-so-successful seduction.
“That was just because I was pissed off at my sister. I wanted a way to forget that everything is falling apart around me,” I said, refusing to meet his gaze.
“Right. And it had nothing to do with how you feel about me? So, if I tried something like this,” he said, running his finger up my inner thigh. “You wouldn’t respond?”
I swallowed and grabbed his hand.
“Just admit it,” he said, shrugging.
“Admit what?”
“That you’ve thought about it.”
I pushed his hand back into his lap. “Thought about what?”
“You’re afraid to admit it,” he said, incredulous.
“Fine, I’ve thought about it. A lot. Are you happy now?”
He smiled. “Very,” he said, putting his hand back on my calf.
“Good, now tell me,” I said, feeling equal parts sick and curious.
“Don’t be too disappointed. I’ve been with three women, including you.”
“Really?” I asked. “Only two others?”
“It was what, seven months, Kate? Besides, you’re one to talk.”
“Go on,” I said.
“Okay, well, the first one I’m not very proud of. It was three months after you left. I went to a party, got wasted, and I barely even remember it.”
“Wow, aren’t you the stud?” I teased.
“I actually wasn’t even into it, but she sort of insisted, and…I don’t know. I just let it happen.”
“What, did she force herself on you?” I asked, snickering.
He laughed with me. “I don’t know, it was just easier than saying no, I guess.”
“All right, so that isn’t much help.”
He shrugged. “Not really.”
“And then Danielle?” I asked. I focused on keeping my face from showing any signs of discomfort.
“Yep.”
“Did you meet her at a party?” I asked.
“No, I actually met her in line at the grocery store.” He gave me a sideways glance as if to gauge my reaction.
“Wow, that’s pretty random.”
“Yep, I asked for her number before she even got a total.”
“I’m impressed,” I said, laughing. “Okay, so how long until, you know…”
“Well, we went out a few times before things got physical. So, three weeks?”
I was quiet for a minute, and I could feel him watching me. He reached over and pulled me onto him, so I was straddling his lap.
“How was it? With Danielle, I mean?” I asked.
“Oh, come on, Kate,” he said into my neck. “Don’t make me answer that.”
“I want to know,” I said, pressing my hands into his shoulders.
“Honestly, it was really awkward at first. And then, it was okay, but…” he hesitated, reaching up and intertwining our fingers.
“But what?”
“I didn’t know her like I know you. It never could have been like what we have.”
“You’re just saying that because you think it’s what I want to hear,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“No, I’m being honest,” he said.
I pressed my forehead to his. “I’m that good, huh?”
His lips quirked up. “We’re that good.”
“So, where does this leave us?” I asked.
“We’ve been spending a lot of platonic time together,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.
I laughed. “I wouldn’t exactly call it platonic.”
“My point is,” he said, giving me a sharp look. “I think we’ve explored this enough to know we both want a relationship and we’re not just being sentimental.”
I smoothed my thumb down his jaw. “I agree.”
He stared hard into my eyes as he covered my mouth with his. The kiss was full of promise, and it seared through every one of my nerves. It was a claiming kiss. As my hands curled into his hair, a sound came from the back of his throat and he pinned me down, hovering just above me.
“I like you like this,” he said into my ear. “Unable to escape.”
I almost smiled, but a voice in my mind whispered: You left him. You escaped.
I licked my lips, searching his eyes. “Despite what you might think, I wanted it all with you.”
He tilted his head, surprised at my words. “What do you mean?”
“To settle down, you know.”
His brows shot up. “Really?”
I snorted, trying in vain to push him off me. “Yes, really. How could you not know I was in it for the long haul?”
He pulled away, shoving a hand in his hair. “You make it sound so exciting.”
I blew a breath through my nose. “I don’t mean it like that. It’s just...there was never any other option for me. You were all I ever wanted.”
“Why are you only telling me this now?” he asked, still unable to meet my gaze.
I sat up and pulled my knees under my chin. “I just wanted you to know you didn’t have to leave me because of that.”
His head whipped around. “I wasn’t the one who left, Kate,” he said, his voice cold.
“But you were the one who pulled away,” I whispered, the memory of the end causing tears to burn behind my eyes.
Noah stared at me. “How did we get back on this? We were making progress.”
“I don’t know, but this is still a big issue between us, isn’t it?” I said, swallowing hard.
“For the record, whatever happened, it wasn’t because I didn’t think you wanted a future together.”
“Why then?” I asked, sitting up straighter.
“I don’t know,” he said. He stood, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck. “I can’t explain what was going on with me then.”
“Whatever it was, it felt like you weren’t even there. I went to London because I was alone anyway.”
He spun to face me. “What do you want me to say? That I’m sorry? Because I am sorry. I never meant to push you away.”
“I didn’t plan on leaving,” I said, my stomach lurching. “The opportunity to go to London came up and when I told you about it, you couldn’t have cared less.”
Noah shook his head, his eyes narrowed. “Of course I cared.”
“Not enough to ask me not to go.”
There. I had finally said it.
For a minute neither of us spoke, locked in a stare-down. Then the sound of my phone ringing broke the silence. I pulled it out of my pocket and answered, glad for the distraction.
“Kate?” my father said.
“Hi, Dad.”
“Sorry to bother you, but Uncle Paul just called. He’s coming over for pizza and we’d love it if you and Noah would join us.”
I cleared my throat. “Is Mom doing okay?”
“Yes, she’s fine. It was her idea to invite him over.”
I glanced at Noah. “All right. We’ll be there.”
“Very good. We’ll see you soon,” he said before hanging up.
“What’s up?” Noah asked, all traces of tension replaced by concern.
I stood up and smoothed my hands down the front of my jeans. “Everything’s fine, I guess. Good enough that my mother’s brother is coming over for pizza tonight.”
“Paul? Awesome,” Noah said, smiling.
Uncle Paul was several years younger than my mom. He was the lead singer of a local band, Gridlock. Jack, Noah and I had always loved to watch them play.
; The smile on Noah’s face kept me from returning to our argument. Nothing would be resolved that night, which would have to be okay.
My uncle’s old VW van was parked behind my mother’s car when we pulled into the driveway. Noah squeezed my hand and gave me a reassuring smile before we climbed out.
I could hear Uncle Paul’s booming laughter before I got through the door. I felt a smile tug at the corners of my mouth at the sound.
“Who’s that I hear coming in?” my uncle’s deep voice bellowed from the kitchen. As soon as I opened the door, he got down from his bar stool and spread his arms for a hug. His short brown curls were gelled into place; his goatee was short and tidy. He was the same height as my dad, about six foot two, but broader. Paul was fifteen years younger than my mother, so he was actually closer to my age than my parents’.
“Hey, Uncle Paul,” I said, giving him a quick hug.
“How you doing, kid?” he asked, his eyes full of concern.
I wrapped my arms around myself and shrugged one shoulder. “Oh, you know. I’m okay.”
Uncle Paul eyed me skeptically before letting his gaze slide to Noah. “Hey, big man,” he said holding out a hand. They did one of those half-hugs, half-handshakes guys do to look manly.
My mother stood with her back to me, leafing through a pile of take-out menus on the kitchen counter. Her bobbed brown hair was styled and she was dressed in a nice green top tucked into a pair of designer jeans. I hadn’t seen her look this put together in a while.
“Hi, Mom,” I said, walking over to her.
“Hi there,” she said without looking up. Once she found the menus she wanted, she finally met my gaze. Everything was in place—mascara, blush, lipstick. But her polished appearance did nothing to change the haunted look in her eyes.
“You look like you’re feeling better,” I said with forced enthusiasm.
She took a deep breath. “Yes, I’m feeling much better.” I narrowed my eyes as she turned away. If she had been attached to a lie detector, the needle would have gone off the chart. But at least she was making an effort.
It was something.
My father came up from the basement and closed the door behind him. “Hi kids,” he said, but he was looking at my mother.
“Where’s Mags?” I asked, looking around.
