by Laura Howard
“I’m hanging up now,” I said in a sing-song voice.
“Goodbye, Mary Katherine. Don’t be a stranger,” he said before I hung up.
I plopped down on the bed with a handful of my dressier tops. As I spread them out across the bed, I wondered if Ben was right. Were Noah and I just being ridiculous by trying to take things so slow?
A few moments later there was a knock at my door. My father walked in and leaned on the door frame. He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Going out?” he asked, nodding at the clothes on the bed.
“Yeah, Noah’s taking me out for dinner.”
He rubbed his face with both hands. He looked beaten down. I imagined he felt that way, too. “Maggie told me about your argument.”
My eyes widened. “She did?”
He nodded. “She was pretty upset.”
I shook my head. “Dad, let me tell you…” I started to say.
He held up his hands. “I’m not here to fight with you. I just wanted to talk for a minute.”
I took a deep breath and looked at my feet. “Okay,” I said.
“I think your sister is just worried. Your mother is…God, she’s just a mess right now.” Moisture pooled in the corners of his eyes and I found myself blinking back my own tears.
My father cleared his throat and swiped at his eyes before looking up at the ceiling. “I just don’t know how to help her,” he said.
“Oh, Dad,” I said, standing up and walking over to him. I reached up and touched his shoulder, internally berating myself for feeling awkward. This was my own father, why was it so difficult to offer him comfort?
“Maggie has been so good with her.” He sniffed, unable to meet my eyes. “She’s back to smoking. She’s drinking more than ever and I don’t even know what medication she’s been taking. I don’t know what to do,” he said. His shoulders slumped and he began to sob openly.
Without thinking, I pushed him toward my bed. “Here, sit down Dad.”
He sat without argument. “I’m so sorry for acting like this in front of you,” he said, wiping his eyes again.
“No, don’t apologize Dad,” I said, tears flowing down my cheeks. “I’m the one who’s sorry. Sorry for running away when you guys need me the most. Sorry for so many things.”
“Anyway, the reason I came up here was to tell you to go easy on Maggie. I think her heart is in the right place. She’s just…she’s just grieving.”
I nodded. “You’re right. Everything will be fine between us.”
He bowed his head and I was relieved to see a little of the tension in his shoulders lessen.
Taking a deep breath, my father stood and rubbed his hands together. “Have a good time tonight,” he said, glancing around the room before turning and walking out.
I sat there staring at the door he’d walked through. I felt an ache in my stomach just thinking about my sister. I had to make things right with her. And I had to try something with my mother. If only I knew what that something should be.
Chapter 7
Noah actually rang the doorbell when he came to pick me up. It was probably the first time he’d done that in all the time I’d known him.
My father came up from the cellar to answer the door just as I got to the top of the steps. His face lit up when Noah pulled him into a bear hug, and it was like I fell in love with Noah all over again in that moment.
When we got to his car, he opened the passenger door for me. I smiled and got in without complaining or teasing him.
Once he was seated behind the wheel, he reached over and grabbed my hand. He pressed it to his lips gently.
“What are you doing?” I asked, laughing.
“I’m courting you,” he said with a wink. I watched the smile play across his lips as he backed out of my parents’ driveway.
“Courting me?”
“Yeah—” he shrugged, “—we never did all that kind of first date stuff. So I figured maybe we missed out.”
“Okay,” I said. “I think I like being courted.”
“Of course you do. You’re a girl.”
I smacked his arm. “Sexist much?”
“Oh, come on. I know you don’t like to be reminded, but there are certain advantages to being the girl,” he said, eyeing my chest. “I could show you if you’d like.”
I shook my head. “No way. I don’t think that’s allowed while you’re courting me.”
“We’ll see about that,” he said, grinning but keeping his eyes on the road.
We ended up going out for drinks and dinner. After, I let Noah talk me into going back to his place to watch a movie. I sat on the couch and took off my heels.
“I wish I had some sweats to change into,” I said when he came out from his bedroom wearing a T-shirt and athletic shorts.
“Leave a few things here,” he said as he reached into the fridge to grab a couple of beers.
“Is that what people do when they’re dating?” I asked. “Oh, excuse me. I meant when they’re being courted.”
He pushed the cold beer bottle playfully against my neck. “Good point. I’m glad I won’t be uncomfortable, at least.”
I stood and hip checked him as I walked past. When I emerged from the bedroom that we’d shared not so long ago, I was wearing a pair of his sweats and one of his T-shirts.
“Make yourself at home,” Noah said from the couch when he saw me.
“I think I just did,” I said, tapping his nose playfully.
He just shook his head and smiled. “Okay, what should we watch tonight?”
“I’ve been thinking about taking advantage of your Battlestar Galactica collection lately,” I hinted. “But I am also way behind on Dr. Who.”
“Ah. Decisions, decisions. It’s good to know that I’ve secured a place in your heart by way of my DVD collection.”
“It’s either that or your body. I’ll let you know when I decide which I like best.”
While the Battlestar DVD loaded, he climbed over me on the couch and settled down behind me. Pulling me back, he sighed into my hair.
“Comfy?” I asked, laughing.
“Very.” He wrapped his arms around my middle and snuggled even closer.
After a few episodes, I started to get fidgety.
“What’s wrong?” Noah asked sleepily.
“I need to go home.”
“Mmm. You are home.”
I turned my body so I could see his. Sure enough, his eyes were closed.
“Okay, not going to argue about this right now. But I want to go to my parents’ house first thing in the morning,” I said. I sat up and pulled him to the bedroom so we could at least sleep comfortably.
Since I’d been cooking there a lot lately, I’d made sure to keep the apartment stocked with things I actually liked to eat. After we ate a quick bowl of cereal and filled some travel mugs with coffee the next morning, Noah and I headed out the door.
He held my hand loosely as we drove to my parents’ house. Every few minutes he squeezed my hand and glanced over at me with a gentle smile. We didn’t say much, but the silence was comfortable and familiar.
When I put my travel mug to my lips for a sip, Noah pulled his hand away quickly so he could signal. The sound of a siren blared over the stereo and he pulled over to make room for an ambulance to pass.
Noah took advantage of his free hand and took a drink of his coffee. “I love your coffee. I’ve missed always having the good stuff around.”
“You could’ve bought it. It’s not like I ever tried to keep the brand a secret,” I said, amused.
He shrugged and took my hand back. “It’s not the same without you.”
Butterflies took flight in my stomach.
A horn beeped and I looked up to see my father’s car pulling out of our street just as we were about to turn onto it. My sister was in the passenger side waving frantically at us.
“What the hell?” I said, turning to watch them drive away. I pulled out my cell an
d dialed Maggie’s number.
She answered after only half a ring. “Mom’s on the way to the hospital. Can you meet us there?”
“Oh my God. What happened?”
“She was really weak this morning and fell in the bathroom. We’re following the ambulance.”
“Okay, I’ll be right behind you.”
I hung up and Noah asked what was going on.
“Mom is in that ambulance. She fell this morning.”
“All right,” he said, pulling into the driveway. “Do you want to change or just head to the hospital now?”
“You go on home. I’ll take my mother's car,” I said, opening the door.
He touched my knee and I looked back.
“I’m going with you,” he said firmly.
I bit my lip and nodded, relieved I didn’t have to go alone. He followed me into the house and waited for me in the kitchen while I threw on jeans and a light sweater.
Noah drove and I stared out the window, remembering the way my father had broken down in my room the day before. I’d apologized for abandoning them, but then I’d left. Again.
I folded and refolded my hands in my lap until Noah reached over to still them.
“Do you feel like talking about it?” he asked.
I leaned my head back on the seat. “My father tried talking to me about my mother last night. He said to go easy on Maggie because she was just worried about Mom.”
“Kate, this isn’t your fault. Don’t try to take the blame for this.”
I shook my head and looked out the window. How could I not feel like I was at fault? First Maggie had tried to warn me about my mom and then Dad had done the same. But I had walked out of the house last night anyway. And I’d barely spared a thought for any of them while I was with Noah.
At the hospital, we parked a few spots down from my father’s car by the Emergency Department. Noah kept his arm firmly around my waist as he led me through the automatic glass doors and into the waiting area.
Maggie sat by herself, her fingers flying over the surface of her phone. She didn’t look up until we were directly in front of her, then she jumped up and tucked her phone into her pocket.
“Hey,” she said, her eyes darting over mine before returning to the linoleum floor.
“What happened?” I asked.
Maggie swallowed and sat back down staring at her hands folded on her knees. “She hasn’t been eating, you know? She moves the food around on her plate, maybe eats two bites. Dad and I have tried to talk to her, but she doesn’t want to hear it. Doesn’t want to hear anything.”
I sat down next to my sister and rubbed her back. “Dad’s in there now?”
She nodded. “I figured I would stay out here and wait for you. Plus, I needed to call Kelsey to let her know I won’t be able to go shopping today.”
I licked my lips and looked up at Noah. “Okay. I’m sure he’ll come out and let us know what’s going on as soon as he knows.”
When I was in the eighth grade, my mother was hospitalized for dehydration. I remembered feeling like it was a little mini-vacation from her smoking in the house. I felt a pang of guilt all these years later as I sat in the waiting room with Noah and Maggie. What kind of daughter was I? It wasn’t that I didn’t love her, but she was so different from other mothers. Noah’s mom was friendly and warm, whereas mine was standoffish and as cool as fall frost.
As I sat there hoping and praying, thinking about all the things I’d never told her, Noah kept a vigil by my side. My constant through so much pain and heartache these past weeks. I glanced over at him and tried to smile, though I knew it came out weak. He wrapped his arms around me and just held me. Even though he couldn’t make this go away, I could latch onto his strength…at least for a little while. At that moment, it didn’t matter that the past was still looming over us. I was just a girl who needed her best friend more than ever.
After about fifteen minutes, my father walked through the double doors into the waiting area. His face was pinched with worry.
“Her blood pressure was extremely low, something like seventy over forty,” he said and rubbed both hands down his face. He sat next to Maggie. “They put her on fluids and oxygen. She’s lucky she didn’t have a heart attack.”
“When can we see her?” Maggie asked.
“They’re going to transfer her up to the Critical Care Department. It will be an hour or so until they have her settled.”
“I’ll get you some coffee, okay, Dad?” I said.
“Sure, that’s great, Katie,” he said without looking at me. He hadn’t called me Katie in years.
Noah and I walked up to the hospital cafeteria to get coffees for everyone. Once I had a tray with cups for all of us, Noah snatched it out of my hands and led me to one of the tables to sit for a moment.
“You hanging in there?” he asked, lines of worry forming around his eyes.
I sighed and shrugged, feeling tears fill my eyes. Before they had a chance to fall, Noah was crouched in front of me, pulling me to him.
“She’s going to be okay,” he whispered into my hair.
I nodded into his shoulder, trying to focus on my breathing so I didn’t start sobbing. Once that started, it was nearly impossible to stop.
He pulled me to my feet and we walked back to the Emergency Department together. Before we crossed through the entrance, he stopped and faced me.
“You need to be strong for your father and Maggie right now. Can you do that?” he said.
I sniffed and rubbed my hand across my eyes. “I think so.”
“You are the strongest woman I know, Kate. The strongest person I know. Take a drink of water from that fountain over there, splash some on your face if you need to. You can do this.”
Taking a deep breath, I did as he suggested and pulled myself together. He was right—I needed to be there for them. Especially since I’d already messed up so much.
Once the tears were dry and I was as composed as I was going to get, we walked through the door. Maggie and my father sat in identical poses. Heads bowed, eyes closed.
I put a hand on Maggie’s shoulder and she looked up at me with watery eyes. I smiled what I hoped was a reassuring smile and handed her a coffee. Noah did the same for my Dad.
“Why don’t we make the walk up to the CCU?” I said.
My father stood and rubbed his hands along the front of his pants. “Good idea.” Before anyone could say anything else, he made his way to the elevator.
Two hours later, a doctor approached us in the small CCU waiting room. She smiled and put a hand on my father’s shoulder.
“Your wife is stable. She’s resting comfortably if you’d like to go see her.”
Maggie jumped up. “Can we all see her?”
The doctor frowned. “I think it’s it would be best if you came one at a time. It’s pretty close quarters in there.”
My dad patted my sister on the back and followed the doctor. Maggie slumped back down into her chair.
“Mags?” I said.
She turned to me, her face blotchy and drawn.
“I’m sorry I didn’t listen when you tried to talk to me,” I said.
Maggie looked away. “Don’t worry about it.”
I nodded, knowing that was probably the most I was likely to get from her at the moment.
“I’m sorry too, Maggie,” Noah said. “I hope you don’t think I was trying to keep Kate all to myself.”
She stared at the floor. “It wasn’t about that. You two just have this...history. I don’t think you realize how it affects the rest of us.”
“I don’t get why what we’re doing concerns anyone else,” I said. There was a bit of a snap in my voice and Noah put his hand on my knee and squeezed, none too gently.
I jerked my head back to look at him. He shook his head and mouthed not now. Closing my eyes, I rubbed my hands over my face. As much as I didn’t like admitting it, he was right. I needed to try harder to keep my cool.
“W
e care about you, Kate. Mom doesn’t need any extra stress right now. That’s all I’m going to say.”
I kept my mouth shut and just nodded. This argument could wait for another time.
Maggie and I took turns going in to my mother’s room once my father came back. I sat by her bed and watched her sleep. She looked more peaceful than she had in a long time. A nagging voice in my head taunted me for being one of the contributing factors to her condition.
In that moment I was just grateful that she was still with us. I didn’t know if I could bear losing two members of my family within a couple weeks. Not to mention how my father would react.
I squeezed her hand before my ten minutes were up. “I know I don’t say it enough, Mom. But I love you so much.”
Before I lost what little self-control I had left, I fled the room.
I decided to stay at my parents’ house that night. My father refused to leave the hospital until my mother woke up, so Noah and I took Maggie home with us. My sister and I didn’t talk about our earlier argument, and she seemed too tired to fight anymore.
“Who wants Chinese?” Noah asked when we walked into the kitchen.
“That’s fine,” Maggie said as she hung her sweatshirt on one of the coat hooks by the door.
“Should I just get the usual?” he asked me.
I smiled, thinking about the number of times all of us had ordered Chinese food together. Even though times were rough now, Noah was still practically a member of the family.
“Yeah, I think that works,” I said.
“I’ll run out and pick it up if you want to call it in.”
“Okay. Would you mind grabbing a six pack for me?” I asked, pulling out my wallet.
“No problem,” he said. “Put your money away, I got it. You need anything at the packy, Mags?”
I rolled my eyes. Noah knew Maggie didn’t drink. While most nineteen-year-old girls loved to party, my sister had never even liked alcohol.
“Nah, I’m good. Thanks, though.”
“Okay, be back in a few,” he said, planting a quick kiss on my lips before heading out the door.
“You want to see what’s on Netflix?” Maggie asked me once he’d left.
