Belong to Me

by Laura Howard

  “No,” he said, holding my arm tight.

  “You asshole! Let me go,” I said, pulling with all my strength.

  Instead he reached for my other arm and pushed me back against the closet door. His lips crashed into mine and he kissed me with a force I’d never felt before.

  Fury ripped through me and I punched him and kicked at his shins. But despite my anger, I found myself kissing him back with equal parts anger and desire.

  I never realized how close love was to hate until that moment. Months of frustration and resentment fueled the momentum of our bodies as he skimmed his teeth down my jaw and grabbed my wrists, holding them above my head. I used my body like a weapon, wrapping one leg around his waist, ripping a groan from his chest. He closed his eyes and in his distraction I pushed him, knocking him back toward the bed.

  We crashed down and I grinned wickedly as I straddled him. This time I would be the one to take control. I would show him that he belonged to me. He reached up to grab my neck and roughly pull my mouth back to his.

  With a passion to take everything I could from him, I pressed myself harder against him from my chest down to my thighs. The sounds he made only fueled my fire, and I twisted and writhed—not to seek my own pleasure but to steal his.

  He became impatient and his fingers crept under the back of my skirt, marking me with what was sure to be nasty bruises.

  The pain drew a shudder of pleasure from my body. It drove me on to see how far he would let me go. My hands got busy, ripping and tearing at the buttons of his shirt, not caring about the damage I was inflicting. I had only one thought and it was to seek every inch of his flesh and mark it as my own.

  Somewhere in the back of my mind a vision formed of a wildfire burning everything in its path. I was filled with fire, and with my every movement, I was destroying whatever roadblocks still lay between Noah and me.

  He wasn’t a complacent onlooker of the destruction I created. For all I pushed, Noah pulled equally. His fingers found the straps of my dress and bra, yanking them down all at once so I was exposed to him. He watched as my nipples contracted, his eyes bright with excitement. I whimpered and looked away, afraid of how much I enjoyed what was happening between us.

  Noah took advantage of my distraction and before I knew what was happening, I was on my back. I realized then how much I’d reveled in being the one in control. Once again, I pushed our bodies until I was able to regain the upper hand. With a sort of sick joy, I reached down to undo his belt. He allowed me to remove his pants only as far as his ankles before he fought back.

  On it went, every time he thought he had me beat, I figured out a way to defy him. As I gloated over making my way back on top, he reached up and ripped away my panties, the last physical barrier between us.

  By then, I was ready and eager for him to enter me. But it was not love we were making. It was full blown war. As much as I ached to feel the pleasure his body brought me, I wanted him to know that it didn’t come without a price.

  Once we were joined together, I clung to him, punishing him in every way I could, from the inside out. He would not be the same come morning. Neither would I.

  He buried himself in me, deeper and deeper and soon we were dangerously close to the edge of oblivion. Without pausing to consider it, we dove into the void.

  Once we’d ridden the tide of pleasure, I rolled off him without meeting his eyes. I didn’t want to think about the act we’d just performed and found myself slipping easily into sleep. The last thought I remembered having was that in order to rebuild a village, you have to burn it completely to the ground.

  I woke before the sun came up the next morning. My sore body was a reminder of what had taken place the night before.

  Without looking into the mirrors I passed, I went straight for the shower. I washed my body gently, trying not to look too long at the broken blood vessels dotted along my flesh.

  I threw my hair up into a messy bun and dressed in clothes from the laundry basket in the living room. I didn’t dare go back into the bedroom. I wasn’t ready to face Noah yet.

  Without even brewing a pot of coffee, I grabbed his keys and silently left the apartment. First I went to Hickey’s to grab a coffee to go. It wasn’t the best coffee in town, but it would have to do since most businesses hadn’t opened yet.

  I drove around town, stopping at the playground where I’d told Noah I was pregnant all those years ago. I felt a longing I’d been experiencing more and more lately. A need only another twin could fully understand. I ached for the connection between my brother and myself. Between us there had been no judgment. I knew I had been lucky to have such a close connection with Jack. In that moment, I would have given almost anything for one last conversation with him.

  Suddenly I knew what I needed to do. I drove away from the playground and headed two blocks over to the iron gates of Eastside Cemetery. I hadn’t been back since the day Jack was buried. Part of it was that I didn’t want to think he was actually here. I preferred to imagine him running free in a field of sunshine and wildflowers. In my mind, a little girl with white-blonde curls and hazel eyes chased him. I could almost hear her laughter as they both turned and waved to me. The little girl smiled Noah’s smile at me, and as I drove a single tear fell down my cheek.

  I slammed the car into park in front of the familiar dogwood tree which was just beginning to blossom. Swallowing a lump in my throat, I walked between the rows of headstones. Some were planted with bright tulips and cheerful daffodils. Others looked like they hadn’t been visited in years.

  I found the one I’d come to see, and as expected, it was well cared for. I stood and traced the lines of the word Dolan etched in bold lettering across the front. Fighting the fluttering sensation in my chest, I forced myself to walk around to the back. In two rows of smaller letters, it read:

  Infant Dolan Hunter

  John Joseph Dolan, Jr.

  My breath escaped in a rush and I fell to my knees. Something about seeing those names etched together in stone sent my heart plummeting to my toes. My brother and the baby I’d only held once. Both losses sliced me open with searing pain.

  I don’t know how long I sat there, opening and closing my mouth. Jack wasn’t here. The baby wasn’t here. My little January.

  But I needed to believe they were somewhere. And that even though I couldn’t see them, they were watching over me in some way.

  “Jack,” I stuttered. “I know you’re not here, but I don’t know where else to go to find you.”

  I stared at the damp grass beneath me, feeling embarrassed for talking to a slab of granite. But, from somewhere deep inside me, words bubbled to the surface. Words I’d needed to say to him for weeks now.

  “How could you leave me? How could you be so damn stupid? This isn’t how these things are supposed to go. You and I are supposed to grow old together, to have kids at the same time so they could all be best friends.” I choked the words out, tears flowing from my eyes.

  Twisting my fingers together, I continued. “Everything is so messed up here, and I don’t know how to make any of it okay again. I wish more than anything that you could help me. You’re so much better with people than I am. Mom’s falling apart, and I don’t know how to help her. I don’t think she’s ever going to recover from losing you…or that she even wants to. Maggie is trying to love her enough for both of you, and I know it’s hurting her that it’s not enough.”

  I inhaled, feeling my shoulders slump. “And I’m so lost, Jack. I don’t know where my life is going. I lost you and now I feel like I might be losing Noah…it’s all too much. I’m just so angry at you!” I dropped my face into my hands and let go, allowing the sobs to completely overtake me for the first time since his death.

  Taking deep breaths, I looked up at the sky. The sun was visible just above the tree line now. Noah would probably be waking up now, wondering where I was.

  “He’s such an idiot sometimes,” I said, not sure who I was talking to anymore. �
��He thinks the only reason I stayed with him was because of the baby.”

  Saying those words out loud pierced my chest. “How could he not know I’m completely useless without him? Did you know that he was depressed before I left for England? If you did, why didn’t you ever talk to me about it? I guess I was so busy licking my own wounds that I couldn’t understand that he had wounds of his own. I took him with me when I went away, you know, I took you both. Sometimes when I was lonely, I’d find myself talking to the two of you, telling you all about the things I’d done or the places I’d been.”

  I stood up, legs shaking. “I don’t think I’ll be back anytime soon. I just don’t think there is anything here for me. I know you’re not here. But I miss you, Jack. Every minute.”

  Swallowing, I turned around, ready to face the world again. And as if my thoughts had conjured him, Noah was there, leaning against the dogwood tree.

  Without thinking, I walked over to him and buried my face in his chest as his arms came up around me.

  “I’m useless without you, too,” he said into my hair.

  Shaking my head, I huffed out a watery laugh. “How long have you been here?”

  “Long enough to know that for some insane reason my woman thinks she is in danger of losing me. As if I could live without you, Kate.”

  “Do you think we can move forward now?” I asked, finally raising my eyes to his.

  “I do,” he said, pulling me close again.

  I winced when he squeezed the place his fingers had marked me and he loosened his hold. “I hurt you...I’m so sorry.”

  “I’m sorry, too.”

  “Are you ready to come home now?” he asked, looking nervous.

  I nodded. “Yes, please.”

  As I sat on the couch, something occurred to me. “How did you know where to find me?”

  He came in and sat beside me so our thighs touched. “You weren’t at your parents house. I tried to imagine where I’d go if I were you. And it dawned on me that the only person you would want to talk to was Jack. So I took a chance and walked to Eastside.”

  “Sorry about leaving you stranded,” I said.

  He shrugged. “It’s okay, it gave you enough time to say what you needed to say.”

  I tucked my head onto his shoulder and felt my body relax. “Man, I’m so sore.”

  “Yeah…”

  “You’re embarrassed!” I said, chuckling.

  “Um, yeah,” he said. “Aren’t you?”

  “Of course I am, but I am the master of bravado. I thought you knew me.”

  “Oh, I know you, all right, baby.”

  I smiled, happy he finally seemed to realize how much he meant to me.

  “It’s good to have you back, Sargent Smug,” I said as I got up to make coffee.

  “Just doing my job, Captain Obvious. And I thought I was Sargent Sarcasm?”

  I rolled my eyes, then let out a dramatic groan. “I think I need some ibuprofen,” I complained, teasing him even after all we’d been through over the past twenty-four hours.

  “You’re sort of wimpy, Kate,” he said, coming up behind me as I scooped coffee grounds into the machine. “I always thought you were made of stronger stuff.”

  “Wow, it’s good to know you think so highly of me,” I said without pause.

  “You damn well know I do,” he said, grabbing my chin and placing the gentlest of kisses on my lips.

  “Don’t go getting any ideas, lover boy. I can barely walk, after all.”

  He stuck his hands up. “I was just kissing you. Why does everything always have to be about sex with you?”

  I scoffed, turning around to face him. “You’ve never complained before.”

  “I’m not complaining now. But I think I need at least a few hours to recover. You think you’re sore? You haven’t seen what I look like under these clothes.”

  I looked down, biting my lip. I wondered if he really was marked.

  “Who’s embarrassed now?”

  I raised my eyes. “Did I really get you good?”

  Not looking away, he pulled the bottom of his T-shirt up and turned his torso, revealing rows of scratches.

  “Wow, go me,” I whispered.

  He burst out laughing. “Yeah, I think it’s safe to say we’re about even.”

  “Okay, I guess that’s fair.”

  “So, while I was walking to the cemetery, I was thinking,” he said, smoothing a loose strand of my hair back behind my ear.

  “Uh-oh.”

  He laughed. “I told you a lot of things last night, some of which I’m not sure you’ll even remember. I told you that I fell in love with you the first time you allowed me to touch you, do you remember?”

  I nodded. “I might be a bitch, but I’m still a girl, you know.”

  One side of his mouth twisted up in a lopsided grin. “I do know. So, it got me wondering. When did you first fall in love with me?”

  My eyes widened with surprise. “Well, I’m not exactly sure.”

  “I assume it was around the same time it was for me,” he said, trying to keep me talking.

  “Oh, so you think I fell in love with you for your mad sexual skills?”

  “I wouldn’t mind if you had,” he said, looking up at me through his lashes.

  “Of course not,” I said, shaking my head and laughing. “I don’t know if there was an exact moment when I suddenly knew. More like a series of moments. It was when you stuck up for me, when you held on to me even after most guys would have tried to escape. All the things that make you, you began adding up and I thought ‘this is what love is’.”

  The coffee pot beeped and I turned around to pour our cups. When I faced him again, he had the most adorable smile on his face.

  “Something funny?” I asked before sipping my coffee.

  He huffed out a laugh. “You are, Kate. You are the one.”

  “The one who makes the best coffee? Or the one who drives you crazy?”

  “The only one for me,” he said and with his free hand, he cupped my face and gave me the longest, sweetest kiss in the history of the world.

  About the Author

  USA Today Bestselling author Laura Howard lives in New Hampshire with her husband and four children. Her obsession with books began at the age of 6 when she got her first library card. Nancy Drew, Sweet Valley High and other girly novels were routinely devoured in single sittings. Books took a backseat to diapers when she had her first child. It wasn't until the release of a little novel called Twilight, 8 years later, that she rediscovered her love of fiction. Soon after, her own characters began to make themselves known.

  Connect with Laura on the web:

  Website: www.bylaurahoward.com

  Facebook www.facebook.com/laurahoward78

  Twitter: www.twitter.com/laurahoward78

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  Other books by Laura Howard:

  The Danaan Trilogy:

  The Forgotten Ones (Book 1)

  Stone of Destiny (Book 2)

  A Place Beyond (Book 3)