Parker's Island

by Kimberly Schwartzmiller

Harley took my plea as a sign that I was afraid of Logan and he stepped in front of me. “I think the lady asked you to leave.”

  “He’s not going to hurt her, Harley. He loves her,” my aunt said, pulling Harley back by his arm.

  “Delaney, please don’t do this. Please come home.”

  “I am home. Just go!”

  “I told you, I’m not leaving without you. You love me, I know you do.”

  I took a deep breath and spat, “You really think you’re that charming and irresistible? I don’t want to hurt you Logan, but I’m not in love with you…not anymore,” I lied, cringing inside as I forced each word from my lips.

  He stood there watching me, waiting for me to falter or show some sign, any sign that I didn’t mean what I said. I stared him down, willing him to believe it.

  I knew what I was doing to him. He’d had years of rejection from his father, he lost his mother and now I was killing him. But I knew I had to do it. I knew we could never be happy together if he lost the only links he had to his mother. It would eventually drive us apart, anyway.

  He walked to his car, took one more look at me and opened his door. “Duchess, go home,” I ordered, reminding him that he had to take her with him.

  “She’s yours. She’s not the same without you. She doesn’t want me anymore, either,” he got into his car and drove off then, out of my life. The pain I saw in his eyes put me over the edge and I passed out. I woke up sometime later in the hospital, crying for Logan.

  “Honey, I don’t understand. Why would you send him away when you so desperately love him?”

  I told my aunt everything, right down to that horrible visit with Logan’s dad. I made her swear that she would never say anything to anyone.

  “I think you’re underestimating him. I don’t think he cares about anything but you.”

  “I know. He’d give it all up; lose everything for me and then what? How could I live with that? It would end up killing us anyway. Maybe in two years when he’s free, he might forgive me.”

  “You are one stubborn child!” my aunt said, obviously irritated with me.

  “I’m not a child.”

  “You’re acting like one. Do you have any idea how many people search their whole lives looking for that special person? And you’re throwing it away.”

  “I have to let him go. This isn’t fair to him. He’ll lose everything, and for what? For me and a baby that’s not his?”

  Thankfully, Dr. Grey came in to the room then and saved me from further arguments with my aunt. She said I was fine to go home. I made an appointment to see her at her office the next day for a prenatal visit.

  “Can we just go home now?” I asked.

  “Fine.”

  Harley pulled the car around and helped me in. He was eyeing me warily, as if I was going to pass out again at any moment. “I’m fine. I’m sorry I scared you both.”

  The next few weeks passed by very slowly. I did what I was supposed to, ate when I was supposed to, and went to the doctor when I was supposed to, but I was just going through the motions. I worked, ate and occasionally slept, nothing more. My nightmare had returned in full force. It was relentless and I didn’t have Logan to make it go away. I was exhausted, but I couldn’t stop.

  My mother called on a daily basis, begging me to come home.

  “I can’t, Mom. I have responsibilities here. I’m working. I need the money, and Aunt Vickie needs the help. Aunt Vickie said I can stay, even after the baby. I’m sorry to hurt you, but I have to have this clean start.”

  “Can I come when you have the baby?” she asked, sounding hurt. I seemed to always hurt the ones I loved.

  “You better. Your granddaughter and I need you.”

  “I love you, honey. Have you heard from…him?” she asked, warily, knowing I was still angry at everyone for telling him where I was.

  “No. I have to go now, Mom.”

  I was sitting in my doctors’ office for my prenatal appointment. Up to that moment, the reality that I was fast approaching delivery hadn’t hit home. I obviously knew I was pregnant and that I had to prepare for the baby, but it wasn’t until my doctor informed me that I would be seeing her weekly from then on, did the realization hit me. I was having a baby, and as wonderful and caring as my aunt and mother both were, I felt completely alone. I wanted the one man I couldn’t have and that thought was torturing me…every second.

  Dr. Grey asked me to lie back and put my feet into the stirrups and I started to panic. “No. I don’t want to. I don’t want to do this.”

  “It’s only going to take a minute, Delaney. I promise I’ll be gentle.”

  “No, I mean I don’t want to have a baby. Not alone.”

  “I’ll be there, I promise,” she said, misunderstanding my sudden fear.

  “But he won’t! I need him.”

  “Who?”

  “Logan, I need him. I can’t do this alone,” I cried for the first time since he drove away. I hadn’t let myself cry for fear that I would give in. I was sobbing uncontrollably now, which concerned my doctor to the point of calling my aunt into the room.

  “I don’t know, she just keeps crying and calling for a Logan,” my doctor said, sounding concerned.

  “She’s a stubborn girl. Thank you, I’ll take it from here. When do you want to see her again?”

  “Well, I didn’t get to examine her, so give it a few days and then have her come see me. Please call me if this continues or she needs anything. There’s obviously something wrong, but I’m certain it’s not physical.”

  “She’s heartbroken.”

  “I don’t have a prescription for that,” my doctor said sadly, glancing at me with a worried look.

  “This is ridiculous, Delaney. Let me call him, please?” my aunt pleaded once we got home.

  “NO! I’m sorry. I just panicked. I can do this on my own.”

  “You’re not on your own, honey. Your mom will be here and so will I.”

  “I know, thank you.”

  “Delaney, why are you torturing yourself?”

  “I’m not,” I said, defensively.

  “Really?”

  “Can we just get back to work?” I said, needing to keep my mind busy.

  “Okay. Are we ready for the Madison Show?” she asked, giving up.

  “Yeah, I shipped everything last week. All you have to do is show up,” I said.

  “Great! You are wonderful. So wonderful in fact, that I want you to go with me.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Why not? You could use a break. It’ll be fun. We’ll do the show, hobnob with the elite, and then have a few expensive dinners on the Galleries’ dime. Come with me, please.”

  “Thanks, but I have a lot to do here. Keeping you on track is a full time job.”

  “Am I really that difficult?” she asked.

  “I didn’t mean that…”

  “I’m teasing you, honey. But, I am your boss and as your boss I am ordering you to go.”

  “That’s not fair.”

  “Life isn’t always fair, Delaney. Get packed.”

  As if I didn’t know that life wasn’t always fair; she was preaching to the choir. “I don’t have anything to wear.”

  “I already thought of that. There are a few new things hanging in your closet. Consider it a bonus,” she smiled.

  “You didn’t need to buy me anything,” I said, remembering arguing with Logan over the very same thing a few months earlier at the maternity shop. I knew I wasn’t going to win, so I said, “I guess I better book another flight.”

  “I already did,” she grinned, and handed me a ticket.

  Our flight left two days later. My aunt was trying very hard to show me a good time, so I decided to make an attempt to at least look like I was having fun.

  We toured the city’s attractions which left me exhausted by day’s end. I was so tired that by the time I was dressed and ready for the art exhibit, I asked if I could bow out and stay in our room.r />
  “Don’t you want to see all your hard work pay off?”

  “Yes, but…”

  “Come on, honey. I promise you don’t have to do anything. You can sit and watch from the sidelines. But I really would like you to see just how much all your work matters. I think you’ll enjoy it. Please come.”

  “Okay. I would like to see all of your work displayed.” I said, yawning and stretching my back.

  The gallery was lovely and my aunt’s artwork looked magnificent against the dark backdrops and perfect lighting. Each piece was displayed beautifully. I made my way slowly through the halls, enjoying all of the exhibits, when I turned a corner and ran straight into Wesley Barnett. I mean that in the literal sense. I actually ran into him. I looked up at the handsome older version of Logan and took a deep breath. Panic started to creep in and I wanted to run and hide, but it was too late. I knew he recognized me, so I uttered a quiet, “Hello.”

  “Delaney, right?” he said.

  “Um, yes,” I said, swallowing hard.

  “Aren’t you going to introduce me, Wesley?” a tall blonde woman asked. She was standing at his side with her arms wrapped snuggly through his.

  “She used to be a friend of my son’s,” he told her. He then turned to me and said, “Glad to see you came to your senses.”

  “So, is that your son’s kid?” The blonde asked, pointing at my large belly.

  “No. Logan’s married to someone else, and he’s going to stay that way. They’re expecting a little bundle of joy all their own any day now,” he said, with obvious venom. “Good to see you, Delaney,” he said, looking happy that I was obviously so distressed.

  I nodded my head and then slowly backed away. Unfortunately, I didn’t look where I was walking and I ended up knocking one of my aunts’ art pieces over. The crash was deafening, and everyone stopped and stared. I didn’t know what to do. I was starting to panic and suddenly my aunt was by my side.

  “Delaney, are you alright?” she asked, studying me carefully for the slightest injury.

  I was staring at him, terrified.

  “Delaney?” she asked again. “DELANEY!” she said, obviously worried about my state of mind at that moment.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, and ran off, looking for the nearest place to hide.

  My aunt found me 30 minutes later hiding in the ladies room. “Honey, I don’t care about the piece. I can make another one.”

  “That’s not it. I am sorry I broke such a beautiful sculpture, but that’s not why I ran off. Is he gone?” I asked, still visibly shaking.

  “Is who gone?”

  “Wesley Barnett.”

  “Was that the man you were talking to before you ran off?” she asked.

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t know where he is. I’ve been searching for you.”

  “May I please go back to the hotel now?” I asked, desperate to leave.

  “Who’s Wesley Barnett, oh wait, Logan Barnett…was that Logan’s father?”

  “Yes.”

  “I wished I’d known that’s who he was. I have a few things I would have loved to say to him.”

  “Please, just make sure he’s gone so I can leave.”

  “Why are you hiding? You’ve done nothing wrong! I hope he is still out there so I can give him a piece of my...”

  “Please don’t, please. For me?”

  “Okay honey, let’s go,” she said, putting her arm around me, obviously worried about my current state of mind.

  “You don’t have to go. Just see if he’s gone and I’ll take a cab back to the room.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not leaving you like this. Why are you so frightened of him?”

  “I don’t know,” I answered honestly. The man terrified me and I felt terrible that Logan had to be raised by such a dreadful man.

  She put her arm around me and walked me outside. We took a cab back to the hotel and then I convinced her to head back to finish up her show. I paced the room, unsure of what to do with myself. I really wanted to talk to someone, so I decided to give Molly a call.

  “Hi, Delaney. She’s not home right now. She’s out with Brian again. We sure miss seeing you around here. Can I give her a message for you?”

  “No, no message. Thanks.”

  It was silly, but I almost found myself calling Brian’s house. “You cannot talk to Brian about this!” I scolded myself just as the phone rang.

  “Delaney?”

  “Brian?” I asked, so happy to hear his voice.

  “Yeah, Molly’s mom just called and said you sounded upset. Molly just left. She should be home by now, or very soon. What’s wrong?”

  “I just needed a friendly voice. I’m okay.”

  “What happened?”

  “I shouldn’t bother you with this. It’s not fair.”

  “Delaney, I told you to call if you needed to talk. I care about you. Tell me what’s wrong.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Delaney, please.”

  “I ran into…wait, before I tell you this, you have to promise that you won’t beat him up!” I said, and grinned, feeling better just hearing Brian’s voice.

  “That all depends on who he is and what he did?” he said, honestly.

  “You’re impossible! I miss you,” I almost laughed.

  “I miss you, too. Now, who am I not supposed to beat up?”

  “It doesn’t even matter anymore. You’ve already made me feel better. Thank you.”

  “Oh come on, I was looking forward to kicking someone’s butt!”

  I laughed then, and it felt good. “How are you?”

  “I’m okay. And you?”

  “I’m better now that I’m talking to you! How are things with Molly?”

  “Um, they’re fine,” he said sheepishly.

  “Just fine? That’s all?” I asked, probing for more.

  “They’re great, actually,” he said, sounding almost embarrassed.

  “I’m so happy for you. You deserve it, and so does Molly. Thank you for calling…I feel so much better now.”

  “Anytime. Are you feeling okay? You must be getting close to having the baby?”

  “A few more weeks,” I said, absentmindedly rubbing my belly.

  “Delaney, do you want me to come down there…you know, when it’s time? You can scream and shout at me, break my hand or something.”

  “Thank you, but I’m not sure Molly would appreciate that. Besides, my mom and aunt will be there,” I said, once again reminded of what a wonderful man Brian is.”

  “I will...if you want me.”

  “I’ll be fine. Goodnight, and thanks again.”

  “Goodnight, Delaney. Take care of yourself, and the offer still stands,” he said and hung up the phone.

  I felt much better after talking to Brian. I got ready for bed and once again, I laid there, thinking of the two wonderful men in my life. And then my thoughts once again, turned to Logan...

  Over the course of the next two weeks, I threw myself into my work. I didn’t stop except to eat or sleep. My aunt was getting extremely worried and said so on a daily basis.

  “Delaney, you need to slow down. This is not good for you or the baby. What good are you going to be to me if you pass out from exhaustion?”

  “I’m fine. I need to stay busy.” Although, that particular night I was feeling the strain of my busy schedule and opted to skip dinner and go straight to bed. “Come on Duchess, let’s turn in early tonight.”

  My faithful companion hadn’t left my side once since Logan left her with me. Although I loved her, I almost resented her presence as she was a constant reminder of what I had lost.

  I lied in bed petting Duchess when a strange pain hit me hard in stomach. I rolled over in bed, thinking that a position change might fix the problem, but it only made it worse. I assumed I was in labor, but the pain was nothing like what my doctor had described, so I laid there a while longer waiting for them to get stronger and closer together. When
I noticed that it was a constant pain and then I felt a wet sensation between my legs, I got up to investigate, certain my water had broken. As I headed into the bathroom, I realized it wasn’t my water at all. I was bleeding. I screamed for my aunt who was instantly at my side.

  “What is it?”

  “I’m bleeding,” I said, terrified.

  “Oh my God, I’ll call an ambulance,” she said, when she noticed the pool of blood I was standing in.

  She was back in a moment with the phone in her hand dialing 911, “Sit down, honey. It’s going to be okay.”

  I was getting light-headed and the room was starting to spin. I was scared and I remember screaming for Logan as the lights finally dimmed and I passed out.

  Chapter Fourteen: The Shirt

  I woke up a few hours later in the hospital. I remembered what happened, and all of the blood. I instinctively reached down and touched my belly, praying I hadn’t lost the baby.

  “You gave us quite a scare, young lady,” my doctor said, standing next to me with a chart in her hand.

  “Is the baby okay?”

  “Yes. You’re both fine. This time!” she said, with an obvious warning.

  “Can I go home?”

  “No. You’re staying right here for a while, where I can keep an eye on you…both. I’ll be back to check on you later. You stay in bed and keep those monitors on.”

  “Thank you,” I said, as she walked out of the room, leaving me alone.

  I looked down and realized I was in a hospital gown. I had no idea where Logan’s shirt was, but I knew I wanted it. I needed the comfort it provided me, but I didn’t see it. I started to get up to look for it. I knew I had been wearing it, and I was suddenly terrified that someone had thrown it away. “Oh, no, where is it?” I asked, scanning the room. “Oh, no you don’t, you get back into that bed!” my aunt scolded from the doorway.

  “Where is it? Where’s his…shirt?” I asked, openly crying now.

  “It’s okay, Delaney. It’s in the drawer next to you,” she said.

  “Oh, thank you,” I said, sighing with relief as I pulled it out of the drawer. “I know it’s stupid, and it’s just a shirt…but it’s his and I…” I was hugging it to me for dear life.