Subtle Reminders

by D. J. Pierson

  “Joe. If he would’ve found out and none of us were able to stop him, he would’ve lost everything.” She sat hunched over, her arms on her knees. “Knowing my son, he would’ve hunted my nephew down and did his worst. When it comes to you, there’s nothing more important to him. Joe’s career would’ve been over before it had even started. I’ve seen and heard of people dismissed from the academy for far less. He’s taken plenty of horrible people off the streets. I’ve lost track of the number of innocent people he’s saved or simply helped out in a time of need. If he weren’t a cop, some of them wouldn’t be with us today.” I thought of Payton and the guy at the batting cages. What he did for those two alone made me proud.

  “I cannot even begin to fathom all you’ve been through as a result of such a decision, nor could I imagine what I’d do if in your shoes. What you did to protect him and his career was selfless and brave. As his mother, I wholeheartedly thank you for thinking of him ahead of yourself. Now, with all that said…” Donna cleared her throat, sitting up and glaring at me. “Don’t you ever pull a stunt like this again. I mean it, Brielle. When one of us hurts, we all hurt, but we do it together. We work through it together. Understand?” I nodded, afraid if I opened my mouth, the sobbing would return. “Good.” She embraced me in a warm hug. “I’ve always loved you, Brielle, and I always will. Please don’t feel like you can’t come to me. I’m here for you.”

  Maddie pranced into the room, trotted past Joey, and came directly to me. She pushed her way in between Donna and me, making herself comfortable.

  “At least she’s cute,” I joked.

  “Yeah. I’ll give her that.” Donna rubbed the puppy’s ears.

  “Ready?” Joey asked, reaching for my hand. I took it and he tugged me to his side, kissing my cheek.

  After saying goodbye to his parents, Joey drove me to his place. We didn’t wait for Jack to get home. We went straight to Joey’s room and got ready for bed. Before climbing in next to me, he paused. “I don’t want to forget to give this back to you.” He studied the laminated picture he had shoved into his pocket for safekeeping, then tried to hand it to me. I told him to hang onto that one. There were more copies of it, including the original, which I kept in a locked, fireproof box in the bottom of a closet at my house in Connecticut.

  We curled up under the blankets. My head rested on his chest, and he encircled me with both arms.

  “What was my mom saying?”

  “That she understood. She thanked me for putting you first, then pretty much threatened me if I ever did it again.”

  He chuckled. “Sounds like her.”

  “Are you sure you want me here?”

  “Yes,” he quickly replied. “I keep thinking of you lying alone in a hospital hours away while I did nothing.”

  “I wasn’t alone.” I told him about Celia and how, even when her shift ended, she didn’t leave me.

  “I wasn’t with you. That means you were alone.” There was no arguing with him. “The night I called and you asked me to let you go, were you still there?”

  “It was my first night back at the dorm. The doctor had finally released me late that evening. I hadn’t slept in a couple days, so they gave me something to take when I got to my room. I was only asleep an hour when you called. Rebecca woke me up because I didn’t hear the phone ringing.”

  “She knew?”

  “No. I only told her things were worse than I originally thought because of the fall. She didn’t pry, and I didn’t offer anything else.”

  “How did she live with you and not know?”

  “She always respected my privacy, as I did hers. It was how we got along so well for four years.”

  “What about Lex?”

  “My sister was too young. I’d never burden her with something like that.”

  “She’s not a kid anymore.”

  “No, but it’s not a good time.”

  “Will it ever be?”

  I sighed. “I don’t know.”

  “She’d want to know.”

  “Probably.”

  He chuckled. “Damn, you’re stubborn.”

  I smirked. “So I’ve been told.”

  He thought a bit. “Do you ever think how different our lives would’ve been?”

  “Every day.”

  “And it hasn’t gotten any easier?”

  “No. Some days it hurts more than others, but it’s always there. Spring is a very rough time. April would’ve been the month we became parents. May has Mother’s Day, and June has Father’s Day. The other holidays suck, too. It’s a constant reminder of all that could’ve been. The beginning of September is the hardest because that’s when everything happened.” I twisted the ring on my finger.

  Joey lifted my hand to get a closer look. “It’s pretty.”

  “I bought it in memory of our angel. Diamond is the stone for April, and Sapphire is for September.”

  “You bought it?” He seemed relieved.

  “Yes. I got it exactly one year later. I haven’t taken it off since.” I’d been holding back tears, but some snuck out. “The absolute worst part of the whole thing is not knowing the gender. It seems so unfair to have never been told whether we had a girl or a boy.”

  “I’m so sorry, Buttercup.”

  “Me, too.” Using the t-shirt Joey had given me, I dabbed my face. “Joey?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Why don’t you hate me?”

  He adjusted us so we faced each other. “That’s never been an option.”

  “You have every reason to.”

  “I can’t think of one.”

  “Joey–”

  He placed his fingers on my lips. “I’m in love with you, B. Always have been. Nothing you say or do will ever change that.” He replaced his fingers with his lips for a short, sweet kiss. “It’s been a shitty night. I’m going to hold you until I fall asleep. Okay?” He wasn’t actually asking for permission.

  I lay there long after he dozed off. Luckily, a spring rain began in the early hours of the next day. I heard the tapping of raindrops, so I started counting. I didn’t even make it to ten.

  “Maddie.” Yelling without raising the volume of my voice was extremely ineffective.

  “Will you shut the fuck up already?” My brother stumbled out of his room, half-asleep. “Why the hell are you torturing the poor dog?”

  “She won’t leave BC’s side and I have to go.” I’d gotten ready for work as quietly as I could. BC had barely slept, so I didn’t want to wake her just yet.

  Dramatically, he fell on the couch, throwing his head back. “Let them sleep. I’ll be here. Why aren’t you taking the day off like you were told?”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “I’ve been off too much lately.”

  “So? And stop staring at her. It’s creeping me out.” I couldn’t help it. My girls looked so peaceful lying together. Whenever I called Maddie’s name, she’d look up, then set her head back on BC’s arm. She knew where she was supposed to be. I gently pulled the door shut.

  “I have to force myself to think about this shit. It’s hard when BC’s watching and questioning every second I’m not talking. She feels bad enough as it is. I don’t want to make it worse for her.”

  “You don’t give her the credit she deserves.” I looked at him, not knowing where he was going. “She’s tougher than you think. That’s one of the problems between you two.”

  “You’re an expert on us now?”

  Jack leaned forward. “I totally get the whole need to protect her from anything you possibly can. I also get she feels the same way, but that bullshit only goes so far, Joe.”

  “But I didn’t fucking protect her! I was in the same house when Don touched her. Then I wasn’t there when he knocked her down a flight of steps. She spent almost a week in the hospital alone. I was never fucking there!”

  “At least now we’re getting to the root of your problem.” He rubbed his chin. “This is exactly
why you should take some time off. Work this shit out in your head.” I took the picture from my pocket and sat down on the chair. “She was right, you know.”

  “About what?”

  “If she would have told you about the baby, nothing would’ve prevented you from going after him. I’ve seen how you can be, Joe.”

  “And you wouldn’t have?”

  “I’m not saying that at all. If I’m being completely honest, that son of a bitch better hope he and I never cross paths again. The only reason I didn’t go after him last night was Pop tailed me home and threatened to put a patrol car out front. It’s not even my kid and it hurts like hell, man. I can’t imagine how you must feel.” He inhaled deeply, then slowly exhaled, getting control. “I have no idea what you and Brie decided, but I really hope you can move forward together. You’ll need each other more than ever now. If you’re apart, neither of you will ever heal from this. I think you’ve both suffered enough.” He stood, lightly punching my shoulder. “Besides, if you and Brie can’t work it out, that’ll just ruin any hope I may have had at finding someone.” Jack headed for his room. “Watch your back out there, Sullivan.”

  BC was still sound asleep when I opened the door and snuck a peek. Unable to resist, I tiptoed to the side of the bed and kissed her cheek. I couldn’t wait to get home again.

  Pop stalled as long as he could before summoning me to his office. Discussing feelings was never one of our things. “I don’t understand,” he started right when I walked in. “You were given the opportunity to stay in bed with a beautiful woman, yet here you are.” He shook his head. “I’ve failed as a father.”

  “Cute, old man.” I dropped into the chair next to his desk. It was more comfortable than the one in front of it. Plus, it felt like I was in trouble if I sat in the other.

  “You used to be such a good kid. Growing up, we rarely punished you. You were the complete opposite of your brother. Where’s the kid who listened and did what he was told?”

  “I needed to get out for a bit. Figured I’d put in a few hours.”

  “How are you holding up?”

  “If you mean other than the fact I could’ve spent the last seven years raising our kid with the only woman I’ve ever loved instead of missing the shit out of her, I’m fan-fucking-tastic.”

  “I’m sorry, son. It’s a hard pill to swallow.”

  “Something like that,” I mumbled, brushing at a piece of lint on my navy pants.

  “Your mother is a mess. She feels terrible about the whole situation, but even more so for not giving Brie the benefit of the doubt.”

  “Yeah, I’m kicking myself for the same thing.”

  “How did things go after you left?”

  I shrugged. “We talked a little. I didn’t want to bombard her with too much at once.”

  “Makes sense,” he agreed.

  “I was thinking of taking a trip to the shore for a few days. It might be easier to work out some stuff without distractions.”

  “Sounds like a decent plan. Your time off is approved. Just give me a heads-up when you’re ready to come back.”

  “Wow. I didn’t even submit the paperwork.”

  “Don’t think it’s because you’re special or anything. I’d do this for anyone.”

  “Yeah. I know.” I pushed out of the chair and held out my hand. He didn’t shake it, but pulled me in for a hug instead.

  “I’m really sorry, Joe. We’re all feeling this.”

  “Thanks, Pop.”

  The few hours I intended to work turned into a nearly ten-hour shift. While finishing a quick errand for my dad, a call came over about an accident two blocks from my location. I responded only to find out it was more intentional than accidental. Some prick found out his ex-girlfriend was in a new relationship and he wasn’t very happy about it. He waited until she left work at lunchtime, then rammed into the back of her SUV at the first traffic light. When I got on the scene, he had already taken off, but witnesses said he was screaming at the victim and banging on the driver’s side window, trying to gain access. Good thing she was smart enough to keep the doors locked.

  The manhunt lasted hours. Ironically, I located the son of a bitch at the residence of a woman he’d cheated with, which caused the breakup in the first place. Of course, he resisted arrest and gave me a bunch of shit. By the time I got his ass locked up, I was fully convinced a long vacation would do me good. While writing the report, I contemplated quitting and looking for a nine-to-five job that didn’t involve wasting taxpayer’s money on dirtbags. Unfortunately, I’d never survive that kind of work.

  Jack had left Maddie with my mom so she wouldn’t be alone the whole day. I planned on grabbing her, but couldn’t wait any longer to get to BC. After changing at the station, I drove straight to the Watson’s. The silver Acura wasn’t in the driveway, so I went inside. Barb and Rich were sitting at the kitchen table. They seemed as bummed as my parents had.

  “She told you?” Barb asked. When I nodded, she shot up from her chair to hug me. “How could something like this have happened to my little girl and I not know about it?” Her body shook as she cried, so I held her tighter.

  “This is why she kept it from us. She didn’t want anyone feeling like this.” Trying to reassure her when I felt the same heartache was difficult.

  “That doesn’t make it any easier,” she wept.

  “I know.”

  Rich came over, offered an apologetic glance, and forced Barb to release her grip from my shirt. I thought of telling him to let her get it out of her system, but I just didn’t have it in me. “Where is she?”

  Barb seemed surprised. “She didn’t text you?”

  “No. Was she supposed to?” I dug my phone out of my pocket to double check. The last text between us was the one I sent her, explaining I’d be home later than planned.

  “I assumed she would have.”

  “Was I supposed to meet her somewhere?”

  “She left,” Rich spit out.

  “To go where?”

  “Connecticut.”

  No. That wasn’t possible. He was fucking with me. “What?! When?”

  “Probably three hours ago. Maybe a little less.”

  “Why the hell did you let her leave?”

  “It’s not like we can ground her, Joe,” Barb pointed out.

  “Like hell you can’t!” I yelled, lifting my baseball hat to scratch my head. Three hours? She’d be out of New Jersey. A call from my cell would definitely be ignored, so I rushed over to the phone hanging on the wall.

  It rang twice before she answered. “Mom, please stop trying to talk me out of this.”

  “What if I try?”

  “Joey…” BC hadn’t expected to hear my voice.

  “Turn around.”

  “No.”

  “B–

  “It’s better this way.”

  “For who?” I snapped. She didn’t say anything. “How could you tell me all that shit and walk away? You didn’t even give me a fucking second to think!” Yelling probably wasn’t the best idea. “Please, come home so we can talk about this. If you’d rather, I can meet you somewhere in the middle.”

  “There’s nothing left and we both know it.”

  “Don’t give me that shit, Brielle!” My temper flared. “Get your ass home!”

  “I’m going back where I belong.”

  “Are you fucking kidding?!” She pushed too far. “You fucking belong with me, B! How many times do I have to tell you that?”

  I heard her getting choked up. “It’s too late for us, Joey. I’m sorry.”

  “B!” I yelled, but she had already disconnected. Harshly banging the phone on the receiver, I spun and glared at Barb. “This is all your fault!”

  She jumped in shock. “How do you figure?!”

  “Because she gets this stubborn shit from you!”

  Barb and Rich exchanged a look. He shrugged. “I told you so.”

  She frowned at him, then looked at me again. “
Telling us has been really hard on her. We need to give her a couple days to calm down.”

  “No! No fucking way!”

  “Joe!” Barb called as I bolted for the front of the house.

  “I’m done with her bullshit!” I hollered over my shoulder and walked out, slamming the door behind me.

  A cold, wet dog nose in my face was a lot more pleasant to wake up to than I would’ve assumed, especially with dark brown eyes accompanying it. My eyelids only raised slightly, but it triggered a full-blown greeting, complete with kisses. It was as if I’d been gone months, not beside her all night.

  “Wow,” Jack commented when I walked into the kitchen. He sat at the table, drinking coffee. His hair was disheveled but, other than that minor flaw, he was wide awake and ready to face the day.

  “I feel like I’ve been drinking for three days,” I grumbled. Maddie’s full bowl was on the counter, so I lowered it to the ground for her.

  “That’s weird. From here, it looks like the drinking binge lasted at least a week.”

  “I hope you’re a better cop than comedian.”

  He laughed. “Drugs are in the cabinet over the sink. Help yourself.”

  I waved him off, collecting my stuff and finding my car keys. “I’m heading to my parents and crashing. I’ll live.”

  “Hey, Brie? You know I’m here if you need anything, right?”

  “Yeah. Thanks, Jack.”

  “It’s really important you don’t forget.” I smiled and got out of there before he said anything else.

  Mom and Dad weren’t home, so I slept a few more hours. However, once I made my way downstairs again, they were waiting in the kitchen. My father smothered me in a hug so desperate, I nearly started crying all over again. Apparently, he was informed of the situation.

  “I’m not sure whether to hold you forever, scream at you for being so stubborn, or find the son of a bitch and kill him with my own two hands.”

  “Forever will be over really quick if you don’t let me breathe,” I choked out.

  He loosened his grip slightly. “Sorry,” he whispered.

  Mom grabbed a sandwich from the refrigerator. “Here, honey. Eat something.” Although eating was the furthest thing from my mind, my stomach growled. Why did she think stuffing your face cured all of life’s problems? Maybe she simply didn’t know what else to do or say. To please her, I moved to the table, my parents sitting on either side of me. The walls began closing in.