by Debra Doxer
Gwen slumps in her chair. “What am I thinking? My parents won’t let me ride in a car driven by a boy they’ve never met.”
“Really?” I ask.
Her head nods miserably. “They’re kind of severely strict about that stuff. Will your brother let you go?”
I shrug. “It never occurred to me to ask him.”
“How about if I drive us and we can meet them there?” she suggests, looking a little perkier.
“Um, sure,” I answer, feeling both relieved and disappointed at this new development. “Then we can leave when we want to,” I add, realizing that Gwen having her car there could be handy in case I lose it again.
Gwen drums her fingers on the table. “This is going to be so cool. Have you met Chad Bleeker yet?”
I shake my head. “No. But I’ve heard of him.”
“It’s not surprising that you haven’t met him. He’s not exactly in any of our AP classes if you know what I mean. But if you saw him, you’d remember. His head is completely shaved and pretty much everything on him is pierced—at least everything you can see.” She raises her eyes brows up and down to punctuate her point. “And he has these tattoo sleeves that are unbelievably intricate. He must have sat for weeks for those.”
“That’s a pretty detailed description,” I comment.
“You can’t miss that dude when he’s around,” Tyler says.
“So we’re on for Saturday?” Gwen asks.
I nod, feeling a little tremor of excitement. “We’re on.”
After school, Gwen offers to drive me to the ice cream shop. She’s already worrying about what she’s going to wear on Saturday night.
“How about black?” I suggest.
“Very funny.”
I turn away from the passing landscape and watch as Gwen fiddles with the radio. “What was up with that yellow shirt yesterday?” I ask. “I really liked it. You looked nice and kind of optimistic. It threw me.”
She stops on a familiar Disturbed song, “Stupify”, turning it up so loudly that conversation is impossible. I reach over and turn it down. “You don’t want to tell me?”
She glances at me. “It was just a yellow shirt. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Okay,” I say using a tone that lets her know I don’t believe her at all.
She nibbles her lip while she drives. “I wear whatever fits my mood,” she admits grudgingly. “Lately, it’s been a lot of black. Yesterday, I didn’t feel like all black. That’s all.”
I grin at her. “That’s kind of what I figured. I just wanted to hear you say it.”
“I’m sorry you’re not riding with Lucas because of me,” she says after a moment. “I was thinking I could tell my parents I was going to your house instead. That way we could go with everyone else and they wouldn’t have to know.”
“No. Don’t lie to your parents for me. If you’re doing it because you want to ride with Jake though, that’s another story.”
“Jake is not going to happen,” she states.
“Neither is Lucas.”
“But Lucas offered to take you. He wouldn’t do that if he didn’t like you,” she argues.
“He’s taking a bunch of people, not just me.”
She sighs heavily. “He’s into you. Stop arguing with me about it, okay? He was watching you all through lunch.”
I shake my head as I look out the window. “That doesn’t mean anything. I catch him looking at me too sometimes, but then he just acts like a moody ass to me.”
“Maybe if you gave him a little encouragement, he wouldn’t act that way.”
“I don’t want to encourage him. Besides, I was being perfectly nice to him today. He was friendly this morning and everything was fine before he did a one-eighty back to jerkdom again.”
“There it is,” Gwen said, pointing to a small storefront on the first block of the small downtown area.
The place is called Scoops and it has a red and white striped awning. “Is it a good idea to open an ice cream store in a place that’s freezing cold most of the year? Do people want ice cream during the winter?”
Gwen parallel parks her car in front of the store. “Ice cream isn’t a seasonal thing. The Dairy Queen in Ridgeton is packed all year round. Look, there’s a Help Wanted sign in the window.”
Gwen waits in the car for me while I go inside. It’s a typical ice cream shop with some round café tables and a large counter that lines the entire right side of the store. Beneath a glass top are metal tubs filled with colorful ice cream flavors. Beside it is a topping station table.
The girl behind the counter gives me an application to fill out. When I hand it back to her, she tells me she’ll pass it on to the owner. Her complete disinterest doesn’t give me much encouragement.
“She’s not here to be our free babysitting service, Chloe,” Kyle says.
“I know that. But we did take her in. She could help out a little. Babysitting so we can go out for a change isn’t asking too much of her.”
I’m hovering on the landing that leads to the basement. They obviously don’t know I’m standing here. I was on my way up when I heard them, and their tone made me pause.
“At least ask her,” Chloe pleads.
“I’m not asking her. She’s going to feel obligated to say yes. I don’t want to put her in that position.”
“You’re being ridiculous, the way you tiptoe around her.”
Penelope comes around the corner and spots me. “We’re having pizza for dinner, Raielle. Do you like pizza?”
With that, both Kyle and Chloe turn to see me standing there. Kyle rubs a hand over his face while Chloe moves quickly and starts setting the kitchen table. When we sit down to dinner, everyone is quiet. After a few moments, I say, “I wouldn’t mind babysitting.”
Kyle sighs. Chloe continues cutting Penelope’s pizza slice into tiny bites. “Thank you, Raielle,” he says.
“How about this Saturday night?” Chloe asks.
My pizza pauses on the way to my mouth. “I actually have plans this Saturday. But I could do it any other time.”
“What are your plans?” Kyle asks curiously.
I glance at Chloe to gauge her reaction, but her attention is back on Penelope. “My friend Gwen and I are going to a place called Atlas. Myles and his friends are going, too,” I add.
“Who is Gwen?” he asks.
“A girl from school. She just moved here last year.”
“Atlas is an all ages club with live music,” Chloe tells Kyle. “My friend Maya used to work there.”
“Is this Gwen driving?” he asks.
I nod, wondering where this is going.
Kyle clears his throat. “I’m glad you’re making friends, Raielle. Just make sure you’re home by midnight. I think that’s a reasonable curfew.”
I nearly smile at how uncomfortable giving me a curfew makes him. For some reason, his discomfort makes the curfew fine with me.
The rest of the week passes quickly. Lucas isn’t rude anymore, but he isn’t exactly warm and fuzzy either. He says hello and sometimes we walk between classes together, but our conversation is limited to homework, as in “did you finish the English assignment”. It’s awkward, but I don’t know how to fix it, and I don’t think he does either. For all I know, he doesn’t even want to.
I avoid the main stairwell at the end of each day, instead going out of my way to take the back stairs. I don’t know who brushed by me that afternoon, but I don’t want it to happen again.
There is one piece of good news this week.
“Do your friends get free ice cream?” Gwen asks at lunch on Friday. I got the call last night. The afternoon before, I had an interview over the phone with Stacy, the owner, and the next day she hired me to work three afternoons a week, including Saturdays. I wanted more hours, but that’s all she has right now.
I take a bite of my turkey sandwich. “Let me work there for a while before I begin subsidizing your ice cream habit.”
“Whe
n do you start?” she asks.
“Next week. I work Tuesdays and Thursdays from three to seven and Saturdays from one to five.” I haven’t told Kyle and Chloe yet. I know Kyle won’t be happy but I have a feeling Chloe won’t mind my being out of the house more.
“How will you get back and forth?” Gwen asks. “Is your brother letting you borrow the car?”
I shake my head. “I’ll walk.”
Her eyes go wide. “At night? By yourself?”
I chuckle at her reaction. “It’s only a few miles and seven o’clock isn’t late. I walked home through downtown San Diego much later than that.”
“What if it’s raining?”
I shrug, unconcerned.
“I’ll pick you up,” she says.
“What?” I put down the chip I was about to bite into. “You’re not picking me up. Thanks, but no.”
“I can’t believe he won’t let you borrow the car,” she says, not letting this go for some reason.
I sigh. “Look, I haven’t asked them. I don’t have a license anyway. So it doesn’t matter.”
She blinks at me like what I said doesn’t compute. “You don’t have a license?” she asks incredulously.
“Who doesn’t have a license?” Myles asks from behind me.
“Raielle,” Gwen says, turning to look up at him.
“You don’t have a license?” Myles repeats with disbelief.
I roll my eyes at them and start shoving the remains of my lunch into my bag. “We never owned a car. So, I never learned to drive. It’s not a big deal.” I stand up trying to indicate the conversation is over.
He and Gwen follow me out into the hall. “Raielle never learned to drive. She doesn’t have a license,” Myles muses. I turn around to see who he’s talking to. I turn right back when I see that it’s Lucas.
“It’s a rite of passage. It’s a major milestone in a teenager’s life,” Myles continues as he walks behind me.
“You should sign up for driver’s ed,” Gwen suggests. “I think it’s after school. You’ll have to take the class with all the sophomores though,” she snickers.
“I’m not taking driver’s ed. I don’t have time.” We’re standing at the doors that will take everyone in different directions. I’m about to push my way through them to escape.
“You don’t need to take a class. I can teach you,” Lucas says.
I turn and practically gape at him.
“That’s a great idea,” Gwen says with barely contained glee.
Myles places a hand on my shoulder. “You should get your license, Raielle. You may not own a car now, but you’ll want to be able to drive someday.”
I glance at them. Gwen and Myles smile supportively, but Lucas narrows his eyes at me, like he’s daring me to accept his offer.
“Fine,” I answer, my eyes on his, meeting the challenge I see in them. I won’t admit to them that I’ve always wanted to get my license. If it were Gwen offering instead of Lucas, I’d be jumping up and down right now. “Thank you,” I tell him, not sure why he made the offer in the first place. I’m already regretting accepting it despite the traitorous parts of me that are gleeful at the idea of spending more time with him.
Myles squeezes my shoulder before releasing it. “Are we going to see you guys tomorrow night?” he asks.
“We’ll see you there,” Gwen replies.
I never got around to telling Lucas I didn’t need a ride from him. I’m wondering if he’s annoyed about it when he reaches out and touches my arm lightly.
“We’ll make arrangements later,” he says. Then he and Myles disappear through the doors. Predictably, Gwen bounces on her feet with a huge conspiratorial grin.
“You could have offered to give me driving lessons,” I accuse.
“No way. You’re not on my insurance. My parents would flip out if I let you drive my car. Besides you got a better offer.”
“That’s a subjective opinion,” I mumble, hoping it doesn’t turn into a total disaster.
I decide to wear black corduroy leggings, black knee-high boots with a moderately high heel, and a long-sleeved blue sweater. I feel calm and in control, but I’m exposing as little skin as possible to reduce the likelihood of anyone brushing against it.
“You look nice,” Chloe says as her eyes travel over me.
“Back by midnight, right?” Kyle reminds me.
I nod.
“You have your cell phone?” he asks.
I nod again.
His eyes move over me. “Where?”
“Right here.” My hands are empty, but my leggings have some back and side zipper pockets. I tap them for Kyle. Earlier, I had to ask him to loan me ten dollars for the cover charge. He handed it over easily enough. But now that I have a job, I feel better knowing I can pay him back, or at least not have to ask him again.
A car horn beeps outside. “I’ll see you later,” I call as I head out the door.
Gwen rolls down her window and yells “Sexxxy laaady!” at me. I’m thankful I heard Lucas’s truck leave earlier. I can only hope that Kyle and Chloe did not hear that.
“Shout a little louder. I don’t think they heard you in Albany,” I tell Gwen as I climb into her car and try to see her in the dark. “What are you wearing?”
“Black.” She cranks up the radio as she pulls away from the house. She’s got her iPod plugged into the dash. Again, a Disturbed tune plays, and I wonder if she owns any other music. Maybe something written in the last decade? But I do recognize the song. It’s “Remember”. I swallow the lump in my throat when the chorus begins. My mom used to listen to this when she was having a rough time. Instead of making me upset though, I’m grateful for the reminder of her. I hardly thought of her at all today and that realization fills me with remorse.
“Do you have some kind of ID?” Gwen asks. “Even though it’s all ages, I think that actually means something else when Isolation plays. They say fuck a lot and I think Chad dropped his pants once.”
My mouth hangs open. “Are you serious? Isn’t that indecent exposure?”
She shrugs.
I shake my head and tell her that I do have ID. I don’t tell her my only ID is a fake though. Apollo had it made for me so I could get into clubs to see a band he was backing. The band was actually pretty good. I just hope the bouncers here don’t balk at my phony California ID.
Atlas is a mob scene. Cars line the street for blocks as we approach it. A blue and red neon sign with the club’s name flashes over the door casting a garish glow over the crowd of people waiting to get in. “Oh my god,” I mutter, eyeing the line.
“I’ve heard people come from all over. Isolation has a decent following around here. Where the heck are we going to park? There!” she yells, spotting a car leaving.
Once we’re on the sidewalk, I realize how tight Gwen’s black jersey dress is. Though it covers her from neck to knee, it leaves little to the imagination. She’s paired it with black combat boots, and she’s pulling it all off with her usual aplomb. In my heels, I tower over her as we join the masses by the door.
The night is unusually warm. Heavy rain clouds hang low in the sky, thickening the air with moisture. “Hey, that’s Myles up there,” Gwen says. “He’s waving us over. Come on.” She grabs my hand and pulls me toward the front. People shoot us dirty looks as we bypass them.
“You made it,” Myles grins at us. April has her hands wrapped around his waist. “Lucas and Jake are already inside. April wanted to wait for Sophie and Kellie, but they’re unfashionably late. So, we’re heading in.”
The bouncer is a tall serious guy with a severe flat-top that’s gelled into spikes. He glances at everyone’s ID and lets them pass. But he holds up his hand to me. He takes my ID from my hand and examines it. I stand calmly watching him. Finally, he hands it back to me, fastens a green band around my wrist, and lets me pass. Once inside, I pay the cover charge and locate everyone waiting for me by another interior door.
Myles’s eyes go directly to
my wrist. “You’ve got a twenty-one and over bracelet. You can get us all drinks.”
“I’m not getting anyone drinks.” I try to rip the band off but it won’t give at all.
Gwen gets my attention and ushers me through the next door. The moment it opens, a driving rhythm assaults me, pulsing all around us. The club is dimly lit, and the people inside are moving shadows as they bounce to the music.
“This must be the opening band,” Gwen yells beside my ear.
We make a path through the crowd so we can see the stage better. Once it’s in view, I see an overweight guy dressed all in leather screaming his guts out into the microphone. It actually looks a little painful for him. Gwen turns to me and pretends to stick a finger down her throat. “Let’s get something to drink,” she suggests.
When we reach the bar, Gwen pushes me in front of her.
“Stop manhandling me.” I raise my voice to be heard over the din. “I don’t have any money for drinks anyway.”
“It’s on me. Get us a couple of sodas.” She shoves some bills into my hand.
I roll my eyes at her and wait to be noticed. It doesn’t take long. “What can I get you?” a seriously built bartender in a black Atlas T-shirt asks me. The girls around me, who have been waiting longer, turn to me and scowl.
“A Diet Coke,” I reply. He raises his eyebrows in surprise, but quickly pours the drink and hands it to me. I deliver it to Gwen and give her the change.
“Where’s yours?” she asks, taking the cold glass from me.
“I didn’t want one.”
She narrows her eyes. “How about we get some real drinks next?” she asks. “Would you want one of those?”
I shake my head at her and watch as she purses her lips in mild annoyance.
“You’re handy in a crowd, California girl,” Myles says beside me, flashing his dimples. “We spotted you towering over everyone from across the club.”
Behind Myles I see Jake, who has Kellie glued to his side, and Lucas who I’m actually not towering over despite my heels. He is heart-stoppingly handsome tonight in a black long sleeve jersey that fits him like a glove putting an impressive amount of muscle on display. His dark hair is pushed off his face revealing the hard planes of his brow and cheeks. When my eyes find his, I feel a jolt at their intensity. He’s like a laser fixed on me, and my whole body starts to heat.
