by T. T. Kove
Silver was the more perspective one of them. Kian was sweet and caring, but he could be a bit oblivious at times. He had such a good life that as long as something wasn’t physically wrong with someone else, he had a hard time catching on sometimes. “He is. She doesn’t know… and now she’s in France and I haven’t talked to her in months. Even if I did talk to her I have no idea what I’d say.”
“The truth?” Kian suggested.
“I don’t want to ruin her friendship with Alistair. No matter what he was to me, he’s a good friend to other people.” To Mathilda and Nick, at least, they’d been a trio ever since they started A-levels. I hadn’t been a part of it, but Mathilda and I had bonded through dance and I’d fancied Alistair so much and Nick had ended up becoming Adam’s boyfriend. Even back then Adam had been a good friend of mine; a result of both our older brothers being close friends, we’d kind of been forced together in the beginning and then hit it off.
Kian tilted his head against mine. “I can’t believe he’d be so cruel to you. You’re the sweetest guy I know.”
“He’s got issues,” I murmured. I didn’t hate Alistair… not really. I pitied him, was more like it. I’d always known I was gay and I’d never had any problem with it. But then my parents had always been open and honest and supportive. I’d never been afraid they wouldn’t accept me for exactly who I was.
“That doesn’t excuse it.” Kian finally relented his tight grip around me, green eyes glancing briefly at Wynn, who sat leant back next to me, elbow on the arm of the sofa, chin in palm. “How long have you two—? Ever since you started working at the club?”
“Oh, no,” I hurried to say, because really… did he think I’d been living with Al and been with Wynn for two whole months before things changed? “Only a week, really. It’s not that long, I know, but…” I trailed of, not sure what I’d been about to say.
Kian hitched his eyebrows. “A week? And you’re living together?”
“Yeah, well…” I glanced at Wynn but for once he was no help, sitting there all quiet like a clam. Then again, this was my brother, his boyfriend; they were my family and Wynn had clearly told me he wasn’t good with people. “You’re one to talk.” I jumped on the defensive. “You practically moved in with Silver after you shagged him too.”
“I didn’t officially move in. I still lived with Chloe for months,” he pointed out.
“Still, you spent almost every night with him.” I sighed. “We’re doing okay so far. I mean, as long as we’re both fine with the situation there’s nothing wrong with it right?” And yes, maybe it was weird to live together when it’d only been a week, but did it matter? We were fine. We were getting to know each other. And if we worked out… we’d continue living together anyway. If we didn’t… well, then I’d have to figure something else out. “You can’t know how things will turn out unless you try. And you two’ve been doing wonderfully for years now.”
I’d always been jealous of what they’d had. I’d fancied Silver when Kian had first brought him around—fancied him a lot—but it’d been obvious he and Kian were made for each other. Silver was calm where Kian could be excitable. He was tall and muscular and tattooed, where Kian was small and slim and pale. They were opposites, yet they fit so nicely together.
Wynn and I… we were opposites too. I could only dream of the kind of relationship Kian and Silver had—but maybe that dream wasn’t so far off now? Maybe I could have that too… That was all I’d ever wanted, after all. Even botching my audition wasn’t so bad if I could only have someone who liked me as much as I liked them, who didn’t treat me horribly, and like I was a dirty little secret.
“Wynn treats me well,” I said then, voice clear and sure. “He would never hurt me like Al’s done. He hurt Al last night—but he’d never raise his fist to me.” Wynn’s hands were always so gentle. Speaking of… I reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing tightly, and giving him a small smile when he glanced at me. “I like what we have so far.” I wasn’t sure if I was speaking to him now or my brother. I was still looking at Wynn anyway, so it was probably mostly meant for him—and if it gave Kian some peace of mind in the process too, then that was good. “I want to see how we do from here. I think… we’ll be good together.”
I had so much love to give. And I didn’t think he’d ever received any. Maybe from his dead boyfriend, but… from what Chad had said about him, it probably hadn’t been the healthiest of relationships. I might’ve been damaged by Alistair… but because of that, I definitely knew what not to do in a relationship. And I had good role models in my brother and his boyfriend; they’d started as a one-off and had been together for years. There was nothing against Wynn and I ending up like that too. We could. No one knew, because no one could tell what the future held.
And wasn’t that a little nice? That there was an endless stretch of time ahead of us, where no one could tell what would happen, and only we ourselves could work for the best outcome?
“Well, you sure look happier now,” Silver pointed out, leaning back with a small smile. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile as much before.”
I scratched the back of my neck awkwardly.
Kian smirked. “Well, granted, when he was younger he was too busy blushing over you, babe, to ever be able to show his face much.”
“Now, come on—” Did he have to bring that up? I knew I’d been pretty obvious, but hell. Silver was sitting right there. Not to mention Wynn—he didn’t need to know I’d fancied my brother’s boyfriend back when I was a teenager.
Wynn squeezed my hand, bringing my attention to him. I smiled, albeit it in embarrassment. That wry grin of his was in place.
Kian bumped me gently. “You were so adorable back then.”
“Was not,” I mumbled.
“You were. Fancying Silver so much…” He bumped me lightly again. “And then, well, then I guess Al happened and you didn’t—I don’t know. I never noticed it. Maybe because we didn’t grow up together so I didn’t know you all that well…”
That was true. Kian had only been in our lives a few months by the time he’d met Silver, after all.
“But you clearly had some suspicions.” He cast a narrowed look at Silver.
Silver shrugged. “I knew him even less than you. For the first couple of years he hardly ever spoke in my presence, after all.” I blushed at that, because yeah, it was totally true. “And then when he told us about Alistair and it was all such a secret… Hell, I don’t know. It’s weird, is all. Even Damian is more open about his emotions than you two were about your relationship, and Damian’s so closed-off at times he might as well be a rock.”
I snorted, thinking about his best friend.
Kian clapped his hands together, turning to me again. “How about dinner tomorrow? In a restaurant? Because we can do that now, right?”
I drew back in surprise. Kian had asked me before if Al and I wanted to go out for dinner, but Al had always shut that down. He was more than happy to go over to their place for dinner—to charm them—but out in public with two femme gay guys? No way.
“Yeah, sure,” Wynn said, speaking for the first time since Kian and Silver had entered his flat. “Jeremy’s new restaurant is quite good.”
“Jeremy?” I asked faintly, surprised he’d said yes and yet giddy with the simple thought that he didn’t mind being out in public with me. He’d even go out with my brother and his boyfriend! He, who only a little while ago, had kept insisting he wasn’t a people person.
“One of Chad’s guys,” he explained. “He’s a chef.”
“Oh, right.” I hadn’t known that, but then I didn’t know Chad. He hadn’t said much about his two boyfriends the night before. Mostly, we’d quietly watched the movie and then Wynn had been home, so it had been time for Chad to leave.
“I didn’t know he’d switched jobs,” Kian said, beaming. “But sure, we can go there. Just give us the details and we’ll sort out a time, and meet up tomorrow, okay?”
&n
bsp; My heart beat in my chest.
I had a new boyfriend and Kian didn’t seem to dislike him as much as I’d thought he did. Maybe now he’d actually met Wynn—with me—his perception of him had changed. I sure hoped so. They were all even willing to go to dinner. I gripped the front of my jumper, over my heart. I could feel it beat and I bowed my head as a smile slowly stretched my lips.
Is this happiness?
Then it’s nothing like anything I’ve ever felt before.
If it was… it was wonderful. A week wasn’t a long time, but it was long enough to change my life around completely.
Chapter 16
“I’m getting a strong sense of déjà vu again.”
I sniffled and wiped at my eyes, turning my head slightly to look at Wynn, who leant against the bedroom doorway. “I’m sorry, it’s just—” I wiped some more on my face, trying to be rid of the damn tears. “I get so emotional. I’m just happy is all.”
“Yeah?” He came into the room, advancing on me slowly. “That sure is a difference to the night we met.”
I laughed through my tears. “It is, isn’t it?”
His big hand settled on the top of my head, ruffling my hair.
“Mum always says I’m so sensitive. I cry easily. Always have. I’m sorry.” It was a weakness, but I couldn’t help it. When the tears pressed, I couldn’t hold them back.
“Don’t apologise.” He crouched down in front of me, hand slipping from my head to rest on my knee. “There’s nothing wrong with crying. Some people cry a lot, some don’t cry at all. We’re all different.”
“You’re probably in the doesn’t cry at all category,” I commented, chuckling a little.
“Mostly, yeah.” He smiled slightly. “I’ve cried my share though.” He put his other hand on my other knee. “Like when Madison died. After that wasn’t a good time.”
“What was he like?” I asked, remembering what Chad had said, but wanting to hear how Wynn had seen his previous boyfriend.
His lips flattened and he bowed his head so I couldn’t see his expression. I regretted asking, thinking he wouldn’t answer me, but then he started speaking. “He wasn’t anything like you.”
I started. What was that supposed to mean? Was it good? Bad? Or was it just an observation that didn’t really mean anything?
“He was… distant, I guess. But…” He had a hard time finding the words. It was obvious he wasn’t used to speaking about this. “He was a sweetheart, really. He just… His life was shit. His mum was a bitch. And because of his horrible childhood he had a lot of problems. He didn’t even want to tell me most of what had happened to him during his childhood, so I don’t know much of it.” His grip around my knees tightened. “Mine was probably nothing compared to his though.”
I leant forward a little so I could rest my cheek against the top of his head. What was your childhood like then? I wanted to ask, but I didn’t want to push. The fact he was talking about Madison was a bit surprising on its own. We had time to talk about his childhood later—I didn’t need to know now. Even if he never wanted to talk about it, that was fine. I knew him now. I liked the person he was now.
“I knew he had a bit of an interest, or obsession maybe, with death and dying. I just never thought—I never thought he’d do it. Back then it was really hard, especially considering I was thrown in jail and wasn’t even allowed to go to his funeral. I tried to… well, I overdosed and ended up sectioned, so I guess that was rock bottom. Things were hard without him. I had no one anymore—Chad was busy dealing with his own illness and he had his guys. I’d only had Madison.” He paused. “Nowadays though… I like to think he’s better wherever he is now. That he’s not struggling or suffering or worrying. That he’s finally at peace.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck. I hadn’t lost anyone—except my grandparents on both Mum and Dad’s side, but I’d been young then—so I couldn’t imagine what it would be like.
“And sometimes I think—” He drew in a shaky breath. “That perhaps he’s better off dead. Like, when he was alive everything was so difficult for him. Life, being sociable, being with someone, not being with someone… everything was a struggle. And now nothing is, because he’s at peace. I hope he is anyway. No, I think he is. He—yeah, he’s good now. Living isn’t for everyone and he’s better off now.”
I held him tight. I could tell from the way his voice had gone all hoarse and deeper that this was difficult to admit. “I like to think that everyone who dies is at peace. Maybe they’re watching over us or maybe there’s nothing at all after death, but whatever it is, it’s peaceful.”
He made a sound, something between a chuckle and a snort. He pulled away from me and finally lifted his head. His eyes were a little glassy, but other than that I saw no sign of tears. “Yeah. That’s what I like to think too.” He bowed his head again for a little while, gathering himself. When he looked back up, the glassiness was gone too and he grinned wryly. “So, dinner with your brother and his boyfriend tomorrow?”
“I hope you didn’t feel pressured into saying yes to that,” I said, anxiety flooding me. “We can cancel if you want.”
“I wouldn’t have said yes if I didn’t want to.” He straightened, patting my head, then looped his hand around my neck as he sat down next to me. Right next to me, so our thighs and sides pressed together. “Your brother loves you. He wants what’s best for you. And frankly, so do I. I hope—well, yeah, that I can be that person.”
A flush crept up my neck and bled into my cheeks. “You’re already well on your way to being that, you know. No matter how sudden it is, it’s true.”
“It has only been a week,” he mused, staring out at the room at large, one arm bracing him on the bed while the other was still around my neck. “But a relationship’s got to start off somewhere, after all. There’s got to be a certain amount of like and chemistry to make it work, and eventually…”
“Eventually?” I asked when he didn’t continue.
He grimaced slightly. “Well, hopefully the like will bloom into love after a while, yeah?”
I smiled. “Yeah. I hope so. I like you a lot already.”
“I like you a lot too.” He drew me in close to press a chaste kiss to my temple. “Have for a while.” And yes, that was true… he’d watched me before that night a week ago when we met. I tended to forget that, that he’d watched me long before I ever noticed him.
“You’re the best thing that’s happened to me,” I murmured, curling in close to him.
He snorted. “Give it a while. I’m hardly that.”
“You are,” I pressed. “Even Kian and Silver noticed it.” Speaking of… “They interrupted us. Maybe we should continue where we left off?”
“Yeah?” He moved close for a kiss—then froze.
“What?” I blinked.
“I keep forgetting about your lip.”
“Oh.” Right. My damn swollen, sore lip. “There are a lot of other places you can kiss though,” I suggested.
Now he smirked. “Oh, I plan on kissing them, all right.”
A gasp left me as he suddenly shoved me down on the bed, but when his warm, hard body covered mine and his lips attached to my neck, all I could do was sigh happily. “You’re so good to me,” I whispered.
“Shouldn’t I be?” he asked drily.
I tried to suppress the wide smile, but failed majorly. “You better be. We’re wearing too many clothes though. You should do something about that.”
He stripped me slowly, taking his time kissing over the skin that was revealed. He spent extra time on my nipples once my jumper was off, sucking them into hard little nubs before he moved further down. His lips were warm and soft, such a contrast to the slight rasp of stubble. His tongue, when he licked my dick, was hot.
“I wish I could suck you too,” I murmured, gazing down at him.
“Not with that lip you can’t.” His eyes, dark as ever, flicked up to stare at me. “But don’t worry. I’ll make you feel good. You j
ust lie back and enjoy yourself.”
I did. I closed my eyes and simply enjoyed. His hands on my skin, sliding the rest of my clothes off, his tongue, his lips, his mouth on me. All that existed in my tiny little world right then was him. His fingers, longer and thicker than mine, coated with lube and sliding into me. He fucked me gently with his fingers, crooking them a little in search of my prostate. When he found it my world narrowed even further.
When his cock slid into me, all I could do was cling to him. To the wide, strong shoulders that protected me, that I could lean on and cry on. He didn’t judge me and I didn’t annoy him and he wasn’t embarrassed about being seen with me. He didn’t care about any of that.
“Kasey…” He moved my legs so they rested on his shoulder, bending me in half. “Is this okay?”
“Y-yeah,” I choked out, because yes it was! And he was hitting the right spot just perfectly.
“Good.” He quickened his speed, thrusting his hips back and forth, driving his cock deep inside me, right up against my prostate.
I blinked my eyes open to watch him. His face was close to mine, face set in a sort of determined, intense expression, and sweat beaded on his forehead. He looked so fucking good. I grabbed his face, brought it even closer and kissed him. Only that wasn’t a good idea at all—and I turned my head away with a hiss of pain.
He stopped thrusting, stayed buried inside me, and instead cupped my cheek. “You all right?”
“Ahh, yeah.” I berated myself silently for trying to kiss him when I knew I had a swollen lip. Except I’d forgotten all about that in passion and now I suffered for it. “Sorry. I forgot.”
He chuckled, leaning down to kiss my cheek, then the corner of my mouth—on the other side of where my lip was all sore and swollen. “Kissing won’t be a thing for the next few days. Not for you at least.”
“You feel free to kiss me wherever you want except there.” I felt the skin around my lip. It was a little tender too. Dammit.
“Do you want to continue?”
What kind of question was that? “Do you want to stop?”
