Hanging With A Time Surfer

by Celine Chatillon

  "Shit!” Quentin's eyes widened with fear. “Don't tell me you're allergic to cat fur, invisible man."

  "I am,” came the sorrow-filled reply. “Forgive me.” He sneezed again.

  Catriona groaned. “Wonderful. The man you can't see is going to give us away with his incessant noisemaking."

  "We'd better get moving,” Shelby said. “Perhaps Reks and his mates are too large to fit in the narrower sections of this service tube."

  Quentin began climbing. “It gets narrower than this?"

  "In places. However Cat and I made it through with no problems."

  Ivak sneezed again. “I'm sorry, but can you please move your tail, Miss—?"

  "Catriona. And it's not ‘Miss’ by a long shot. I've been married nine times—one for each life."

  "Theirs or yours?” He sneezed again. “Never mind, just move quickly and I'll stop breathing through my nose."

  "I don't see anything but the dirty wash pile,” came one of the goon's voices from underneath the tube's opening after they'd climbed another dozen feet. “Want me to zap the sheets?"

  "Might as well. Barris said he's thinking of re-doing the party room over in a different color scheme. Disintegrating it now saves him the bother of disposing of the mess later along with the corpses on the bottom."

  Catriona hissed. Quentin stopped climbing and motioned for them all to stay very still. They heard three blasts from a zap gun and then the pop and crackle of objects burning to a complete crisp. The stink and smoke of smoldering cloth and cooking flesh floated up the tube opening enveloping the fugitives in choking smog.

  "All done, boss,” the goons called out.

  "Good work, Boz. You find out what made that wheezing noise?” Reks asked.

  "I think it was one of the stiffs that was tossed down from the playroom. Probably it wasn't quite dead yet and had some air left in its lungs."

  "Possibly. Barris said he left the human female alive and handcuffed, however. She couldn't have escaped down the chute. Let's check the playroom to make certain."

  Shelby scrunched up her eyes and bit her lip to keep from coughing. Ivak must be holding his breath by now, she thought, to keep from sneezing with both smoke and cat fur attacking his sinuses.

  "We can't go up,” she whispered as the sound of Reks and Boz's footsteps became softer in the distance. “We've got to hide somewhere else."

  "No, we've got to get to the engine control room and take over this ship,” Ivak corrected her. He sneezed and sputtered then cleared his throat. “It's our duty as Time Agents to arrest Barris and to keep him from causing anymore damage to the time line."

  "Barris didn't damage the time line anymore than the Time Regulators did when they set him up to destroy Atlantis.” Quentin sounded angry yet in control. “Why should I help you do anything to turn him in, invisible man?"

  "Because he was going to turn you in first? And, most of all, because I suspect you know deep down that Barris wasn't set up ... that he intentionally destroyed the Zantoli civilization for his own profit. Isn't that right, Ms. Catriona?"

  "I ... I don't know what you're talking about. I've never bought any stolen artifacts from Barris. In fact, it's the other way around. He's bought plenty of things from me over the years."

  "Really?"

  Shelby could have sworn she heard Ivak's eyebrows rise with curiosity. She coughed. “This is all fascinating, but it doesn't solve our current problem—like where the hell we should hide out until we're able to take control of this ship.” She coughed again. “And the fact that we're practically suffocating in here. Move along, Quentin. Now!"

  "Yes, ma'am!” The smile was evident in his voice. “Shelby's the boss of big real estate brokerage back on twenty-first century Earth. Can you tell, Ivak?"

  "She does know how to take command of a situation,” Ivak replied. “Plus the view under her robe ... Hmm! You're one lucky sentient being, Takahashi."

  "Thanks. I think so, too."

  "Quit the bullshit you two and climb!” Shelby growled.

  They climbed the tube several levels higher until they spied an air duct opening in an intersecting tunnel.

  "This looks promising.” Quentin attempted to pry open the screen. “Damn! Sealed tight. What now?"

  "Can you kick it out?” Shelby asked her lover. “It can't be that difficult to break through."

  "You'd be surprised. Barris bought a quality space vessel so no papier-mâché screens for him. I'll have to turn around to get my legs in the right position to kick it. Can everyone slowly scoot back a few feet without sliding all the way back to the basement?"

  The trio did as they were told, holding their breath as Quentin repositioned his legs and wedged his body tightly against the sides of the chute. “All right, one, two, three...” Boom! The screen held fast.

  Ivak sneezed and groaned. “I can't see past Puss-in-Boots's tail here. Did he open it?"

  "No, he didn't. It's going to take two of us to kick it out.” Shelby crawled closer to Quentin, rotating her body around to lie parallel to his. “Shall we do it again?"

  He chuckled. “I love it when you say sexy things like that."

  She grinned. “All right now ... I know it's been several hours since we last got it on, but it'll have to wait. One, two, three—agh!"

  Shelby's feet, then her entire body, went flying through the air duct opening. After a split-second of flight, she landed solidly in the middle of an obscenely large bed situated below the vent.

  "Oomph!"

  "You okay?” Quentin sounded worried. “Shelby?"

  "What luck! The vent lead to someone's private quarters, and they appear out at the moment."

  She stood up on the mattress and helped first Quentin and then Catriona and then what she assumed was Ivak as they slid through the new hole in the wall and landed safely on the bed beside her.

  "Instant orgy!” Quentin chuckled. He turned and kissed Shelby and then turned to give Catriona a squeeze.

  Shelby sighed. “I've never been so claustrophobic in my life. It's great to be out of that chute. It's great to be alive."

  "But we won't be for long if we stay here.” Ivak's voice came from near the slightly ajar cabin door. “We landed in Barris's quarters, and he's coming down the corridor as I speak. We've fallen right into our enemy's hands."

  "Shit! Back in the duct work!” Quentin attempted to pull himself back into the tube but fell back onto the bed. “Ow! Rough edges."

  "It's too late for that.” Shelby bit her lip. “Under the bed?"

  Catriona pounced onto the floor and started sniffing around at a side door. “There are drawers under the mattress platform.” A second later her face brightened. “We can hide out in his bathroom. It's enormous."

  Quentin stuck the air duct grill crookedly in a vain attempt to cover their means of entrance. “Bathroom it is then. Ivak, you shouldn't have a problem slipping out and getting to the control room. Ivak?"

  The Exillan had vanished from the scene several moments ago for all they knew. The three visible fugitives rushed into the bathroom and slid the panel door closed to a mere slit just as the cabin door burst open.

  "No more excuses, Reks,” Barris growled. “Find Takahashi and bring him to me—alive. I don't care so much about my playmates from the playroom flying the coop at this point. They'll turn up eventually. You should have seen how the human female reacted to being handcuffed and spanked by a Felinian...” He chuckled. “It was hot. She'll be begging for me to take my whip and stick to her."

  His evil laughter chilled Shelby to the bone. She leaned back into Quentin's comforting embrace.

  "Okay, Boss. Stay on course as planned?"

  "Yes. We can transmit images from the party to prove Quentin is on board if the Time Cops get too pushy for the handover at the rendezvous. Now leave me alone to rest before the big encounter."

  "He's lying down in the middle of the bed. His eyes are closed,” Shelby whispered after slowly shutting the door completely.
“Do we just stay put until he wakes up or try to slip out of his cabin when he starts snoring?"

  Quentin turned and began checking out drawers and closets. “No, we've got to get out of here before he realizes that his air duct screen is hanging by a thread."

  A moment later a metallic clunk and then a pain-filled roar alerted them to their host's displeasure at being whacked in the face by a falling grill. “Oops."

  "Reks!” The intercom must have been switched on as the name echoed throughout the ship's public address speakers. “They're in here!"

  Catriona jumped with cat-like elegance to a top shelf full of scented candles and bath oil. “Where can we hide?"

  "Not up there obviously. I'm afraid it's going to have to be in here.” Quentin opened a short cupboard door and pointed inside. “Ladies first."

  "No, you can't mean—aaaggghhh!” Shelby slid head first down a very narrow auxiliary chute with Catriona and Quentin close on her heels.

  This is it, Shelby Schwartz. Her brief and unsatisfying life up until the night she met Quentin flashed before her eyes in a nanosecond. If she had never met this crazy time traveler from the forty-second century she wouldn't be in this sort of danger. She wouldn't be experiencing the worse panic attack of her life right now. But, then again, she would have never known such tingling thrills and exotic-erotic pleasures either.

  What was better—a humdrum, average life of making money and doing the same old things or a life of adventure, sex and excitement?

  Humdrum won by a small margin.

  Dread rose within her as she realized that if this tube ended up in the laundry there was no longer a pile of dirty towels there to cushion their fall. A few twists and turns later, Shelby realized a hard landing would be the least of their worries.

  "Quentin Takahashi—I hate you!"

  The darkness opened to reveal their ultimate destination, not the laundry room but what appeared to be the ship's trash incinerator.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The sound of Shelby's shrill scream startled Ivak from his tinkering with the ship's navigational computer relay next to the engine console.

  "So, that's where they got up to,” he muttered. Silently he slipped passed a crewman asleep in his chair at his warp core panel and threw a couple of switches to divert the solid waste tube from feeding the engines.

  Shelby, kicking and screaming, landed hard in his invisible arms, her loosely tied robe hiked up above her hips. Catriona landed a split second later on her four paws, as a feline should, beside them. Quentin crashed head first into the sleeping crewman, knocking the sluggard further into unconsciousness.

  "Ivak?” Shelby's eyes widened. “I sure hope that's you. What's that tickling my backside?” Her face blushed a bright pink. Uh ... you can put me down now."

  "He's happy to see you. I can smell it.” Catriona purred. She rose on her hind feet and began to lick her fur straight. “I think I'm actually getting the hang of this sliding business."

  Ivak lowered Shelby's feet to the floor. “Thanks for rescuing us from the flames.” She smoothed down her robe over her round ass and gave him a kiss where she thought his cheek would be. Instead their lips connected for several gloriously warm moments.

  Quentin stiffly stood and limped over to them. “Ahem, Mr. Covert Operations, that's my girl you're kissing."

  "Sorry. This Chosen One is quite ... an intoxicating Earth woman. I forgot myself."

  "What's your problem? Other men can fuck me, but they can't kiss me?” Shelby stomped away and folded her arms across her chest. Ivak noted that she didn't appear altogether pleased with her life mate at this moment.

  "No, they can kiss you, but they can't kiss kiss you, you know?"

  "Men! That makes no sense whatsoever. Let's find your key chain and get the hell out of here, shall we?"

  Shelby whirled about and smiled at where she assumed he was standing. Ivak smiled back, but of course none of the visible creatures could make out his expression.

  "Ivak, you're a Time Cop, correct?"

  "In a manner of speaking, I'm a high ranking ‘Time Cop’ as you put it."

  "Then you must have some kind of top level time travel device on you, too. Can't you get us all out of here or at least bring in reinforcements?"

  "He's invisible,” Catriona piped up. “Where would he hide his time gadget?"

  "She's right,” Ivak said. “I didn't come aboard this vessel with a temporal traveling device. The ship's time distortion sensors would have detected it and given me away."

  "But you've got one stashed somewhere around here don't you?” Shelby's tone took on an anxious edge.

  "In a manner of speaking, no, I don't."

  Quentin whistled. “You mean you jumped straight through a time gate from Time Point Central to get here?"

  "Yes I did."

  "Amazing.” The Time Surfer threw an arm around Ivak's invisible shoulders and gave them a squeeze. “I seriously underestimated you, Ivak Manstun. You think Barris is worth risking your safety that much, huh?"

  "He is. As I said before, I've been following him for some time. The Agency wants him badly. They're not going to let him slip away—this time."

  "What's a ‘time gate'? Can't we exit this nightmare the same way?” Shelby paced the engine room nervously. “And why can't we steer this thing to some place safe if we're in the engine room?"

  "That's exactly what I was doing before you three dropped in. Now, if you'll excuse me,” Ivak said coolly, returning to his work on the navigational computer relay.

  "Well, he certainly acts moody,” Shelby muttered. Time travelers must all be borderline psycho or something.

  "You'd act moody, too, if you risked being stuck in this one particular time forever.” Quentin began dragging the unconscious crewmen toward the door. He deposited the limp hulk in the corridor then made sure the engine room's door was locked and sealed. “We're safe for now. Barris won't mess with trying to get into here since he knows we can blow the whole ship to smithereens easily enough by imploding the engines. Happy?"

  Shelby nodded. “Yeah. What do you mean Ivak is stuck here forever? You never explained what a time gate was, either."

  Catriona approached and began to massage Shelby's shoulders. “Relax, our little Chosen One. A time gate is a natural hole in the fabric of time that you can step through to arrive at a particular point, but you can't always get back home that way. In fact, you usually can't find it again once you've used it. I've traveled through time gates to collect artifacts for sale on occasion."

  "You weren't worried about getting stuck in a particular time?"

  "Not really. I could always sell the artifacts I collected to someone in any time—or better yet trade for something even better. Besides, natural time gates are plentiful if not erratic. It's how Barris gets around in this big spaceship. He stopped surfing time waves the traditional way many years ago I heard. He was afraid the Time Cops were using his time device to track his movements."

  "They probably were.” Quentin flashed a knowing look toward Ivak's position. “He told me he wanted to stay put for a while. He's tired of constantly hopping about the time currents always one stop ahead of the Cops."

  Shelby frowned. “If the sadistic bastard is so tired of being a fugitive he should give up and turn himself in."

  Quentin slipped an arm about her waist and pulled her close. “You don't understand. Ivak is a sweetheart compared to a lot of Time Agents in the field. Ivak is interested in serving justice, but that's not always the case."

  "If it's so damn risky why do you continue to time surf with your regulation time device?” she asked.

  "Because I'm afraid of becoming stuck in one time?” He shrugged. “And because I love to surf the time currents, knowing exactly what time I'm going to before I get there."

  Shelby crossed her arms and rolled her eyes at him. “Ha-ha. Very funny. Like you knew where the hell we were going the last two time hops?"

  Quentin pouted. “Those w
ere exceptions."

  "I've taken control of ship's navigation,” Ivak announced. “There's a time gate nearby that Barris probably doesn't know about. I'm plotting a course to head straight to it. It should take us straight back to Time Regulation Agency headquarters at Time Point Central in the forty-second century."

  "How do you know for certain where this time gate is?” Quentin approached the navigational relay and leaned against it, casting a suspicious eye on the floating sonic screwdriver. “The only sure way to know out in the field where a time gate is located is to use a spatial-temporal chronometer to compute its location and time residue.” He peered suspiciously inside the open panel. “Shit! My key chain!"

  "Your time travel device is in here?” Catriona leapt over to the console.

  Shelby rushed over to stand beside them. “Ivak, how did you get it? I thought Quentin had it."

  "I'm an invisible man. If Quentin is careless enough to dangle it from his robe pocket then I'm smart enough to borrow it from him."

  Quentin slapped his forehead. “Damn. I really have got to learn to be more careful with the thing."

  "You've had it all this time?” Shelby scratched her head. “Where did you keep it so no one could see it?"

  Catriona scrunched up her nose in disgust. “Ooo ... I don't want to know."

  Ivak laughed and rested his sonic screwdriver on the console. “It's not that bad. I actually have a small invisible backpack I can stash things in like my identity card."

  From thin air a small square of paper appeared with no photo but the words, “Ivak Manstun, TRA” printed in gold lettering over a silver holographic seal.

  "Very impressive.” Suddenly the enormity of the Time Agent's actions hit Shelby hard. “Hey ... there wasn't any need to steal Quentin's time traveling device, now was there?"

  "What do you mean?” Ivak sounded on the defensive. “My mission is to return Barris to the temporal authorities."

  Shelby's voice rose. She placed her hands on her hips and stared accusingly at the spot she knew the invisible man occupied. “But you didn't need to return his ship as well, did you?"