Going in Circles

by Pamela Ribon

  I follow Francesca’s gaze to the other team’s lineup. She sees Bloodfist pulling a Jammer panty over her helmet.

  “You can take her,” I say.

  “Quatro-Mama?” she says, beaming. “Not a problem.”

  The whistle blows, and we take off. I jut out my hip, keeping one of the other team’s Blockers from getting past me, but my eyes are firmly fixed on Francesca, watching her practically gallop her way toward us. To my surprise, Bloodfist is keeping a pretty good pace with her.

  The other team clearly had orders to keep their focus on Francesca. She’s hit as soon as she gets near the pack. She doesn’t fall, spinning herself off the rail and swooping back in. But another Blocker is gunning for her, and I slow down to protect her, to try to take the hit before she gets it.

  When I get to Francesca, I reach back my right hand, offering a whip. I know I can throw her up the high side and she’ll be home free.

  Francesca takes my hand, but she doesn’t take the whip. Instead, she’s firmly placed her Jammer panty into my palm.

  We’re Passing the Star.

  I turn my head, eyes wide, and find her intense stare. Sweat drips from her chin as she growls, “Go!”

  New play, new plan, everything changes. I take off as fast as I can, pulling the panty over my helmet as I pass the rest of the pack, the ones who haven’t realized Francesca is no longer the Jammer; that I’m the one they’re supposed to be stopping.

  As I break through the pack and round the bend, I glance back to see if Bloodfist is behind me. She’s on the ground—Francesca and Gigantasaur took her out.

  I skate so hard I can feel my legs trembling all the way up my body. I push myself harder than I ever have before because now I’m jamming for two. These are Francesca’s points I need to earn.

  I score five points before I have to call off the jam.

  From the other side of the track, I hear Francesca scream, “Fuck, yeah! That’s my WIFE!”

  There were other plays, there were other moments, but that’s the one I’ll remember for the rest of my life.

  We won, by the way.

  • • •

  Sometimes I can’t believe this all started with someone asking me, “Do you have a mouth guard?” In what other world could the answer to this question be a good thing?

  The rules of the track work well for life. Roller derby is life in a tiny circle. You can only go forward, even if you find yourself turned around, facing the wrong way. There’s speed, unpredictability, and danger. You can’t be sure what’s going to happen, you don’t always know when you’ll stop, and it appears most people are out to get you. You will fall. You will get hurt.

  But you will get up again.

  Look, what’s the worst thing that could happen? Anything that hurts eventually heals. You get back up. You keep going. You get stronger. You get better. Life goes on. That’s it.

  . . . Or you get a skate to the face. You know. Either way.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Thank you twice: Alexis Hurley, Jennifer Heddle, Kim Witherspoon, Todd Christopher, Erin Searcy, Carolyn Sivitz, Allison Lowe-Huff (Marlo, you totally made your mother win Accountability Thursdays), Allison “Kiss M’Grits” Munn, Sara “Queen Elizadeath II” Morrison, Anna Beth “Dewit” Chao, Tara “Maimie Thighsenhower” Ariano, David “Tandoori Honeylips” Cole, Robin Shorr, Rafael Garcia, Don Todd, Angela “Risky A Go-Go” Bae, Kate “Agnus Die” Burns, Tara Armov, Trixie Biscuit, Shannon “Janis Choplin” Kobylka, Jessica “Tilda Whirl” Lasher, Katy “Tae Kwon Ho” Lim, Jennifer “Kasey Bomber” Barbee, Alex “Axles of Evil” Cohen, PITA, Haught Wheels, Kubonator, Terri “Helen Surly Frown” Murphy, Kelli “Kocoa Krunch” Hancock, Rachel “Sulfuric Astrid” Watson, Danica “Anya Handzaneez” Cleveland, Wanda B. Onya, Tandi Collisson and David Hawkins, Kate “Fantastikate” Gasparrelli, Thomas Refferson, Roger Assaultry, Rachel “Marina del RAGE” House, Cynthia “Cyntax Terror” Mazza, The Meteorfights, Hell’s Belles, Merrill Markoe, Niya Palmer, Brently Heilbron, Vince Chao, Chris Huff, Brian Rubenstein, Daniel J. Rogge, Scott “Mister M’Grits” Holroyd, Liz Feldman, Jeff Long, Evany Thomas, Stephanie Markham, Jami Holland, my family, the good people who visit pamie.com, and especially Jason Wesley Upton . . . for all the gym socks.

  ROLLER DERBY GLOSSARY

  BAMBI—Referring to the Disney character’s first time on ice, describes the stance of a nervous newbie skater.

  BLOCKER—The skaters who make up the pack. These girls try to make holes for their Jammers while simultaneously keeping the opposing team’s Jammer from getting through the pack by hitting or obstruction. Each team gets up to four Blockers per pack. The leader is called the Pivot.

  BOOTY BLOCK, “HIP CHECK”—Hitting or leaning on an opponent with your butt, hip, or thigh. You can legally hit from the hip to the top of the knee, but not below.

  BANKED TRACK—As opposed to “flat track” roller derby, banked track roller derby is played on an oval-shaped inclined circuit track. All skating is counterclockwise.

  BOUT—A game of roller derby played in four quarters broken into one-minute jams.

  BOUTFIT—What a derby girl wears to the bout. It could be a uniform, it could be not much more than a bikini, a feather boa and a pair of fishnets, but know that she put a lot of thought into this design. No matter what, never ever call it a “costume.”

  “CALL OFF THE JAM”—The signal that a Jammer is ending the jam. She places her hands on her hips, often repeatedly, furiously patting her pelvis, in order to get the ref’s attention. Only the Lead Jammer can call off the jam.

  “FALL SMALL”—To ensure you don’t take out every other player on the track when you eat the ground, go fetal when you fall, or everyone loses.

  FRESH MEAT—Term of endearment for rookie skaters in training. Skaters who’ve been in training for more than six months may refer to themselves as “Rancid Meat” or “Jerky.”

  GEAR—The protective wear that keeps a derby girl’s important parts from breaking. Includes: helmet, mouth guard, elbow pads, wrist guards, knee pads, and/or shin guards and crash pads (pants with hip and tailbone protectors).

  “HAMMER AND NAIL”—A defensive two-on-one strategy. One player obstructs the opponent while the second player comes from the side and hits her.

  HEMATOMA—A nasty-ass bruise, usually clotted, that hardens and makes other people freak out when they see it. Worst fact ever: some hematomas have to be drained.

  HOLE—An opening in the pack wide enough for a Jammer to skate through in order to gain position.

  INFIELD—The area on the inside of the track. It is out of play.

  JAM, “THE JAM”—Sixty seconds of game play.

  JAM ASSIST—An assigned role for a Blocker, her goal is to help her Jammer through the pack.

  JAMMER—The player who scores the points for her team. Jammers are identified by the stars on either side of their helmet panties.

  PANTY—A nylon covering players wear on their helmets to signify their position. Jammers have stars on their panties, Pivots have a bold stripe through the middle.

  PACK—The group of Blockers from both teams. This is what Jammers must break through in their passes, only scoring points after one completed pass. Blockers who are beyond twenty feet of the pack in either direction are out of play.

  “PASSING THE STAR”—An offensive strategy where the Jammer passes her starred helmet panty to the Pivot during the jam, switching the Pivot’s position to Jammer.

  PENALTY—There are many ways to get a penalty in roller derby. But let’s start with no punching, tripping, pushing, elbowing, hitting in the face, hitting from behind, fighting, biting, kicking, choking, stopping, cheating, or arguing with a ref. The penalized skater has to sit out the next jam.

  “THE PINK”—A pink line signifying the edge of the legal playing area. (Cribbed from LA Derby Doll vernacular, as their track is pink and gray.)

  PIVOT—The leader of a team’s pack, this head Blocker will determine the pack’
s pace, plan strategy, and call out plays during the jam.

  POINTS—A Jammer earns points for each opposing skater she passes once she is on her second rotation through the pack. At the end of the bout, the team with the most points wins the game.

  “THE RAIL”—The high side of the track, identified by the horizontal railing. It hurts to hit it, but it hurts even more to go flying over it, as it’s a long way to the ground.

  SKATES—Roller derby is played on four-wheeled speed skates, or quad skates. They look like fancy sneakers equipped with skateboard wheels.

  TRACK—The oval-shape playing area for roller derby. Can be banked (raised) or flat, depending on the game.

  TRANSITION—The move a player executes to rotate herself 180 degrees in order to skate backward.

  WALL—A defensive barrier formed by two or more Blockers . . . or one Blocker with an enormous, powerful booty.

  WHIP—To fling a skater forward, improving her position by giving her speed and power. Skaters can whip another skater using their hands, legs, or even hips.

  WIFE—The ultimate term of affection from one skater to another, a derby girl takes a wife when she has been shown exemplary dedication and care by another skater. At RollerCon, the annual roller derby convention held in Vegas, there is a large ceremony where derby wives can get “married.” For the origins of the derby wife, please go to http://www.rollercon.net/register/derby-wedding-registration/

  READING GROUP GUIDE

  Going in Circles

  Pamela Ribon

  INTRODUCTION

  Recently separated (while still technically a newlywed), heartbroken Charlotte Goodman must choose between a severely conflicted marriage and the terrifying prospect of single life. While searching for the “right” thing to do, she struggles to drown out the voices of her overbearing mother, self-righteous boss, and cynical coworker. In such an uncertain phase, Charlotte is desperate enough to try anything that will bring her strength, confidence, and answers. Under the guidance of an eccentric new friend, she finds that salvation in the unlikeliest of places—roller derby.

  QUESTIONS AND TOPICS FOR DISCUSSION

  1. Discuss Charlotte’s tendency to imagine John Goodman narrating her life as a way of coping. Is this method effective? What does it mean that she is ultimately able to shed his voice and live in the “first person”?

  2. In her first meeting with the psychiatrist, Charlotte insists, “Of course there’s one right way. One way is wrong, and then there’s one way that’s right” (page 66). Does this prove to be true in the end? Which other characters might or might not agree with this statement? Do you agree with it?

  3. Observing the results of Petra’s plastic surgery at one point, Charlotte notes that, “Petra is trying to freeze herself as an image that exists only in her head, and unfortunately she is losing the battle” (pages 73–74). Do you think that Charlotte might be guilty of the same crime? What are the consequences of attempting to live in limbo?

  4. Discuss Charlotte’s assertion that the idea of “soul mates” is depressing because it means that, “We’re all just human puppets dancing on the invisible strings of an unknowable creator” (page 76). Do you agree or disagree?

  5. When faced with the task of creating a pseudonym for herself, Charlotte claims that there is “something intriguing about the concept of losing my real identity” (page 120). Discuss the ways in which this alter ego in fact helped Charlotte regain her “real” identity. What was particularly empowering about her experience as Hard Broken? What name would you choose for yourself?

  6. Discuss Ribon’s choice to make Matthew a character with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Do you see a larger theme of control recurring in the lives of other characters? Which ones? How so?

  7. How does Jonathan’s ability to salvage his marriage inform Charlotte’s failure to do so? How are the two cases different? Similar?

  8. In her description of a “transition” in roller derby, Charlotte notes that “When it’s over, you’re still skating in the same direction, but you’re facing the other way. You’re going forward, facing backward” (page 156). How is this process paralleled in her personal life?

  9. Discuss the effect that both Charlotte’s fight with Francesca and Andy’s disappointment in her friendship have on helping Charlotte escape her overwhelming grief.

  10. What is the significance of Charlotte’s miniatures? How do they help her to find order amidst chaos? Why does Matthew’s destruction of these miniatures lead to the destruction of their marriage? How does talking about this moment help Charlotte make her final decision?

  11. Discuss the irony involved in Matthew’s comment that the hallway light is out. How does it signify a finite end to the relationship for Charlotte?

  12. In Francesca’s and Charlotte’s debut in the rookie roller derby tournament, Charlotte is able to successfully deviate from the “plan” and take the lead. How does this triumph mark a transition in her attitude toward life?

  A CONVERSATION WITH PAMELA RIBON

  1. Where did you get the idea for this novel? Was there a particular scene that you envisioned first?

  It started out with a very different story, one still stemming from the concept of “Well, I don’t have the kind of money needed to have my own Eat, Pray, Love healing experience. What do I do to get out of this sadness and confusion?” In earlier drafts, the main character had made a huge mistake, and was starting from zero with absolutely everyone in her life. That story was more about trying to discern good relationships from bad. At the time I’d just started up with the LA Derby Dolls, and my agent was fascinated with what I was physically and mentally going through just to learn how to play. She’s the one who suggested that Charlotte’s story could take a similar direction. I joked, “You mean I should write Eat, Cry, Shove?” And it sort of took off from there.

  2. How is this novel different from (or similar to) your previous novels?

  It’s similar in terms of dealing with changes in your important relationships—with your partner, your family, your best friend. I’m interested in the roles we take on for other people in our lives, and what happens when the power shifts, when the players in the game disobey the rules. The biggest difference between this novel and anything I’ve written before is that I’m writing about sports. I have a whole new respect for people who can describe the action in a game both accurately and passionately—sports reporters, color commentators, J. K. Rowling. That woman invented an entire sport and we all read it and said, “Yep. Got it. Brooms and magical glowing shuttlecocks. To the Quidditch match!”

  3. What drew you to roller derby? Are any of Charlotte’s experiences in the arena based on your own?

  My sister and I used to watch roller derby on cable television when we were kids. Back then, it was as fake as WWE, but we didn’t care. We didn’t understand a single thing that was going on, but we liked how fast they went on their skates, and how they’d knock the crap out of one another.

  My introduction to real roller derby happened just like that of any other derby girl, I’m sure—at the opening weekend of the Sex and the City movie. I was there with two of my girlfriends, one of whom groaned as she took her seat. “Sorry,” she said. “I’m so sore. I just started training with the Derby Dolls last night and my thighs are killing me.” I was right there beside her at the very next practice. She somehow snuck me in without an orientation or audition (behold the power of a derby wife). In fact, I didn’t see an actual bout until I was already in training for my first Baby Doll Brawl. Come to think of it, almost everything in my life that I love I somehow snuck into when nobody was paying attention. Roller derby, acting, writing, and at least half of the relationships I’ve been in.

  I really did break my tailbone. I now know the meaning of the threat, “You’ll never sit right again.”

  4. What inspired you to include Charlotte’s passion for miniatures as a major theme?

  The miniatures came out of a number of ideas that were ci
rcling in my head about solving a problem that has no right or wrong answer. Charlotte feels as if her life is beyond her control, that there’s nothing she can definitely hang on to. At some point during the writing of this novel, I found this little clay doll of a girl wearing a backpack and a polka-dot dress. She’s looking up to the sky, her fists clenched and pressed against her chest, just pleading with the world. And I’d been reading about Occam’s razor, but I’m afraid if I explain that any further, I’ll sound ridiculously pompous. The short answer is: Charlotte is afraid to take control. The miniatures are all hers, and they are her gift. She got scared of where they could take her, but the reality is she’s the one who decides where they go. At first she thinks that a miniature, like Charlotte’s job, has a right way and a wrong way to do it, but as she grows with her work and takes risks, she finds a new direction, a new way to express herself. That’s how she takes control again.

  5. Which scenes were easiest for you to write? Which were the most difficult?

  It is hard to tell a story about two people not being able to make things work without someone appearing to be The Problem. I don’t think that’s realistic. People sometimes make the mistake of assigning “weakness” to characters who endure heartbreak. I never understood that. Don’t we all often struggle much longer than anyone else in our lives can tolerate? Sometimes we do it to keep someone we love, sometimes it’s to understand exactly what’s wrong in an attempt to fix it, but I think often it’s just so we feel like we have won.

  I wouldn’t call any of the scenes “easy” to write, exactly, but I had fun writing about how I think about roller derby. The only problem was, after I’d write about a jam I’d get amped to skate. Sometimes I had to miss practice in order not to miss a deadline. Then one time I jammed my finger at practice. I had to keep my finger in a sling for a couple of days, making it so that I could neither write about nor play roller derby. That was the worst.