by Trina M. Lee
“I’m sorry.”
Shaz was only one of many people I feared hurting. However, it was the baby that one of my best friends carried that sunk my heart into the depths of despair. I would never be able to trust myself around Kylarai.
“Don’t be,” I muttered. “There’s nobody to blame but myself. I chose this. It’s all on me.”
Kale pressed silent kisses to my cheek, my chin, and finally my lips. He hurt for me, sharing in my pain. “I feel like an asshole because I’m not more sorry. I don’t want this for you, but it would’ve killed me if you’d died.”
“How can you say that?” I mumbled between intoxicating kisses that caused heat to pool in my groin. “I wouldn’t have been here to torment you like this.”
I gently nipped his bottom lip. In response, he groaned and grew hard between my legs. “I’m willing to suffer if it means that you’re not dead. As love/hate as things have been between us recently, I’ll always love you more than I could ever hate you.”
Finished with talking, I rose up just enough to take him inside me. Face to face in the middle of the bed, we made slow, gentle love. No further words were necessary. We spoke in touches and looks, in soft murmurs and blissful cries.
When the sun descended beyond the horizon, we managed to disentangle ourselves. I wasn’t real thrilled about it though I knew that seeing Jez was important for me. And I wasn’t the only one who needed it. Jez had her own issues, and I refused to abandon her when she needed me most.
I got ready quickly, slipping into jeans and a V neck t-shirt. My eye makeup was put on in a rush. After dragging a brush through my tousled hair, I messaged Jez to ensure she was still coming. When she confirmed, I felt the first shot of anxious adrenaline. I could do this.
“Ready?” Kale asked when I joined him in the living room. “We should hunt first. It’s safer that way.”
“I don’t want to kill anyone,” I blurted as an overwhelming surge of emotion flooded me. These mood swings were going to wreck me.
“Wicked Kiss?” With a brow raised in scrutiny, Kale shook his head. “You’re not ready for that, are you?”
The thought of walking into my nightclub and having everyone stare at me flashed me back to my early teenage years. It was ridiculous. I shouldn’t be afraid to walk into a building I owned.
“I want to be. I do. I’m just not sure.”
“Arys was there last night. That’s where he and I … talked. But I think he was looking for me.” Kale was careful to keep his hatred for Arys from showing on his face, but it was still there, tainting his aura with bitterness.
I stared at the floor, seeking answers in the carpet fibers, finding only more questions. The bloodlust was creeping up, growing with every passing second. Already I longed for the days when I wouldn’t have to hunt nightly.
“It’s no big deal, Alexa. You have a strange tie to that club. I know it has to be the last place you wanted to wake up as a vampire. Don’t stress about it. We’ll go somewhere else.”
When I’d first decided to take over the blood den, it had been my mission to keep people from dying there, and more importantly, to keep them from rising as vampires. It was the last place I wanted to wake up undead. So naturally, that’s where it happened.
We ended up going to a lounge populated by corporate types stopping for a drink after a long day. While Kale blocked the door, I cornered a man in the washroom. With a little seductive manipulation, he was on his knees begging to please me.
I fed from his wrist, pausing when his blood hit my tongue. With my eyes wild with alarm, I turned to Kale. “Do you think I can still turn someone into a wolf with my bite? I don’t want to turn this guy, Kale.”
The guy was dazed, under my thrall and oblivious to what I’d said. Kale stood in front of the washroom door, brow creased in thoughtful consideration.
“My guess would be no,” he said. “A werewolf bite or scratch works like a virus. Vampires can’t carry anything viral. I think it’s a safe bet that you can’t turn anyone wolf anymore.”
“I hope you’re right.” It was too late now. So I pressed my mouth to the guy’s wrist and sucked hard at the bite. His eyes rolled back in ecstasy; he nearly fainted.
The last person I’d turned wolf was a woman for Shya. At some point I’d have to track her down, if he didn’t have her locked away in a cage somewhere.
Kale had to call my name a few times before I came back to myself enough to stop. It felt like something was missing. The need to take everything my victim had to give was a demand that it pained me to deny.
“Why does it hurt so fucking much?” I gasped, clutching the wrist in my grasp as if I couldn’t bear to let go. “I just want to kill him, after I make him beg.”
“I know you do.” Kale’s tone rang hollow. He watched me with a longing I’d seen before. He was fighting hard not to slip into the kill zone I was already in. “You don’t have to though. You’re the one in control here.”
Was I? My harsh bark of laughter echoed. I eyed the man’s throat, finding my gaze drawn to the pulse beating there. Kale intervened then, pulling me away and shaking some sense back into me.
Instead of feeling proud of my small success, I was conflicted, both disgusted by the way I’d so easily commanded the man and also kind of invigorated by it. I’d managed to scratch my itch, but it was lacking. I’d once heard Kale describe a feed without the kill as sex without the orgasm. Still good but not even close to great. Missing a vital component.
“Stop beating yourself up,” Kale admonished as we drove to the cemetery where we were to meet Jez. “You did good. You didn’t kill him.”
“Only because you were there.” I slumped in my seat, resting my forehead against the cool glass of the passenger window. “It feels like something is missing. How the hell do you keep from killing the willing victims at the Kiss?”
We rolled to a stop at a red light, and Kale slid a glance my way. “It ain’t easy. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I’m not always in control, especially these days. It helps to let yourself go once in a while. I try not to do it in the club if I can help it.”
“I don’t know if I can do this. I’m not supposed to be hunting them, Kale. I’m supposed to be helping.” Lost. Again I felt so damn lost.
“You’ll find yourself again,” he said, mouth set in a firm line of determination. “I promise.”
A bitter laugh fell from my lips. With grim amusement I was reminded of something I’d done. “You know, I asked Shaz and Kylarai to kill me if I ended up this way. If that happens, if I can’t handle this, then Willow’s sacrifice for me will have been for nothing.”
The light turned green, and Kale floored it. The Camaro’s engine roared as the car surged forward with a squeal of tires.
“Shaz is not going to kill you. He’s a strong wolf with a mean right hook, but he doesn’t have it in him to do that. And don’t even worry about letting Willow down. You’ve done a lot of good. Do you have any idea how many people you saved just by throwing a wrench in Shya’s plans?”
All I heard was right hook. My jaw dropped. “Did Shaz hit you too?”
“He took a shot. Said he owed me one. Can’t really argue with that.” Kale shrugged it off with a chuckle.
I was still staring at him in dismay when we reached the cemetery. I tried to put it out of my mind and instead focus on Jez. Seeing her would be good for me.
We crossed through the graveyard, stepping between headstones and ducking overhanging branches. The dizzying scent of shifter drew me straight to Jez. It was a delicious aroma with a spicy musk I’d never noticed before.
For a moment I doubted myself. Maybe I wasn’t ready for this. Suck it up, bitch, I reprimanded myself.
When I pushed through a patch of trees and found her standing there with a nervous smile, I forgot about everything but how happy I was to reconnect with my dear friend after several days of hell.
Jez’s face lit up at the sight of me though I could see her watchfu
l feline gaze taking in every inch of me, lingering on my face.
“Damn, Lex, it’s so good to see you,” she gushed, taking a few steps forward. Absolutely fearless, she grabbed me in a hug and squeezed. “I’ve been worried about you.”
I hesitated for just a moment before hugging her back. At such close proximity her scent was even stronger but now tainted with cigarette smoke. However, I was also able to pick out the drugs moving through her system, faint but there. If anyone should be worried, it should be me. Jez wasn’t staying clean because Kale and I were too busy terrorizing the city when we should be taking care of her.
“I’m fine, Jezzy. Really. It’s just going to take some time for me to get my shit together. How are you?”
I stepped back and gave her a studious once over. With her golden ponytail and leggy frame draped in yoga wear, she looked like the Jez I knew and loved. But something was off. It wasn’t just the narcotics. It was the darkness inside her. I could feel it now without even trying. I glanced at Kale to see if he was aware of it, but he gave no indication.
“Been better. Been worse too. It’s all good. God, I’ve missed you.” She hugged me again before turning to punch Kale in the arm. It was hard enough to jostle him, and he gifted her with a scowl. “Would it kill you guys to come hang out or something? Just because I don’t want to run amok with you doesn’t mean you have to shut me out.”
“I wasn’t trying to shut you out,” I said. “It’s been a tough week. The last thing I wanted was to risk hurting you.”
“So?” She shrugged and crossed her arms. “Do you want to hurt me?”
Her question gave me pause. Did I want to? I wasn’t sure. The longer I stood there considering it, the more certain I was that I didn’t want to taste Jez’s blood. Breathing it in, letting it reach inside me to where the bloodlust lay, it did nothing.
It wasn’t just the drugs. It was the fact that there was nothing human about Jez. Her mother was a shifter, but her father was a demon. That’s where the darkness within her came from, a darkness I had yet to tell her about. I’d tasted the blood of a fallen angel, and it had thrown me on my ass. No part of me wanted to taste the blood of a demon’s offspring.
I loved Jez. She was like a sister to me. It came as a great relief that I didn’t want her.
“No,” I said, feeling shitty about what I had yet to share with her. “I don’t. Your blood… it smells different. It doesn’t call to me that way.”
She frowned, managing to look completely offended. “What the hell does that mean? Do I smell nasty to you?” Her gaze darted to Kale, and she said something to him about how he’d enjoyed a taste of her, but I was barely listening.
My senses burned as a cold storm exploded to life inside me. A jolt of panic followed. Arys. He was here. I could feel him.
I took a few steps back, casting a frantic glance around. “Jez, what did you do?”
She pursed her lips and raised both brows, clearly searching for a response. It didn’t matter though because Arys was moving fast.
Before I could decide to run, he was there, stepping into sight and stopping dead in his tracks when his gaze landed on me. I stood there in stunned silence.
“Arys.” His name was a whisper on my lips.
He stood there looking both pained and relieved. With his shock of bedroom-messy, black hair and deep-blue eyes the color of stormy seas, Arys was as gorgeous as ever.
My stomach clenched as the power rose up inside me in response to his presence. It felt like finding that missing puzzle piece long after accepting that it was lost. Like finding the missing link in a vital connection. The part of me that was his exploded with delight. It drove me forward and with a sob lodged in my throat, I hurled myself into his arms.
Chapter Seven
A spark lit up the night around us as our power united, two frenzied energies finding one another again. Arys’s embrace was solid. He held me like he would never let me go. He buried his face in my hair, and I felt him shaking with emotion.
Wanting to give us privacy, Jez grabbed hold of Kale and dragged him away. I sensed his reluctance, and I hated myself for dragging him deeper into my mess.
“You make me fucking crazy, you know that?” Arys said before kissing me with a burning passion that I happily basked in.
I kissed him back with everything I had, every broken and shattered part of me. The joy and the sorrow mingled in a dance of despair that left me feeling like a volcano about to erupt. Emotion drove me as I aggressively devoured him. With a surge of deep-rooted rage, I pulled away and let my hand fly, smacking him with a viciousness that surprised me.
“That’s for killing me,” I all but shouted. Then I slapped him again, snapping his head from one side to the other. “And that’s for enjoying it so damn much.”
Arys took my violence like he took every part of me, with ease. He looked like he’d been expecting it. “I suppose that’s fair. But you know I had to do it. Hell, you demanded it.”
“I know that. But did you have to enjoy it so fucking much? I felt the way you loved it. You got off on it.” It hurt. Just being there with him, knowing what he’d felt as he had drained my life away. It wasn’t fair of me to punish Arys for being who he was. Somehow I was still shocked at the depths of his enjoyment at killing me. Perhaps it was naïve, but I had thought part of him might suffer. He had wanted it though and loved every second.
Not willing to let me out of reach, Arys pulled me back into his embrace. Plunging a hand into my blonde locks, he said sadly, “I’ve been worried sick about you, Alexa. Being apart is hurting you more than it’s helping.”
The walls I’d tried to build over the last week had crumbled to dust at the sight of him. Dejected and morose, I mumbled into his shirt, “Is that why you came? To stop me from acting like a vampire? That’s a bit hypocritical coming from you, Arys.”
“No, of course not. I came to stop you from doing things now that you will regret for several lifetimes over.”
His words penetrated deep, bringing forth some of the self-loathing I’d buried. Tears filled my eyes, dark crimson drops that would never be crystal clear again. “It’s too late for that.”
Arys stiffened. He glared in the direction Kale and Jez had gone, and I knew he wanted to go after Kale. It brought out the defensive side of me that was deeply protective of Kale.
I fixed him with a deadly stare of my own. “No. None of this is his fault. He kept it from being worse than it was those first few nights.”
With a hand on each side of my face, Arys forced me to peer into his enchanting gaze. He searched me, seeking something in my eyes. I wanted to ask him if he found whatever it was he was looking for but decided I didn’t really want to know.
“You don’t belong with him, my love,” he said softly. “And as much as you think you need him, you know it’s true.”
Grasping his hand, I pressed a kiss to his fingertips. It killed me that he couldn’t understand what I was going through. The twin flame conflict never got easier. It got harder. So much harder.
“I don’t know who I am anymore, Arys. You are so entangled in every part of me. It’s like there is no distinction between us anymore. I do belong with you. I know it. But I need to still be me. I’m trying to do that.”
“And that’s why you’re losing your mind, my beautiful wolf. I know what you’re going through. And I know that if we’re not careful, we’re going to end up like Lilah and Salem and who knows how many others?” There was a pleading glint in his eyes as he tried to bridge the gap between us.
I nodded, watching with dismay as he wrapped my hair around a finger. I stared at the blonde strands, hating them, hating that they represented a different me. I didn’t know that person anymore. “I know. You’re right. I just need some time.”
With a bold and familiar manner, he touched me. Running his hand down my neck, my side, to my waist and back up, it was like he couldn’t believe I was really there.
“You don’t hav
e a lot of time to find yourself right now. The FPA is all over you. They’re launching a hunt for you. Tonight. Briggs is issuing a capture order. There will be agents scouring the city for you, Alexa.” Worry creased his brow. Arys didn’t give the FPA a lot of thought. Clearly, he’d been talking to my sister to have this kind of info.
“Because of Sylvia. Figures. That bitch had it coming.” I wasn’t afraid of the FPA. I probably should have been, but Agent Briggs had fucked with me one time too many. If he wanted a war, he would get one.
“I don’t care about that,” Arys insisted. His energy exuded his growing frustration. “All I want is for you to get some control over yourself and to stay out of the FPA lockup. Briggs is up to something. Something bad. You don’t want to go inside that building as a vampire. Trust me.”
I hated it when he was right. He was though. Briggs wasn’t entirely harmless. I saw what he did to Kale. Briggs had him driven damn near insane, and Kale still hadn’t come back from that.
“I’ll handle the FPA,” I said. “I always do.”
Arys shook his dark head, ready to fight me on this. “No, you always did. But now you’re public enemy number one. Briggs isn’t going to take it easy on you this time. Please, come home with me.”
His kiss was a gentle brush of lips on mine. Just like I always had, I fell under his spell. Being a vampire did nothing to change that. In some ways, it made Arys’s allure stronger. I was part of him, and I felt it in every speck of my being. But I wasn’t ready to accept that the one who killed me was inescapable. Never had I been so damn confused.
I cursed inwardly as a few tears broke free and streaked down my cheeks. “I can’t. Not yet.”
“Alexa, please. The longer you drag this out, the worse it gets for both of us. You know that.” The desperation in Arys’s plea cut like a knife in my gut.
“Yes, I do know that! But forcing me to do something before I’m ready isn’t going to help!”
My shout rang throughout the cemetery. It brought Kale back with a fury that scared me. He pulled free of Jez’s tight grip and shoved Arys and I apart.
