Sasha's Demons

by T. L Smith

  “I did warn you, Thorn,” he drawls in my ear right before he slams back into me causing me scream loudly.

  After he finishes, I’m so tired that I feel like a floppy, legless doll. He picks me up and carries me to the bathroom and places me on the bench. He runs the bath and turns around and smiles. I can see the love in his eyes just by the way he stares at me and it makes my heart swell.

  Once he’s run the bath, he gently places me in the water and then gets in behind me. I lay back, putting all my weight on him. He starts to wash me, first my arms and then my breasts. He continues washing me all the way down to my toes. Once he’s finished he starts to run circles with his fingers on my tummy. I’m in such a relaxed state I’m almost drifting off to sleep.

  I feel Brax move as he gets out of the bath and wraps a towel around his midsection. He comes back and picks me up and wraps the towel around me and carries me bridal style back to the bed. When we reach the bed, he places me down and climbs over me, then rolls me over, so I’m lying back on top of him. Listening to his steady heartbeat, I drift off to sleep while his fingers run up and down my back.

  I wake still lying on Brax and take a moment to reflect on everything that has happened and the fact that I’ve finally let someone back in. He was very persuasive, but he is so worth it. Brax is the guy you want as your forever, not just a fling, and I feel so overwhelmed that this man truly wants me. Especially, considering how badly I’ve treated and him and how broken I’ve been. I believe though that he is putting me back together, bit-by-bit.

  I leave for work while Brax is still asleep and on my lunch break Sandy, Josh’s mom, comes to visit. As she walks toward me it takes a moment to realize why she’s here. I notice straight away that her face is blotchy, she has slack, wet eyes and tear stained cheeks and she’s walking slowly with heavy footsteps. I almost drop to the floor.

  Sandy reaches me and I try hard not to react. When she talks to me her voice is breaking and her tone is low. We decide to have a coffee and take a seat, but I still cannot seem to bring myself to seek out her eyes. I just don’t want to witness the pain that I know will be written in them. Most of the time as she talks, she’s fingering the necklace at her neck that Josh gave her.

  Finally, she asks the question I’ve been waiting for, “Are you happy?” I’m forced to look up at her and slowly, I spread a forced smile across my face.

  “Okay, that’s the most important thing, Sasha. It’s just hard.” I know what she’s talking about and I see tears start to well in her eyes again. I excuse myself and inform her that I’ll be right back and move quickly to speak with my boss.

  After a quick discussion with my boss, I let Sandy know that I have the rest of the day off to spend with her. She smiles up at me and it’s almost a full smile, but there is so much sadness behind it. Sandy wants to do a Josh day so we can keep his memory alive and our relationship strong. That scares me quite a bit as I haven’t been back to his tattoo shop or seen anyone from there for quite sometime. I don’t think for a second that I will ever forget him, and I do hope Sandy will be in my life always.

  We pull up out the front and I’m reluctant to go inside, but I keep that to myself. I understand that she needs to do this because this was the place where Josh spent most of his time. This was his creation and he loved his work. My heart still aches and I’m not sure if that pain will ever go away even if I do love someone else. Brax will never replace Josh, but I have room in my heart for two men. It’s been a tough year for me, but for Sandy it would’ve been even tougher as she lost a child, her only child.

  Sandy notices me standing there, not moving, my eyes glued to the shop window. I can't bring myself to walk in there, it’s like if I do I’ll imagine him walking out from the back and calling me beautiful. I feel a tear slide down my face just at the thought of the word beautiful and Sandy walks over, wipes it away and kisses me on the cheek.

  I eventually start my feet moving and follow her inside while she has hold of my hand. I think we both need the support. As soon as I step in I see Pixie at the counter talking to a customer. When she looks up to see who has entered, she gasps in shock. She excuses herself from the customer and walks straight over wrapping me up in a tight hug.

  Sasha

  I stand there, shocked at first, my hands hanging limply to my sides. She gives me a tight squeeze and eventually I wrap my arms around her. She lets go of me and gives Sandy a hug as well. I watch them both tear up and look the other way. I try my hardest not to break out in tears when I see the shop and inhale the smell that reminds me so much of him.

  “So, hoe bag, I missed you! Why haven’t you come for a visit?” Pixie asks. I shrug my shoulders at her and continue to look around.

  I leave Sandy and Pixie to chat and catch up. One of the staff members comes across and hands me a book to look at. I take it, open it and see stunning writing which displays the word ‘beautiful’ in all types of gorgeous ways. I know straight away whose drawings this folder belongs to. I walk over to Pixie and ask her if I can take it home. She gives me a puzzled look, but agrees to let me.

  “Sasha, we have to catch up for dinner, soon,” Pixie states. I smile at her, nod my head and walk outside with the folder in hand after I cuddle her goodbye.

  Sandy doesn’t take too long to follow me outside and our next stop is the cemetery. I actually quite enjoy going there, but usually by myself as I talk about a lot of private things with Josh in spirit.

  We don’t stay long. I walk over and tell him how much I love him and place a kiss on his headstone and then walk back to the car to let Sandy have her private time with her son. I check my phone and realize I have several missed calls and text from Brax. I text him back and let him know that I’ll see him tomorrow and place my phone back in my bag just as Sandy reaches the car.

  We pull up and I say my goodbyes to Sandy as I hop out. Once I’m on the steps, Sandy calls out to me, “I love you, Sasha, and remember it’s okay to be happy.” I smile a weak smile and wave her goodbye.

  I walk the steps of my apartment as Sandy drives off. I move inside and take a seat on the sofa in the living room for fifteen minutes staring at Josh’s and my photo, when my silence is broken by my front door flying open. I look up stunned and stare at a pissed off Brax filling the door frame.

  “I’ve been trying to call you all day, plus I waited at your work for you to finish and you never came out?” My eyes run over him for a second trying to analyze what he is telling me. When it dawns on me, I choose not to answer and stare back down at the photograph in my hands. I can hear him breathing heavy trying to calm down and just as he’s about to open his mouth again, I interrupt.

  “I'll see you tomorrow, Brax. Goodbye,” I dismiss him, not even looking up. My head feels as though it’s not in the right head space to have him around today or even in this house at the moment. Today is all about one person and that person was the first person to hold my heart.

  “Sasha, you can't just push me away,” he says, leaning down next to me on the couch. I turn to him and I start yelling. I just need to be alone and he won’t let me.

  “Brax, leave,” I yell in his face. He looks a bit stunned and shocked at first and then he stands up and does the last thing I expect him to do after I yelled at him.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, Thorn,” he says, he leans down and kisses the top of my head and walks away. I watch him leave and my heart breaks that little bit more. I do love him, but I also know that I love Josh. I can’t tell the difference anymore.

  Which one of them am I meant to love more?

  * * *

  Today is not a good day. I stand up and check my phone, there are multiple text messages from Brax.

  Can’t wait to see you xx

  Missing those lips.

  I’m out front, get ready for me to rock your world, Thorn.

  I can’t find you anywhere.

  Can you call tell me where you are? Please?

  Okay, I’m coming to find yo
u...

  I immediately realize I shouldn’t have been such a bitch to him, he doesn’t deserve it. I just don’t want company tonight. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I actually need him and want him now. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. My head is so over the place. I’ve never been like this. I always know what to do and where my life is taking me. Brax is an unexpected, but not a bad distraction. I end up falling asleep on the couch and I wake to the sound of the front door opening. I observe Brandon walking in.

  “Sash, what's wrong? Why do you look like you’ve been crying?”

  My hands automatically go to my face and wipe the tears away. I must look like shit.

  “You pushed him away again, didn’t you?” he asks knowing me so well. I don’t need to answer him, he knows the answer to that question and comes and sits next to me.

  “I love you girl, but he’s good for you. He makes you smile and hell, he even makes you laugh. Plus, he’s in love with you and puts up with all your shit.”

  I swat him in the arm and he grabs it like I actually hurt him. “I know it’s hard, especially today, but he isn’t to blame for any of this. He has done nothing, but be there for you.” I hug him and stand up to leave. I walk to my bedroom and plonk myself down on my bed.

  I’m half asleep when I feel the bed dip down next to me. I open one eye and see Brax climbing in with me.

  “Go back to sleep, Thorn,” he tells me and pulls me over so I’m laying flush against him. My mind is awake now and I’m wondering why he came back after I was such a bitch?

  “You came back,” I whisper into his chest.

  “Love makes you do crazy things,” he adds with a deep chuckle. I start crying, I can’t help it. It’s all just so emotional for me to be handling right now. “Don’t cry, Thorn, I’m not going anywhere,” he tells me, trying his best to soothe me. He starts rubbing up and down my back and my crying slowly subsides.

  “I do love you, Brax. I hope you know that?” I ask him. He grabs my face and pulls it so I am looking him in the eyes.

  “I know that, Sasha, and no matter what you do, or how much you try to push me away, I’m always going to be here for you.” He didn’t need to say any words because his eyes betray him and show me the truth, they show me just how much he loves me.

  “I’ll try harder, I’m sorry,” I tell him and place my head back on his chest to go back to sleep.

  “No need, Sasha, I’m always here when you fall.”

  My heart swells. I think it might just combust. Such a bad and shitty day has gone to soul wrenchingly beautiful just by having him here.

  Sasha

  I wake to find myself in my usual position of being draped over Brax. He isn’t awake yet, so I decide to sneak away and use the bathroom. Once I’m finished, I try really hard to walk back in without waking him up, but when I look up I see he’s already awake and sitting up in bed.

  “Couldn’t sleep without you,” he says, rubbing his eyes.

  “Probably because you use me as your blanket,” I say laughing. I climb back into bed with him and he leans over and pulls me so we’re facing each other.

  “No, I don’t. You sleep on me,” he says smiling.

  “Oh, no, no, no, Mister! You pull me on you once you’re asleep and vice grip me to you.”

  “Well, that’s saying something. Even unconsciously I still got to be with you.” He starts kissing up and down my neck and I lay there appreciating his soft lips. His hands slowly inch their way down further and further till he’s at the waistline of my panties. He lifts them up slowly, while his mouth is still placing kisses on my neck. His hand reaches in and plays with my clit, rubbing slow circles. I arch up to him so he knows what I want and he doesn’t disappoint.

  His mouth makes its way up and he bites on my bottom lip. I take his face in my hands and kiss him. His mouth devours mine and I’m so lost in the taste that I forget where his hand is, until he inserts a finger. I moan into his mouth and forget the kiss. His other hand works its way up my night shirt and lifts it so he can reach my breasts.

  His mouth leaves mine and makes its way down to my breast and latches on and I’m in a world of pleasure. Bliss consumes my body and my head is in a spin. He inserts another finger and bites down on my other breast and that undoes me.

  He smiles at me and releases his fingers and kisses me on the lips. I lay there panting and happy as I roll over and automatically feel his hardness on my belly. I smile at him and roll him over, so he’s on his back. I climb on top of him and gaze down at this magnificent man. He’s what woman drool over.He’s what they fantasize about and he’s all mine.

  I lean down so my hair sprays all over his chest and start placing kisses down his chest to his stomach. I glance up and observe that his eyes are glued to mine.

  I smirk and lift his boxers to free his hard erection. As soon as I do, I wrap my hand around it and slide up and down. I watch his face and I can tell he’s using all his will power not to throw me to the bed and have his way with me. He doesn’t though, and lets me do what I please.

  I stroke my hand up and down a few more times till I lean down and place my tongue at the top his cock, his pants are bunched at his hips and he removes them effortlessly. He bucks under my hand and I smile up at him. I lean down and take him whole into my mouth, and I stare back up through my lashes at him. I watch as his head drops back and moans of pleasure rip through him. I smile to myself that I can make this gorgeous man so pleased. I work my mouth up and down, while my other hand is on his balls massaging them. His head shoots up just as I taste something salty.

  “Sasha, don’t.”

  I see the look in his eyes and I know he wants me to stop, but I want to please him like he pleases me all the time. I then decide I’m just going to take him all the way. As my mouth drops to try to take all of him in, I hear him swear and drop back to the bed. I try my hardest to keep my gag reflexes in check because when I take him in it’s hitting that spot at the back of my throat and I don’t even have him completely in my mouth because he is too big. I feel him tighten in my hand and I start to taste it; it’s salty but sweet.

  “Fuck,” he swears.

  I climb up his body like I’m on the prowl and kiss my way up his chest lingering on his tribal tattoos that mark this gorgeous mans body. I sit and feel his hardness. He is hard again and my body appreciates that fact and wants more from him. I put my hand between us and position his hardness at the entrance of my soaked pussy. My body is humming from what is about to come and I can feel the excitement sweep through me. Just as my body is about to devour his cock into my ready and waiting pussy, he stops me and grabs my face and pulls me back in for a kiss. It distracts me just for a moment from what I really need and when I realize what he’s doing, trying to prolong our night, I smile into his mouth and grip his cock harder and then slam straight down on it so it’s hard and fast. My body screams, welcoming him inside my core and his mouth holds mine while we both stay still. It’s a trance, he puts me in a trance and makes me forget absolutely everything else, but him.

  “No, other... No other can hold a candle to you, Thorn. None,” he says seductively into my mouth. I smile into his and start my movements. I don’t go slowly, I want fast and hard. I need him, my body needs him like no other. It's like there’s a blanket thrown over us and all there is in this world right now is him and me.

  He doesn’t stop from kissing me and every time I sit up and take him faster, he brings one of his hands up to my neck to bring me back down to his mouth. He succeeds and distracts me every time, but the pleasure is worth it.

  Every. Fucking. Second. Of. It.

  We ride the waves the pleasure that crash over us, and it’s beautiful. It’s hypnotising. I collapse on top of him and smile into his chest. My body and my mouth are sore, but it is worth every second.

  “Go to sleep, Thorn,” he murmurs into my hair as he pulls me tighter to him and then he drapes the cover over both of us. He is still inside of me.
He hasn’t tried to pull out and I haven’t either. The feeling is nice. He feels like he’s a part of me.

  My phone starts ringing and I ignore it. I start to drift off again, and it starts ringing again. I moan into his chest and pull myself from Brax, who is snoring already. As soon as I pull myself up our bodies are no longer connected and I sigh. As I go to step off the bed, he brings me back and cradles me to his chest. He does this when he sleeps. I secretly love that he hates to be away from me even in dreamland. My phone doesn’t stop, but I don’t bother getting up again, it can wait till the morning.

  Sasha

  I wake with a start, and it scares me. I remember the dream like it was real. It scares me so much. I dreamt about him, the first person who stolen my heart. It wasn’t a nightmare this time, and that’s what scares me the most. It was like he was saying goodbye, but without the words. I put my hand to my cheek and I swear it was so real I can still feel his lips there. He looked me in the eyes with those beautiful blue eyes of his and smiled, like he was proud of me. I don’t understand, why? Then he kissed my cheek and I woke. It won’t stop playing through my mind. I look to the side of me and see Brax isn’t there. I can hear him in the kitchen. I run to the bathroom and lock myself in. I can’t have him touch me just now. It would somehow just feel wrong. I sit there for a good five minutes looking at my cheek, hoping the feeling will come back and linger just a little bit longer. In my dazed state I hear a knock on the door and it makes me jump.

  “Sash! You, okay?” I hear Brax’s voice which instantly calms me, but in a way that I didn’t expect. I involuntarily nod my head, realizing that he can’t me, so I call out and tell him, “Yes.” He doesn’t move from the door and I know this because I can hear his heavy breathing on the other side. I wonder what he is thinking. I drop to the floor and put my back against the door. I don’t want to be touched, but I also want his nearness to me. I know, I’m selfish!