Hopefully getting down to Louisiana and starting my new job would bring back some of the happiness I felt when I was down there for my interview. God knows I wasn’t going to find it up here. Not anymore.
I took a quick shower and packed up the rest of my shit in a duffel bag. The majority of my clothes went down south already with the moving company. Grady was at work, and Lindsay was nowhere to be found when I left the house and threw the bag in my truck. My friends had promised to stop by the pub later to say goodbye, but with Lindsay chomping at the bit to get me out of the house, I would have thought she would have hung around to make sure I left on time. Oh, well. Women in general were a mystery to me. Pregnant women were in a whole other class.
I drove from Grady and Lindsay’s house on the lake into town and parked in my usual spot behind The Last Call. This was the last day I would ever mix drinks - for money that is. Walking through the back door, the first thing I noticed was that the place was unusually quiet. Fridays in the early afternoon weren’t crazy busy, but I would expect at least a few customers.
“Surprise!” About twenty people yelled as I walked out of the back hall into the main area. Jesus Christ! Who the fuck planned this stupid shit?
I had my answer when Leah skipped over and threw her arms around my neck. “We’re going to miss you, Ford.”
I returned her hug and untangled her from me as quickly as possible. Celebrations were near the top of my list of things to avoid at all costs. Right above celebrations was being the center of attention. I’m sure Leah knew this; she just didn’t care.
Scanning the crowd, I saw Josh, Grady and Lindsay, as well as Mitchell Hawke and Lana and some of the regulars at the pub that I had served nearly every day for three years. The one person I didn’t see was Poppy.
Leah noticed and whispered, “I told her. She said she would stop by later.”
My boss and the owner of The Last Call, Karl, stepped up to shake my hand. “Ford, I can’t say you’ve been a pleasure to work with, but you’ve been reliable,” he joked. I had to crack half a smile at his spot on assessment. “You’re going to be on this side of the bar today. But only one beer. You’ve got a long drive ahead of you.”
Honestly, if I didn’t have to work today, the last thing I wanted to do was hang around here, but my friends had pulled together this going away party for me. The least I could do was stay for more than three minutes. Besides, Leah said Poppy would be coming later.
I hadn’t seen her in two weeks. Even though I knew it would be torture, I had to see her one last time. To say what? To say goodbye? To beg her to change her mind? I didn’t know what the fuck I wanted to say; I just knew I needed to see her.
I took the beer that Karl put in my hand and pulled up a seat at the bar. Looking around the place where I had worked almost every day for the last three years, I began to understand what my mom was talking about when she said the world was going on around me. Leah and Josh were next to me with their daughter, Maddy, sitting on the bar. She was almost six months old and was trying to grab onto everything including my beer bottle.
On the other side of me sat Lindsay with Grady standing behind her, his arms wrapped around her. He rested his hands protectively on her belly, which was really starting to look pregnant now, while he kissed her neck.
I was finally moving forward with my life, getting back to the future I had planned when I left this town for college seven years ago. During my trip to LSU two weeks ago, I had felt optimistic, happy and alive. That feeling should have only increased as this day neared. The day I would leave the life I fell into and move toward the life I wanted. But I didn’t feel any of those things now. Was it this town? Did it somehow just suck the life out of me? Glancing at the clock, I saw only ten minutes had passed since I arrived. Probably too early to leave.
A hand clapped down on my shoulder and a familiar voice spoke from behind me. “Congratulations, Ford. You were the best player I’ve ever coached, and I know you’ll do a great job of inspiring the next generation of great players.” Turning around, I shook hands with Bob Wallace, my high school coach.
“Thanks, Coach,” I said.
“If things down in Louisiana aren’t exciting enough for you, I’ve got a spot open for an Assistant Coach,” he joked.
I chuckled. “I’ll keep that in mind.” When hell froze over.
Karl set a burger and fries down in front of me after Coach Wallace walked away. I took my time eating and finishing my beer, all the while glancing at the door every two seconds. Everyone that had come to wish me farewell had already done so. There was only one person left to see. If she actually showed up. We didn’t exactly end things on a good note.
“How long are you going to stick around?” Grady asked.
I shrugged. “Not much longer.”
The words had barely left my mouth when I saw the door open out of the corner of my eye. Grady said something else to me, but I couldn’t hear him above the pounding of my heart. It never ceased to amaze me how the very sight of Poppy could affect me. Along with the usual pickup in my heart rate, there was a deep ache in my chest that had been there for the last two weeks and only intensified upon seeing her again.
Poppy’s hazel eyes swept the room and landed on me. She offered me a small sad smile and hesitantly walked over. Grady and Lindsay vacated their seats and smiled at Poppy as they left us alone.
She came to stand in front of me. She had on jeans and those damn furry boots. Her hair was windblown and her cheeks were flushed from the cold. Had she walked here? Was there something wrong with her car again? I almost asked but then remembered it wasn’t my problem anymore. As soon as I was on the road I would call Josh and have him make sure her car was working.
“So, you’re leaving today?” Her voice was quiet, and I leaned forward to hear.
“Yeah, I’m going to take off soon.”
Poppy nodded and dropped her gaze to her feet. “Well, I just wanted to say goodbye.”
There was another awkward silent moment where neither of us spoke. Then Poppy’s hair fell over her shoulder and brushed across my cheek as she leaned close to whisper in my ear.
“Maggie would have been proud of you. I’m proud of you, Ford. It’s okay to go after what you want…to go after your dream.”
My eyes squeezed tightly shut as she softly kissed my cheek. I had to curl my hands into fists at my sides to keep from grabbing her waist and pulling her closer. Way too soon, her lips were gone, and I opened my eyes to watch her walk toward the door. The slight sway of her hips in those tight jeans. The way her long hair swung back and forth as she walked. The way she looked at me over her shoulder as she pushed the door open. Tears glimmered on the surface of her eyes for just a second before she turned and disappeared out the door.
In a few short hours I would be on the road back to football and LSU. It was my dream. So, why did I feel like my dream just walked out the door?
My feet were moving before my mind was able to catch up. I caught the door just before it closed.
“Poppy! Wait up,” I called. She stopped on the sidewalk but didn’t turn around right away. I closed the distance between us and stood right behind her and waited. Finally she turned around, and there were silent tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Poppy.” I reached out to wipe them away, but she took a step back just out of my reach. My hand fell lifelessly back to my side.
“I’m sorry, Ford. I…I can’t do this. I just wanted to say goodbye. To see you one last time.” Her lips were quivering, and I stepped forward to run my thumb over the bottom one.
“This doesn’t have to be goodbye. We can work something out.” Begging was the last thing I had expected to do. When I followed her outside there wasn’t a thought in my head about what I would say to her.
“Ford…”
“I know you don’t want to do the long distance thing, but I think we could make it work.”
She was already shaking her head before I finished talk
ing. “No, Ford. You need to go and get out of here. I saw you down there. How happy you were being back there. You need to do this, and you don’t need anything holding you back. Including me.”
“But…”
“Goodbye, Ford.” She turned and walked away so fast I thought she might break out into a run.
Fuck! I went back inside, swinging the door open so hard it smacked against the brick wall on the outside of the building. Everyone turned to look at me. I had to get out of here. Now.
“Everything okay?” Grady asked as I approached the bar.
“Yeah, everything’s fucking awesome. I’m outta here.”
Another round of goodbyes followed, and five minutes later I pulled my truck out of the parking lot and drove out of the town that held nothing but heartache. Not that anyone would be calling anyway, I turned off my cell phone and cranked up the music. Sixteen hours on the road with nothing but my own thoughts to keep me company.
After stopping only for gas and bathroom breaks and eating in the truck, I made it to Louisiana by 9:00 am the next morning. I had passed tired about four hours ago and was now running on pure adrenaline. The tension seemed to roll away with every mile that passed, and now I was left with that damn ache in my chest and the nagging feeling that I’d left something behind.
Driving through downtown Baton Rouge, I had expected to feel a sense of homecoming. After all this was my home for four years during college. It was familiar all right, but it didn’t feel like home.
My apartment was on the third floor of an old warehouse that had been converted into lofts. It was modern and spacious, and it was mine. I parked in the garage under the building and rode the elevator up. The furniture was haphazardly placed in the living area, and there were a few boxes stacked against the exposed brick wall. Sunlight streamed through the floor to ceiling windows that lacked any kind of window covering. My mattress and box springs were on the floor in the bedroom. I kicked off my shoes while sending Coach a text that I was in town and arranged to go to his house for dinner. Once that was settled, I fell backwards onto the bare mattress and passed out.
It was late afternoon when I woke up, and I cursed myself for not setting an alarm. I would never get to sleep tonight. Scrounging through the boxes I found my clothes and showered and dressed for dinner. Nothing formal, just dinner with Coach and his wife, Eileen. They had fed me often during college, so that too should feel familiar.
Coach opened the door when I knocked and offered his hand. “Come in, son. Eileen’s in the kitchen finishing up the food. Can I get you something to drink?”
“Sure, whatever you’ve got.”
Coach led me into the kitchen where Eileen was putting the finishing touches on a pot roast. The smell was enticing, and my mouth watered.
“Ford! It’s so good to see you. I’m so happy you decided to come back to us,” Eileen gushed, pulling me in for a hug.
“Thanks, Eileen. It’s good to see you again,” I said.
Dinner was delicious, and Eileen chatted about their two daughters, both of which had children of their own now. After we finished eating, Coach took me to his office and pulled some papers out of his desk drawer.
“Here’s your contract, Ford, with all of the specifics we discussed before. The contract term begins on July 1, so I need it signed before then.”
I flipped through the pages seeing that everything was in fact like we discussed. Salary, benefits, everything I wanted was here.
“Great, thanks. I’ll take it home to look over and get it back to you.”
Coach leaned back in his desk chair and linked his fingers behind his head.
“It’s good to have you back, Ford. I can’t say that enough.”
I wanted to say it was good to be back, but I just wasn't feeling it yet.
Chapter Seventeen
Poppy
Glancing at the clock on the wall of the sterile classroom lit with the headache inducing glare of fluorescent lights, I saw there was still over half an hour left before time was up. I had already reviewed my answers three times, and there really wasn’t any point in going over them again.
The room was packed with people taking the MCATs. A few, like me, had already put their pencils down, but the majority of them were still furiously scribbling calculations in the margins of the test booklet. One girl had already left, having run out about an hour ago with her hand clamped over her mouth. Hopefully she made it to the bathroom.
I understood that the results of this exam would weigh heavily on my ability to get into a medical school of my choice. But any test anxiety I might have felt paled in comparison to the ache in my heart. The ache that had been present since the day Ford left town over two months ago. Or actually since the day I told him I wasn’t going with him.
Lying my head down on the desk to wait out the rest of the exam, I let my thoughts drift to Ford as they so often did. We hadn’t spoken since I said goodbye to him in the pub and walked away for good. It took every single ounce of will power I had and then some to keep from crying until I was outside the pub and on my way home. Then I cried for about four days straight.
Of course it broke my heart to tell him I couldn’t move to Louisiana and subsequently insist that he go without me. But for those last two weeks he was in town, I was always hoping he would realize that he did love me and would decide to stay. I knew it wasn’t what he should do, but I couldn’t help the hope from bubbling up now and then. The day he actually left town, got in his truck and drove across the country. That was the day the hope was snuffed out.
The last two and a half months had been spent working as many hours as I could squeeze in, going to class, doing homework, and studying for the MCATs. Anything and everything to keep my mind busy, tired and off of Ford. Brooke had given up trying to get me to hang out with her, and unless Lindsay and I met at the library to study for Anatomy class I did my best to avoid Ford’s friends. I didn’t want to inadvertently hear how great he was doing and how much he loved his new job. Of course, I wanted him to be happy. I just didn’t want to have to hear about it.
“Time is up. Put your pencils down and turn your test booklets face down. This concludes the exam. Please make sure you have all your personal belongings before exiting the room.”
The test proctor’s monotone speech roused me from my thoughts, and I grabbed my bag and headed back to my apartment, thankful that the exam was over. Now, I just had to wait 6 to 8 excruciatingly long weeks to get the results.
The middle of May was a beautiful time of year in upstate New York. There was no longer a threat of cold weather, and the local businesses and wineries were gearing up for the summer tourist season. For a brief period of time in the spring and again in the fall, I didn’t mind that neither the heater nor the air conditioner worked in my car. With the windows down, I pulled my hair out of the ponytail and let it blow as I drove home.
Now that the MCATs were over, I just had to make it through three more weeks of class and finals. Every other year I looked forward to summer. I didn’t take classes during the summer, so that I could work more and save up money. Even though I worked full time it still felt like a break, because I could come home and just relax without having to immediately start on homework. If I didn’t need the money, I would cut back on work and take classes this summer. I was already dreading the hours of free time I would have to think about Ford. To miss him.
It was almost dinner time, and my stomach was grumbling when I climbed the stairs to my apartment. I hadn’t been to the store in forever, and I really didn’t feel like going now. Maybe I would splurge and have a pizza delivered. That way I could sit around in my pajamas, moping, stuffing my face with grease and crying a little. Barely a day went by that I didn’t shed at least one tear over Ford.
I saw them the second I opened the door. My apartment was so tiny, the huge flower arrangement sitting on the kitchen counter seemed to overwhelm the space. If I didn’t know that Brooke had a key and always put any packa
ges delivered to her house inside my apartment, it might have creeped me out to find flowers mysteriously appear. They were all different shades of red, and every single one of them was a poppy.
I dropped my bag on the floor and walked cautiously toward the flowers, as if they were some strange exotic animal that had escaped the zoo and found refuge in my apartment. Who were they from? I was holding my breath as I reached for the card with a shaky hand. It took me two tries to get the small envelope open.
Poppy,
Congratulations on the MCATs. I know you did great.
Ford
How did he know I was taking the MCATs today? Maybe he heard from Leah? Or did he remember from the one time I told him…like four months ago? Why flowers? After all this time with no phone call, not even a text?
The questions could have gone on and on…and on. But Brooke interrupted my crazy thoughts with a quick knock, and then of course she walked right in. She glanced at the flowers and then at me, still holding the note.
“I hope it’s okay that I put them inside,” Brooke said.
“Of course it’s…okay,” I managed to get out before I started sobbing. Probably not the reaction Ford was hoping for when he decided to send me flowers. What kind of reaction was he hoping for? Doesn’t he know this kind of thing sends all sorts of mixed messages?
“Oh, Poppy. Don’t cry,” Brooke said as she pulled me into a hug. “I assume they’re from Ford?”
I nodded my head and sniffled loudly as I handed the note to her. She read the simple message that gave absolutely no clue as to his intent and then set it face down on the counter. Turning me around by the shoulders, she gave me a little push towards my bathroom.
“Go take a shower. That’s all you have to do. Then I’m going to do your hair and your makeup, and we’re going out.”
I opened my mouth to protest out of habit, but she cut me off.
“And don’t you dare say no. I have stayed out of your way while you ran yourself ragged studying for this exam on top of school and work. But tonight you are mine. Leah and Lindsay will be here in an hour to pick us up, so don’t dawdle.”
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