Amyra was embarrassed at being publicly humiliated. She could feel all the boys ogling her like she was a piece of meat. The staring never really bothered her, but today it made her feel self-conscious and angry. She left without looking at anyone and then texted Sia.
I wish this professor has bad sex for the rest of his life.
Do you want me to convey your message?
Why don’t you kick his balls so hard that he suffers from erectile dysfunction for a lifetime.
LOL! Chill. I’ll meet you during lunch.
With this, Sia quickly put her phone away.
Is it so difficult to accept a girl for the way she is? Why should you demean them in front of everyone and judge them for their looks and behaviour? Girls who wear tank tops and short skirts, get drunk and kiss on the first date, wear make-up and go out at night are sluts. But those who wear long-sleeved shirts and knee-length skirts, have their faces scrubbed clean and never go out are prudes.
Amyra didn’t really care about the slut-shaming, having faced it so often. But it was her first day and she had been excited to go to class. She wished she could do something about it rather than ignoring it and sipping a cold drink in the canteen. She really wanted someone to tell her that there was nothing wrong with wearing what she wanted. She hoped someone would tell her that it was absolutely fine to be herself.
Leave Me Alone
‘Apurv, where are you? The chemistry practical is about to start,’ Ritvik said.
‘I am on my way. I’ve just reached Dadar station.’ Apurv hung up as it was impossible to get off a jam-packed train while speaking on the phone.
As he walked towards the western side, he saw a shopkeeper hitting a little beggar girl. Apurv ran towards the scene and put himself between the man and the girl.
‘What’s wrong?’ he could barely control his anger.
‘She is a thief. She took the bun and didn’t pay for it.’
Apurv took out a fifty-rupee note from his pocket and handed it to the man.
‘Hope this solves your problem.’
Apurv bent down and asked the little girl if she was hungry.
After a few moments of hesitation, she nodded. Her eyes were swollen, and her face looked pale. He took the rolls from his lunch box and gave them to her. Looking at the time, he ran towards the exit.
Meanwhile, Ritvik kept calling him continuously.
‘I’m coming!’
‘The practical has started and the professor is not allowing anyone inside now.’
‘I didn’t want to attend it anyway. See you during lunch.’
Apurv was not someone you would consider attractive at the first glance. But once you got to know him, you couldn’t stay away. Although his coffee-coloured skin made him look handsome, he thought it was a curse. He spent hours in salons and most of his pocket money on skin-lightening products.
The tragedy of his life, according to him, was that he had never had a girlfriend. Every time he thought he was making progress with a girl, he got friend-zoned. Lately, he had started writing a blog. But this was mainly because he thought girls were mostly attracted to men with a creative bent of mind, like writers.
He went straight to the college canteen because the lunch break had almost begun.
‘A Coke and a chicken sandwich please,’ he ordered and stood beside the counter.
It was rush hour and everyone wanted the canteen boy to deliver their order first. Apurv was scrolling down his newsfeed on Facebook when from the corner of his eye he saw a gorgeous girl in shorts standing next to him. He didn’t look up immediately as that would have made him seem like a pervert. However, he was sure that the girl was ravishing. This was his first encounter with Amyra.
The canteen boy placed a plastic cup in front of him, and he picked it up and took a big sip without looking away from his phone. He only realized it was not his order when it burnt his tongue.
‘Excuse me, that’s mine,’ said Amyra, irritated.
Apurv finally looked towards her to apologize, but he was stunned by her beauty. He instantly developed a crush on her.
‘Should I buy you another coffee? Or you can have my Coke if you want,’ Apurv said after a few moments of silence.
Fuck, fuck! How could I be so silly? Mistaking coffee for Coke?
‘No, thanks,’ Amyra replied in a tone that suggested he had done it intentionally. She turned and walked away.
Apurv, however, stood still, his eyes following her every move.
Why does stuff like this happen to me every time? Especially when it’s a girl. That too one who is super hot. I should have introduced myself at least.
While Apurv had fallen head over heels for Amyra, she was boiling with anger as she walked through the corridor. First it was the professor and then the guy in the canteen.
‘Why are you so pissed off? Still angry about what the professor said?’ Sia asked as she saw Amyra in the corridor.
‘Chuck it! It’s nothing. I just met an idiot in the canteen.’
‘Are you okay?’
‘Yes, babe. I’m just having a bad day. I should go home.’
Although Amyra dismissed Apurv as a weirdo, he couldn’t think about anything but her. It got him thinking that maybe this was more than just a silly crush. Thinking about her made him smile for no reason and he felt extra motivated to go to college the next day. He felt like an idiot for not talking to her when he had the chance. He wished he could meet her again.
An entire week of college had passed but nobody opened their books. The funny thing about college was that the professors put you to sleep during their lectures in the day, while your friends kept you up at night.
Apurv and Ritvik had become close friends, but Sia kept Amyra at a distance. They only talked during their classes together. When Amyra started becoming close to their other classmates, Sia took a step back. She was wary of being in a group because she tended to become the butt of every joke. Amyra often tried to include Sia in their discussions, but she remained unsure. Soon, Amyra stopped trying.
Gradually, they limited their interactions to simple hellos and goodbyes. Apurv and Amyra crossed each other multiple times but never interacted. Amyra got over the canteen incident but Apurv didn’t have the courage to start a conversation.
It was that time of the week again when Ritvik and Sia had to pair up for the chemistry practical class. Amyra decided to skip once again because of what had happened the previous week and requested Sia to mark her attendance by proxy. Apurv and Ritvik were already in the lab although there was still time for class to start.
‘Are you participating in the play for the inter-college festival next semester?’ Ritvik asked, playing with a piece of chalk.
‘Are they allowing freshers to register too?’
‘Yes. I’ve registered to be a voice-over artist. You should sign up for something. It’ll be fun,’ Ritvik suggested while sketching on the board.
‘I might apply. But what are you trying to draw on the board?’
Ritvik didn’t react and continued to draw the outline of what looked like a girl’s face for the next few minutes. Apurv stared at the board in confusion, trying to guess who she was.
‘Who is it? Looks like some fat cartoon character. Is she your girlfriend?’
‘No! She’s my lab partner.’ Ritvik turned towards Apurv once he was done.
He wrote ‘Chubby Cute Sia’ beside the sketch.
‘Oh, I know who she is. What’s the purpose behind this? Have you been fantasizing about her?’ Apurv winked.
‘It’s not like that, dude. This is just for fun. She thinks she is ugly but she is actually kind of cute. She feels terrible about herself.’
‘Wow, bro. You’ve noticed a lot in just one session. Something is up for sure.’
‘Stop it, dude. I just want her to look at this cute sketch of herself and feel better.’
‘Really? I hope she doesn’t feel the opposite. Your drawing is terrible.’
‘But my intentions aren’t. And that’s what matters.’ Ritvik smiled.
On the first day itself, Ritvik could see how much Sia hated herself. This was just an innocent attempt at making her smile without any ill intentions. He did not love her, nor was he dying to be her friend. He just sympathized with what she was going through.
‘There is still half an hour before the class starts. Let’s go to the registration counter and I will sign up for the play,’ Apurv suggested, looking at his watch.
They walked downstairs to the registration desk. The play was meant to help students explore their creativity. Although the play was supposed to be staged next semester, the registration process had begun to filter out those who weren’t good enough over the next fifty days. Apurv was signing up in the hope of meeting a girl.
On their way back to class, he spotted Amyra walking towards the main gate and immediately decided to follow her.
‘Dude,’ he called out to Ritvik, ‘you attend chemistry while I try to improve my chemistry. Bye!’
Before Ritvik could protest, Apurv ran towards the parking lot to get his Vespa. Ritvik sighed and walked back to the lab. The sketch he had made had totally slipped his mind and he only remembered once he was a few feet away. He guessed that the professor hadn’t arrived yet when he heard loud noises from inside the lab. He was relieved to a certain degree because he wanted to erase the drawing once Sia had seen it. However, the moment he entered the lab, he immediately regretted his decision. A few students were giggling while writing on the board. Ritvik was absolutely disgusted with what he saw.
His sketch was still on the board, but his classmates had added several disrespectful comments to it. They had written about Sia’s bra size, that she had a baby bump without being pregnant and that she would break the bones of any guy she tried to ride during sex.
Ritvik felt guilty for being the one to provoke this bullying. If he hadn’t drawn a picture of her on the board, this wouldn’t have happened.
Before the professor entered, he slapped the guy who was writing these comments and rubbed the board clean. When he heard that Sia had already seen it all, he was heartbroken. He felt sorry for Sia and was sure that this incident would be a major blow to her self-esteem. He wished he had her number so he could apologize. He was too ashamed to find out if she knew that it was his drawing that had caused this.
He felt horrible thinking about how she must have felt when she looked at what they had done to his innocent sketch.
Sia was slowly accepting the way things were. She knew she couldn’t focus only on her dream of being a fashion designer. She had to make sure she got good grades to keep her parents happy. Nevertheless, she kept sketching and writing down every idea she had between lectures. Most designers made clothes only for skinny girls. She wanted to design clothes for overweight people instead. She couldn’t make these sketches at home because her parents were always paying close attention to what she did, making sure she studied. After all, she was a science student.
It was one of those days when she just wanted to sit at home and sketch. But since her dad was home, she decided college would be a better option. As soon as she entered the class, she knew something was wrong. They were all laughing at her, but today their laughter was different. It sounded more evil and degrading. The commotion near the board finally caught her attention. She gasped in horror when she saw how they had degraded her. They had spared nothing. There were vulgar comments about her body, her clothes and her character. Unable to take it any longer, she ran home without looking back. She didn’t know who was responsible for this, but it wasn’t like it mattered. They were all against her and knowing who was responsible wouldn’t make her feel any better.
So much hatred just because I am overweight? she thought as she hurried home.
Instead of being concerned, her parents bombarded her with questions as soon as she walked in.
‘How come you are back so early today?’
Without giving her time to respond, her dad asked, ‘Why aren’t you attending lectures today? You had a chemistry practical, right?’
‘You won’t get anywhere in life if you bunk college like this,’ added her mother.
‘Please leave me alone.’
She locked herself in her room because she had no strength for her parents’ questions. They can clearly see that I’ve had a hard day. Yet, they expect me to answer their stupid questions. Of course I’m not all right. At least my mother should be able to sense that. But all she cares about are my studies. What about my emotional needs? And Dad has become so obsessed with my career that he has forgotten about my mental well-being. Sia buried her head in the pillows.
She felt as if she was screaming but no one could hear her. She finally felt broken beyond repair. On some days, she faked being ill and stayed at home. On others, instead of going to college, she simply wandered around. Gradually, this became her daily routine so her parents wouldn’t suspect anything. Despite multiple messages from Amyra, she didn’t consider going back even once. She had lost her self-confidence bit by bit and now she had finally reached her breaking point. She even took an appointment to meet the counsellor on campus but didn’t go because she felt hopeless.
Like every other teenager, she was desperately seeking some sort of validation. She just wanted someone to tell her that she was worth it. She tried to make herself feel better by sketching more often but it didn’t work. Out of desperation, she tried browsing the Internet for tips that would make her feel less terrible. Little did she know that this was the beginning of her path to self-destruction. She landed on a forum where people seemed to be talking about their problems, when suddenly a message flashed across the screen.
Self-harm will numb your emotional turmoil. Hurting yourself will relieve you of your inner conflict. It will give you a sense of purpose while defying socially accepted norms you are being forced to follow. Are you ready to take the challenge? If yes, click here to join the group.
Before really thinking about what she was doing, Sia joined the group. After a couple of minutes, she got a message from someone called the Curator.
Are you sure you want to take the Blue Whale Challenge?
Yes, I’m absolutely sure.
You will find what you seek. You will achieve happiness. But are you sure? There’s no turning back.
Sia grew a little anxious, but she was adamant that no one could stop her.
Yes. But what do you mean there’s no turning back?
You can’t leave the game unfinished once you click start.
I am not a quitter. I’m ready.
Carry out each task diligently but make sure no one knows what you’re doing. Send me a picture at the end of every task. At the end of the game, you die.
Die?
Yes. You will find solace. You will conquer your fears. Hurting yourself is the only way to numb your emotional disturbance.
What if I want to get out?
I have all your information, they will come after you.
Sometimes, you take drastic steps to forget about the emotional trouble you are in. Sia had been hurt so badly that she felt like nothing could hurt her any more. She looked around her room and realized that she was completely and utterly alone, in every sense. She had joined the group without giving a thought to the consequences. The fact was that as soon as she had clicked ‘YES’, all her data had been hacked. If she failed to perform the tasks, ‘they’ would come after her. All the personal information on her laptop and synced devices would be used against her.
She had to perform fifty tasks in fifty days. There was truly no turning back.
I feel chained being forced to do things I don’t want to do. I am sure they are spying on me. I’ve tried to get out, but they won’t let me, no matter how hard I try. I watched horror movies on my own and remained confined to my room and completed almost all the tasks as part of the Blue Whale Challenge. I tried escaping once, but I was blackmailed. They have all my information, from
my chats to my browsing history from the day I created my Google account. I am writing this out of desperation because they are threatening to kill my parents. Someone please help me.
Sia was about to post the status when she received a message from the Curator.
If you cheat, we’ll tell your parents you watched porn a few months ago.
Through remote access to her mobile, the Curator tracked everything she did on her phone. It was when she had been forced to download the Blue Whale mobile app on the fourteenth day, that she knew something was wrong. Before that, the tasks were easy and fun. The last thirty-six days had been so excruciating that she almost gave in to the strangers who were harassing her.
I didn’t watch porn. That was a virus.
If that doesn’t scare you, we will kill your parents. We know their whereabouts. You and your parents are being watched every second of the day. You can’t escape death.
Now she knew she couldn’t post a status and ask for help. The words, ‘You can’t escape death’ rang in her head. She repeated them till she felt like she was going to explode. She hated herself even more now. She was ugly, fat and now an idiot for getting caught up in something like this.
Do it now! Otherwise you’ll be a failure. A fat, ugly and idiotic failure, the voices in her head screamed.
She couldn’t ignore them any more. She went out of her room and looked at her parents for a moment, trying to recall her childhood. She walked out of the house and shut the door behind her with a sense of finality. It was forty-five minutes past seven.
What are you waiting for? Do it now. She suddenly felt powerful because, for once, she was taking a stand.
This is how it’s supposed to feel. This is how you know you are doing it right. She was lost. She was about to win the Blue Whale Challenge at the cost of losing the challenge of life. You can’t escape death. It’s the solution to all your problems, your final task in the Blue Whale Challenge.
In a small part of her brain, she still wanted to go back to her life and friends. But she pushed that thought out of her mind when she looked around her. She had reached the college terrace, prepared to take her own life. The tears that flowed down her cheeks carried an ocean whose depths remain unexplored. As soon as the clock struck nine, Sia let the suicide note fall from her hands and stepped up on to the edge, ready to jump.
She Friend-Zoned My Love Page 3
