Friends, Maybe?
For the last fifty days, Apurv had been trying to talk to Amyra. He had been following her but she never really noticed him. He hadn’t been entirely unsuccessful; he now knew where she lived and when she went for her evening walk.
He was scrutinizing his love life at the snack shop near the college gate.
‘Do you think I’ll ever be able to speak to her?’
‘Yes, if you stop being a coward and actually go talk to her,’ replied Ritvik. ‘Just do it.’
‘You think this is a Nike advert? Just do it.’
‘Show some balls.’
‘I think we should leave. It’s already nine.’ Apurv picked up his backpack.
They were usually home by this time but that night they had been engrossed in playing Counter-Strike at the cybercafe near college. When Apurv stepped out of the snack shop, he saw a figure on the terrace, standing dangerously close to the edge. He realized in horror that it was a person.
‘Fuck! That student is trying to jump off!’ He ran to the building through the main gate with Ritvik close on his heels.
‘Don’t you think we should call the guard?’
‘There’s no time and that idiot doesn’t seem to be around. He must be on his phone somewhere.’ Apurv sped up as he climbed the stairs.
When he finally reached the terrace, he saw a girl standing on the edge. He had never been in such a delicate situation before. He knew that if he made even one wrong move, a life would be lost. He had only seen things like this in movies. He was very scared.
Ritvik’s eyes widened in horror when he realized who the girl was.
‘Sia, I am sorry. I am really sorry.’
Apurv looked at Ritvik in confusion.
‘Sia, please forgive me.’ Ritvik’s voice rose to a scream when Sia didn’t respond.
Sia knew that if she turned back, the Curator would do something bad. But she wanted to speak to Ritvik once before taking her life.
What difference is speaking to him going to make? She knew she had to jump to save her family.
However, Ritvik’s apologies finally made her step down from the edge.
‘Why are you sorry?’
‘I didn’t mean to do that,’ said Ritvik, assuming that it was the lab incident that had pushed her to the edge. Little did he know that she was not even aware of it.
‘Didn’t mean to do what?’
‘What’s happening?’ Apurv interrupted.
They said nothing.
Apurv picked up the note that was on the ground. Sia tried snatching it from him but he refused to let go.
‘Stop meddling in my life!’ she screamed at him. But he gave her a stern look and began reading.
My name is Sia and I am a sixteen-year-old girl from Mumbai. By the time you read this, I will be gone. I want to warn everyone against playing the Blue Whale Challenge because if those people could do this to me, they could do it to anyone. I was mentally tortured and threatened by the Curator. They took advantage of my depression. It was not just the Curator. Everyone taunted me for being fat, for not looking perfect. I tried to be strong but I am tired. I just can’t handle it any more.
Apurv tore the piece of paper to shreds and looked at Sia. She was visibly shaken. She was shivering so much that she could hardly stand. Apurv took her by the shoulders and helped her sit on the water tank.
‘Please leave me alone. They will kill you too.’
Apurv just stared at her. He understood what she was going through. Her heart had so much emotion and she had caged it all. He could see it in her eyes. He was quite sure that the step she had taken was no less than a criminal offence but he just wanted to make her feel better, make her feel like life was worth living.
‘Calm down. No one is watching us.’
She scanned the terrace in fear. Realizing that there really was no one nearby, she relaxed a little. However, her body continued to shake. Apurv took her phone and, after deleting all the apps and her Gmail account, smashed it with an iron rod that he found on the terrace.
‘What the fuck are you doing?’ Sia screamed in surprise.
‘Chill. Your fear is hiding inside this phone. Simply throw it away. Buy a new SIM card and phone and open a new Gmail account. They won’t be able to trace your new number or account. I read it recently in the newspaper. So relax.’
‘Will this work?’
‘Trust me, it will.’
‘My parents will be worried,’ Sia looked at her phone.
‘If you really cared about your parents, you wouldn’t be here. They would never have seen you again. That was your plan, right?’
Sia didn’t respond. Apurv picked up her phone. ‘You mean they will worry about your broken phone. Since you’re still alive, your phone holds more value. If it were otherwise, your life would have taken all the credit. No one would have cared about this poor phone.’
Sia couldn’t help but smile. For the first time in days she actually had a genuine grin on her face. She was not sure whether it was Apurv or how close she came to losing her life.
‘Do you sympathize with the phone? Poor baby, no one cares about it. They smashed it without thinking about its feelings. Damn.’
‘No, no,’ laughed Sia.
‘Her name is Sia,’ Ritvik interrupted.
‘I thought she was Carbs,’ said Apurv.
‘Carbs?’
‘Ya. Hi, Carbs.’
‘What do you mean? I am not Carbs.’
‘Exactly! You are not fat, you have fat. You are not Carbs, you have carbs. You also have fingernails but you are not fingernails.’
Sia was stunned. This was the first time someone had actually made an effort to make her smile. For her, nice people existed only in the books that she read.
‘Thanks. I am really thankful for your kind words. But I know you don’t mean it. Don’t worry, I won’t jump,’ Sia said with absolutely no expression on her face. But somewhere inside she was still smiling.
‘No, I really mean it. I think you are beautiful. It’s just that you have masked yourself. Anyone who told you otherwise was blinded by a very narrow standard of beauty. When you look at yourself, why do you think about their opinions? Why do you let them do this to you? You gave them the right to hurt you emotionally and they did. Just being skinny is not beautiful. Feeling good about yourself can also make you feel beautiful. If the world doesn’t feel so, the world is blind.’
With every minute she spent with Apurv, Sia’s smile widened. For the first time that she could remember, she felt good about herself. But she was scared about this ending badly.
‘Why are you being so nice to me?’
‘Actually, I should get paid for this motivational speech.’ Apurv crossed his arms, a fake look of anger on his face.
‘Shut up.’
‘We should leave before someone catches us,’ warned Ritvik.
‘You’re right. Someone might think we are having a threesome on the terrace in the moonlight.’
In the past couple of hours, life had showed Sia two sides of a coin—one reflected hatred for her body, her looks, her failures and her entire existence, and the other reflected kindness, love and acceptance for the same things, making her realize that it was all her perception. Within no time, she felt really comfortable with Apurv, like she didn’t have to pretend to be nice.
‘Stop hating yourself. Start loving yourself. Stop seeing yourself through their prejudiced eyes. Stop letting society’s impossible expectations bring you down. All my friends expect me to be in a relationship. But I am single. I’ve never even kissed anyone,’ said Apurv.
‘You are crazy.’
‘No, don’t think I’m trying to flirt with you.’
‘It’s okay. I’ve got it.’
Once they were off the campus, Ritvik urged Apurv to drop Sia home on his Vespa. However, Sia was a little hesitant.
‘Don’t worry. You won’t be my first kiss.’
‘Thanks for that.’ Sia
agreed because even if she hardly knew him, he had saved her life and made her feel positive. She had begun to trust him already. On the way home, Apurv made her promise that she would attend college regularly. She also agreed to buy him a coffee from the college canteen. They spent the entire ride talking and Apurv gave her his number. As soon as he reached home, Apurv received a message on WhatsApp.
Thank you for whatever you did today. It means a lot to me.
Whose number is this?
My mom’s. I’ll buy a new phone tomorrow.
Okay. But don’t forget to delete the chat before you sleep or else I will be at the top of the college building tomorrow.
Thank you again. But did you really mean those words?
Of course.
Don’t think I am flirting with you. I still won’t be your first kiss.
Sia had made sure her mom was asleep before taking her phone that was on charge in the living room. In the dark, the screen flashed with Apurv’s reply.
Ha, ha. On a serious note, I meant it. People are going to insult you, criticize you and judge you for things that you have no control over. People are going to convince you through their words and actions that you are not good enough. Fight the urge to believe them because they don’t know who you are.
I know. But it hurts. It’s easy for you to say such things.
I completely understand. But the only difference between you and them is the amount of validation they get from society. But then again, that isn’t beauty. That is just approval. So yes, you may be unconventional, but you are beautiful.
Friends?
Damn, I thought we were already friends. Oh, I see. For you, friendship only begins with a friend request on Facebook.
Get lost. Bye. See you tomorrow.
Sia put her mom’s phone back on charge and deleted the chat before going to sleep. She couldn’t remember the last time she had gone to sleep without any bad dreams or thoughts. Apurv had managed to make her believe that her worth was not tied to a number on a weighing scale.
When she woke up it felt like a new morning. She felt different in a good way.
Nothing had changed. She still weighed the same but after coming out of the shower, when she saw her body in the mirror, she accepted it wholeheartedly. She felt slightly nervous because she was going to college after a long time and had to face all her professors. What scared her more than that was the thought of all the students making fun of her. Apurv had promised her that he would be waiting at the gate in the morning and sure enough, there he was.
‘Morning, Carbs.’
‘Shut up, you freaking ass.’
‘You owe me a coffee.’
‘Certainly.’
The passage to the canteen was not easy for her mentally. She remembered the way she had run out of the lab and the college through the same passage. She could feel every eye in the corridor staring at her, just like on that day. Apurv sensed the discomfort in her walk and held her hand. She immediately pulled it back because she knew that he would be mocked because of her. But Apurv held it again with a strong grip and she glanced at him. Was he an angel? She wished he had come into her life earlier. With each step towards the canteen, holding his hand and ignoring the world around her, the fear on her face was replaced by a blushing smile.
‘I wish we were friends in school.’
‘You sound like you are the mother of two kids on the verge of retiring from life.’
‘Are you always like this?’
‘Like what?’
‘Trying to act cool?’ Sia responded with a wry smile.
After looking at each other for a moment, waiting for the other to react, they burst out laughing. ‘Which coffee would you like?’
‘Cappuccino.’
The canteen was mostly full of couples who had bunked the early morning lectures and a few nerds who sipped coffee with their heads buried deep into their books. As she stood in the line to order, Sia thought, I hope this is not a dream because if it is, I will be back to square one. I don’t want to lose a friend like Apurv. No one has ever given me this much importance, not even my parents. Aren’t we somewhat similar? How do I feel about him? He makes me so comfortable. He makes me love myself, that’s what matters. He’s my first real connection.
‘Madam, your coffee.’ The canteen boy brought her back to reality. With an awkward smile, she returned to the table. Apurv, who was messaging someone, kept his phone aside once she sat down opposite him.
‘So you lost your self-esteem, everyone broke up with you and you’re alone.’ Apurv summarized after Sia told him her story. ‘Big deal!’
‘It isn’t? Tell me about something else that happened in your life.’
He had summed up her life in two words. ‘I am just saying, what’s done is done. Think of the positive things. You’ve got a friend like me and you are actually coming out of your shell. Don’t you see the difference?’
She noticed that, for the first time, she was not bothered by the stares of the people sitting around her.
‘Have you even looked at yourself? It’s clear how much more relaxed you are.’
‘You’ve never had a girlfriend?’
‘Don’t change the topic.’
‘I am serious.’
‘Not even one. I always paid for my own movie tickets while my couple friends bought one-on-one. Kinda boring, right?’ Apurv sipped his coffee.
‘Not really. At least you didn’t have to share your samosa.’
For the next few hours, their banter continued. She felt like she could go on talking for hours and still not get enough of him. She had expressed her emotions so strongly for the first time as no one ever showed an interest in knowing her in and out.
‘You know, I’ve always wanted to be a designer,’ she confessed to Apurv.
‘Wow! That’s cool. But then what are you doing in this fucking science college?’
‘Fucking living my parents’ dream.’
‘Fucking dumb you are then. Anyway, you can still design after you complete your HSC. Don’t give up on it.’
She knew it wasn’t as easy as this but she didn’t drag the topic.
‘Have you always wanted to study science?’
‘Yes, but I write too.’
‘Okay, let me guess, you want to be an engineer, right?’
‘Ya! A techie.’
‘Not surprising. All the authors I read are engineers. Do you want to be like them?’
‘I have no such plans as of now. But I love the attention writers get from girls.’ After a brief pause, he added, ‘Has anyone told you that your voice is sweet? I mean it has a lot of authority.’
‘Are you trying to flatter me?’
‘No, no. I’m actually trying to convince you to register for the college play.’
‘Play?’ she responded in shock.
‘Yeah, as a female voice-over artist. It’ll be fun. I have registered for scriptwriting. Otherwise college life is boring. Do you want to read my writing? I wrote this yesterday. It not only talks about your situation but also mine. A girl who’s always in the plan B category.’
‘Do you think you are the second choice for girls?’
‘Of course. Do you want to check out the Fair & Handsome cream in my bag? It doesn’t seem to be working.’
Sia grinned and Apurv handed over a sheaf of papers to her. He had written from a girl’s perspective.
As someone who belongs to the plan B category, I’m not someone who grabs your attention. I’m not extraordinarily good-looking. But it’s when I speak that I capture your attention. That, unfortunately, is not enough. No one wants to hook up with an average-looking girl no matter how good she is at holding a conversation. This is what the hook-up culture in college is about, right? But I will not be your second choice. I can stand my own and I have a heart that demands attention.
‘Well done, Mr Writer,’ Sia said once she had finished reading the piece.
Sia really appreciated Apurv’s way of thi
nking and his approach to life. He never took life very seriously. For him, his friends and close ones mattered more than anything. He knew how to sweet-talk them, the way he managed to convince Sia to register for the play. He belonged to the category of guys who always waited for someone else to cut the first turf. Once that was done, he knew how to handle relationships. Sia knew that she could never be as convincing as him, but she also knew that his friendship would end up meaning a lot to her. She was slowly and gradually opening up and letting Apurv explore the depths of her personality. Like the sea, she was profound, and Apurv the sailor watched her reveal herself bit by bit.
Sip, Sip, Hooray!
Watching her from a distance is all I can do for now. She suddenly looked in my direction and even though she could not see me, I held my breath in awe. As I gazed at those beautiful eyes and her flawless face, I was ravished by the attention she unknowingly gave me. She had only looked at me for a second but it felt like a million years. She turned away, but the stalker in me wanted her to look at me again. Ever since I saw her that day in the canteen, I knew I had to follow her, learn her ways and win her heart in my own way.
Apurv wrote on his notepad as he waited on the street to be able to see her. He hoped that one day she would notice him and start a conversation, but it felt like he would have to wait forever. He had even tried working out at the same gym as her but she didn’t even notice him. Everyone—from the cafe manager to the paan tapri guy—had noticed him on the street near her house every day, except Amyra. That day he was determined to strike up a conversation with her. He thought the same thing each day but today he was more determined than ever.
He had been waiting for more than an hour and was about to order a Coke when he saw her coming out of her gate. Even in casual clothes, she looked no less than a princess. She acted as an instant energy booster and all his tiredness faded away in a second.
She Friend-Zoned My Love Page 4
