He wanted to send kiss emojis but decided against it. After thinking for a while, he wrote the four words that expressed his feelings for her.
You are no less.
Apurv felt like he was totally submerged in love. He wanted her to be his romantic novel, to allow him to turn the pages to know the depth of her thoughts. But she happened to be a thriller, always keeping him on the edge and haunting him because he never knew what was coming next.
My Feelings? Oh, Don’t You Worry!
Two months later:
Relationships are unpredictable as most of the time you are thrown into situations that are absolutely unfamiliar. Apurv, too, was in a fix as even the thought of being friends with Amyra never crossed his mind. He had finally stopped spending time on Tinder. Although he appeared on all Amyra’s stories, he still wasn’t a part of her life. Amyra was dazzled by Apurv but she didn’t commit to a relationship.
Sia’s relationship with herself had begun the day she stopped being harsh on herself and paid more attention to the voices on the inside rather than those on the outside. She had feelings for Ritvik but she never displayed them. Ritvik, too, waited for the right time to reveal how he felt. As far as Apurv was concerned, Sia was hurt because his attention had been divided, making their relationship vulnerable.
Even on the day the script for the play was finalized, Sia looked upset. This wasn’t because of external factors but because she had to fight her inner struggle once again. The team had decided to celebrate at the Sky Deck Lounge, but Sia was in no mood to go. She attracted unwanted stares at such places which disturbed her and made her want to avoid them. She was only considering going because Apurv and Amyra were going together and she didn’t want Ritvik to be alone.
‘Sia, I’ll be there with you. If someone says anything I will fuck them up. Also, let me tell you again, you’re not fat, you’re beautiful. Don’t fool yourself by thinking you have to fit a certain mould to be loved and appreciated. There is a guy out there who will celebrate you for exactly who you are.’
‘Why don’t you understand? I don’t know how to dance, and even if I did, I’d look ridiculous because of my body.’
‘Who is asking you to dance? You can just sit with a chilled glass of beer or a Coke. I’ll be your dance partner if you want. We will make a pathetic pair because even I can’t dance.’
‘Shut up. I won’t mind dancing with you but I’m afraid of what other people might say.’
‘Then come along. You’re not a delicate flower, you are a real girl and real girls don’t shy away.’
‘Fine, I’ll come just for you.’
Apurv, too, had tried convincing her in his own way but she knew Amyra would accompany him and it would hardly matter. It wasn’t as if she had started hating him. She still cared, probably a lot more than she let on. It was out of concern for him that she didn’t accept his closeness with Amyra because she remembered what Amyra had been like in school.
‘How did you get here? I was calling you continuously. Didn’t you check your phone?’ Apurv questioned Sia as she entered with Ritvik.
Apurv and Amyra had already been there for half an hour.
‘Oh sorry, I was on the bike with Ritvik.’
‘Excuse me, I’ll get the drinks.’ Ritvik walked towards the bar leaving Apurv and Sia alone.
This was the first time at a lounge for both Apurv and Sia. But instead of being excited they sat in awkward silence because they hadn’t talked to each other candidly in a long time. Sia could not even remember when she had last expressed herself to Apurv without thinking about Amyra. They both sensed that something was wrong. They hardly knew what was going on in each other’s lives but still pretended to be best friends.
‘Remember when all of us used to arrive at places together?’ Sia’s grief was evident in her voice.
‘We are still together.’
‘We aren’t.’ Sia looked at him but turned away after a few seconds.
‘Nothing can separate best friends.’
‘Ask yourself, are we still best friends? When was the last time you asked me how I felt? What was happening in my life?’
‘Of course we are. I was just—I don’t know how to say it. I really love Amyra.’
‘Does that give you the right to ignore your friends and love them less?’ Sia summed up the last couple of months in a single question. Friends can break your heart too and it hurts more than anything else in the world. She felt like she was walking past her best friend, pretending that she didn’t know him. The damage was done.
Ritvik got drinks for Apurv and himself to raise a toast along with the entire team. Once the entire cast and crew of the play had arrived, everyone raised a toast to the rehearsals that were supposed to start next week. Amyra snatched the drink from Apurv and smiled widely, surprising everyone.
‘It’s my turn today,’ she teased him.
‘I beg your pardon?’ Apurv couldn’t comprehend what she was trying to suggest.
‘How could you forget? You snatched my coffee in the canteen which burnt your tongue, Mr Writer.’
‘Oh damn! Yeah. But trust me, that was not part of any game. It just happened.’ After a couple of drinks, everyone was high and dancing. The four of them were seated away from the rest of the group and talking casually about their college life when Amyra’s question made everyone laugh, including Sia.
‘Have you ever forgotten your way home?’
Ritvik somehow controlled his laughter. ‘Yeah, the time I was drunk at the freshers’ party.’
‘Don’t drink too much and you won’t land up at your neighbours’ house while they are making out,’ Apurv chimed in.
‘Have you spoken to Pihu from school recently?’ Sia asked Amyra, trying to make conversation.
But that didn’t go too well because she responded in a sad tone. ‘I don’t want to talk about our school friends.’
No one raised the question again and they decided just to have fun. Another drink later and both Apurv and Amyra were on the dance floor. Ritvik asked Sia to dance but she turned him down. She preferred to spend time talking to Ritvik alone. When the DJ started playing soft music, Apurv became a little uncomfortable as he had never danced to slow music before.
‘I’ve never done this,’ he confessed as they stood extremely close to each other.
‘What?’ Amyra looked surprised.
‘I know it’s lame.’ Apurv let out a small laugh. ‘Amyra, will you be my first dance partner?’ His voice cracked at the word ‘dance’.
Amyra blushed and nodded. She did everything she could to keep the huge grin off her face, but she failed.
‘Okay, do you want me to show you what to do?’
Apurv nodded again. Amyra gently lifted his arms and placed them around her waist while she put her arms around his neck. She stepped a bit closer and slowly started to sway to the music. It didn’t take long for Apurv to get comfortable. It didn’t seem possible for them to get closer but they did. They stole subtle glances at each other’s eyes and lips. Apurv pulled Amyra closer and squeezed her lightly. Amyra was already drunk and every touch made her weak. The heat in her body made her surrender.
Apurv leaned in slowly. ‘Should we stay here?’
‘Let’s go somewhere else.’
They escaped from the crowd when no one was watching. Ritvik and Sia were busy discussing something, making it easier.
Before they knew it, their tongues fell in love. They were in an underground parking lot which was thankfully secluded.
‘It’s my first time,’ Apurv said nervously.
Amyra turned pink at the unexpected confession and the butterflies in her stomach went wild.
‘Isn’t that supposed to be my line?’ She glanced around to see if anyone was watching.
‘You have never kissed before? But you had a boyfriend.’ Apurv had his fingers crossed. He wanted to be her first kiss. His eyes looked innocent as he desperately waited for her to say yes.
�
��Yeah, but I was in school.’
He touched her hair and took a stray strand in his fingers, placing it behind her ear as he moved closer.
She gasped a little.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘I’m sorry. It’s just that you make me really nervous.’
‘But you do want me to kiss you?’ he asked her, just to be sure. Her eyes glanced at his lips and she gave him such a small nod that he barely noticed. Leaning against a pillar, she waited patiently with her eyes closed. Apurv could feel her breath. The cars in the parking lot were witness to their first kiss.
When he finally pulled away, he kept his face close to hers. He felt her breath change from rapid to steady as if the kiss had a calming effect on her. He opened his eyes to see hers closed with her mouth slightly open. She looked dazed with her flushed cheeks, making him want to kiss her again. He brought his face as close as possible with their noses rubbing against each other.
‘May I kiss you again?’
‘Please.’ With one word she melted his heart and he kissed her again. It felt like he was falling. The caress of her lips seemed much softer than his. Soon, she let out a moan, feeling desire run from her heart to her chest and further down. His finger touched her neck, giving her the chills. She felt safe. After taking a deep breath, he bit her gently. It didn’t hurt, it only made her want him more. For her, his eyes exuded love, protection, security, safety, patience and respect. They were so lost in each other that they didn’t sense someone coming. They didn’t hear any footsteps or voices until they heard Sia scream.
‘What the fuck are you guys doing?’
She didn’t expect to find him there and was visibly shocked. She had thought of walking towards the parking lot exit while Ritvik got his bike out. She was taken aback when she saw Apurv and Amyra caught in a lip-lock. They broke apart as soon as they heard Sia’s voice and looked embarrassed. Amyra couldn’t even look at Sia.
Sia felt disgusted at seeing her best friend kissing her other friend. She knew she shouldn’t be shocked but she felt like everything was going too fast. Annoyed by their intimacy, she walked to the exit without saying a word. Apurv told Amyra to wait near his Vespa and ran behind Sia, but she had already reached the exit. Somehow, even in his drunken state, Apurv was able to catch hold of her. For a few seconds, they stood face-to-face.
‘What’s wrong with you, Sia? Why are you behaving like a crazy person?’
‘What’s wrong with me? You should look at yourself!’
‘I like her and she likes me. We kissed. Big deal.’
‘Of course it is. You just left without informing us. Does falling in love come at the cost of losing friends? Has she even committed herself to you? Are you in a relationship? She is not the right one for you. She never was. And I am not saying this because I am annoyed at you. Yes, I am, but that’s a different story altogether.’
‘Please stop judging others. I didn’t expect this from someone who knows how it feels to be judged. She is not how you think she is. And what story are you talking about? Tell me, once and for all.’
‘You only care about her, Apurv. Every time we meet, it’s only Amyra that you talk about. What about me? My feelings, my problems, my happiness and my life? In a very short span of time, we became best friends who shared each and every thing. I opened the book of my life to you and this is how you treat me? I have no problem with you making out with anyone because it’s your life but my problem is with the way you behave with us. Ritvik hardly cares because he has other friends. What about me? If you had to do this eventually, why did you save me? Do you even know what is happening in my life? When was the last time we really talked? She took my seat on your Vespa. In the last two months, our interactions have stopped. And you say that we are still best friends.’
‘Oh, so you are annoyed because I pick her up and drop her off?’
‘That’s all you have to say? Even cab drivers pick up and drop people. But if expecting you to talk to me is wrong, then maybe you are right.’
‘You are just overreacting, Sia. I never ignored you intentionally. Why would I? It’s just that I love talking to her and it comes naturally. Also, just because I’m spending time with her doesn’t mean I am not friends with you. I do care about you and I still love to be with you like I used to.’
The two best friends were drifting apart. The worst part was that they both actually cared for each other but were not able to hold on to it. Apurv couldn’t stop expressing his emotions for Amyra every time he met Sia, while she was suppressing her feelings. Their relationship wasn’t complicated, it was just the situation they were in. It’s never easy to balance your love life and friendship.
Ritvik brought his bike to where Apurv and Sia were. He was confused by the way they were looking at each other. Sia signalled Ritvik to bring his bike near where she was waiting so they could leave. Although Ritvik was unaware of what had happened, he could sense the tension in the air. Apurv didn’t want to hurt Amyra, so he walked towards her and reassured her that everything was fine. He didn’t want to ruin the memory of their first kiss. On the one hand, his love life had started moving on the right track, while on the other his friendship was going off the tracks.
Not Sad, but Ain’t Happy Either
Sometimes we expect a lot from others because we are willing to do that much for them. Sia had a heavy heart because Apurv was the only friend, apart from Ritvik, for whom she was ready to sacrifice anything.
Ritvik was trying to cement the cracks that had developed in their friendship.
After leaving the lounge, he took her to his favourite Prithvi Cafe where he went whenever he felt low. Sia narrated what had actually happened in the parking lot.
Ritvik would sit at the cafe for hours, sipping on multiple cups of cutting chai. As usual, it was overcrowded and they had to wait for a seat.
‘How do you relax in such a crowded place?’
‘Why? Should one relax only in bed or while looking at the sea? I feel good when I see so many people around me, discussing their work, their problems, cribbing about life. It makes me feel my life is far better than theirs. Sometimes, I feel insecure too when I see extremely happy faces, but I calm down whenever I look at that man.’
‘Which man?’
‘Shashi Kapoor, the famous actor. This cafe is owned by the Kapoor family and you often find him here in a wheelchair with his caretaker. He can’t speak or recognize people. He just looks at you with a blank face. He was once one of the most popular actors. Now very few people recognize him. Doesn’t that complete the circle of life?’
The waiter interrupted their discussion to tell them that their table was ready.
Sia found herself looking at Ritvik from time to time. She had clearly understood his intention and what he’d wanted to convey. She decided to take things easy while spending time with him. That night, as she looked at Ritvik, Sia saw a different side of him. She realized that she liked Ritvik, not because he was a stud but because of the way he always stood by her. Or was it because she could see Ritvik’s hidden feelings in his eyes?
‘We decide to give up on life and relationships so easily. Just try being in his shoes for once. Imagine what this man must feel now. Do you think Apurv kissing Amyra is such a big problem that you would end your friendship with him?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘You are his friend and she is his girlfriend. Obviously, he will treat her differently.’
‘She isn’t. At least not yet. They are hanging somewhere in between and I am sure she won’t commit to him.’
‘Whatever. You should not take such things to heart.’
‘It’s easy for you to say that.’
‘Why? You’re constantly repeating the same things about Apurv whenever we meet. Do I get insecure? Of course not, I understand that he is a part of your life, and I don’t mind that even though I like you. For me, it’s your company that matters.’
‘You like me?’
Ritv
ik had hesitated to reveal his feelings but now that the secret was out, he decided to go with the flow. He wasn’t scared because he didn’t expect her to feel the same way.
‘I do, but you love Apurv and that’s okay.’
‘I don’t love him. I mean I do. But not like that. He is a friend. I just expected him to understand my feelings.’
‘You don’t love him?’ Ritvik was astonished as well. He couldn’t have been more delighted.
‘Of course not.’
‘I always thought you did.’
‘I had no clue you liked me.’ Sia blushed and Ritvik smiled. No words were exchanged but their hearts connected.
In that moment they knew that it was time to start something new, a new togetherness, and trust the magic of a new beginning.
Amyra was like a gentle breeze, lightly tapping, softly rapping, at the door to Apurv’s heart. Once Sia and Ritvik left, Apurv and Amyra walked back towards his Vespa, still lingering over their first kiss and tipsy with the unfulfilled desires burning inside them. While in one corner of his heart he felt dejected at the way Sia had left, he also felt ecstatic thinking about the moment when he had held Amyra close.
But one look at Amyra and he knew that she had consumed far too much alcohol that evening. ‘Are you okay?’
‘It felt awesome.’ Amyra blushed, and Apurv couldn’t resist holding her hand. Wasting no time at all, Apurv pressed his lips against hers, literally taking her breath away. He was much more confident this time.
‘Let’s do something we shouldn’t be doing. Fuck, Amyra, let me take you back to my place, please?’ He growled while staring intently at her. She too looked at him, desperately trying to focus on the question at hand.
Fuck, no! Say no, Amyra. Say no right now. She simply replied with a nod because she had lost the ability to speak. Amyra concentrated on the rhythm of Apurv’s lips working against hers. Then he suddenly broke the kiss and started his Vespa.
She Friend-Zoned My Love Page 7
